New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - in from work. Overdid it last night but felt fine this morning - it is as if I know I only have until tuesday so am cramming it in - how stupid is that! My 2 or 3 has slowly been escalating to 3 or 4 then last night I had 5 or 6 - I think I poured most of the last one away and then started guzzling water as if it was going out of style!! So apart from feeling tired today, felt fine. STUPID!

Anyway - my reasons for doing this - yes, I know it should be for me and it really is - BUT a really good motivation - and a kick up the rear - BOB - my Big Older Brother, needs to stop too. we did it together before - and there was no way that I was going to let him 'win'. I would NOT start before he did!! SO - he needs to stop and I have said I will join him. He has a very high pressure job, which he does really well - I am so proud of him - but he needs to be able to focus, which is hard to do when you have been drinking the night before, plus his wife has been complaining - of course, the fact that she drinks, doesn't come into it does it?? LOL Anyway, for the sake of his marriage, his job and his health, we are going to do this together, so I HAVE to be there for him - and also, do it for me. It is the perfect time and motivation for me. So, Tuesday is my last day of drinking. I had planned on cutting down before then - but am off Tuesday and thinking "oh my gosh - Tuesday is the last day I can drink". I KNOW I won't sleep Wednesday night and will probably have night sweats - am dreading all of that - but I CAN do this. I WILL do this. The Topa doesn't seem to do much at the lower doses for me as you all know. The Carr book - you asked about it Play - is a book by Allen Carr called the Easy Way to Stop (or Control - not sure) Your Drinking. Some people really like it, others don't. I am one of those who do. He changes your mindset. Years ago, before I ever went on Topa, I stopped with this book - of course, I obviously started again......but I like it. Some do, some don't. You need to read it and see for yourself. Working in a bookstore, if ever I see anyone lurking in that section, I will often go over and offer my tuppence worth to customers - which sometimes is hard - they are embarrassed - but I try to be open and honest. it is a good book. I think anyway.

The chap who quit cold turkey with the gallon of rum a day is AGUYFROMNY - you can look at the members list and find his posts - he has done amazingly well - he started AF at the end of Nov and is still AF. I am so proud of him.

How are you all doing? I am sitting here thinking I need to get my Carr book out and carry on with where I was - I am about half way through - need to get my head together. Golly - I am going to need support!!

love and hugs to you all,

love, sun XXX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun and All,

So, it looks like we may have some new faces here, I'm sad for their problems but happy that they have found this site and that they can join us here. I'm glad people are still interested in Topa too as Bac still sounds too SEy for me, perhaps it is just because Topa has so far worked so well for me with really no SE at all after the first three days. So Sun, your brother is just going to stop "cold turkey", yuck, and you too, yuck, do you have something to help you sleep a little. Your brother has been thru this before it sounds like, like we all have. I'm glad you are doing it with him, it really helps to have the support. Is he part of this site?

The CARR book sounds interesting I'm going to buy it off Amazon, probably get it really cheap, a used copy. I've been holding my own pretty well. Just about every night I have had either a half or small whole glass of wine, the holidays have made it extremely hard to really not have wine around the dinner table and since I'm trying to be a "social drinker" it seems the thing to do is to have one glass. I do notice that today I seem to kind of "want" one tonight where I didn't feel that for the last few nights, but I'm not going to worry about it, I think over all I'm doing extremely well. I've also lost 6 pounds since I started this whole thing about 3 weeks ago and haven't tried to do anything differently, just haven't felt like eating as much. I had gained 20 pounds from taking Gabapentin for chronic pain so I'm happy if I end up losing it but I hadn't known that was a possible side effect.

I will close for now, cooking for the picky eater grandson, hope all are doing well and hope to hear from some of you soon.

love and hugs, playland

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there Play - yes, we night be seeing some new faces - I replied to a post on the meds forum and told Best about us here - hopefully she will find us.....

