New here and starting Topa and with a question

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well done, Sunny Pooh!

:angelgirl:

Oh, and those hail stones are damn scary!

[azurmyst]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good day everyone so nice to see all of you in such good spirits. Pardon the pun, for me I am still waiting on the Bac. Supposed to arrive on or before the 15 and I sure hope it does. Started Moder8 again in the meantime waiting for the order to come. Diz I am really proud of you for staying AF during this hard time. I think that is so motivating if you can do it then I can too. Thanks to all of you for the encouragement.
Have a great day all

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

TOTALLY off topic - but messing with Photo Bucket .. and here is my Charlie!
With his favorite stuffed toy Mr. Big Bone....


Totally off topic .

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I happened to read some other threads before coming here...intereresting ones about NAL & AB...questions as to what to take, what's working, etc. Saw Space & Gingerdust & Wildflowers on others...got my eyes opened. Why? Well...

I posted early in my evening last night on a positive note...a couple of glasses of wine on my patio after a productive day, then that somehow spiraled out of control & I don't know how. Perhaps b/c I'm an alcoholic and lose control a lot?!!? I posted here, did some prep for the week, all the while enjoying glass after glass of wine. Thinking I'd go to bed early...I fell asleep/passed out at the freaking computer about 10 and didn't wake up until almost 1 a.m.!!

I was sooooooooooooooo freaked out. Beat myself up mentally all day. Came home & was seriously trying to go AF. I drank a big ol' thang of L-glut...made it AF til 8 pm then poured a glass I've been sipping on. I don't sip very well. I am now on my 4th and felt like it was a successful day.

I suck at Life.

Started reading threads on Anti-abuse as I'm thinking maybe I need to do something radical. I am sooooooooooooooo sick of being hard on myself. Losing control time and again. It was one thing living alone, but my kids are coming home this week. I can't let them see me shit-faced or trying to fake being more sober than I am. I've gained some weight and hate it...all the usual shit I beat myself up about.

UGH - horrible, terrible, very bad day!!!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE - your Charlie is adorable !!!!! Such a sweetie!! How old is he? Can you post another picture? he is so sweet! he has that really gentle loveable look about him.... thanks for posting it.

houtx - I am sorry you are feeling glum! You do NOT suck at life. You are just going through a down right now. we all go through them - trust me, I am very good at them so I know! It is SO hard fighting this beast...... I get so cross with myself too - get all fired up about how I know I will do this then let myself down again. we have all been there and done it too. It is a real double edged sword with the AL I have decided. I LOVE when I wake up and have only had one or two and feel good the next day. but I also love feeling the buzz the night before...... But then I know I can get that buzz FROM just one or two - so that is what I MUST keep telling myself. I have no idea if I am talking to you or me here - maybe both of us? Just hang in there dear friend. Hugs to you :l:l You DO need a plan though - it doesn't ever work without one......

And on that note, I must get to bed - did the closing shift tonight and it is getting late.

love and hugs to all, Sun X

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all

Sorry but I'm grumpy. I've still got a cold, I have shit loads of work and my 'friend' just said she can't help me print my tags for this weekend's market. We get along fine but once before I stopped hanging out before as she's so full of nonsense. I just asked her to print two pages at work and I know for a fact she constantly prints personal stuff at work... Lets just say she's the type of person who won't share her ginger with you at the sushi bar in case she might feel like eating it later...even if she never eats ginger!!!!

Rant over.

I forgot to mention in my little summary yesterday that I also take a lose dosage of Antabuse at the moment. Topa takes away all my cravings but I have a lot of sh!t going on and I am an emotional drinker, so I don't want one bad day to ruin my nice AF run. I'm on day 8 again today and I feel good. (Well, good and grumpy, but the grumpy has nothing to do with alcohol)

Sunny - eating Alfalfa sprouts does make me feel a bit like a cow. LOL. Anyway to anyone in the US wanting to order anything to do with sprouts, the The Coolest Sprouting Seeds on our Planet! is a lovely website, for gifts as well.

I hope Katie gets better and your raise beds is looking mighty fine. Oh, and did I mention I'm proud of you for putting on your big girl pants and learning how to photobucket?

WTE - this may sound weird in a way, but I actually envy you. I'm getting the feeling that Topa is going to make me go the AF way. Don't get me wrong, I'm actually loving 99% of my AF time and its 10 times better than my previous 5 years have been but I would've loved to be able to moderate. Its just that when I did moderate over the weekend (and I did moderate, I just got drunk once, because I wanted to get drunk) I could feel my mood getting so sour. I think because of my bipolar the AL has messed up my brain chemistry and its a bit unlikely that I'm going to get a lot of happiness from it in future.

