I was not going to go higher than 250, but thanks to Tip's nudging I took it up to the next level; 262.5 (10.5 25mg pills) Oh my, I just calculated it, and I am actually only at 237.5 - I counted them and am taking 9.5 pills DUH! Dang, I can go even higher. That makes me 3.49 mg/kg, squarely in Dr. A's range.
Anyways - I successfully passed Day 4 which has been my stumbling block forever. I keep track of my workouts and my drinking in a spreadsheet (I know, strange bedfellows...) and I have not gone past Day 4 in 5 years (that's how far back the ss goes). The longest I have gone is 6 days, and that's since I started drinking at age 18. So this week I have another funeral to go to (hubby's aunt and uncle died the same day, the uncle was getting ready to fly to his sister's funeral and dropped dead) so I will not have the opportunity to drink until SUnday, (and Lord knows I'd rather not drink than just have one - a total tease!!) and I am hoping by then I will have a grip on it as I will be more than a week sober by then. I would usually have had a bottle of wine last night, as I get into the mentality of "this is my last change to get drunk until Sunday" but I thought of how tired it makes me, how much I had to do with packing and all and just said "nah". !!!! This NEVER HAPPENS! I will brave snow, sleet, ice, angry mobs, hordes of locusts, you name it - to get to my beloved alcohol. but this one time, it was just too much hassle to pull over and go into the grocery store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unreal, huh???
So, the SE's I've had (and I will copy this to the SE thread as well, and the whole lot of it to the Bac progress thread so if you see this more than once don't think old Phoenix has lost it (tho my orbit is a little off-center anyways!!) :H
The worst:
Extremely shallow breathing (this scared the shit out of me so badly back in December that I got off Bac entirely, only to cave and give it another go in Feb).
Visual hallucinations - usually just a couple milliseconds in length - the scariest was seeing someone at my bedside, the least scary having a brief visual clip repeat itself. Not bad unless I have driving! This usually only happened when I was tired.
Tiredness - I have literally caught myself from falling out of my chair at work. I've taken to napping on my lunch hour - just closing the door to my office and lying on the floor. !!
Once I took 50mg too much by accident (!!!) and had HORRIBLE spasticity - so bad I looked like I had cerebral palsy. I just cut back on the back and it went away in 24-36 hours.
The easiest:
Spasticity - the irony of which is not lost on me. Also, crampy muscles, but this could be because I'm at the gym hitting it hard.
Slight nausea. Not bad at all.
Parentheses (you read that right!) I now enjoy parentheses more than before I started the Bac; my love of semi-colons has remained constant throughout.
Positives:
I am kickin' it at the gym. My strength has increased more in the last 2 months than it ever has.
My drinking slowly decreased. I went from 25-35 drinks a week (and sometimes higher) to 13.5, then 12, then 4 and now 0.
Self confidence is through the roof.
Energy - since I now have evenings, my house is cleaner and my gardens are weeded. I am making bread and jam regularly and reading a lot more.
Clear headed - I am usually a morning person anyway, but now I am 100% every morning. It rocks!!
The alcohol voices have stopped. No more good angel/bad angel on my shoulders. "You deserve it - get a nice bottle of wine" "But you've already gone 3 days, you're on a roll - stick with it" That kind of crap is gone.
I never had the bad hangovers on Bac of which others spoke. I also was never able to just quit as others seems to have been able to. Road to Recovery encouraged me to, and said the Bac would be more effective if I did, but the cravings were just too intense.
So now I have the chance to go more than a week without. Next Weds hubby is out of town for several days, and that''s my Biggest Trigger Ever. So, how will I do? I am thinking I will be ok...
So, have I hit the switch? If not, I am pretty darn close. I never thought I would, I quit Bac once already. I credit all the information I have read here, all the encouragement from my wonderful friends here and from Cowgal from beyond the grave, bless her soul, :upset: and my loving God most of all.
It will remain to be seen if I can keep up the momentum, but for the first time in 35 years, I actually have hope.
So, for all those who struggle, look to me. I was about to give up for the second time. I thought the Beast had won. I now think I have a chance on taming the Beast, but I never for a minute will think he is gone. The Beast will always be lurking in the shadows, ready to take a nip (sorry, bad pun!) out of me the second I falter. I can never forget that and get too confident.
