My Baclofen Experience

[Sunnyvalenting]

My Baclofen Experience

Good for you!. I too tried abstinence many times and failed until I added the bac. So don't think for a minute that I am judging you. It just has worked for me to set my goal as abstinence and use ALL the tools in the toolbox to get there. This included baclofen and willpower. They both have their place. It is like the hammer AND the nail. Neither did much good on their own. Take your time and keep us posted.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

So 70mg was fine on the 8th. Yesterday (the 9th) I was pretty hungover, and being hungover seems to greatly magnify the SEs, but I did 80mg throughout the day without any major SEs other than some nausea and dizziness. Did not drink yesterday, thought about getting some beer on the way home after shopping, but didn't. Plan is to take another 80mg today. Definitely a fast titration, but I'm impatient, and I think the wild SEs from earlier in the week were probably mostly related to the end-stages of a bender. Will need to place another goldpharma order soon at this rate. Wish I could get my head straightened out enough to get back to the gym.

[Cinders]

My Baclofen Experience

Moglor,

I just thought you might like to know that MY experience with Bac has been that at 80 mgs/day I could easily binge, wanted to drink, thought about drinking, etc.

I took of two weeks from work, this is day 5, I am up to 140 mgs/day and actually starting to feel some relief. The cravings are way reduced for me.

Others have not had this experience and kept on drinking all the way up.

I am continuing upwards because I am determined to get to complete indifference. I have had just one too many binges in my life. I never know what is going to trigger them.

But, as for now, I feel confident I can stay AF as long as I don't put myself into those stupidly dangerous situations: booze in the house, out with friends who drink, bars. (duh)

I am sticking pretty close to home right now and hubby is being extremely supportive of this last effort to get AF. If this doesn't work for me, he and my daughter want me to go to 90 day rehab. I prefer not to do that but will if that is what it takes to get off this poison.

Thanks for checking in so religiously. I like how you are summarizing your days. It seems like you are making progress?

btw, I am titrating up at 20 mgs/day every 3 days. Scary, SEs are rough and yes, I wear diapers to bed. sigh. I just can't seem to wake up quickly enough to get to the bathroom. This is probably TMI, but then again, for others lurking and reading, I want them to be aware that this can be an issue. However, once I start titrating down, I imagine that problem will go away.

Cindi

[hoping4better]

My Baclofen Experience

Moglor,

First let me say how much I enjoy reading your posts. I love the directness of your writing style!

I'm at 125mg and can relate to the waking up in the morning thing. It is simply excruciating (especially when you have a 4 yr old jumping on your bed at 6:45am). And the hangovers ARE more brutal. Between the two, I am anxious to get this over with. And yeah, I feel too crappy to go to the gym, too. Ugh.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Thanks, Cinders and Hoping, I'm glad you're enjoying my posts! I hope I don't offend too many people with coarse language and TMI moments. :-) I'd certainly reign it in if a mod or someone asked me to, but I'd rather not. :-)

Cinders: It's hard to say if I'm making progress. The SEs were wild enough for a couple days last week that I was pretty concerned I'd given myself some kind of brain damage. In hindsight, and with more experience now with bac, I can see that drinking/being hungover tremendously increases the severity of both the hangover and the side effects, especially in terms of mental confusion and inability to wake up in the morning. I've said this before, but I still remain optimistic. The binging and cravings still exist; on my way home today I was gripped by a near incapacitating need to go to the store and buy a couple 12 packs. It was almost like a panic attack. What stopped me was thinking about how utterly horrible I felt waking up with a hangover and bac SEs. I'm still having cravings after I made it home, but they are manageable. I can't really remember the last time I went more than a day without drinking. I can't really say this is due to bac "working" or just having a sort of antabuse type deterrent effect. Whatever it is, I'll take it.

