I've been quiet the last couple of weeks for a variety of reasons but mostly because I've needed to sort through my experience with some clarity.
A quick update is that I've been titrating on Bac since April. I initially drank on it and it caused all kinds of hellacious episodes. I can see how it's easier to jump into the program while drinking but Bac intensified the effects of alcohol before my thirst was quenched. In other words, it made drinking worse but didn't stop me from drinking as much. I was definitely worse before I got better.
Over the summer I put a halt to drinking for the most part. I don't think this would have been possible without Bac and I'm still amazed at how much it curbed the cravings. What it couldn't do is squelched the emotional connection I have. Even though I can drink more normally on it, it still makes me tipsier earlier and it's just not a good idea for me to drink when I'm at these doses. Up until recently, I remained steady 180 for quite some time. I wish I had a better journal and timeline to share but right now we're going to work off of my memory. A couple of weeks ago, out of impatience and urgency to hit the switch; I titrated up very quickly to 240. At this level, I had no interest in drinking at all but I was also completely out of mind, high on Bac. At the same time I was dealing with a personal issue that exasperated my intake of Bac or visa versa. I'm not sure what happened but I was having a very hard time and despite being "sober", I was acting irrational. Again, my issue was upsetting and no matter what I was "on" would have caused something. What I do notice is that I don't have full-fledge emotional releases on Bac. I don't cry, I don't scream, I'm pretty calm on the outside even though the inside might be falling apart. This is probably much too much information but I'm trying to decipher what is a SE of Bac or just "me" now.
At this hight dose, I realized that Bac was at least in part the culprit.. sometimes, I need to be hit over the head twice before I get the point. So I jumped down as quickly as I went up and.... (you guessed it) had a relapse. This was last Thursday and the cravings were so intense that I didn't even make the connection that it was the loss of Bac in my system -- I just had to have a drink. (again, hit me twice and I might get it)
I since resumed my 180 dose and am doing pretty well. I am calm.. I'm dealing with my personal issues more rationally. I think I'll be OK. And for the most part, not drinking because I'm not interested or indifferent.
I will say that my sugar cravings have been through the roof and I'm not sure if it's a glucose issue or my addictive obsessive nature. All I can say is that anything chocolate is not safe in my company. I have gained a few pounds on Bac and chocolate : )but am hoping that taking L-Glut and going on a strict diet (starting tomorrow) will resolve that issue.
Have I hit my switch? Probably... It might be a more gradual thing. There are so many posts that I've read on this forum that make sense to me now. It's not a magic bullet... it's more like a magic journey. What you put your mind and body through to get to this stage is as much a part of the healing aspect (I think). I know that I have issues. Not drinking hasn't changed my life for the better and in some ways, it's worse. I'm dealing head on with all the mistakes that I've made, the situation that I'm in... the problems that need to be solved. It's not pleasant sober but it's necessary to be sober. I am envious of the posters that comment on how wonderful life is now. For me, I know that I have really serious underlying issues that put me here that I have to deal with but am at a loss as to how.
The specifics:
Female 145 lbs... probably hit switch at 240 mgs. I'm currently taking 3 equal doses of 60 mgs each (exactly what my GP prescribed and thought was the right amount for me).
My side effects have been intermittent and mostly temporary. Sensorial vibrations, tinnitus, I had some very scary dizzies but a pre-existing condition could be to blame there. I'm also taking Dioxipin for sleep which could be in part the issues that I've had with morning sweats and depression.
Today I feel mostly back to normal but the last couple of weeks have been scary. It will be great when the medical profession really understands how to treat patients on this medication. I could have used professional support to get through this.
I owe this board everything... and those senior members who are so active, engaged and care.... You know who you are and you should also know that if it wasn't for you, I would have given up. I'm also grateful for the comrades. The others around the stage I'm in or just starting out. It's encouraging and priceless to know you're not alone.
OK... Thanks for listening...
HS
A quick update is that I've been titrating on Bac since April. I initially drank on it and it caused all kinds of hellacious episodes. I can see how it's easier to jump into the program while drinking but Bac intensified the effects of alcohol before my thirst was quenched. In other words, it made drinking worse but didn't stop me from drinking as much. I was definitely worse before I got better.
Over the summer I put a halt to drinking for the most part. I don't think this would have been possible without Bac and I'm still amazed at how much it curbed the cravings. What it couldn't do is squelched the emotional connection I have. Even though I can drink more normally on it, it still makes me tipsier earlier and it's just not a good idea for me to drink when I'm at these doses. Up until recently, I remained steady 180 for quite some time. I wish I had a better journal and timeline to share but right now we're going to work off of my memory. A couple of weeks ago, out of impatience and urgency to hit the switch; I titrated up very quickly to 240. At this level, I had no interest in drinking at all but I was also completely out of mind, high on Bac. At the same time I was dealing with a personal issue that exasperated my intake of Bac or visa versa. I'm not sure what happened but I was having a very hard time and despite being "sober", I was acting irrational. Again, my issue was upsetting and no matter what I was "on" would have caused something. What I do notice is that I don't have full-fledge emotional releases on Bac. I don't cry, I don't scream, I'm pretty calm on the outside even though the inside might be falling apart. This is probably much too much information but I'm trying to decipher what is a SE of Bac or just "me" now.
At this hight dose, I realized that Bac was at least in part the culprit.. sometimes, I need to be hit over the head twice before I get the point. So I jumped down as quickly as I went up and.... (you guessed it) had a relapse. This was last Thursday and the cravings were so intense that I didn't even make the connection that it was the loss of Bac in my system -- I just had to have a drink. (again, hit me twice and I might get it)
I since resumed my 180 dose and am doing pretty well. I am calm.. I'm dealing with my personal issues more rationally. I think I'll be OK. And for the most part, not drinking because I'm not interested or indifferent.
I will say that my sugar cravings have been through the roof and I'm not sure if it's a glucose issue or my addictive obsessive nature. All I can say is that anything chocolate is not safe in my company. I have gained a few pounds on Bac and chocolate : )but am hoping that taking L-Glut and going on a strict diet (starting tomorrow) will resolve that issue.
Have I hit my switch? Probably... It might be a more gradual thing. There are so many posts that I've read on this forum that make sense to me now. It's not a magic bullet... it's more like a magic journey. What you put your mind and body through to get to this stage is as much a part of the healing aspect (I think). I know that I have issues. Not drinking hasn't changed my life for the better and in some ways, it's worse. I'm dealing head on with all the mistakes that I've made, the situation that I'm in... the problems that need to be solved. It's not pleasant sober but it's necessary to be sober. I am envious of the posters that comment on how wonderful life is now. For me, I know that I have really serious underlying issues that put me here that I have to deal with but am at a loss as to how.
The specifics:
Female 145 lbs... probably hit switch at 240 mgs. I'm currently taking 3 equal doses of 60 mgs each (exactly what my GP prescribed and thought was the right amount for me).
My side effects have been intermittent and mostly temporary. Sensorial vibrations, tinnitus, I had some very scary dizzies but a pre-existing condition could be to blame there. I'm also taking Dioxipin for sleep which could be in part the issues that I've had with morning sweats and depression.
Today I feel mostly back to normal but the last couple of weeks have been scary. It will be great when the medical profession really understands how to treat patients on this medication. I could have used professional support to get through this.
I owe this board everything... and those senior members who are so active, engaged and care.... You know who you are and you should also know that if it wasn't for you, I would have given up. I'm also grateful for the comrades. The others around the stage I'm in or just starting out. It's encouraging and priceless to know you're not alone.
OK... Thanks for listening...
HS
Comment