New here and starting Topa and with a question

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning All!

Mimi – Hello! And great job on turning back around at the door! Something I know I could not pull off just yet. *sigh* So yes –it IS the small victories we need to celebrate as we work toward our goals – whatever they may be!

Play – That’s great news about no surgery (at least for now)! That must be so scary and I am not sure what I would be doing in your shoes – you are one strong lady! I TOTALLY agree with you on the MWO hypo tapes. HA! That guy just creeped me out! When I first started this journey (WAY too many years ago) I bought EVERYTHING. Book, tapes, All In One, all the supps until I felt like a rattled when I walked, tapes, etc. I thought it was only me having trouble with tapes until a few others mentioned it and it made me laugh. They hit the bin long ago … I am also curious as to what tapes you find better.

Dizzy – Hoping the magnesium is helping! I had to laugh about your cleaner making noise about your cottage being messy. Well, being clean would put HER out of a job right away wouldn’t it now then? HA! I have a housekeeper as well and some weeks I feel sorry for her. LOL I try to just “put things away” B4 she comes mostly because if I don’t it either it 1) does not look really cleaned or 2) she puts stuff away and it becomes a game of me trying to find stuff! My housekeeper jokes that I keep her in a job - bless her soul.

Understand about your Dad, the smoking and the “mix/balance” that seems to be working right now. Tough spot and I can see why no one would want to rock the boat so soon.

My dog is a Golden Retriever and a rescue and he is the love of my life. The 3rd one I have owned. LOVES everyone and every other dog and adores cats. Quite the character!

Hang in there and rants always welcome here – we all need a place to vent from time to time!

Sun! – First – NEVER apologize for a long post – I love em! But sorry to hear you are feeling some bumps in the road right now. And also I guess as a vegan you do not each fish either?

And my response on All-One: No clue. I was so loaded up on that and so any other supps I wasn’t sure what was working and not working. I did find it a bit messy to take as the only way I could get it down was in orange juice. The washing out the shaker glass then opening and counting supps form another 8-10 bottles or so. To be honest – it just got to be too much and I got too lazy to keep it up.

As for the L-Glut – I find that simple. Approx 2 Tsp in about an inch or so of water and I just keep my small glass and the canister next to my sink. No flavor and I take a few hurs after I have been up (when that first wine would call if it was in the house) and then again when I get home. If I am at home all day I will take it at least one more time and sometimes a 4th time in one day. My biggest struggle is remembering to take my 25 Topa when I am at work! I forgot it again yesterday so did 25 at 5 PM and 50 at 730 PM and was sound sleep by 830 PM. Just kicking it up 25 mg brings back the tired which I can hold at bay until I get home – but then just drop!

Houtx ! - Chica, You have been on my mind with the tornados and had not seen you on FB! Glad to see you hear!

I am still running through my batch of Topa from River from the last time. No major shakes this time around (like before Greece), but little rumblings and feeling a sense of determination again. And yep Houtx – we WOULD party! HA! And I hear you on the “starting earlier” thing – something I NEVER used to do! We can’t forget: It’s a progressive thing …. *sigh* I’ll send you some of my Topa stash if you want to jump back in – I bought quite a bit last time …

And so with all those thoughts, I am at Day 2 headed into the 4th week and doing 25/50. I finished last week with slightly an average of over 6 glasses per day. Last night was interesting as I had a bottle at the shop with 2 glasses and one at home with 4 glasses. One glass left and I was FIGHTING with myself for well over and hour to not touch it. Took L-Glut and waited 10 minutes, 20 minutes … all the while telling myself how STUPID I was being (and the beast telling me what the hell just finish the last glass!) I finally just got off the sofa and poured it out. Issue over! HA! So a 5 glass day – and another baby step towards my most current goal of 4 glasses per day.

Very busy at the shop right now so that is a good thing for me. Working on holding back the “starting time”, sticking with the L-Glut and a few other supps. The bad news is, so far I have already lost 11 pounds. Don’t hate me! I can’t afford to lose any weight! Going to gear up higher on Ensure Plus and see if I can get something to stick! I just lose my appetite on Topa and so often am too damn tired to cook when I get home in the evenings.

Off to the shop to sell flowers and bunnies with the pup!

