New here and starting Topa and with a question

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DING DING DING! OK I now KNOW L-Glut is part of my progress. I left this AM for work and a long day. Left home at 730 AM and got back home at just a touch shy of 7 PM. Packed my little baggie of L-Glut in the morning – and left it on my kitchen counter! I had had my normal I one mug of coffee and a dose of L-Glut and an insane round of phone calls with brokers in Europe that started way too early .. but all good. It wasn’t until about noon at the shop that the cravings began. Dug in my purse .. no L- Glut. OK – Fine! (hands on hips – I can do this!) Kept working and held out until the witching hour which is now my *new and improved* 2 PM. HA! Then went and bought a bottle of wine.

Shop was quiet after Easter and I let most staff leave early and dug into paperwork = trigger to sip. By 6 PM I had sipped about 3 glasses and sat there thinking “There is no way I can last the evening with one glass of wine”. But somehow I drove home passing probably 30+ places I could have bought wine but just didn’t. Put the last of the bottle in the frig and took a large dose of L-Glut and the dog for a long walk. When I returned I surrendered and ordered a “pizza”. (for you that may have missed it – my pizza delivery guy will also deliver a bottle of wine with my pizza) He showed up about 40 minutes later and I had poured that final glass I had brought home, turned on a bit of TV and there really wasn’t all that much time before bedtime. Brushed the dog and puttered a bit and there was no screaming in my head to even open that new bottle! It was calling, but I knew I would have to pour ? of a bottle down the drain if I opened it to not be tempted in the AM. (And it was a $18.00 bottle of wine!)

As a side note: I am beginning to think that the Topa makes me the MOST tired when I am drinking on it. I’m not tired in the mornings, but it’s when I have had a few glasses of wine that I get SO sleepy. So maybe that’s why when I have seen success in the past and drinking less that the “tiredness” from Topa also seems to lessen? DUH! HA!

So all in all I made my goal of 28 units for the week, down from roughly 63 or so when I started back up 4 weeks ago. Baby steps! Feel good about, not great, but hopeful. Not sure if I will try and decrease units heading into Week 5 as I feel like I am STILL thinking about it WAY too much and still fighting with that 2 PM start time and holding it to 4 glasses – although it certainly has become a bit easier now. But this morning is a good example. I am home office (unexpected) all day, it’s rainy and I will be at my desk all day. It’s not even 7 AM and yet I have already thought about that full bottle of wine in the frig numerous times. *sigh*

Excuse me .. I need to go take some L-Glut. HA!

Sun: I have a question about the All-One as I am considering it again. I went to their site and I can’t remember what I bought the 1st time around. You said you liked the “green flavor” – but it looked to me like they also contained diff combos of ingredients. Which one are you taking? And are you telling me I have to clean out a blender now too instead of just the shaker cup? LOL

And thank you for your words in regards to my “buddy”. Working through it and while he has been involved before since we went back to being just friends years ago, I was involved as well so I suspect that is the extra hard part for me this go around.

You and I BOTH need to quit smoking! Terrible habit but I just know myself and I can’t conquer two addictions at once. I’ve tried and one glass of wine and my quit smoking program goes out the window. *sigh* Please stay safe with your meds. I guess I should be grateful that other that an HRT patch, I don’t take any other medications other than the Topa now. I guess that’s why I worry about starting on an AD and what all that will involve – although it has been suggested that Wellbutrin has the side effects of heloing to quit smoking, but I think you need to take an anti-seizure drug (which Topa is!) with it and would have to confess all to a DR. Round and round we go because I can’t have this AL thing on my med record!

Space: You sound good! Nice to not white knuckle huh? I thought about Bac at one time and even ordered it – and in the drawer it still sits. Had a few close friends try it and it scared the heck out of me. So just laid low for a while until I decided to give Topa a go again.

Good on the dog walking! Feels good huh? Mine will not let me get away without long walks up in the hills daily even though I live on 2 acres – so he keeps my but in motion. HA!

As for the “guy” – see it never was a “half relationship”. It just went from friends to a lover relationship to back to great friends and at times FWB. In fact just a few years ago he got involved with a gal who followed him out to AZ and moved in with him. His daughter really wanted to spend Christmas in California and with me. His GF felt threatened by me (NO reason to!) so “buddy” ask me to write her a personal note to invite her for Christmas – which I did. She agreed – but WHAT a disaster! She spent almost the entire week in the bedroom or on the front steps in tears. He talked to her, I took her on walks, blah, blah, blah …she remained convinced he was still in love with me although I was doing EVERYTHING in my power to shower HER with attention and and make her feel welcome and comfortable and part of the family. To be honest – I think she was a bit of a nut job. HA! So see, we never pushed each other out of our lives – we have always tried to accept each other’s new partners. This time just crept up on me so soon after he had just gotten SO serious about US being back together. *sigh* I’ll get over it … Dang.