To give you an idea of where I stand with consumption vs. baclofen over time, here's the log I've been keeping:

Date - Units Al / mg Bac

2010-05-28 - 15
2010-05-29 - 12
2010-05-30 - 12
2010-05-31 - 12
2010-06-01 - 13 / 30
2010-06-02 - 14 / 40
2010-06-03 - 1 / 40
2010-06-04 - 15 / 30
2010-06-05 - 0 / 30
2010-06-06 - 14 / 30
2010-06-07 - 0 / 30
2010-06-08 - 14 / 70
2010-06-09 - 0 / 80
2010-06-10 - 0 / 80

I'm hoping to use this data to eventually generate some cool graphs like someone else here posted.

SEs today were minimal. I was very tired this afternoon, but it really feels more like fatigue than somnolence. I was sweating profusely and overly warm during the day. I am still warm now, but not sweating. Been drinking tons of water. The strangest SE I think has to be the dreams. They are so intense and really, really disturbing. I'd love to know why this is.

Take care,
-Moglor

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Been awhile since I posted. It's been a tough week. I got very drunk last Friday, more so than I've been in a long time, and the hangover lasted two days, with terrible bac side effects. It's crystal clear to me now that my SEs are heavily related to Al consumption. I've continued my titration up, regardless, and am now at 90-100mg/day. Today is the first day I've taken my bac dose in 30mg increments, and frankly, I feel "high." It's a lot like being on LSD without the hallucinations - brain seems a tiny bit out of sync with the body, so everything feels like it has a "trail," and I'm tense and agitated. Minor vertigo, and some stomach pain, but it's so mild compared to being hungover that I can pretty much completely ignore it.

In addition to getting drunk last Friday, I also drank Sunday, Tuesday and Wednesday (to excess.) The hangovers were so severe that my ability to say "no" is being bolstered by the knowledge of what will happen to me the next day if I drink. Part of the reason that I ended up drinking anyway was because of depression. I have suffered from clinical depression for many years, and while I am no longer medicated for it, I still have severe bouts of it. Fortunately, this particular instance has since passed, but it's a real bear to live through sober. Good news, though, last night, I was so stressed out from work that I came home, discovered a beer in my fridge, (strange, I never leave a beer un-drunk after buying it..) set it down on my coffee table, then got back up, put it away, and got a bottle of water instead.

I am still optimistic that bac can and is working. Reviewing my drink log, I can see that while I do still have bad nights, the number of days that I drink nothing is much higher than ever before. I wish I'd been keeping a log longer, but I can tell you that my usual drink routine is definitely being upset by baclofen, and probably my increased willpower to Do Something about this 15 year long nightmare. I may start trying to add some mood/self-psychoanalysis to my logs, as I know a lot of my drinking is related to depression/anxiety/loneliness/neuroses, but it's hard to tell how much of that is self-referential with the alcohol.

Tonight is my usual drink night, and it's going to be very difficult, but I'm going to be strong. Tonight will be the night where my willpower wins out over the demons.

Date - Units Al / mg Bac

2010-06-10 - 0 / 80
2010-06-11 - 20 / 60
2010-06-12 - 0 / 60
2010-06-13 - 14 / 70
2010-06-14 - 0 / 80
2010-06-15 - 10 / 90
2010-06-16 - 15 / 100
2010-06-17 - 0 / 90

-Moglor

[Cinders]

My Baclofen Experience

Moglor,

Keep at it. It sounds like you are making progress and at 90/100 mgs you are most likely still a ways away from your switch.

Thanks for posting.

Cindi

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

I have good news to report! While I was not entirely successful in total abstinence, I was able to enjoy a nice evening while consuming a mere 3 beers. The only time I've ever been able to do this in the past is when I was so hungover that I was unable to drink. When I went to my event, I had taken 90mg bac throughout the course of the day, and took another 20mg right before bed. I woke up Saturday morning around 7:30 (absolutely unheard of) and got tons of stuff done around the house. In fact, I've been productive all weekend! Moderation has always been a dream, and I've gone into this grand experiment knowing and accepting that abstinence may be my only option, but it seems like moderation may in fact be a possibility for me. Only time will tell...

