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    My Bac Update

    I've been quiet the last couple of weeks for a variety of reasons but mostly because I've needed to sort through my experience with some clarity.
    A quick update is that I've been titrating on Bac since April. I initially drank on it and it caused all kinds of hellacious episodes. I can see how it's easier to jump into the program while drinking but Bac intensified the effects of alcohol before my thirst was quenched. In other words, it made drinking worse but didn't stop me from drinking as much. I was definitely worse before I got better.

    Over the summer I put a halt to drinking for the most part. I don't think this would have been possible without Bac and I'm still amazed at how much it curbed the cravings. What it couldn't do is squelched the emotional connection I have. Even though I can drink more normally on it, it still makes me tipsier earlier and it's just not a good idea for me to drink when I'm at these doses. Up until recently, I remained steady 180 for quite some time. I wish I had a better journal and timeline to share but right now we're going to work off of my memory. A couple of weeks ago, out of impatience and urgency to hit the switch; I titrated up very quickly to 240. At this level, I had no interest in drinking at all but I was also completely out of mind, high on Bac. At the same time I was dealing with a personal issue that exasperated my intake of Bac or visa versa. I'm not sure what happened but I was having a very hard time and despite being "sober", I was acting irrational. Again, my issue was upsetting and no matter what I was "on" would have caused something. What I do notice is that I don't have full-fledge emotional releases on Bac. I don't cry, I don't scream, I'm pretty calm on the outside even though the inside might be falling apart. This is probably much too much information but I'm trying to decipher what is a SE of Bac or just "me" now.

    At this hight dose, I realized that Bac was at least in part the culprit.. sometimes, I need to be hit over the head twice before I get the point. So I jumped down as quickly as I went up and.... (you guessed it) had a relapse. This was last Thursday and the cravings were so intense that I didn't even make the connection that it was the loss of Bac in my system -- I just had to have a drink. (again, hit me twice and I might get it)

    I since resumed my 180 dose and am doing pretty well. I am calm.. I'm dealing with my personal issues more rationally. I think I'll be OK. And for the most part, not drinking because I'm not interested or indifferent.

    I will say that my sugar cravings have been through the roof and I'm not sure if it's a glucose issue or my addictive obsessive nature. All I can say is that anything chocolate is not safe in my company. I have gained a few pounds on Bac and chocolate : )but am hoping that taking L-Glut and going on a strict diet (starting tomorrow) will resolve that issue.

    Have I hit my switch? Probably... It might be a more gradual thing. There are so many posts that I've read on this forum that make sense to me now. It's not a magic bullet... it's more like a magic journey. What you put your mind and body through to get to this stage is as much a part of the healing aspect (I think). I know that I have issues. Not drinking hasn't changed my life for the better and in some ways, it's worse. I'm dealing head on with all the mistakes that I've made, the situation that I'm in... the problems that need to be solved. It's not pleasant sober but it's necessary to be sober. I am envious of the posters that comment on how wonderful life is now. For me, I know that I have really serious underlying issues that put me here that I have to deal with but am at a loss as to how.

    The specifics:
    Female 145 lbs... probably hit switch at 240 mgs. I'm currently taking 3 equal doses of 60 mgs each (exactly what my GP prescribed and thought was the right amount for me).
    My side effects have been intermittent and mostly temporary. Sensorial vibrations, tinnitus, I had some very scary dizzies but a pre-existing condition could be to blame there. I'm also taking Dioxipin for sleep which could be in part the issues that I've had with morning sweats and depression.
    Today I feel mostly back to normal but the last couple of weeks have been scary. It will be great when the medical profession really understands how to treat patients on this medication. I could have used professional support to get through this.

    I owe this board everything... and those senior members who are so active, engaged and care.... You know who you are and you should also know that if it wasn't for you, I would have given up. I'm also grateful for the comrades. The others around the stage I'm in or just starting out. It's encouraging and priceless to know you're not alone.

    OK... Thanks for listening...
    HS

    #2
    My Bac Update

    Wow, HS,

    Good post and thank you for posting.

    I wish I could help you a little bit but I can't. You are on your own, except with the world wide web sitting here behind you and hoping you make and and do it.

    I hate being out there on the "limb."

    You are special for "going out there" and fighting this damned disease/addiction or whatever you want to call it.

    My hat is off to you.

    Love,
    Cindi
    AF April 9, 2016

    Comment


      #3
      My Bac Update

      HS thanks for the honesty!! You have shared info. that will be helpful to me....so thanks again.

      Good for you for realising that eventhough it is tough being sober really is the way to go. That way, you can deal with underlying issues instead of putting your head in the sand and pretending that all is well...or covering it up with a drink. Life my seem difficult now, but work on your issues, and a day will come when you too will think life if wonderful AF!!

      Proud of you!!

      Wonka

      Comment


        #4
        My Bac Update

        Hopeful, thanks so much for sharing. I'm going to print it out and take it with me for my doc consultation. Lots of important nuance in your thoughts.
        It's a marathon and all that, so hang in there. I'm with you in spirit.
        eva

        Comment


          #5
          My Bac Update

          HS, you and I hit the switch at the exact same dose/weight. I also experienced very intense cravings when I missed a dose accidentally. And, I also have intense sugar cravings!!

          Titrating up too quickly almost guarantees scary SE's. I did it more slowly this time and it wasn't so bad, except being EXTREMELY sleepy whenever I increased my dose. I am titrating down now, at 200 currently. I had mild cravings around 6:30pm (175mg in me at that point) but nothing I couldn't overcome.