Hugs to All,
WTE

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning to all - Diz - that coffee looks lovely! and and bunny joke is funny!! Houtx, as a middle school teacher, I think you should be allowed to drink! ROTFLMBO !! Seriously - I don't know how you do it - I just couldn't!! I applaud you for doing it and not going crazy! The clock on my page said you posted at 9.51, not the wee hours...... Laughed at you saying no-one mentioned sex - I have been married 30 years - we don't mention sex - LOL. Yes, we all continue to struggle with our demons and I need to get my head straight - yet agin - and I will once I get the AD issue sorted.

Diz - I had no idea that Topa was used - or is helping you, as an AD - I have never heard of it helping in that way before. That is quite something.... I tried the electronic cigs - can't remember what happened with them but obviously they didn't work for me!! Gambling addiction? No - gambling scares me silly - I remember seeing my dad put pennies in the machine at the local pub and being worried that he would make us broke !! I have never gambled and have never wanted to. My addictions are cigs and AL. Yes, I much prefer Guinness to anything else to drink and seeing as wine also has issinglass (something derived from fish) used in the process, I am back to a decision. There is none in the finished product, but it is used in the production. SO, it is between me and my conscience if I drink it or not! Really don't care for wine at all - LOVE guinness and it is good for me.

Hi there WTE - Yes, I have two dogs, both of them rescues - both Shelties - the love of my life, my Maggie died last year from bone cancer as a few of you on here already know, and I still miss her SO much. Ben and Daisy are sweet, but they are not my Maggie. I am a veggie, not a vegan but don't eat fish. Have been veggie for over 40 years. The Al-One is easy to take if you make sure you blend it well - I have it with other stuff and yes, if you leave the container, it is a pain to wash out. But if I have that, I don't need to take any other supps at all. I have upped my Topa another 50 mg last night and made the mistake of taking it at bedtime. It was really hard to get up this morning!! I laughed at the thought of any of us meeting up - my thought exactly is we would have fun!!! Not the right attitude to have really! I mean - thinking - a few drinks???? Go you for pouring that wine out - that is what you said you couldn't do - AND YOU DID IT !!! Way to go my friend!! So sorry to hear of the weight loss though - I maintain my weight with the Topa - I lost initially on it but have never lost more thank goodness. I am about the weight I was when I got married! But you need to watch it WTE as I am sure you do..... Don't blame you for not liking the ensure - yuck.

Hi Play - how are things going with you - come and post - I know things are tough right now, but we need to hear from you. you must keep up with us - LOL. We need your input here too. How are you feeling and how are things going? You must be feeling a tad down on what to do right now - I know I am and am struggling to keep my self upbeat! Life just seems to go pear shaped at times doesn't it? So, we all need to hang in together.........

off to sit on the steps with the dogs......

love and hugs to all, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi I dont normally come on this thread but just read a bit at the top of this page and thought about the All One powder. I have just found some on a place called My Natural Market and its ?31.47 for a big tub not sure about the posting you seem to have to fill in the order form before it tells me.

Also I have been getting bad leg cramps and pains so thanks for the magnesium tip I will try it

:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Forget that, just tried to order some and they dont deliver to UK

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello All ….

Moving forward with those baby steps. Some days easier than others. And Topa Dopa has for some reason kicked in a bit for me this time. Having one heck of a type typing things at the shop without screwing it up. Someone says the name “Shirley” and I have to pause to remember how to spell it! ACK. And I am SO forgetful about taking the Topa on time. Hope fully this SE passes soon as well!

Did pretty good on Day 22 (Wednesday) as I worked all day and we were really busy). Did even better on Day 23 and had a slight temptation to stop for wine on the way home after a REALLY busy day – but didn’t! Yey! AND also pushed my normal “start time” back an hour. Day 24 (Yesterday) I pushed the time back 2 hours without too much trouble as I remembered to take L-Glut to work with and remembered to take it AND my 25 Topa at Noon. Left the shop a bit early and bought one bottle of wine only and what a good feeling (for me) to know that would be just fine for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Sipping slower and knew I would not go out (or order pizza HA!) – but had there been more in the house I know I would have opened it. *sigh* It was a touch of a “oh-oh” feeling as I poured the final glass. AND I forgot to take my evening dose of Topa. Shezzz. So took it early this AM. Now watch me fall asleep at my desk today. HA!