BOB and I have both done this before - he finds it easy to stop cold turkey and does it often - but then finds it just as easy to start again - whereas once I am stopped, I won't start again this time - 8 months last time!! BOB can just say "I am going to stop tomorrow and that is it - it amazes me the way he can do it - when he drinks he drinks way more than me too. he doesn't seem to have an off switch whereas I can stop before I get drunk, or have had too much. I take melatonin at night anyway and will continue to take that - I can't take anything else as I am too sensitive to stuff and it makes me too groggy the next day. I will be fine - the first few days will be worst, and after that it shouldn't be too bad. I MUST do this. I WILL do this.

I too, think you are doing well - and no, don't worry about the kind of 'wanting' a glass - if all you are having is 1/2 or a whole small glass, I would be well pleased with that. when I was just drinking 1 or 2 guinness a night I wasn't too worried, but then it started to escalate again. THAT was what got me worried. For now, you are doing well - I am so pleased and happy for you. And yeh too for losing the 6 lbs! I assume that is a good thing? Yes, if you had gained 20 from taking Gaba.

Re cooking for the picky eater grandson - isn't it ironic - when I was little, I had to eat what everyone else had - my grandmother wouldn't have dreamed of cooking me and my sibs anything different, yet now it seems we all cater to the little ones and cook them something different to us! At Christmas lunch, my daughter cooked her two children a different meal to us! Funny how times change - or maybe it is 'cos we didn't have the money back then to cater to a picky eater - if I was hungry and didn't like what was on the table I was offered bread and dripping !!! LOL Oh well - such is life.

Have a wonderful - SOBER New years Eve Play - Be safe - talk later.

hugs, Sun XX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun, I like the melatonin too, it really does it for me, at least it gets me to sleep nicely, I use the under the tongue kind. I can't believe your brother is able to just stop drinking so easily, I couldn't stop for even one night, I had absolutely no will power, hmmm. The only reason I was cooking something that my grandson liked was because he was with me without his parents, they are super strict, like tyrants, they have pretty much gotten into a negative power struggle with him, he is at that independent stage, they say yes, he says no and so it goes on and on and on, it makes me tired, but oh well, it is their struggle.

I have to say that this christmas has been so very stressful with the family all together, the alcoholic pot-head ex-husband, the alcoholic almost son, the pessimistic younger daughter, the authoritarian older daughter and her culture stressed husband and extremely active independent 4 year old son, the grandmother who all the children believe has gone round the bend and has nothing relevant to add to the mix anymore, I guess you can tell I'm feeling a little down and if it weren't for the topa I would be drowning it all out every night, but instead I'm just wanting it, tonight more than a little, luckily nobody is drinking tonight so I guess I won't either. I'm really kind of anxious for this whole visit to be over even tho I do miss them so terribly when they go back home and I won't see them for so long again, but the stress level will be more manageable for me at this extremely vulnerable time, I guess, I hope, I really don't want to lose it after all the progress that I have made.

Well, I will go for now, will probably be back later after dinner.
Hugs to all,
Playland

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning Play! Oh I understand the stresses of having family visit - not that it happens much for me - my mum lives in UK. Knows that I try and watch the drink when she is here so is saying "Go on - have a drink" all the time !!! I am so proud of you that you ARE managing to hold it together. I have been re-reading the Carrt book - picked up where I left off, but I needed the extra boost. I did soirt of start the beginning of the end last night - didn't have any Guinness - my ONLY drink as a rule - and had two Kahlua and milks earlier in the day so my evening was AF - had a dreadful nights sleep and sweated loads! A look at the next few nights to come I think. Still, I am feeling much better about it and much more confident that I can do it. I bought some L-Glut as everyone says it can help with cravings and some Calcium Magnesium too as that is supposed to help as well. I have my plan!! Tuesday is my day off - that might be hard for me - or not. I had planned on Wednesday as then I was thinking I could drink Tuesday - which was silly of course! I will see how things go. I work every day after Tuesday until the following Tuesday- a 6 day run which is good - no days off. I am feeling good about it and pleased that I am finally going to get out from under this Beast - yet again!! Last time when I did it for the 8 months, when i started again, I thought I could just have the odd one now and again - ROTFLMBO !!! I think not!!