Dizzy: Sorry – But had to laugh at your “Sprout Headache”! Silly girl!

Thank you also for you words about my “buddy”. Tough because we go back 20 years now. The first 4 years being neighbors and very good friends. Then we both ended up divorced, I moved to So Cali but we still stayed in touch. A few tears later, on a visit here, something just happened. And it lasted for a long time, living together with a few breaks … until we finally parted ways. Shortly after our old friendship returned. I got involved and he actually became good buds with my new BF. He dated off and on and I would even babysit his young daughter whom I had helped raise. When he moved to AZ 6 years ago I was heartbroken, but we still spoke often and he visited often. In between times when neither of us were “involved” yes, we were FWB. Is was simple and easy and comfortable and he would go back to his life and I would go back to dating etc. I think the difference this time around is all of a sudden he got serious about wanting “our future together” again. Add to that I am ramping up on 60 here in a few years, and have not been in a serious relationship for about 4 years now. So a real tug and pull. And it was when I was about to go and visit him that he wrote me that email to tell me he had met someone. So now I can’t visit him. He doesn’t come here. I suppose a big part of it is I just miss him. 20 years is a long time – but who knows what will happen and hopefully his new GF will bring him much joy and we will meet and hit it off and I can be happy for him and she will not feel threatened by me (an issue we BOTH have had in the pat with relationships –like people can sense our connection).

Oh and Pssssttt - I killed my worm farm once too. HA!

And congrats on the new work!! You will do great! I think I like the BF of yours – he sounds way cool.

Houtx!: I have this REALLY funny image now of you sitting on your keyboard typing with the cheeks of your butt! HA! HA! Hang in there GF – you will get rolling when you are ready and able and we will be here waiting….

“Drive by postings” HA! HA!

Ok – I need to get some work done! Later all and hugs to everyone one of you.

WTE

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Worm killer! Worm killer!

I know, I miss my buddy because he was my friend and now I can't see him because he's engaged and he feels his fiance would feel threatened by me. I don't miss the sex, I miss hanging out. But I know what you mean and besides, every relationship is different.

My 2c is stick to 2pm and one bottle for another week because you're feeling down etc. but I'll reply in depth later.
I've got one hour to finish my work - am going to have to go offline if I'm going to make it.

XOX

PS: Typing with butt cheeks? Ha! Ha! (only reserved for very funny stories, we use our ha! sparingly around here)

[applekat26]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just wanted to check back in and say hi and thank everyone for their replys (even though it was a couple of weeks ago) My life has been really hectic so I haven't been on this site lately and I have missed it! Most of ya'll said to titrate up to 50 mg of topa instead of starting there right away, but that is what my dr. gave me and it was working a few months ago. It isn't so much now so I was thinking about going up to 75mg, but am leery of being so tired! I wish there was some way to get over that or does it eventually go away? Someone else suggested the L-Glutamine, which I do take as well, but I am bad about taking it regularly. As much as I want to cut back my drinking, there is also a part of me that really enjoys the escape b/c it is the one way that makes me feel less stressed about all that I am dealing with in my life. I know that is not a good thing, but right now, I can't help feeling that way. Anyway, glad ya'll are here! I will try to be more regular on this forum
:thanks:

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im really tired tonigh and havent got the energy to post but Im ok had 1 1/2 cans and going to bed now with hot milk, will pour the rest down the drain!!! (OMG did I really say that)

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wrote a post and changed my mind. will post tomorrow.

Hugs to all

sun XX

[Last14theroad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Dizzbee I am trying to find a medication to assist in getting AF and only enquired about bac due to the article I read,I am actually open to any suggestions which can help so I will take a look at Topa.:thanks:

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

See Houtx - you as a teacher should know better. If one kid gets away with bad behaviour everyone follows suit. You get away with a drive by post and now everyone's just posting to say how they would like to post but they cant.
:crazymonkey:

Just teasing guys. I have to grab a quick bath, lawn mow these anyieldy eyebrows of mine and go pick up the fist 25 documents I have to proofread. I apologise in advance if there are any nurses here but nurses in general drive me nuts. Anyone else wouldve given me these docs in word format but NO she's given it to me in HARD COPY and now I physically have to count the words to quote her. Holy Cheeses...

