My Baclofen Experience

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

bleep;1114005 wrote: You're right, that's very odd. What did the person you were chatting with say? I'm not familiar with IRC, is it text based or speech?

Nothing, I was only "gone" for 5 minutes, which is not unusual. It's a text-based chat system. I'm pretty sure I just fell asleep, wouldn't be the first time I nodded off on bac. The circumstances were just unusual, and it kind of freaked me out.

@dodohead - achieving sobriety with baclofen absolutely works for me. It's keeping the sobriety that's proven tough so far! Once I hit my switch this time around, I'm staying on the bac at a much higher dose for much longer.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

I've hit the dosage (200mg/day) where I don't really enjoy drinking anymore, but it's hard to break the psychological need to drink. At this dosage, the hangovers are grossly disproportional to the amount of booze consumed. Last night I drank 8 beers over the course of about 6 hours. Ordinarily, this would be basically nothing, but I woke up with major GI issues several times last night, and I am feeling quite ill today, although I am still going to go hit the gym.

My weight is ballooning. I've gained 13 pounds in the last month!!! I've been having some intense sugar/carb cravings, but I think this is mostly water weight. I feel bloated, but I don't think I'm really getting fatter. I don't have any edema. Since I have been working out hard 4 days a week, it is possible that this is muscle weight too. If I can get the carb cravings under control, I may try switching back to a low carb diet, which is a fairly strong diuretic, to see if I can pee out some weight.

I've also added 10g/day of l-glut to my diet as of yesterday, so hopefully that will help some of the sugar cravings.

-John

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

hi mog, i've been feeling a reduced urgency around consuming aL since being on bac for a few weeks (currently at 30 mg/day), but i still feel the habit, the psychological impulse, to drink. so i relate to what you said. good news is, i've reduced consumption considerably.

i wrote you a post a while back, about how a 'bald fat guy' or somesuch can still attract a great woman. i wonder if you read it, and if you found any encouragement therein. not to be needy, but i do hope that my post helped you know that the packaging isn't nearly as important as what's in it for women who have the depth of character that you probably seek. i realize that your quest to connect with a woman may not be as important as your quest for sobriety...

on another note, has anyone out there experienced the red flush of drinking getting worse after starting bac? i've just had what's for me a moderate amount of booze (1/2 pint of vodka -eek), and my whole neck and face are red red red. this quantity of vodka NEVER has done this to me before...

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Yes, I read it, and I appreciate the vote of confidence. I struggle a lot with confidence, as my success rate with dating has been effectively zero. I've tried online dating too, and while I've sent out dozens of messages, I have yet to receive a reply. It's as though they can tell from me saying "Hello" that I'm a pathetic drunk.

The constant rejection is extremely difficult to cope with under the best of circumstances, so at this point, I've given up on even trying to date until I can completely kick the booze and lose the weight.

Yes, I get the extreme red flush occasionally too. I am not sure if this is related to bac or not, but I find that I get it more when I'm a) very hungover, b) dehydrated, or c) have not drank in awhile.

[ignominious]

My Baclofen Experience

Hi Rudy, Mog

Just my thoughts on the dating thing. Call it packaging or presentation but I think its important as a hook. Its not looks though that girls go for, its confidence. Confidence sends out the message that you know what its all about and are fitter to survive and reproduce in this world.

I used to be able to fake that confidence and pull as many chicks as I wanted. However its not a route I would recommend going down as it starts things from a false position and intimacy must play 2nd fiddle. You, Mog, have plenty of attributes that make you fit to survive, you just really need to appreciate yourself more.

Do what it takes to get the confidence, big biceps, flashy cloths, car, more money, introspection and control of your disease, positive affirmations, whatever!

You are on the right track, realising that is more than half the battle, all is going to work out.

[redhead77]

My Baclofen Experience

moglor;1114452 wrote: Yes, I read it, and I appreciate the vote of confidence. I struggle a lot with confidence, as my success rate with dating has been effectively zero. I've tried online dating too, and while I've sent out dozens of messages, I have yet to receive a reply. It's as though they can tell from me saying "Hello" that I'm a pathetic drunk.

The constant rejection is extremely difficult to cope with under the best of circumstances, so at this point, I've given up on even trying to date until I can completely kick the booze and lose the weight.

Yes, I get the extreme red flush occasionally too. I am not sure if this is related to bac or not, but I find that I get it more when I'm a) very hungover, b) dehydrated, or c) have not drank in awhile.

John,

This is why we shouldn't go to bed and try to catch up on MWO. It makes us get up and post. I'll do it for you.

I'm worried about you. You are so concerned with dating, I worry you will lose your perspective on what's important. Don't get me wrong, as one whose lonely, I get it. I really do. I choose to remain lonely at the moment. I'm just not well enough yet, to give all of me. To anyone. Are you?

I believe I'm almost ready, but until I know for sure, I will have to remain lonely (outside of emails and writing).

As far as what you perceive you are, chicks don't care. I mean they do a little, but ultimately, we don't get turned on by the visual like men do. We are more emotional than visual. You have that. You're a cool cat. Keep working on the other stuff, because a woman does like a man who is confident and KNOWS he rocks.

I'm wondering if your biological clock is ticking? You're in your mid 30's without ever being married or kids. Whether it's ticking or not, you've got to get the drinking straightened out first.

Get sober John. Work on the rest of it. They will come (no pun intended). Just tell yourself multiple times a day what a great catch you are. It's true. Believe it.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Problem is, drinking, depression, loneliness, self-loathing, all of these are intertwined in ways that are not easy to untangle. It's one thing to quit just the drinking, but everything else makes it so very hard to stay sober. I think it's important for recovery to try and reclaim a life that's been lost for nearly 2 decades. Am I well enough to give all of me? No. Frankly, I'm not sure I ever will be.