I work tonight until close and was thinking I would have one Kahlua and milk when I come home then go to bed. You are doing great - and I am going to as well!!

love and hugs to you Play -

Sun XX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Sun, so happy to have you as a friend, we are almost the same age with some of the same stressors, I don't have anyone in my daily life that I talk to about this stuff, it's really nice to be here. I've been thinking about your 8 months AF and last night when I was thinking about how nice it might be to kind of lose myself in alcohol then I thought OMG I don't want to go back to that life. I'm reminding myself that probably the longer you go AF the easier it can get to think that you can be just a normal drinker and then it just creeps back into your life before you realize it, probably did that to you when you started drinking again after those 8 months. I guess I need to have a very strict rule for myself that I can never drink more than one glass of wine no matter what and I can never drink two nights in a row, I'm just trying to come up with a plan for social drinking, if it doesn't work then I can't drink at all. My other plan is that as soon as everyone leaves I am going to start listening to my hypnosis CDS in the evenings to reinforce the "mind" thing. I hated the ones I bought from MWO but loved some that I bought online, so I'm hoping that might add to the strength of extinguishing the cravings for me, I seem to be pretty open to suggestion, and I'm ordering the CARR book today, it sounds like it has something to do with suggestion also.

Sun, it sounds like you have struggled for so long starting and stopping, I so hope for you to be successful, it is such torture and disappointment to keep going thru it over and over again, I have also done it so much in the past, I never really stopped, I only had the intention but it never carried thru, and I always hated myself every day for it, I hope I don't have to go back to that miserable life either. I will be thinking of you every day and sending loving energy to you to help you have strength and courage. Working everyday will help too, having too much time off is a disaster I know that for sure.

Sun, you have given me so much inspiration and hope and thank you so much for being here, I truly thank the Universe for you. Will be checking on you today and tomorrow.

love, play

[MWOLady]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

well, Ladies, I was AF for 10 YEARS and it crept back into my life one New Years Eve....slowly I got back to drinking every day but I always new it was not going to work...so here I am again. Day One!!! Much more optimistic now even though I still have the same problems. Got to work on them too!!!! My step daughter just told me she has some Topamax from a long ago prescription for her ADHD and she's going to let me try them. If the SE's are awful I won't bother, but sure nice to not have to go my lousy doctor, or order on-line!!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Lady, nice to meet you, or do I call you MWO? OMG, ten years and you started again, I guess we have to be constantly aware of the slightest increase in our drinking, I'm scared to death every time I feel the slightest craving.

I just started the Topa about 3 weeks ago and had very few SE and only the first three days, a very spacey feeling, some tingling in my lips, some word mix ups, feeling of being in slow motion, then after that absolutely nothing more. I am on 25 AM and PM and had immediate disinterest in alcohol after three days, quite miraculous. Anyway, please keep posting and let us know how it goes.

Talk soon,
Play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning Play and lady - Lady - welcome to our thread - I have to ask - what mg are the Topa your step daughter has and how old are they? I had some Topa that were not that old that I found and used them and they didn't seem to do any thing (didn't get the tingling etc). And you really need to follow the titration schedule as well - I jumped in one time when I had stopped and started the Topa - and again, it didn't work!!!! How did you manage to quit when you gave up before? TEN years - and yet you now find yourself back at the beginning again? Oh gosh - that is such a scary thought. I know when I quit just for the 8 months, when i started again I thought I could just have the odd one or two - but it soon escalated. If I learn from you, it looks as if I cannot do that. Poor you - but at least you know you CAN do it!! And you are a good example for folk like me who think I might be able to just have that one or two - I will think of you when it crosses my mind!! Thank you so much for joining our thread - you have given me hope that it can be done!!

Play - yes, I so agree that there is no-one else that we can talk to about this - and I never in a million years would have thought I would be chatting to people on-line about it - but everyone here is just so nice - ordinary people just like me! It IS good to have someone like you to chat with - as you said, we are similar ages and similar stressors. Yes - I DID think, after 8 months that I could have just the odd one or two - stupid thinking. But, as you said, as long as you keep a close eye on it and don't drink two nights in a row, and never more than a glass, you will be fine. I thought I could moderate but I know I can't.

