Questions for those AF

[Sunnyvalenting]

Questions for those AF

what a moving post, thank you for your honesty. I, too, drank mostly alone at home. It is not at all uncommon for women due to the stigma. I drank abusively for over 40 years and much worse the last 10-12. Thank goodness I was prescribed baclofen at a rehab clinic in January 2010. I didn't know anything about it until then. I had tried everything I could over the past decade to stop and nothing worked until the bac. I had already been abstinent for a few days and this has continued ever since. I don't know if that is because my switch was lower or what. But I hear in your post something of a plan to continue to drink-ie you believe you will stumble a few more times before you are secure. Is there any way you can rephrase that to use your will power and withstand such indulgences? It will make it much better once you totally commit to abstinence. IMO. I know each of us is different. I also know that there were many times I swore drink off "forever" but this time, with this helpful medicine, I am able to follow through on my best judgment. That judgment is one of the tools along with bac and this forum that have allowed me to succeed.
All the best and good luck
Sunny

[PhoenixRising]

Questions for those AF

Thanks, Sunny. yes, I could rephrase it. And I have done so many time in the past. However, for me, the "you will never be able to drink again" seems to trigger frantic drinking. So, I prefer to say to myself that I can drink, just not today. And I have to recognize that I may stumble before I get to my goal, because I have done so SO many times before and then I beat myself up and drink to feel better. I have to give myself permission to stumble before I am strong enough to walk on my own. I need to enjoy being sober. I have never made it past the 4 day mark. Today is Day 4 and hubby is out of the house tonight, my #1 scenario for a nice night with a wine bottle. So, I have to have a different plan. I may make peach jam. Hubby isn't leaving till 7:15, and I go to bed at 9:00, so I only have to really kill and hour and half. I just CANNOT stop at the grocery store on the way home. That's where I shoot myself in the foot.

Thank you, Sunny, for having faith in me. It's inspiring.

-P.

[tiptronic_ct]

Questions for those AF

Phoenix - you know you can do it tonight. You already have a plan - you just need to stick to it. Maybe with an extra diversion or two

[PhoenixRising]

Questions for those AF

YES!! I know what I can do if I get bored - read all 250 pages of Tigger's travels! :h :H
I read some last night and he is just as cute as a button. And much smaller than I imagined him to be!!

[Road to Recovery]

Questions for those AF

moglor;913690 wrote: I've been AF for 8 days now, so I don't have a huge pool of experience to draw on, but I can say with utter certainty that this is the longest period of sobriety I've had in over 15 years.

I have told a very select few of my closest friends about my baclofen experiment. I've been met primarily with skepticism and worry that I'm doing something "wrong," but I don't think they truly understand the underlying extent of my alcoholism. I've always been a secret drinker, and a high functioning alcoholic, and while my capacity for drink is well known publicly, they don't know that the glasses of beer they saw me with really added up to 15 or more drinks throughout the evening, or that I stopped by the liquor store on the way home and drank another 8 when I got home. 15, 20+ beers a night was normal for me.

As I sank deeper into the pit of alcoholism, I reduced my social life to a very limited set of engagements where drinking was likely/expected: afternoon BBQs, parties, bars after work. I planned my mornings around hangovers. I'd never agree to do anything or be anywhere before around 4pm on weekend days, and tried to find reasons to be out of the office or in late on Mondays. My social life has suffered dearly because of this, and I find that I am associated primarily with beer and bad moods amongst my friends.

From 26th June to 6th July, I was taking baclofen, but not altering my social behavior. I still went to the parties, still went to the bars, the BBQs, and still drank, although occasionally I'd turn down a beer. This caused a surprising amount of consternation amongst my friends, and they all wanted to know what was wrong with me. I think I realized then that my personality had become synonymous with drinking.