Is my biological clock ticking? I don't know. I never thought I had any desire to have children, but I do enjoy the brief times I can spend with my friends' kids. One thing I do know is that I am not getting any younger, and the window of opportunity to have kids is rapidly closing, so I suppose I should make up my mind.

I think confidence really is the main problem. I just have none. I hate myself so very very much, and it's obvious that people pick up on that. Sobriety is still my #1 objective, but as I said, maintaining it seems like an impossible mountain to climb when I am so miserable in other aspects of my life.

Didn't really want to wallow in self-pity here, but good or bad, this thread is about my drinking, and like it or not, self pity and misery is a huge component of the "why" behind my torrid love affair with alcohol.

[ignominious]

My Baclofen Experience

I married in my mid 30s, one of the main reasons being to have kids. I don't regret it in the least but I wish I'd been able to sort myself out first. 49 and getting sober, facing up to life comes with its fair share of problems that I am just going to have to wade through. I know that I will never be fixed completely but anyone who thinks they are I will call a liar.

Mog, you are already in the position to do this. It can all look so daunting but at a bare minimum I can assure you that things will not magically get fixed if you carry on drinking. You know you can stop drinking, the confidence is unknown but from a sober perspective you'll be in a much better position to evaluate yourself Which comes first the chicken or egg, no one can say but one will surely follow the other - do the thing that you can control first.

When people comment about you having much to offer they are not just offering trite niceties, you demonstrate much courage here and will get it on track. Coming from a family where one of the prerequisites was self depreciation I found it easy to develop self loathing. Its a waste of time. If you find yourself doing it (brooding), recognise it, confirm that you will try (whatever that means to you) to rectify your faults and throw it away. This is one of the main advantages that Buddhism has over Christianity IMO, but I digress.

Get sober then worry about stuffing tissues in your underpants.

[moglor]

My Baclofen Experience

Don't get me wrong, recovery is my #1 priority. My #2 priority is making sure I don't relapse! Again! Lots of the process is self-examination and trying to understand the fundamental reasons why I continue to drink, and loneliness and depression surely top that particular chart.

Thank you, all, for the support and encouragement.

[ignominious]

My Baclofen Experience

I considered adding the caveat that I was preaching to the converted in my above post.

Keep on doing, what your doing!

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

how annoying!
i just had the most brilliant post going, and it disappeared! wtf!?
anyway, i'll say somma it again, if i can...

redhead says it well when she tells you, mog, to tell yourself every day that you're a total catch. i would love to sit across a table from you. interesting men are so much more fun. smart, eloquent, self-reflective men are such better companions than those who have a full head of hair but nothing underneath. but i know i can tell that your priority right now is getting yourself straight, and that is great.

i don't wanna say too much, lest the computer bleeps me out again.

but i'll keep on for a sec. the other thing is about the window closing (re having children). you could sire a child in 20 yrs, mog. so, as you're doing, keep your eyes on the prize. some lucky lucky woman will snatch you up in jig time once you've got some of this shit under control (al), and you'll be an excellent dad, if that is what you decide to do.

does anyone else here take notes on a piece of paper, in order to respond to all of the brilliance that deserves response here, which is in such great abundance? thank god i have my notes, or i'd never be able to recover from my computer x'ing me out like it just did. fraah!

xoxo rudy

[bleep]

My Baclofen Experience

Rudy, what I do when I have a longish post, is highlight the whole thing and CTRL +C it, then I click post. If it successfully posts, cool, move on with life, but if it doesn't, just paste your post back in and try again.

The frustration of losing a well thought out post is dreadful, and the post I end up posting always seems crap in comparison to what I'd said before.

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

yeah, glad you get it, that annoying experience of losing your masterpeice. (can't insert cute emoticom 'cause i'm on quick reply here.) thanks, bleep, for the tip. i've written it down in my notes, and hope i won't need it soon.

[RudyB]

My Baclofen Experience

Ig, what a great post above! thank you so much to you Ig and to all of you beautiful people who write it down here. whoop whoop!

mog, quick thought: you said you aren't ready to 'give it your all' in terms of a relationship. i totally get that. and i know that they say that in early sobriety you shouldn't try a serious relationship. great! so there's two reasons we get to just BE with people, to try on how it feels to relate with them, each individual who comes into our life. and there's no need to expect much, to expect ANYTHING, cause we're just BEing, and not giving it our all or trying to be seirous. phew.

just some thoughts, on this stuff that is so soulfully written about here. thank you all of you beautiful people!

[Seethepony]

My Baclofen Experience

Hey Moglor,

My first few months on Baclofen, I could go about 10 days- 2 weeks without drinking, no problem, but the desire to sink some beers would inevitably resurface sooner or later. I was very happy with this result - huge improvement over getting wrecked every day. But those hangovers were such bastards I realised even getting wrecked once every 2 weeks was too much for me.

I made a chance discovery and it sounds like it might help you too. Whenever I have a beer moment I just have a beer. One of those alcohol free ones. In the past I thought AF beers were the daftest things in the universe. Like nicotine-free cigarettes - What's the point? Well some of my beer addiction turns out to have been a desire for huge quantities of carbohydrates (I'm supposing) because a few AF beers are all it takes to take my mind off the real stuff. Since I have learned that AF beers "do the trick" my mind is never on the real stuff - my interest in alcohol of any sort has hit zero and stayed there. My wife gets me to open a bottle of wine once or twice during the week and the possibility of having oh just one glass doesn't even enter my head. I'm pretty sure I can go on indefinitely taking baclofen daily and AF beer whenever I feel the thirst.

Maybe it works for you, maybe it doesn't. No harm in trying.