In addition to the significantly muted cravings for alcohol, I've not had my usual cravings for diet soda or various types of food like I usually do. In fact, what's usually 1-1.5L/day of diet soda intake has dwindled to 12oz or less over the past few days.

I'm don't believe I've hit "the switch" yet, at only 110mg, but this is an absolutely huge improvement for me, and I think the baclofen is really helping my innate willpower to surface. My SEs have been minimal on days which I am not hungover.

One worrisome note, I forgot to re-order bac earlier this week, so now I'm carefully metering my dosage, as I will have to taper off rather severely if my order doesn't show up in time. :| I may instead begin reducing down immediately, both as a hedge against a lost/seized order, and also as an experiment to gauge how the cravings change.

Best,
Moglor

[Guest]

My Baclofen Experience

I look forward to your posts. Hope you get the Bac in time and don't have to titrate down too quickly. I'm so looking forward to a productive weekend.
Good luck!
~k

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

I preemptively titrated down slightly (from 110mg/day to 80mg/day) and I have to say that the effect has been noticeable. Crushing cravings today, as someone else in another post referred to as a "steamroller," flattening my willpower. I'm starting to get some anxiety too, as someone else mentioned that their shipment may have gotten grabbed at customs. My Goldpharma order showed up in a totally nondescript manila envelope with a benign return address, nothing that screamed FOREIGN PHARMECEUTICALS, so I remain hopeful. Last shipment took 8 business days.

I have also noticed that not being drunk for a few days brought to light some feelings that I recognize as ones that I drink to suppress: boredom and loneliness. I may need to look into some kind of therapy to supplement the baclofen as I become more and more AF, although I have my doubts that a therapist will be able to help with either problem.

I ordered enough bac in my recent purchase (if it shows up) to carry this on for many months, so I remain hopeful. If it doesn't show up, I guess I'll have to start interviewing shrinks and MDs for someone who'll write me a script.

-Moglor

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Oh, and I should add my recent "stats"

Date - Units Al / mg Bac

2010-06-17 - 0 / 90
2010-06-18 - 3 / 110
2010-06-19 - 0 / 110
2010-06-20 - 1 / 80
2010-06-21 - 0 / 80
2010-06-22 - 2 / 60

[Cinders]

My Baclofen Experience

Moglor,

I have been following your progress avidly. Like any drunk looking for their way out.

I am still sober. I am on 120 mgs/day. But today I went out with some friends from work and they drank alcohol. Damn them. I drank diet coke. Damn.

I am not at my switch and I will not go out with friends again. It was too hard.

However, I will continue to titrate up as I can. I am listening to my body these days.

I hope we both hit our switch soon.

The SEs I am suffering from are difficult.

I just keep reminding myself that the SEs from alcohol is going to lead me to death.

I do love myself, my family loves me and I do not want to "see" the pain in their eyes if I die from this disease.

Good on you for staying the course. It isn't easy. I know that well.

However, like you, I will stay the course and pray I hit that switch.

Cindi

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Stay strong, Cindi. First of all, congrats on your continuing sobriety! Going out with friends is the hardest thing in the world for me. The questions and the eye rolling when you say you don't feel like drinking are awful. When you don't drink in a circle of friends you used to drink with, it feels like they see you as some kind of outsider, violating the sanctity of their bacchanal. In reality, I think it makes them feel like maybe they need to moderate their own drinking, and being embarrassed, they lash out. Try to find ways to hang out with your friends in situations that don't revolve around alcohol. Isolating yourself is never a good thing, and it makes it hard to re-integrate later, which is something I've found from dealing with depression.

I know you had problems with the whole pee issue like I did. What other SEs are really causing you problems?

-M

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Whew! Bac showed up from Goldpharma in record time! It arrives in a nondescript manila envelope with Deutsche Post sticker, a return address in Germany, and nothing else. No customs tags.

[Lo0p]

My Baclofen Experience

What country are you in?