My Baclofen Experience

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Baclofen Experience

Was missing you, too, Mog. Glad your bac.
I'm really glad you're not beating yourself up about the beer or anything else, for that matter.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Yeah, I really think the 5-HTP has made a world of difference. Here's hoping it keeps working!

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

mog! hello again. i came right to your thread (after mine, of course). glad to hear you're in for a breather, phew, you deserve and need it, huh? so glad to have you back. i hope you can visit often, as you know i always want to hear from you.

what mg's are you at these days? i'm at 170, as of yesterday, or today. but here i am. i was hoping to be one of those luckies who can switch at 100 or something crazy low. but, alas, i am like the majority. at any rate, i'm gonna lick this demon in the culo once and for all. whatever it takes.

where'd you go on vacation? what did you do? did you go with someone? i hope that in spite of the crowded noise it was fun and relaxing.

i've become an mwo junkie, as you'll see in my thread, but it's a healthy outlet, to be sure. and gives me so much. when i was a schoolkid passing notes in class, i used to re-read my notes every time before i sent them to the next desk. maybe i'm a bit of a navel-gazer, or a grammar junkie, i dunno or care. writing has always been my thirst, and here is one way to slake it.

enough about me. tell more about you, soonest possible.

welcome back, john.
love,
rudy

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

...oh, and so happy to hear about that 5 htp. i feel a little blush, as you got it from that book i suggested. i also sent it to my bi ex bf, but i'm not thinking it will make him straight. that's okay. onward and upward.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

I'm at approximately 200mg/day. I really started to feel strongly reduced cravings at 200 my first go-around (and this one,) but I think you're already pretty close. I suspect you're right on the edge of your switch. This time around, I am also having a tough time shaking the somnolence. I don't know if it's due to the combination of supplements plus my low carb diet and extra exercise or what, but I find it hard to get enough rest. I didn't feel this way last time when I was up at 300. I'm going to make a push for 250 in the next week or so, but frankly, I'm pretty happy with where I am right now.

In terms of my vacation, where I went, who I went with, and why I went are a little too identifiable for public consumption. I went with friends, though, and did have a good time, although I am very glad to be home. I wouldn't call it relaxing exactly, but it was fun. If you want more details, drop me a PM.

[bleep]

My Baclofen Experience

A good holiday is enough for me, a bit of fun sounds like it was just what you needed. The somnolence is grotty, I've not found a way around it, except naps. These can be so refreshing it's ridiculous, unfortunately they are seldom a feasible option.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

So, I've been a little lost lately. Been drinking more, 4-8 beers a day. Never really getting drunk, and not waking up hungover, but it's obvious to me that this is boredom drinking.

I think I mentioned that work had been very very stressful recently, and now that that stress has passed (project ended) I'm not really sure what to do with myself.

I've been busy, got a lot of contract work still flowing in, still busy with the gym. Dunno what it is, just feeling melancholy, and beer is filling some kind of emotional void. Bit of a weird time this weekend too, some otherwise close friends have been dodging me lately, not really sure what the deal with that is. It's triggering all kinds of paranoia though.

Think I might just play some video games tonight. Feeling fragile and unhappy.

-Moglor

[redhead77]

My Baclofen Experience

Hey Mog,

That sucks, how you're feeling and the drinking. I do understand. I had the same feelings last week. You summed it up nicely with "feeling fragile and unhappy". I drank three times last week. Not enough to be hammered, but enough to make me concerned. It made me wonder if there was any hope for me. With bac and with booze.

I'm sorry about your friends. Do you think it has anything to do with you going AF? I'm wondering if they were your drinking buds.

A week ago was a rough patch for me. I can't exactly identify why. I have been on this dose for some time, and was able to mostly be AF. Then in one week, I just wasn't. This week has been good, once again. It's all a mystery bro. One thing I can't relate to is the boredom. It's been so long since I've been bored, I can't even remember the feeling. You could always be a good samaritan and take someones kids for a few days. That'll fix ya. :H

Hang in there Mog. At least you have MWO as a soft place to fall. And I know from reading your posts, this is only a temporary setback.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Baclofen Experience

Hey, Mog.
Been meaning to pop by and see how you're doing. Hard to manage the ups and downs of the process on your own, I know.
How're you feeling? Where are you in terms of the bac?
I hoped the weekend turned out brighter!
:l
Ne

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Weekend was OK. I'm feeling OK. The 5-HTP is definitely working though, the place I was in over the weekend was definitely one of those places that would otherwise spiral into a horrible multi-month depression, but I seem to have come through it.

I'm having a really hard time breaking 200mg/day. I've had a lot of problems with somnolence lately, and I really have come to appreciate the problems some folks have with titrating up. I was at work the other day, and I could barely speak. I'm sure my new employee thought I was high or something.

It's weird, because the first couple times, I had no problems ramping up to 250. Maybe it's a combination of the 5-HTP, or my overall change in mental state? I don't really know. Maybe I just need to get more sleep.