Sunny - changed your mind? Are you OK hon? :l

WTE - You are doing so well. I mean my brain is swiss cheese but I think you were just going along there for a while but you have come so far in the last few weeks so this Topa L-Glut thing seems to really work for you. It is a bit worrying that you are still thinking about the wine in the morning though as the Topa sorted that out for me, so I think eventually up the dose, but like I said yesterday what about taking a week just to catch your breath and to keep doing what you doing?

Don't stagnate or go back, just get used to the Topa dose, try to get over the 'awful tiries' (although I hear a lot less about your famous naps these days) be kind to yourself and then perhaps go continue in a week? I just know that a bottle is a big psychological barrier to break but if at any chance the L-glut is working and you're not feeling the wine do the Superwoman thang and chuck that glass down the sink for some extra brownie points!

One of the biggest reasons I decided to go AF for a while was that drinking on Topa isnt fun for me. It kind of feels like drinking on antihistamines, I get really sleepy and tired and I don't get that energy boost it used to give me. And don't get me started on the x2 hangovers. So yeah, the awful tiries (sorry, its already patented) will subside around the 1 bottle and less mark.

I know what you mean about the guy, what I mean in retrospect for me is that while I was doing this with that guy, and even though I was perfectly happy, I was taking myself off the market as I was happy with what we were having at the times we werent having a relationship. Perhaps you werent looking for something solid then but that being my late twenties, I was wasting some of my premium breeding years

Applekat (and you still need to tell me where you came up with such a cute name) I think we need to look at other ways to help improve your life before you will be willing to give up your crutch. The L-glut will only work if you take it regularly (cell phone alerts work a charm, especially if you put a really annoying song on it) Like I told Mimi - are you taking supplements and how long have you been on 50 as you're not supposed to feel that tired for that long on 50? I suggested a really good and not that expensive multi yesterday and the All One is of course the Cocaine of all supplements Please try to check in more so we can support you, I know you're going through a tough time.

Space, now I know how you got your name - mixing beer with hot milk! Just teasing. You go girl, speak to you laters.

Last14theroad - you know if you stick around we are going to have to figure out a short version for your name and last isnt very nice. I will PM you some info. Hang in there, I have books on both Nal, Topa and Bac but the Bac one is hard copy.

Cheerio Toparinas.

XOX

[Last14theroad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

:lMaybe instead of last14theroad you call me BABF :l

[Last14theroad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

By the way what is PM?

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all, Ha I was tired last night, the lager and hot milk where separate drink and I poured away the lager, not the milk, hey thats good isnt it? pouring away lager without thinking about it. I know where are on different meds but it sounds like some of the se's are similar, like the tiredness but this time round im ok. Throughout the daytime I havent felt tired much but of an evening after I have a lager I do feel tired, but thats ok, I want to be tired when I go to bed the last hing I want is to be all hyped up at bedtime. The serequel probably is what knocks me out.

I was going to ask WTE why your scared of bac, but then maybe I dont want to know cos you might scare me, but now I have to know, why does it scare you? It sounds to me like your still sometimes (not much) struggling on 1 bottle start at 2pm, in which case it might not be a good idea to try to go lower now, and even when you do starting later would be easier I think than reducing to less than a bottle, although the more your taking home from work then the easier it will be to pour a glass away, eventually, it would be difficult to pour away that last glass when its all youve got left, in fact making yourself do that sounds like self inflicted torture

Dizzy, are you coming to live in UK? the sun is shining today, but its not hot tho, we had an early week of warmth last month so youve probably missed summer here by now, it will probably be back to raining again by the time you get here. Im in Liverpool, so nowhere by slough is it, or London even, where are you going to be? I dont know the south of England at all really.

I am doing ok at the moment, I have to add the at the moment because I have never done this before, I have always either drank full on 24/7 or been AF, so taking meds and having the lager or 2 is unknown teritory for me. I first went to AA around 20 years ago but that was at my mums insistance, because I would get drunk when I drank on nights out not because I wanted to go, but went back again myself for years even tho I hated it I became desparate and didnt know of anywhere else to go. My head got very messed up in that time and looking back I was such a mess, even without drink. Anyway long story short after around 5 years of daily drinking getting worse all the time I went to the docotrs and went to a hospital alcohol unit and from then I started the benders, I would somehow get time AF then go on a bender, worse that any drinking ever before, but over the past couple of years the benders have become shorter, probably because Im not physically able to carry it on. Until now, I dont want to spend the rest of my life doing what Ive been doing so Im trying this, which is taking bac and gabapentin and for now if I want a drink waiting until at least 7pm and having lager, so far so good. I havent got drunk and nor do I want to, but even more than that I am starting to function in my life again, I was spending a lot of time in bed tired and depressed, the depression was getting worse. Just before I drank after the 6 months I did a course for 7 days and it compleatly wiped me out, it was only 4 hours a day as well, I am hoping to deal with the exhaustion now as this is a major factor with me not being happy.