On the 7th of July, I realized that moderation wasn't going to work for me, and I needed a push to get completely AF. I re-started my gym and switched to a low-carb diet, and have been AF since. I have purposely avoided social interactions during this time, because it's a recipe for disaster. Baclofen has helped reduce/eliminate my alcohol cravings, but the social pressure and social anxiety is still there in spades. I don't know how long I'll be able to maintain this, because I will need to re-integrate my AF personality into my circle of friends, and I'm no longer the same person I was before I went AF.

So, YES. I absolutely risk temptation and failure by going back to my old lifestyle. It's going to be very hard to try and fit back in once I feel that I'm ready, if I ever feel that I'm ready. I'm now in the process of seeking out new things to do that don't revolve around alcohol. This is not an easy task, but it's much better than the alternative.

Best,
Moglor

Moglor,
You are an inspiration to all those that read your story. Truly an amazing journey. I too used baclofen, a different story, but resulted in 5 months AF. I just wanted to speak to your concern about friends and how to integrate back into the circle. For me, on baclofen; the hardest part of being in those situations is not being tempted to drink, its the flack I recieve from those that are used to seeing me drink. I was recently (last week) put in this situation with coworkers that I had visited for work purposes. we wnet out for a few drinks and i kept getting questioned as to why I wasnt drinking. I was finally asked if it was because I was an alcoholic, to which I said yes. The next day was an outing which involved drinking but my "situation' had been made known. It was so much easier not having people trying to stuff a drink down my throat or ask me why. Their drinking did not bother me in the least and I enjoyed my day.
My advice to all those with this concern? tell your friends ahead of time - in person or in an email. It is not anything to be ashamed of, it is a disease, something that unfortuanetly happenned to you.
I hope this helps

[hopefulspirit]

Questions for those AF

Phoenix.. I can completely relate to you in every way except the part of always drinking alone. If I had done that, I would probably have been able to carry on longer but as it is; I can't (and don't feel like) doing it now.
I'm up 200 mgs and have tried to go higher but am suffering some pretty intense SE at this level. I am AF 5 days (and I literally just counted on my hands) because it's not feeling like a big deal. I'm really busy catching up on life but have avoided HIS (high intensity situations) that I still fear. I do get the fear of your home being your place of temptation. For me, it's specifically the kitchen.. I mean who doesn't like to cook with a glass of wine?
I specifically related to your explanation about relapsing... I have done that as well. The concept of never again creates anxiety that I'm only starting to feel comfortable with for the first time. A therapist today pointed out how dangerous that concept was and I explained it in a similar way.
You do sound like you're on the road to wellness... Please keep us posted.
HS

[tiptronic_ct]

Questions for those AF

So how did it go last night, Phoenix? How many pages of the Tigger Tour did it take? :H

[gyco]

Questions for those AF

yo friend

hopefulspirit;913268 wrote:
"?

.

My biggest question is what lifestyle changes did you have to make to feel happy AF? Do you still have friends that drink? Are you seriously OK not having a glass of (name your poison here) during events that you once enjoyed with drink?

I know, I should get a good therapist or go to an AA meeting. Apologies for venting here...
:thanks:

HP
"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.? - Maria Robinson

hi hopeful ,good thread every once in a while a thread will jump out at you,addictive minded people tend to forget the life they have is theres,sometimes you hav to be selfish,mt sound harsh but as you go thro the sobriety thing,youll find that out,as far a s tellin anyone,if you were an abnoxious drinker they no,and if you hav been sober there probably resting till you get back to your old nature,they NO, a therapsit is good,and confidential,as far as AA,pik up the book, 1st,read it,see what you get out of it,but read the 1st 164 pages,over and over again,you wont get it the 1st time,then read dr bobs story.it will make you think.My dear AA is not for all.i beleive for all the years ive done e this drink and sober thing,the best thing i found out was you have to find whats best for you,2nnd is talking to someone with the same issues helps,i do wish you well,gyco

[PhoenixRising]

Questions for those AF

tiptronic_ct;915831 wrote: So how did it go last night, Phoenix? How many pages of the Tigger Tour did it take? :H

Hey Tip- I had one glass and poured out the rest of the bottle. So, Not as good as I had hoped but a lot better than it could have been. But, onward and upward!

