My Baclofen Experience

[muchthought]

My Baclofen Experience

moglor -
Thanks for posting again. Your story has always helped me a lot - even the ups and downs. I started Bac Nov of 2009 and still hanging in there up and down also. I've posted before that without Bac I am happy, energetic and drink way more than I will admit to anyone. On Bac I am reflective, sleepy and drink an amount I can admit to anyone. Alcohol makes life more fun and me happier, but the risks are great - my health, my family's respect, my tendency to want to stay home and drink which robs me of time with friends.
I am posting this to address your ambivalence about drinking. We hear all these wonderful sobriety stories and go - okay, what's wrong with me?
I hope you will seek out help for your depression.

[muchthought]

My Baclofen Experience

????I never know what key makes me post things before I am ready!!!!!! May I continue that thought - I hope you will seek out help for your depression which might help in the other areas of your life - to make some changes. Alcohol does make us sit on our butt too much - both physically and mentally. Good luck to you and keep in touch!!! Much

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Baclofen Experience

Much, thank you for your input. I think it's pretty important to explore the post-indifference experience. (But of course, when I was tapering up, THAT was what mattered the most in my world! :H )

Anyway, thank you for that. It's food for thought.

Mog, I've been thinking about you. I hope you're holding it together. If you're lurking, will you pop in and say Hi?

:l
Ne

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Hi!

Even when I'm feeling as low as the gum on a hobo's shoe, I can always rely on positive feedback here!

@redhead - I titrated off baclofen because I was doing well, and I stayed doing well for awhile. My reasons behind stopping entirely are complicated, and I'm not sure I understand them fully myself. I think a big reason for what I do to myself is intense self-loathing. I'm not out-and-out suicidal, but I sure seem to go out of my way to set myself up for an early grave, don't I?

In hindsight, what I did was dumb (stopping the bac), and it lost me some ground, but I'm going to chalk it up to a learning experience. Next time around, I'll stay on the bac at a higher dose for longer, and keep a higher maintenance dose.

In terms of the depression, I can increase my dosage according to my GP. (I'm on a half dose right now.) I'm not sure if this will prevent the deep and dark lows that so often derail me, though, since most of the time I feel fine.

[redhead77]

My Baclofen Experience

Sounds like you have a good plan in place Moglor. I felt that maybe I was a little harsh in my post to you. I didn't mean to be harsh. Just wanted to stress how important it is for people like us, to put sobriety first. There's a good chance we'll lose everything if we don't. Maybe even our lives. I agree about the learning experience. I learned something from your experience too. Thanks for coming back and sharing it with us.

[Cinders]

My Baclofen Experience

redhead77;1101142 wrote: Sounds like you have a good plan in place Moglor. I felt that maybe I was a little harsh in my post to you. I didn't mean to be harsh. Just wanted to stress how important it is for people like us, to put sobriety first. There's a good chance we'll lose everything if we don't. Maybe even our lives. I agree about the learning experience. I learned something from your experience too. Thanks for coming back and sharing it with us.

40% of us die from our addiction based on statistics.

And, that doesn't count those who die of heart attacks, strokes, etc. that hasn't been accounted for in the statistics.

Love,
Cindi

ps Not to mention those we kill on the roads. I hate to say it but it does happen.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Surprised today. I expected Goldpharma to take a long time to deliver after their recent announcement about increase TSA screening. I ordered less than a week ago and I already have my latest shipment of bac. No excuses for me now.. :-)

Back up to 50mg/day. Lots of sleepiness, but no major issues.

@redhead - when I first read your post I kind of winced, not because your post was harsh, but because it was true. I often get so wrapped up in my own head that I lose touch with reality. Thanks for the clarity.

-Moglor

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Not sure if it's the result of the bender I've been on or what, but I've been having major stomach issues the past few days. I never experienced this with bac before, and I'm using the same brand (Neuraxpharm.) I'm at 75mg/day now and the cravings are starting to subside again, but every time I eat I feel like I'm going to throw up for the next couple hours.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Just a little update, stomach is feeling much better. Bender is over, and I'm back to the gym. Depression is lifting. It's insidious how depression creeps in, even on antidepressants, and takes control.

I'm doing about 100mg/day, cravings substantially reduced. As I mentioned in another thread, I'm getting back into my music, which is good too.