All in all, I have reduced my intake by almost 32% by the end of Week 3 and am on track for an over 50% reduction from where I started if I stay on track for Week 4. Funny how my brain works with this silly little chart I use. I HATE having to put down big numbers and it plays games in my head because I won’t lie on it. I think it is part how I was able to pour that wine out again the other night – I didn’t want to type in a 6! HA!

I woke up this morning being a Saturday going HOORAY …. Then remembered it’s still Easter weekend so I am working. Probably for the best anyways. Sunday and Monday will be my challenges as I am off those two days.

I am struggling with being social or not being “out there” and then what to do with myself. Not that I don’t have a million things that need to be done – it’s just that everything goes with wine! LOL Work in the garden? Wine! Write? (Yes Dizzy- a writer here too)? Wine! Shop paperwork? Wine! Clean out and organize things? Wine! Whatever …. And yet if I go out with friends or a GF I always end up having 2-3 while out and then buy a bottle for home and it blows my whole (current) goal of 4 a day max. So staying a tucked away for now other than work. And I suppose the naps are not all a bad thing as they take away some of the drinking hours – although a bit fewer than when I 1st started back on Topa.

Sun – I do remember Maggie. I can relate so much as I had a Golden for 14 years who was like my child. No dog will ever replace how special she was. I swore I could never do it again when I lost her about 6 years ago. But sure enough, after about a year, I started surfing around and came across an organization up North here in Cali that is a Golden rescue. Long story short, one Friday afternoon I headed up there (6.5 hour drive) to “meet” a few dogs. One was at a foster home, the other I was to meet the next day after another 3 hour drive. Spent the night at a hotel and got up in the morning thinking “what am I crazy? He’s PERFECT” …. And so home he came. I had him for 4 years. They said he was 6 or 7 – was a stray so hard to tell, but my vet thought older. Just about a year ago, running in the hills and him chasing rabbits – he just dropped. As hard as it was on me – I hope we ALL go doing something we love and having so much fun.
br />I told the Golden rescue people, and told them I didn’t think I was quite ready yet for another one. But (you saw this coming HA!) but 6 months ago they called me and said “Boy do we have a shop dog for you!” And so off I went again with a GF. It was love at first sight and he is the most gentle and loving soul that ever walked this earth. He loves everyone and everything and people that come in the shop are amazed he was a rescue. We believe he was a show stud as he is 5 years old and was not fixed. Giant head and paws and very light colored – just a beautiful and amazing dog. Never having had children – my dogs ARE my children and are pretty much with me 24/7. He is another reason to not be drinking so much because I want to run more with him and not be being so lazy because of wine! LOL

As for addiction – if it’s out there, I’ll find it! HA! Not really, but I have had to fight over some real temptations! Never a big drug user although used to smoke pot and small amounts of various other drugs “back in the day”. AL and cigs are also my biggies. I love to gamble although I only do it a few times a year. But when I do I do tend to get carried away a bit. Sex? Nada – Not since my last heartbreak and think that just comes from lack of self-esteem and feeling crappy about myself and this AL issue. Hopefully some even “normal desire” starts return! Blah!

Well … off to the shower and sell more Easter!

Happy Easter (or however you celebrate) to all of you!

Bless,
WTE

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi gals

I have been out today on a road trip to the Stellenbosh winelands area but no wine. It is Autumn here and the first rainy day so we had lovely soup at this old rustic bakery. It was very yum and I got to meet my friends little 3 month old kitten, who is just the most adorable thing I have seen in months. If I had a bigger handbag… I can honestly say that it was a lot of fun to hang out during the day and chat without being hung over or drunk and it helped that they didn’t drink either.

I try to surround myself with people who do not drink out of choice (not alkies/recovering or not although I obviously have these friends too) And so far most nights I must say I just watch a movie. I wake up in a really good mood but I start getting tired by 5 and by 8 I give myself permission to just have a nice bath and retire with a movie or a book. Last night I spent 3 hours on Skype with my b/f and that was great fun, he even asked me if I was drinking as I started getting the giggles after this ridiculous story he told me. Anyway its sometimes tough and as today is day 12 and may aim is either four or six weeks I sometimes feel the very claustrophobic feeling of let me out! Or just let me have one! But I really want to lose some weight – 5 kilos and half my wardrobe would fit again. And I know NOW is the time.