Thanks for the advice, you are the bomb! I'm sticking to my guns this side.

And on to Charlie, he is even more beautiful than I imagined him. I am not just saying this. If dogs had porn magazines, you could enter this picture for the bitches to drool over - ha!. Sorry, me and my dirty mind.He looks like a very special dog, even with that very silly toy. I can see now why you love him so much.

How is your back today, Space? Is it a chronic condition. I first thought you were taking the Gabapentin for depression as I first heard from the med from Sunny and only later figured out you took it for pain.

Azurmyst :welcome: Thanks for the encouragement. So are you waiting for Baclofen or Topa? You are welcome either way, just making conversation. Also, how is the modding coming along on your side?

My sweet Houtx, you do not suck at life. If you haven't notice we all have something in common here, we suck at controlling our alcohol intake. Some people say its genetic, or a disease, or that it is developed over years of alcohol abuse. So we on this thread use Topa or other meds to help retrain our brains but I think all of us would probably be back to square one if we just drop the meds.

So, if you don't mind me asking, and I'm not going to mention this again as it does feel like I'm harping. Why are you feeling you want to take Antabuse over Topa if Topa has worked for you before? As I said above, I forgot to mention in my little summary yesterday that I also take Antabuse. So I took the Topamax to lower the cravings and now I'm taking a very low dose of Antabuse to ensure I don't spend any time debating the should I, shouldn't I thing. I will probably try modding again in future but it feels like my poor bipolar brain and my poor liver needs some serious TLC, so AF is the only way for me right now.

Oh and the one night I did decide to get drunk while I was off the Antabuse? I ended up making a big fire outside and having a BBQ all on my own. It was kind of therapeutic BUT I had my laptop with my and I got so drunk that I left it outside as well as some other stuff. My poor brother had to bring everything inside and take my shoes off and switch my light off when he came home...good thing he did too as it started raining at 2AM. So if you are right, then I suck at life too! Only difference is - I don't do stupid things like that when I don't drink!

The Topa and AB is working a treat for me at the moment, so if you want some advice or guidance, or if you only want to do AB, feel free to ask or PM me, I'm here for you. :l

Hope you are doing well, my Hippie hippie chick.

Now off to WORK. I will NOT procrastinate today. This damn translation must be in on Thursday and I spent all of yesterday on my other side projects. :durn:

I didn't proofread so excuse typos.

Love and hugs to all.

:h

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bump, because all you topa ladies are really fine (and really interesting) people.

I agree!...

Can't keep up with all the posts, boards, everything else that's been going in my life. Wanted to say I just love the pic of Charlie!!! He's so beautiful! I have a deep love for Labs, Goldens, well all our fur babies!

Just sent my youngest a miss u card today. Some pics of fam & of our Lab on our last camp trip with him.

I gave her my digital camera when she moved, cause she broke hers. So, I have hubby's old one. Maybe someday I will use it & take some pics of the beautiful yellow birdies with red throats that have been eating from our bird houses & feeders. Can't remember their names, have a book around here some where. Then upload them.

Found a wallet on the side walk today at the Post Office. Took it to the Police Station. It had money, credit cards, ID in it. Glad I found it. I've had my purse stolen a couple times , lost my wallet, my keys, car broken into. So, it felt good to help some poor guy out.

Up Late. It's half price all wk at Starbies on Frappuccinos. Instead of booze buzzes, now I have caffeine buzzes. Good grief.

Take Care

Wildflowers

AF 3/18/12

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have gone and overslept this morning so my son is late for school, I never normally do that. My back is still bad, when I first got up it seemed a bit better but by the time I had stood to make a coffee it was bad again

I started taking the gabapentin myself getting it online to try it for my depression, it is lately that my doc prescribed it to me for pain. I am so glad I have a proper script for it. I cant say its doing anything for my back tho, but then again nothing is, my pain meds arnt really touching it either.

Houxt im sorry you had such a terrible day, but you dont suck at life, your just having problems sorting out the drinking, we all do thats why were here. When you said that you were wanting an AF day, how many hundreds of times I have said that then gone and drank. You do need to get a plan together and stick to it, as I do. Is it likely that you can just go AF if not and you keep on trying its like beating yourself on the head with a stick, if it is likely then go for it. Either way you need a plan. Taking antabuse is a good way to maintain AFness I took it for 6 months and for the most part it made not drinking a lot easier by stopping the should I shoulnt I arguments in my brain. having said that you do need to be determined not to drink, as you wont be able to once youve taken the pill and you can take it then still be craving especially for the first week. I thought you were taking topa, does that help with cravings.