          Coming here definitely helps.

          Congrats on your success. Life isn't necessarily better without the alcohol. Sometimes its when the challenges begin.

          Hugs to you.

          -P.
          Go before that fire there, at the altar of your heart
          That fire of who you really are and be consumed by it fully
          Surrender everything into the fire of that love until you are one with that love. You ARE that love.
          Tilak Pyle Altar of the Heart

          Comment


            #6
            My Bac Update

            Congratulations to both of you on your successes.
            I indulged my sugar cravings for 5 months on baclofen and for the past 2 months have been exercising and reigning them in. I have lost 15 pounds in past 2 months. (I had probably gained 3-5 during the 5 months of indulgence.). I felt it was OK to take care of what was killing me first (booze) and then get the healthy diet thing going. So far so good.
            sunny

            Comment


              #7
              My Bac Update

              Thanks for the words of encouragement. I didn't mean to sound so blue... I'm really thrilled that this has worked so well for me. I think I'm just still in a state of disbelief.
              So I started a crazy fasting diet today. Today was all fruit which is probably a good way for me to wean off of my insane consumption of sugar lately.
              Otherwise, I remain calm and without any cravings at all. Without complaining, the calm is an interesting sensation... For the most part, it's good for me not to get riled but I also want to feel some of those intense emotions I used to have. It seems that Bac has created somewhat of an indifference to more than just alcohol. Has anyone else observed this?
              Thanks again,
              HS

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by hopefulspirit View Post
                I've been quiet the last couple of weeks for a variety of reasons but mostly because I've needed to sort through my experience with some clarity.
                A quick update is that I've been titrating on Bac since April. I initially drank on it and it caused all kinds of hellacious episodes. I can see how it's easier to jump into the program while drinking but Bac intensified the effects of alcohol before my thirst was quenched. In other words, it made drinking worse but didn't stop me from drinking as much. I was definitely worse before I got better.

                Over the summer I put a halt to drinking for the most part. I don't think this would have been possible without Bac and I'm still amazed at how much it curbed the cravings. What it couldn't do is squelched the emotional connection I have. Even though I can drink more normally on it, it still makes me tipsier earlier and it's just not a good idea for me to drink when I'm at these doses. Up until recently, I remained steady 180 for quite some time. I wish I had a better journal and timeline to share but right now we're going to work off of my memory. A couple of weeks ago, out of impatience and urgency to hit the switch; I titrated up very quickly to 240. At this level, I had no interest in drinking at all but I was also completely out of mind, high on Bac. At the same time I was dealing with a personal issue that exasperated my intake of Bac or visa versa. I'm not sure what happened but I was having a very hard time and despite being "sober", I was acting irrational. Again, my issue was upsetting and no matter what I was "on" would have caused something. What I do notice is that I don't have full-fledge emotional releases on Bac. I don't cry, I don't scream, I'm pretty calm on the outside even though the inside might be falling apart. This is probably much too much information but I'm trying to decipher what is a SE of Bac or just "me" now.

                At this hight dose, I realized that Bac was at least in part the culprit.. sometimes, I need to be hit over the head twice before I get the point. So I jumped down as quickly as I went up and.... (you guessed it) had a relapse. This was last Thursday and the cravings were so intense that I didn't even make the connection that it was the loss of Bac in my system -- I just had to have a drink. (again, hit me twice and I might get it)

                I since resumed my 180 dose and am doing pretty well. I am calm.. I'm dealing with my personal issues more rationally. I think I'll be OK. And for the most part, not drinking because I'm not interested or indifferent.

                I will say that my sugar cravings have been through the roof and I'm not sure if it's a glucose issue or my addictive obsessive nature. All I can say is that anything chocolate is not safe in my company. I have gained a few pounds on Bac and chocolate : )but am hoping that taking L-Glut and going on a strict diet (starting tomorrow) will resolve that issue.

                Have I hit my switch? Probably... It might be a more gradual thing. There are so many posts that I've read on this forum that make sense to me now. It's not a magic bullet... it's more like a magic journey. What you put your mind and body through to get to this stage is as much a part of the healing aspect (I think). I know that I have issues. Not drinking hasn't changed my life for the better and in some ways, it's worse. I'm dealing head on with all the mistakes that I've made, the situation that I'm in... the problems that need to be solved. It's not pleasant sober but it's necessary to be sober. I am envious of the posters that comment on how wonderful life is now. For me, I know that I have really serious underlying issues that put me here that I have to deal with but am at a loss as to how.

                The specifics:
                Female 145 lbs... probably hit switch at 240 mgs. I'm currently taking 3 equal doses of 60 mgs each (exactly what my GP prescribed and thought was the right amount for me).
                My side effects have been intermittent and mostly temporary. Sensorial vibrations, tinnitus, I had some very scary dizzies but a pre-existing condition could be to blame there. I'm also taking Dioxipin for sleep which could be in part the issues that I've had with morning sweats and depression.
                Today I feel mostly back to normal but the last couple of weeks have been scary. It will be great when the medical profession really understands how to treat patients on this medication. I could have used professional support to get through this.

                I owe this board everything... and those senior members who are so active, engaged and care.... You know who you are and you should also know that if it wasn't for you, I would have given up. I'm also grateful for the comrades. The others around the stage I'm in or just starting out. It's encouraging and priceless to know you're not alone.

                OK... Thanks for listening...
                HS
                bump

                Comment

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