This time, I WILL be successful - it feels different and I am not going to let my brither down either - or myself for that matter. Last night I had 2 Kahlua and Milk - not my usual Guinness, so although I still drank - it wasn't the same. Might be fooling myself, but am changing the habit already. Still have a small amount of Kahlua left and will have that today. we do have AL in the house but it is nothing I would drink. I hope that you like the Carr book - people either seem to love it or hate it. I love it (obviously) - he says it is nothing to do with willpower at all - it is a mindset and he gets you to change your mind. With enough repetition and logic to convince me - I just have to keep in handy by my bed to access it periodically. there is another one by Jason Vale that others prefer but the Vale one did nothing for me - Vale worked with Carr and used a lot of his stuff.

I always have to smile when anyone on here says I have given them inspiration and/or hope - I feel I am a terrible example of finding MWO!!! But I do keep trying. I appreciate the loving energy coming my way - I will take all I can get. But I am feeling good and positive. See you later maybe? Oh - by the way - when you have those thoughts about how nice it would be to lose yourself in AL - how great that you managed to catch your thoughts and came to your senses!! Go You!!

Hugs, Sun X

[MWOLady]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all. Sunshinedaisies - Yes it's hard to believe now that I did not drink anything for 10 years. I was really drinking hard, living in the same town with my MOTHER who for me was the witch from hell. And I was so unhappy, living on welfare and no job prospects in this dinky little town. and I was smoking up a storm. I'd walk through a snow storm to return beer bottles for the refund then hit the LCBO for more beer - and I HATE beer!!!

Anyway one day I just figured I'd had enough so I looked in the phone book for some help and came up with a government program. I made an appointment and saw a wonderful lady who was a phychiatric nurse (sp?). She asked me what the real problem was. I told her my mother was driving me nuts and I wanted to get away. She said "well, go then." And I said "you mean I can just leave?" And she said yes.

Unbelievable to me that all I had to do was pack up and move!!!! I did not have an easy time as my parents really tried to sabotage my leaving. I left with my son at 1am and drove through fog and rain and got the ferry from Nova Scotia to New Brunswick and then drove all day to Montreal and we were with my wonderful sister and her family for about 5 months. I got back on my feet and was great for about 10 years.

But then: I met my present DH and got involved again with people who's whole social life revolved around drinking. And it got worse and worse. My volume was not usually high and I got really drunk only about 5 times over the past 10 years but I knew in my heart that the amount drunk has NO relevance to how addicted you are.

Anyway sorry to be so long but the bottom line is that there are drinkers everywhere and I just have to not be one of them. I have a long list of excuses ready!!! And with my Tool Box ready I'm good to go!

Sorry this is sooooooo long! Have a great day everyone.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh Lady - you were so brave to pick up and leave! And that was wonderful of your sister to help you get on your feet again! It must have been hard for you to actually do it but I am proud of you for leaving.

Are you still with DH now? (being nosy - sorry)...and no, the amount drunk has no relevance at all - I don't get drunk - I have been tipsy - but not drunk in many many years - I hate hangovers with a passion and always stop before I get to the point where I know I will have one. then I was to the point where I would only have 2 drinks (always Guinness) a day and was quite happy with that - but it was still a problem as it was EVERY day. So, no, the amount drunk has no bearing on whether it is a problem or not - in my head, if I think I have a porblem, then I do - and I know I do. Drinking every day is not normal. Hence me being at MWO. You said over the past 10 years you have been drinking - so you were AF for 10 years, then have been slowly going up over the past 10? And now plan on quitting? Do you aim to be AF again? It is so easy to get caught up in it again - without even knowing it is happening. then by the time you see what has happened, you are deep in it again. Which is why this time, it really is going to be it for me.

Never worry about posting long posts - we all do at times - it is good to hear about you - and sometimes we need to vent or just talk ....sharing is good. What tools are you planning on using? I am ready to hear anything that might help me..... this isn't an easy road and I am so pleased that we have others going along the same path with us.