I have planted lots of herbs and veggies and I managed to make some mung bean and lentil sprouts yesterday - they are lovely and healthy. They have lots of magnesium and potassium and are really easy to make, you just pop them in water overnight and then rinse them twice a day for 3 days. A great antidote for the nutrients Topa sucks from us, especially potassium and magnesium, as well as cheap and easy: Nutrition Facts and Analysis for Lentils, sprouted, raw

Sun - I doubt any doctor will prescribe Topamax as an AD unless they have already tried a variety of other AD's and then at least two other mood stabilisers because of the side effects It was developed as an anti seizure drug but they now use it for bipolar, treatment resistant depression, post traumatic stress disorder, overeaters, etc. the list go on.

It would be funny to imagine all of us in a pub or restaurant with wine. Hahaha. And why not, I mean since it’s a fantasy or would only happen once. B/f did mention going to the US last night, he wants to visit Boston and then go South. I said as long as I can see New Orleans. Not that I know much about it, just love the musical history.

WTE – To be honest the hypno just makes me think of drinking more and it can be quite annoying. I like Paul Mckenna’s hypno CD’s though. The magnesium is helping thanks and thanks for making me feel a bit better about the mess. We had a Golden Retriever when I was in high school – I let my mom save him – Fagan - from the shelter as he looked like the most depressed dog there. He cheered up no end and we had him for six years before he was in a fight with an Oryx (probably have to google it, its a big deer from Namibia, not sure if you get it in the rest of the world as well) We lived in a desert town so it was not such a weird occurrence. Anyway, they are lovely dogs and I still miss him, even though he smelled a bit.

You’re starting to make me say ha! And I’ve noticed others say ha! Maybe you should trademark ha! Why add three more ha!s if one will do

Sorry the Dopa part is striking you. Perhaps consider taking Omega 3 (yes, I know but Omega 3 is really good for lots of stuff) Congrats on the one bottle though – that’s a big achievement – I know as I went from two bottles to one before and although most people would think jeez, whats she moaning about one bottle is LITTLE is you are starting early and used to two. (I used to start at lunch time as well) About how you connect everything to wine, just remember that’s just because you are drinking with everything. I said previously I needed wine to wake up/chill out/energise/inspire/etc. And guess what I am doing all of those things on my own now.

That is the main reason I’m taking the Antabuse for a month, to break my false programming that I *need* to drink to do anything. I would like to share a bottle of wine with friends because I’d *like* to, not lie on the couch and drink a bottle by myself because I *need* to. As you’re doing baby steps maybe pick one activity – perhaps working at the shop? Or working in the garden? Where you do not allow yourself to drink. Maybe choose something you do earlier in the day so you don’t end up despising something you normally enjoy Otherwise just work on starting an hour/half hour later every week, it really worked for me on the smoking front. Just an idea. Good luck on your days off and don’t be too hard on yourself. I’m sure you need some time to relax after the Easter rush.

Spacebebe – I think all-one.com sells it, they quoted me 100 dollars in postage though, that’s why I considered buying 6 of the 66 day tins to get 35% discount. And if you subscribe to their newsletter you get 15% discount on your first order.

Enjoy whats left of Easter and those easter eggs.



Lots of hugs,
XOX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im loving this thread, been trying to speed read thru but I want to go back and read properly:l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

:welcome:
Good luck, it took me a week!
I really love it here although its only been about three weeks since I rocked up. Lots of regulars who are caring and supportive and most of all forgiving. We have different goals and we mess up but there is always time for a smile or a joke and a word of encouragement.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh wow I hadnt looked how many pages there are, I dont take topa I just like the way you are all so friendly on the thread. I was AF for around 6 months on antabuse then drank 24/7 vodka for about 6 days but I had kind of been waiting to do that before it happened so Ive been looking round for inspiration on what to do now. I dont want ot go back to just not drinking with AB I feel like I need something new. I do already take low dose bac and am staying on that.

Anyway good luck tops

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm not always online like this I just grew fascinated by sprouts so I've been researching sprouts for the last few hours - is that weird? Did you know you could sprout beetroot? Topa's hard on your body so I'm researching ways on cutting down supplements.



I think I can speak for everyone when I say we don't care if you take Topa or Bac or anything else. Most people here have been on and off and then on again, as long as you have a goal of cutting down or are supportive of cutting down in general and are supportive when someone has chose to quit - then cool.