If you are not sure you want to go AF then you need to see how you can make a plan to cut down the is do-able. Buying only what you intend to drink is probably the first place to start. thats the one I keep one getting wrong because I buy my cans in 4's when I only want to drink 2 and its easy to open another one when its there. Starting late, although it sounds like you do that already, changing your drinks, I know WTE has done massively well cutiing down on wine but I dont think theres anyway I could do it, I cant sip drinks so whatever Im drinking just goes down, and wine goes down very easily, 1/2 bottle goes no where and before I know it the bottles gone and Im opening/wanting another. can you change to beer?

Whatever you decide you know you have support and can come on here at any time and think aloud your thoughts on what to do next. xxx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all - Diz - sorry you are feeling grumpy today - I will post more pics later - I have four raised beds and also put my sweet potatoes at the bottom by the raised beds but have fenced them off so the dogs don't run amok over them. I didn't use photobucket - I used the little paperclip at the top of where we post and then browsed from there and uploaded and then hit the paperclip again. I didn't want to get into photobucket......... I will post other pics as my garden grows! Good for you on day 8 - I think you are lucky that the Topa works for you so well. I am up to 300mg and it still hasn't done it's thing yet this time although it seems to be helping.

Hi Wildflowers - I so agree - it is hard to keep up but lovely to see you again - and SO happy you turned the wallet in - I have lost mine twice - once it was turned in - SO HAPPY - and the other time it never ever turned up - card never used - nothing. I am like you and always turn stuff like that in if I find it....... we are always getting stuff left at the store - one time we had a wallet left at the store and I put it in the safe and we got hold of the lady and when she came to get it she immediately told me how much cash had been it - I was taken aback - I hadn't checked to see - I had just looked for some ID to call her - but was really upset to think she thought I might have taken the money - the customer who had handed it in COULD have done that (but as it hapened didn't). She didn't thank us or anything. I gave her the name and number of the customer who handed it in but I doubt she ever called and thanked him. Re the yellow bird - I can't remember which country you are in so am not even going to hazard a guess! LOL If it is USA - the only yellow ones I can think of are gold finches, tanagers, umm - think that is it!

Space - hi there. I SO agree with you on buying 2 cans instead of four - I want to do the same. Although as I had 2 last night and hubs had bought me some, I do only have 2 left - today is my day off so this is going to be a real toughie for me. Topa, and supps will be the name of the game for me today........ if I can just have two on my day off I will be so proud of myself!! SO sorry your back is still paining you - as Diz said - is it something you have had for ages? Must be awful - so sorry - I can't imagine chronic pain.

Have an awesome day everyone, Love, Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx, my sweet, long time buddy in the war ?..none of us would be here if we were not all fighting the same the same damn war. So the first thing to remember is that you are not alone, and the second thing to remember is that if YOU suck at life ? then so do all of us! Ya poop! HA!

Yep, time to get a plan in place so you can start feeling better about taking some steps forward instead of beating yourself up over and over again. We all do it ? have some great fun and then feel like crap in the morning when we realized what we?ve done, how we feel, what we said, what we did, blah, blah ,blah.

I know you didn?t feel much success with Topa in the past, but perhaps attack with it from a different angle this time? IMO, the book certainly describes it as a magic BOMB, and I suppose for some it is, but for me it was very disappointing when it turned out not to be. So perhaps knowing that now and keeping it in the fore front of your mind and just another tool in your box, you can work with it better? And dose up slowly ? there used to be a thread around here that spoke of increasing too quickly was actually a disadvantage to its effectiveness. And we (well at least I) know how patient you can be in wanting to feel the effects. HA!

You know I love ya girl and I don?t want you to feel like I am harping on you. But you?ve got to plan and track to know where you stand ? just like with TSM. Otherwise you end up just topping off that glass over and over (like me), not really knowing how much you are drinking and guessing at the bottles ? and MORE importantly KNOWING when you are hitting goals and that you now drink say 8 glasses and your first goal will be to drop to 7 glasses an evening and you can SEE that exact stop point and won?t pour that final one. Like feeling successful at a 4 glass night ?.

You will know what is right for you and when the time is right. But you certainly sound like sooner than later is coming with the kids being back home. My offer still stands to mail you some Topa and you can always mail me some back when things ease up for you. I now consider Topa a lifelong drug for me ? so you have time to repay! HA! Call me anytime Chica! You?ve got my digits.