Hugs, sun

[MWOLady]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yes, I'm planning on quitting for good this time, and staying that way. Trying to moderate is just not working out. Waking up each morning and thinking about drinking, wishing I had not the night before, worrying about drinking this night, hating the whole thing....I just can't live like that. I just took my first .50 of Topa and will continue with this for a few weeks to see how the SE's are before ordering more. I'm using some old stuff my step daughter had from years ago. I'm feeling pretty spacy but not too bad so they are still ok I guess. They are 100 tablets and they are not supposed to be crushed so can't get them smaller to take only the recommended .25 - but I will follow the book's recommendations as best I can!! I'm also taking the amino acids, 5HTP, GABA, lots of B's and biotin and selenium for hair loss, lots of D, and C too. I'm sloshing and rattling when I walk!!!! I feel pretty tired and spacy now but nothing I can't deal with.

Oh, and I also use a light therapy panel in the mornings and that has really helped me get to sleep at night. So I'm on my way to feeling better! Yes, I'm still with the same DH! He's really a wonderful guy even though I complain about him sometimes - he loves me dearly and is very good to me. But nobody is perfect, and I'm certainly not!! I asked him today if he noticed that I had been in a much better mood lately and he said yes! So the 5HTP and GABA are certainly working to mellow me out.

Hope you are having a good day. I'l going to set up my new IMac so have to get off here. See you tomorrow.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there everyone - well - here we go! Although yesterday I only had a drink in the afternoon - HAD to have my last one - LOL and then that was it - so it was with some trepidation that I went to bed last night, thinking I wouldn't sleep - took a melatonin as I usually do - and really had a good nights sleep -what a surprise that was to me! I slept pretty much as normal. I have been cutting down over the past few days preparing myself but even so, I was surprised. I work the closing shift tonight and instead of coming on the computer chatting when I get home, will probably just have some water and go straight to bed - well, will post probably on the Journey thread, then go to bed - try and change routine.

Lady - I too am taking L-Glut and am wondering if that is making it easier - how much are you taking? I am also taking Kudzu from MWO. I can't take 5HTP 'cos I take celexa. How are you feeling on the 50mg? Playland felt spacy when she first took her Topa - I don't recall feeling that. but I think she said that went away after a few days. I am sure she will be along soon and can let you know. I am glad the tabs are still good. I am pleased that DH is a good guy - so many of them here aren't. Mine is too - been married for almost 30 years and love him dearly. I saw on one of your other posts though that you live in a drinky area - that will make it so much harder for you. At least no-one else apart from Hubs, drinks - or expects me to. Hubs said he is going to join me when he has finished what he has.......but I won't hold my breath - but then he might surprise me. he can be very determined when he wants to be and has an iron will at times.

Play - how are you doing? getting back to normal now everyone has gone? I love tidying the house and getting it back to normal after having guests! I like routine and NORMAL. not that I love tidying the house if you get my drift! I just like the end result. I did sort my meditation room yesterday so it is nice and sorted - no excuses now not to do my yoga and med.

See you all later....
Hugs, sun X

[MWOLady]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi sunny. I'm liking the L-glut. (edit) I take it in 1000 chewable tabs and take one sometimes three a day. I take it first thing and then when I think about it. It's a pain to have to take it on an empty stomach because I forget... but I try to take it before supper as that's the witching hour. As for the 5HTP and GABA well I'm having a little difficulty there. I read in The Mood Cure that if you get a little headachy that means you're topped up and don't need the aminos anymore. And I do feel a tad headachy.

But I really like the spacey feeling and don't want to stop - I guess I'm substituting that feeling for the buzz eh? Not good but geezzzzz gotta cut myself some slack here!! Any advice? Is there a cut off point for the aminos in your opinion. I'll be taking my second dose of topa this afternoon. I have a good feeling about this therapy. I know so well this honeymoon period. Sure I am indifferent now but that will fade and I'll be grabbing the wine bottle again in no time. So I have to use this tool to make sure this is my LAST QUIT.

Have a great day.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

MWOLady;1238011 wrote:

I'm also taking the amino acids, 5HTP, GABA, lots of B's and biotin and selenium for hair loss, lots of D, and C too. I'm sloshing and rattling when I walk!!!! I feel pretty tired and spacy now but nothing I can't deal with.

Hi Lady, what of these do you take for hair loss?