-Moglor

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

hey there mog,

you've been crossing my busy mind lately. i'm coming out of a serious indulgence in navel-gazing, and finding it so lovely to reconnect w these mwo'ers. i don't know what i'd be doing without this place!

and i don't know how much you've been keeping up, but i seem to have switched! i'm at 200 for a week now, and it has been a week that i've been feeling this way. what a fucking relief!

how are you doing?

i think about you adn your depression and self-loathing. is the 5htp still helping? how goes it on those fronts? you set a personal record on the row maching. have you ever considered rowing w a crew? i bet you could do that in your area. i notice lately how good it feels to be around others. other humans besides the adolescents i taught (school's been done for a week). i'm loving the comraderie that comes from joining in on this latest thrilling adventure that rowing has quickly become. i know you're not seeking advice on how to make life better, but i also know that you, like me, have been known to drink out of boredom. i tell ya, being around smart, engaged humaniods is a sure cure for that. it's so good to get out of the house and do something fun with people! so, i'd love to know what you are doing on that front, if you care to share. depression lifts more willingly if we involve others in our daily walks.

ergh, that sounds too much like a sermon. don't mean it to. really i'm just wondering how you are. share, please, if you would.

xo rudy b

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

I'm still here.

Rudy, that's wonderful news on the switch! Don't let it lull you into a false sense of security, though: Remain ever vigilant!

I'd love to be able to say how awesome I'm doing, but the truth of the matter is that I'm in something of a holding pattern. I vacillate between 150 and 200mg/day, I'm drinking about 8 beers/night, but also getting drunk on a number of occasions.

It's been a bit of an epiphany with the 5-HTP. I haven't been depressed at all since I started taking it, and my mood has in general been fine. I'm not in that place where drinking is my only option. I'm a little down on myself when I drink so much if affects my performance the next day, but all in all it's been kind of an eye opener; I start to question my entire self. Is my depression really causal? Why do I continue to drink? Is it habit? Boredom? Honestly, it doesn't make me feel particularly good.

Maybe depression WAS causal, and now without it I'm left with nothing but unanswered questions and empty bottles. What I DO know is that I still feel the internal pressure of loneliness and solitude, and the never-ending mental circle-jerk of "If I was thin and buff, I'd be able to get girls, but I can't be thin and buff because I keep drinking, so I keep drinking to stop myself from thinking about it."

Right now, the only option I have is to press forward and ramp back up to a higher dosage. I am having a really hard time with that, because I have been training someone at work, and if I'm slurring my speech and scatterbrained, it's a real problem. The real tragedy of it is that if I wasn't drinking, I could be much more focused and meticulous about my dosage, so I could thus be more consistent and gradual in my increases. The irony, of course, is that is exactly what I tell everyone else who comments here about it.

Let me not think on it. Frailty, thy name is Moglor.

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

hey, mog!

the first thing that comes to mind is that you must get a pill box. and do what bleep does, set your phone to beep every hour so you take lots of little doses. that will surely help w the se's. i have been trying to take it this way, to good effect. when i drop 40 mg at a time (i mean into my mouth), i FEEL it! i usually want to go take a nap within an hour. if i'm moving about, it's not so bad. but when still, it's lie down time.

so glad the 5htp is working. this has become my pat response when people tell me they're down: 'look into 5htp'.

i am sure that your drinking is both habit and boredom. they go hand in hand. you gotta get out and do more things with people. i have been rowing and it has done enormous things for my social life and for my body. i am suddenly toned to the max, after only 6 rows and a couple trips to the gym.

suddenly, there are no empty beer bottles to take to the recycling. and, yes, i am ever vigilant. i had a scare last week, but it is OVER. no more impulsive stops at the beer store. best thing is that there's not even a pull any more.

well, i'm twitching like crazy (just took 40 mg), so i'm back to bed. i don't want my son starting his day w more than an hour of netflix! that's about what i'll need to buy some rest.

good to see you bac, mog. more later.

xo rudy

[Bruunhilde]

My Baclofen Experience

moglor;1143441 wrote: I'm still here.

Remain ever vigilant!
...
I start to question my entire self. Is my depression really causal? Why do I continue to drink? Is it habit? Boredom? Honestly, it doesn't make me feel particularly good.
...
What I DO know is that I still feel the internal pressure of loneliness and solitude, and the never-ending mental circle-jerk of "If I was thin and buff, I'd be able to get girls, but I can't be thin and buff because I keep drinking, so I keep drinking to stop myself from thinking about it."

Hi Moglor, sorry to hear you're having trouble getting your dose up. I relate to that difficulty but at much lower doses. Funny, I had side effects that were good until maybe 20mg then it got bad. NOW, however, I take bac prn which is pretty much daily at various levels between 20mg-40mg and never feel anything but I usually get better sleep.

I also relate to the "if only" part - California can be an especially tough place to live. Very body conscious. I mean, you want a hot chick, right? You don't want an overweight girlfriend? And vice versa? The perfectionist superficiality leaves alot of people alone and lonely.

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

bruun, what's prn?

i am so GLAD i don't live in california. parts of it sound dowright cruel and disgusting. i hope you're not in a part like that, mog.