Thats enough from me for now,

xxx

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

PM is private message, I you click on someones name a drop down menu will pop up and you can pm someone from there I would never remember BABF I dont think, dont you want to be called road or 14?

x

[Last14theroad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bloody Absolutely Bloody Final

[Last14theroad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

In South Africa we never say one for the road but ABF=absolutely bloody final and that is my desire to be AF for the rest;hate the hangover(babalas) and the need to kill it with a quicky which invariably becomes another bender at the moment total days=3 AF,no meds just Glut,GABA,Detox(Herbal)and Melatonin twice a day.Knowing my own pattern this can last AF for 15-30 days so would like a prophylactic to maybe carry me on forever been. Drinking for forty years plus normally 12+ Lagers a day.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey All ..

Just a quick one as I have to shower yet and get out the door to open the shop this morning (my turn).

Agree with a number of you on sticking with my 2 PM start challenge and 4 glasses limit. Pulled it off again yesterday ? well, at least the 4 glass limit part. Yesterday was the start of Week 5 so I finished my first ?month? with my first goal accomplished.

I did decide to increase to 50/50 as of yesterday so we will see how that goes. Didn?t feel tired yesterday, took no naps but had zero-zip-nada motivation to get anything done! Watched a lot of mindless TV and did just a touch of work ? oh well. Ran out of my 4 glasses quite early but was determined not to go out and buy anymore - so that was something that would not have happened a month ago!

Think I still have a touch of the blues and am avoiding thinking about things. But I guess silly TV is better than burying my heart in the wine bottle!

Hello to the few new people here and I will catch up with everyone this evening!

Layer gaters!

WTE

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - yes I am fine. Just was whingeing last night and decided to delete it all before I sent it. Feeling sorry for myself!! I have to stop both smoking and drinking - yes I do!!

Space - yes, it might be worth getting your heart checked although the 20mg is supposedly a safe dosage. The Guinness was always my drink of choice - have been drinking it since I was 16 years old and stopped it when I quit in Jan - anyway am back on it., I don't really care for wine and LOVE my Guinness.

Diz - the auras are fun - yes, I know, weird - but they are - as long as I am not driving then I have to be careful. They start at the edge of the vision field and are really pretty - zigzag rainbows and flashing - and gradually move into the middle of the field. They are sort of odd but as I never get the headache I just enjoy them......last about 20 mins - half an hour usually. No, it is difficult to see properly when you have them, but as long as you are in a safe place, it is okay. Ikea is fine as long as I know - I like Ikea furniture and what fun for you to be able to choose all new stuff!! How lovely!! he sounds really awesome. I do hope everything works out!! And the constant grey skies in UK really are a myth - LOL It can be nice over there and the recent summers have been hot too.

WTE - I take the Green phyto blend and really love the flavout - yes, they are all different blends and all are excellent choices - I just know that I like the green phyto one and it gives me green stuff in there too. And yes - LOL - you do have to clean out the blender too - I have a Magic Bullet that works perfectly for it and if you rinse it immediately it cleans out well. But it really does need blending to mix it properly. I have decided that I am going to stop both smoking and drinking together. I did that when I stopped for the 8 months - GULP! And it wasn't too bad - when I have a drink, like you, I want/need the cig - so am gearing up to stop both again. Too much going on in the next week or two, but then it will happen.

Hi applekat - just wanted to say it is good to see you here. I agree with you about having the drink to 'escape' 'cos of stresses but I am beginning to think that the AL - for me anyway - is causing a stress! I was SO determined to stop last time that I had no trouble remembering the L-Glut and I am determined to get that way again.

Hi Road - good to have you here for whatever reason - we are just a group that support each other however they are trying!! Oh gosh - watching the time - am sitting here in a towel and need to get ready for work - slept in too late this morning....
At least I did get a post done - sorry about last nights - I really am fine - was just feeling kinda bummed......

Love and hugs to all,

Sun XX