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Taking a long hard sober look !

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    #1

    Taking a long hard sober look !

    Ok this is ho w its gone so far ! Was a drunk for best part of 30 years, my heart got a good kicking, cam e on here found baclofen and got sober !! great . Then got angry and upset that life is not how I would like it to be.

    The lastest instalement :

    went on the most boring holiday of my life !!!! spent many hours lying on a sunbed and came to this conclusion ! Drink has turned m into a not a very nice eprson I am mean and tough and quick to critisise others ( I think that stems form disliking myslef so much I point out the faults as I see them in others ) .

    So the nex stage is to continue looking at myself and seek some help to change my ways and hopefully progress along my pathway to happiness.

    BH x
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    #2
    Taking a long hard sober look !

    Yeah I think that's a good plan BH. Many of us myself included need to take a closer look at ourselves. It's both amazing and bit scary what has been hidden/muted under the blanket of alcohol abuse!
    Outside of a dog a book is mans best friend. Inside of a dog its too dark to read

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      #3
      Taking a long hard sober look !

      Yes, I need to take a good long hard look myself.
      I will have the next two plus to do so. I need to see things for what they are.
      I think I am going to find I have a lot to be grateful for and happy about.

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        #4
        Taking a long hard sober look !

        :lBH, I so appreciate the honesty in your posts. I think we all come to a place where, once the deceitful comfort of alcohol is ripped away, we have to start getting to grips with our real selves. Have you fully worked through the anger and bitterness issue? Someone posted a video by Bernie Siegel and I listened to it and there is a lot of wisdom there. It's all about healing. I don't agree with everything, but take the good and leave the rest.
        You have been so kind to many on MWO - this is just a phase you are going through.
        make the least of the worst, and the most of the best - everyday.

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          #5
          Taking a long hard sober look !

          where did you go on holiday brave hearted?
          i feel over worked but then on holiday i tend to freak out a bit and of course drink.
          mostly because i am all alone.
          my choice... stupid really.
          i had a date this afternoon and i showed up late as i figured i'd miss the guy and i did.
          i will eventually see him around and will be able to say 'hey... sorry i missed you.'
          why do i do these things? I am not really interested in the guy as I don't know him but by site, and I am sure he is probably 12 or 13. Just kidding... MAYBE he is 30?
          I am not in the mood for games and lets face it my instinct tells me this dude will be a game.
          He keeps bugging me to take him for a ride on my Vespa... just seems like a hustler.
          I could be wrong but as usual.. I will proceed with caution.

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            #6
            Taking a long hard sober look !

            I don't know I've become mean, but I am completely paranoid when it comes to strangers.
            Yikes. It is like there is something inside which holds me back... male or female.
            I get red lights in my head when I have to interact with strangers, especially men. Poor innocent humans of the male gender completely wig me out too often. And the local guys, forget it! The second I feel threatened or pressured it is over. I felt pressured by the guy for no apparent reason. I am sure he is a nice human. I just always think 'what do you want?' Is it incomprehensible perhaps he just wants to get to know me? Could happen.

            Of course there is a story which brought me to this mindset. I would really like to get these thoughts under control and put them to rest. These are the thoughts that motivate me to maintain my distance and not make new friends.

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              #7
              Taking a long hard sober look !

              Bravehearted,

              In a different thread, Sheri had posted something about a condition called PAWS - here's a quote from it with the link (I copied, so I hope it works):
              "Sounds to me like you're experiencing PAWS which a lot of us do (I did), but the good news is that there are ways to combat it as outlined in the article below.

              Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) ? Digital Dharma"

              If the link doesn't work, you can do a search with the word PAWS and find it in a thread about sobriety being boring (I think that was the jist of it). Anyway, the information there is fascinating. It may have something to do with how you are feeling.

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                #8
                Taking a long hard sober look !

                I think I've been there before and it caused me a major relapse. It's interesting that when you've been good for so long how the smallest thing can trigger your manic state. I think this is where a good therapist or the sponsorship of AA could come in handy. I seem to get cocky or delusional when I'm well. I convince myself that I never really had a problem and that I can drink like anyone else. Yikes, thanks for the reminder...

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                  #9
                  Taking a long hard sober look !

                  Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) — Why we don’t get better immediately) ? Digital Dharma

                  Ok - I think this should put the PAWS link in there - sorry - I don't know how to use this stuff on this forum very well . . . .

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                    #10
                    Taking a long hard sober look !

                    BH

                    Good on you for voicing what you're going through. You needn't feel alone in this, though. When I first became sober again after almost 20 years, I was lost, despite the initial euphoria.

                    I have found myself a good therapist who I see weekly. This journey of self-(re)discovery has been amazing and is absolutely worth the effort that you will need to put into it. It has help me more than I can adequately put into words!
                    I'll do whatever it takes
                    AF 21/08/2009

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                      #11
                      Taking a long hard sober look !

                      Late to post

                      Hey Brave,
                      My sister is always telling me to, "fake it 'till you make it." Choose to pretend to be nice and gentle even if it feels like you are petting a cat the wrong way! It will become habbit in time. Keep all of the things you ahve to be thankful for in the forefront of your mind and tell yourself about them constantly! Even if it is just being thankful that you are alive and sober today!!

                      Hang in there!
                      TayTay

                      ?KNOWING YOURSELF means being able to separate the true from the false in yourself - love from emotion, joy from sentiment, Will from desire.? ~Barry Long quotes

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                        #12
                        Taking a long hard sober look !

                        Hi BH,

                        I am sorry to hear what you are feeling but I can relate in most aspects. I had a treatment here in the UK called bioresonance last year and it was amazing in that I never came close to drinking in 8 months, actually to be honest it was fairly easy.....but over that period,the mood swings, critical thoughts etc were awful, in retrospect that was my downfall.
                        As someone posted earlier in this thread, Post acute withdrawal is in my mind why so many of us go back to drinking, hypoglycaemia for me was also a big factor........stuffing chocolate down daily. I wished I had the knowledge now regarding PAWS....hey ho.
                        Be easy on yourself please, you have achieved so much and you deserve it!

                        Best wishes

                        Scot

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                          #13
                          Taking a long hard sober look !

                          Funny Girl;902566 wrote: Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS) ? Why we don?t get better immediately) ? Digital Dharma

                          Ok - I think this should put the PAWS link in there - sorry - I don't know how to use this stuff on this forum very well . . . .
                          Funny girl - thank you so much for posting this - it looks really good - I am going to print it out and sit down and have a good read - I agree with SO much of it having stopped for 8 months and not been happy for any of it! Thank you!!

                          hugs, Sun xx
                          How simple it is to see that we can only be happy now and there will never be a time when it is not now....

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