God bless you all.
-Phoenix (finally rising from the ashes)
Anyways - I successfully passed Day 4 which has been my stumbling block forever. I keep track of my workouts and my drinking in a spreadsheet (I know, strange bedfellows...) and I have not gone past Day 4 in 5 years (that's how far back the ss goes). The longest I have gone is 6 days, and that's since I started drinking at age 18. So this week I have another funeral to go to (hubby's aunt and uncle died the same day, the uncle was getting ready to fly to his sister's funeral and dropped dead) so I will not have the opportunity to drink until SUnday, (and Lord knows I'd rather not drink than just have one - a total tease!!) and I am hoping by then I will have a grip on it as I will be more than a week sober by then. I would usually have had a bottle of wine last night, as I get into the mentality of "this is my last change to get drunk until Sunday" but I thought of how tired it makes me, how much I had to do with packing and all and just said "nah". !!!! This NEVER HAPPENS! I will brave snow, sleet, ice, angry mobs, hordes of locusts, you name it - to get to my beloved alcohol. but this one time, it was just too much hassle to pull over and go into the grocery store!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unreal, huh???
So, the SE's I've had (and I will copy this to the SE thread as well, and the whole lot of it to the Bac progress thread so if you see this more than once don't think old Phoenix has lost it (tho my orbit is a little off-center anyways!!) :H
The worst:
Extremely shallow breathing (this scared the shit out of me so badly back in December that I got off Bac entirely, only to cave and give it another go in Feb).
Visual hallucinations - usually just a couple milliseconds in length - the scariest was seeing someone at my bedside, the least scary having a brief visual clip repeat itself. Not bad unless I have driving! This usually only happened when I was tired.
Tiredness - I have literally caught myself from falling out of my chair at work. I've taken to napping on my lunch hour - just closing the door to my office and lying on the floor. !!
Once I took 50mg too much by accident (!!!) and had HORRIBLE spasticity - so bad I looked like I had cerebral palsy. I just cut back on the back and it went away in 24-36 hours.
The easiest:
Spasticity - the irony of which is not lost on me. Also, crampy muscles, but this could be because I'm at the gym hitting it hard.
Slight nausea. Not bad at all.
Parentheses (you read that right!) I now enjoy parentheses more than before I started the Bac; my love of semi-colons has remained constant throughout.
Positives:
I am kickin' it at the gym. My strength has increased more in the last 2 months than it ever has.
My drinking slowly decreased. I went from 25-35 drinks a week (and sometimes higher) to 13.5, then 12, then 4 and now 0.
Self confidence is through the roof.
Energy - since I now have evenings, my house is cleaner and my gardens are weeded. I am making bread and jam regularly and reading a lot more.
Clear headed - I am usually a morning person anyway, but now I am 100% every morning. It rocks!!
The alcohol voices have stopped. No more good angel/bad angel on my shoulders. "You deserve it - get a nice bottle of wine" "But you've already gone 3 days, you're on a roll - stick with it" That kind of crap is gone.
I never had the bad hangovers on Bac of which others spoke. I also was never able to just quit as others seems to have been able to. Road to Recovery encouraged me to, and said the Bac would be more effective if I did, but the cravings were just too intense.
So now I have the chance to go more than a week without. Next Weds hubby is out of town for several days, and that''s my Biggest Trigger Ever. So, how will I do? I am thinking I will be ok...
So, have I hit the switch? If not, I am pretty darn close. I never thought I would, I quit Bac once already. I credit all the information I have read here, all the encouragement from my wonderful friends here and from Cowgal from beyond the grave, bless her soul, :upset: and my loving God most of all.
It will remain to be seen if I can keep up the momentum, but for the first time in 35 years, I actually have hope.
So, for all those who struggle, look to me. I was about to give up for the second time. I thought the Beast had won. I now think I have a chance on taming the Beast, but I never for a minute will think he is gone. The Beast will always be lurking in the shadows, ready to take a nip (sorry, bad pun!) out of me the second I falter. I can never forget that and get too confident.
God bless you all.
-Phoenix (finally rising from the ashes)
I'd drive to the store, get the wine, cravings would be gone but then I'd have the bottle there, so may as well drink it, eh? Silly, Silly Phoenix.
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