Firstly - congratulations on your six months sober. The longest time I've ever been sober was a month and a day and that was while I was in rehab but I have done just under a month on my own before. I find it much easier on the Topa but my ultimate goal is not to quit, just to break my daily 'happy hour' habit.

Secondly - how are you doing at the moment?

I'm just so thankful to be able to share with other people who understand what it feels like to fight this demon day in and day out and who doesnt judge me when I am bitchy or when I fall, because I have and I will, but thats OK. Because they wont tell me that it was because 'i wasnt trying hard enough' or that 'perhaps i should just not go to the bottle store' or 'coca cola tastes so much better' like people who have never been there and done that and spent time writing here rather than hanging out on youtube or wherever is hip to hang out these days :l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks Dizzy and its great that your doing so well right now. I see your taking AB at the moment, I actually found it quite easy not to drink after the first 2 weeks on it. My problem with it was I felt like I had always felt before when I have gone AF which is Im ok for a while then I am just kind of marking time until I drink again. And when I did drink again I have been right back to a massive vodka bender, so that is what I want to sort out, I dont want to spend the rest of my life of and on the drink having benders like that. Right now For the past 2 evenings I have had 1 can of lager which has done me, that is something I have never done. I have slightly upped the bac and gabapentin and have started taking more suppliments to help me feel better. I am also trying to eat breakfast as that something I hardley ever do. I dont really want to come on here and say I am drinking the can of lager of a night because I really dont want to hear the whole I shouldnt be drinking at all, its the slippery slope and whatever, I havent got it sorted now where near but I am trying.

Thanks for listening x:l

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

You dont have to be sorted out to be here. None of us are really. We are all just trying to find some control., a point where we as individuals feel comfortable - whether thats a bottle of wine, a glass or none. We armostly e a mod group and no one will preach about having a lager or 6.

I think 1 lager is a huge achievent, I've had days like that and it takes willpower esp after coming off a bender. I think upping the meds and keeping your blood sugar up and supplements in check are all positive, responsible steps. Well done.

Bed time. Was nice chatting to you. The thread is too long, skip to the last few pages if you want a quick catch up.

Hugs and do check in again if you feel like a chat.

XOX

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Dear Friends,

Dizzy, WTE, Sun, and everyone else, so nice to read all your posts and thanks for your encouragement and just for thinking of me. Regarding the Topa, I have a feeling that I will start it again after I take a good break from it, a few months at least, I will remember this time to not go above 25/25 and perhaps it will work again for me after taking a few months off, and such a good point, who wants to go blind, I think I will just try to be more careful and pay more attention to any "eye issues" this time around. I guess I just feel that I have to give Topa one more try as it was the only reason that I had a couple of months from the torture of thinking alcohol every minute of every day.

The hypnotherapy tapes that I really loved were from wendi.com, "alcohol freedom", she is one of the only people I have found online that offer really helpful tapes, she offers a refund policy of one year in case you don't like the tapes. The first time that I used the tapes it was absolutely a miracle, withing a week I had no cravings and just couldn't believe it, and so of course I thought, "well, I can do this anytime, I can drink again and then just listen to the tapes when I want to stop", BIG SURPRISE, it didn't work so well the 2nd time, sounds like the Topa doesn't it. Anyway, I haven't had the mental energy to start the tapes yet but I hope to start soon, and then start Topa again in about 3 months.

For those who know about my trip to spain and my "preemie" grand-daughter, she came home yesterday after 8 weeks in the NIKU, she now weighs 5 lbs, her 4 year old brother is overjoyed as we all are and we are just taking it one day at a time.

I've been working on my balcony/patio, my first little outdoor retreat, and it is now full of flowers. The last few days I've been having my wine outside, I'll be happy if I can keep it to one or two glasses per night for now.

hugs and love to you all
play

Love is a Blessing, To Love is a Blessing and To Be Loved is a Blessing!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks dizzy, I too think my 1 lager is a massive achievement and only time will tell what happens in the future for any of us.

Its wonderful new that your grand-daughter is home, everyone must be so happy

I have to go out to my mums soon so will call back later and try and read a bit more of the last few pages to see where you are all at

:l

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So far the topa hasn't helped me. I am taking 75mg. a day and don't want to increase but it doesn't help me to moderate my drinking. Once I start drinking I can't stop.

I hate being an alcoholic and I hate day 1 again.