Every time I have gone through one of these depressive phases lately, I have come out on the other side feeling somehow more human, feeling better about myself, and with more overall positivity. The depressive periods are shorter as well. I wonder if this means that someday the depression will stop taking over my life?

One of the things about feeling better about my situation is that this time around, I am becoming more serious about getting back into the dating game. I am in my mid-30s and have not had a relationship that has lasted longer than a few weeks since the 90s. This is 100% due to alcohol; when I am drinking, I feel that I am not worth anything. I have been (and still am) emotionally crippled by alcohol and have never felt that I would make a viable partner for anyone, but I think it's probably worth trying again.

Moglor

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

good luck mo! i am dating too and it feels chaotic. silly choices or lack thereof cause my head is full of cobwebs. will be glad to know how i feel and whom i like without al's cloud. i am with you on this journey. yours in solidarity. best of all is we will prob like ourselves a lot better sober, and that matters most, huh?

[redhead77]

My Baclofen Experience

Moglor,

Firstly, I'm glad you're feeling better. Next, I can relate to all of it. The depression, I too feel that I come out better after all of it. The dating, oh lord, that's the thorn in my side.

I try to avoid it to a degree. Even though I want it. I have spent a long time using the excuse, no one decent, that I would really want, would date me. Who wants to date a drunk? The first couple of dates might be fun, but after that? Forget it. I now have to look for men that are actually suitable for me. :H

I am happy you are ready to get in the game. And you're working out? Great! I'm sure sobriety coupled with buffness, will get you there.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

It actually surprised me as I was reading the threads early on, it seems like most people here are married. I can't imagine trying to maintain any kind of functional relationship with alcohol involved.

I also try to avoid it. Rejection just fuels my depression, and like you said, nobody who I would want would want me. Who wants to date a drunk, or a balding fat guy? I can't even make it to the first couple dates!

Losing weight and getting stronger is a big part of my recovery. I think finding the right companion would go a long way to helping me stay off the booze too. Nothing triggers me more than loneliness and boredom.

Moglor

[bleep]

My Baclofen Experience

Red, buffness is overrated! At least it better be, for my sake!

Groucho Marx once said of some club, that any club that would accept him as member, he wouldn't want to join. How that's relevant, I'm not sure, but there is someone for everyone in this world. More than one, normally, and they are both usually found soon after each other, which will no doubt complicate matters when the situation arises.

Try and keep it in perspective Moglor. Having conquered a demon that up until now has been the victor every time, anything is possible, and in fact easy in the grand scheme of things.

[redhead77]

My Baclofen Experience

You're right Bleep.

Moglor, I didn't mean you had to be buff to date. I'm sorry. That sounds terribly shallow. What I did mean is working out will help with your depression and self esteem (IMO). I've found that to be true for myself. It's hard to start dating when we don't feel good about ourselves. Whether it be through drinking, or whatever else. The main thing is the quitting drinking. The rest will work itself out.

[Ne/Neva Eva]

My Baclofen Experience

Morning, Mog. You continue to inspire me. Glad your stomach has settled, that can be very unsettling.

moglor;1106429 wrote: people here are married. I can't imagine trying to maintain any kind of functional relationship with alcohol involved.
That one's easy. Marry an alcoholic! (I don't recommend it, though, especially not if you're disease-free-or-it's-in-remission or whatever.) :H

bleep;1106437 wrote: Having conquered a demon that up until now has been the victor every time, anything is possible, and in fact easy in the grand scheme of things.

redhead77;1106630 wrote: The main thing is the quitting drinking. The rest will work itself out.

Yep. What they said.
And you were one of the ones to find that out and keep that up and inspired me to do it. So yay you and thank you!

Bald is hot. Buffness is overrated. Booze sucks. The life and soul and spirit and everything out of everything. Nothing more depressing than a broke, miserable, downtrodden drunk. Though I've dated so many of them, I guess I seem to think they're really hot and sexy. :H
Keep in mind that when you do start dating (and lots of my friends are having lots of fun with match, ftr) you won't have to date a miserable, drunken, broke and broken mess like I was a couple of months ago. You'll get to choose! hoooorrraaay!

And maybe, just maybe, she'll make you sandwiches. Murphy and bleep seem to have a hard time with that in their households.

xo, my friend
Ne