Hi to everyone else! Yep - Charlie is a STUD! *laughing* Seriously! He is 5 years old (approximately) and is a rescue I have had now for almost 8 months. We believe he was shown as a stud dog and spent his first 5 year living in a kennel due to a number of factors. He is VERY socialized to other dogs and people (and LOVES kids), walks on a lead like a show dog, when let you place him in a ?show position? and ?freezes?, he was not neutered, never rode in a car without a crate (THAT was fun to teach him ? NOT!), is in almost perfect confirmation for a Golden, when he pees it is a ?one stop? thing unlike most male dogs as if he was let out to potty and then put back in his kennel, and he was NEVER inside a house before! The first time he saw a TV was one of the funniest things I ever saw!

Somehow he escaped and was not chipped not wore a collar and walked into a guy?s garage that volunteers for the same Golden rescue group that I do, only up North. I had lost my last Golden rescue about 6 months earlier and wasn?t quite ready, but they called me up and said ?do we have a shop dog for you!? And so I did the long drive to meet Charlie (they named him ? and I think it suits him) and it was love at first sight. He?s a character for sure! Very, very calm indoors but a nutcase when outside and LOVES to run and play with other dogs. He is ADORED at the shop so pretty much with me 24/7. He has some quirks, but nothing bad. He is a total theft! If I run/ walk him off lead up here in the hills he will wander and steals gloves, a shoe, you name it. Had a neighbor drop over the other day to ask if I had seen his flip flops. HA! Nope, Charlie only steals one at a time ? not pairs.

Best not muck around here much longer and get headed on with my work day!

Love and big hugs to all and I hope we all find something to smile about today ?.

WTE

[mimi911]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone,

Day 4 again.

Dizzy: I was taking 100 mg of the topa. I am now off of it atleast for now. I may try it again but wanted to try going AF without the topa in my system since I drank while taking it.

I got to see the first ultrasound of my grand baby. We don't know the sex yet but I am 99% sure it's a boy. My daughter in law's mom also is sure it's a boy. Since we refer to the baby as a [B]him[B]it will be a shock if it turns out to be a girl. I have to be honest, either a boy or girl would be fine.

The great thing about being a teen bride, having kids young, is that I am a young "mimi" and have the energy for my grand daughter. When my kids were growing up (3 and 6 years old) I had cancer so it was a difficult time in my life and although I loved being a mom I missed out of so much because of my health.

I have had the opportunity to help raise my grand daughter these last 2 1/2 years. My son was divorced but had full custody of his daughter. Now my son is remarried and has a wonderful wife who is a good step mom.

The most difficult thing is stepping back and realizing that I am not the mom. I have played that role since the day she was born and now I am having to step back and allow them to be a family. It is really hard when you do the discipline and all of a sudden you have to just support them in their decisions even if I don't agree. I have never played the "grandma" role in her life. I have been "mommy" so it is hard but I want what is best for this little sweetheart. The other problem is she always wants me and I know that is hard for my son and his wife but that is what she has known.

F.Y.I. I don't drink around my grand daughter.....

I will try and check in later. Have a great day!!!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there,

I seem to have lost part of my post from this morning! I typed it and it seems to have disapeared. now I cant remember what I wanted to say to you all.

So Mimi arent you taking any meds now? It is great that you have such good family relationships.

I also had 2 cans left for today, I have already drank 1 of them and am not sure if I will just drink the other 1 or go and get more.

I am going away with my sons and mum for the weekend and wont be drinking so I am looking forward to having that time without a drink to think about it and make a new plan of what I really want to do. A big problem is that I dont know how I would feel if I didnt have the back pain, mentally I want to go and get a shower and go out and do things but physically I cant. Everything just seems to be such bloody hard work at the moment, even cooking a meal is difficult with no sodding oven ARGG its ok I will sort it all out.

:l x

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey -
Thank y'all for all the posts directed to me. I was moved to tears. So much to say, but I am home from my usual "Trivia Nite" at a local bar. I was consciously trying to keep my numbers low. Ehhhhhhh...not very successful b/c we won!! Shit. Big ol' pitcher of beer came out...

I drove home ok. GACK!! Reading here and am so very grateful for your posts & input. I have lots to add...but need to get to bed. Thanks again for the comments. I still thing I am a terrible, horrible, very bad person...

I'll get over it. :-))

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Greetings Gang,
Hey Sun, I've always been wondering how the "lager" still tastes good to you when you are taking the Topa. Most people report and for me too, that beer and carbonated drinks just taste really strange and not very good, anyway, I always forget to ask.