[PhoenixRising]

Questions for those AF

hopefulspirit;915775 wrote: Phoenix.. I can completely relate to you in every way except the part of always drinking alone.

I mean who doesn't like to cook with a glass of wine?
I specifically related to your explanation about relapsing... I have done that as well. The concept of never again creates anxiety that I'm only starting to feel comfortable with for the first time. A therapist today pointed out how dangerous that concept was and I explained it in a similar way.
You do sound like you're on the road to wellness... Please keep us posted.
HS

I used to love to cook with a glass of wine. And eat with a glass of wine, and watch TV with a glass of wine. Wine wine wine. I don't even really like the taste of it anymore; I have to mix it with lemonade to even get it down. So, I can have a drink whenever I want. Just not today. I find that if my craving are severe (they were SUPER intense on Sunday - so much for the 250mg of Baclofen coursing thru my veins..) if I take some L-Glut and drink 16 oz of water it really, really helps. Sometimes just the water alone will do the trick. I guess I sometimes confuse thirst with AL craving?? I also am drinking a boatload of tea. Or caffeine free coffee with flavored creamer as a treat.
I also eat a small dinner now instead of drinking it instead.

I remain at 250mg and I really am afraid to go higher. I think if I can just white-knuckle it and get to 2 weeks the cravings will lessen? Some say make it 30 days and you're home free. Geez, wouldn't that be swell?

Thanks for your support. :l You're a sweetie pie. You, too, Tip!

-P.

[tiptronic_ct]

Questions for those AF

Hey, Phoenix

Bloody well done on tipping the rest of that bottle down the drain.

If I were you, I'd push the envelope and titrate higher. Yes, remembering HALT is excellent. So is L-Glut (I still take it daily) and having a plan for each day to stretch your AF periods. It does not, however, compare in ANY way to the peace of mind that comes with the switch.

Go for it!!!

[PhoenixRising]

Questions for those AF

tiptronic_ct;916904 wrote: Hey, Phoenix

Bloody well done on tipping the rest of that bottle down the drain.

If I were you, I'd push the envelope and titrate higher. Yes, remembering HALT is excellent. So is L-Glut (I still take it daily) and having a plan for each day to stretch your AF periods. It does not, however, compare in ANY way to the peace of mind that comes with the switch.

Go for it!!!

How high do you think I can safely go? How high did you go before you hit your switch?

[tiptronic_ct]

Questions for those AF

PhoenixRising;916907 wrote: How high do you think I can safely go? How high did you go before you hit your switch?

What is your intake i.t.o. g/kg at the moment?

I hit the switch at 270.

Then I titrated down too fast and had to go back up, to 290. That was on BacMax, before I started on Pacifen.

BTW: I'll come back to that issue (differing strengths) very soon: I've placed an order for Bac manufactured by AWD Pharma (?) via Goldpharma. I'm going to do the switch from one to the other immediately, without phasing it in. I looked at buying Lioresal, but my inner penny pincher wouldn't allow me to proceed :H

[PhoenixRising]

Questions for those AF

tiptronic_ct;916917 wrote: What is your intake i.t.o. g/kg at the moment?

I hit the switch at 270.

Then I titrated down too fast and had to go back up, to 290. That was on BacMax, before I started on Pacifen.

BTW: I'll come back to that issue (differing strengths) very soon: I've placed an order for Bac manufactured by AWD Pharma (?) via Goldpharma. I'm going to do the switch from one to the other immediately, without phasing it in. I looked at buying Lioresal, but my inner penny pincher wouldn't allow me to proceed :H

3.67
Pacifen is much weaker than Lioresal, imho. What was your g/kg at 270?

[tiptronic_ct]

Questions for those AF

PhoenixRising;916949 wrote: 3.67
Pacifen is much weaker than Lioresal, imho. What was your g/kg at 270?

3.58

Lo0p says we're talking nonsense, so I want to see for myself what another brand will do after so long on the Pacifen :H