Hi Giner, I don't really know you, where can I find out more about you?

Hey Dizz, I'm good with saying what I am taking, and like I said I find it very difficult to keep up with what other people are taking, maybe I don't need to keep up with their meds, but I guess it helps to know as that is kind of why we are here, to get ideas on our own meds, I take Zoloft, 100mg QD, Gabapentin 300Mg QD, Topa, 25mg QD (right now), and that's it, I think not everyone wants to put it down in writing exactly what they are taking, and I can totally understand that. Thanks for the sprouting article, I used to eat tons of sprouts and might start sprouting a little again now that I am not working quite so much.

So, Space, you are not on Topa, thanks for clearing up that up for me, and Yes, I do suspect that you will continue to investigate until you figure this out for yourself. Regarding what you were saying about being told in the past that you were basically "a loser", would always be a drunk if you had one drink, or even if you didn't have a drink, that seems to sound something like AA would say. I guess you must have been there, I'm happy you are not believing in that creed. And I feel the "family day" means a great deal also, even when we aren't having alot of fun, it really does mean something in the scheme of things that we stay connected to the people that we love.

I was thinking about the having to take the L-Glut on an empty stomach idea and my common sense kind of told me that it didn't really make alot of sense because all of our amino acids come in the form of the foods that we eat and when we eat those we certainly don't have an empty stomach, so I kind figured out that it probably doesn't matter when you take it. And then I went to buy it and I didn't have $23 to spend on it yesterday, maybe in a few days.

Hi WTE, so now you live in southern ca., so much warmer, San Diego?, we used to go there for family vacations every year many years ago and I loved it, I want to plan a family reunion there one of these days but it is alot more expensive to stay now than back then. One of my nurse friends rented out her father's condo (Capri By The Sea) to her friends for $500 for 10 days, it was heaven, (he was very old and lived in a nursing home), he has probably gone to heaven by now. I like your plan (and everyone seems to do it) of having setting a certain number of drinks per night, I think I did that long ago, but I'm going to try it again while I wait for the Topa to kick in.

Houx, please don't feel so sad. I'm going to look at some of those other threads also, and I'm curious, can you buy Antabuse online? or get it only from a doc?

Mimi, I don't know you too well yet, but I can really sympathize with you about your grand daughter now having another mother, that must be awfully difficult for you, but I admire you for wanting to do what is best for your son and his family, you are truly a good mother.

Space, I'm so sorry for your chronic back pain, I do know what you are going thru, I have chronic pain also, arthritis, hands, feet, legs,etc., for a year I couldn't walk, right now I can hardly open and close my fingers, makes it very difficult to work but I have no choice really, I can't fully retire, not married, I have been able to cut down on work but my social security will never be enough to live on so I will need to work part time. But oh well, life goes on, anyway, just want you to know, I know what you are going thru. I went to a chronic pain class thru Kaiser when I had health insurance and it really was a big help, just learning different things, relaxation, meditation, biofeedback, acupuncture, stretching and exercise. Anyway, you might look into some of these things on your own. The gabapentin does help me some, most of the time I just hurt, I think that is a big reason that my drinking escalated the last few years along with other emotional reasons.

Sun, could you tell me where you see the "Paperclip" thing that you used for attaching pictures where we post please, I don't see it, where am I not looking?

Ok, bye for now, love to all, I'm going to see my mom for two weeks so I might be out of touch for a day or two while traveling, she lives in Kansas, but will check in soon.

playland

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi I woke up this morning feeling like I had overslept again, but it was only 6am, I feel like Ive had a good sleep tho even tho its less that 6 hours. I will see how I feel later. it is just odd.

It does seem like t good idea to say what we are taking meds ways and also drinking sometimes to let everyone know. So I am taking citalopram 20mg, serequel 50mg, gabapentin 900mg, and baclofen 50mg. But yesterday I took 60mg bac because of the pain I am going to see if it helps me to raise that up a bit.

I also need to do something with the meds for my drinking, last night I did go and buy more and had 4 cans, I know its not massive but its still more than is good for me and more than I decided at first. My son found some empty cans in the bin this morning while he was putting his rubbish out and asked me about them, so I am now also worried that he suspects about my drinking, he also asked me if I was still taking antabuse and I said yes, I just cant think of a way to tell my family that Im not taking it anymore without there being a massive row. I hate all this lying to them but they are so set in the idea that I should not drink at all never that I cant change that.

got to go and get my son up for school now so will be back later

Hope everyone has a good day

xx