New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Trixiebelle]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh dear Playland, can't life get too much at times. You sound like you need a big hug :l

I know that the more I focus on Not Drinking, the more I do - it's critical that you find some way to release all the pent up stress.

Do you meditate?

I find that this is fantastic, I've been doing Holosync for many years and while it hasn't stopped me from drinking, I'm pretty calm compared to my old self, which was quite frankly a frightened mess.

I have just ordered the MWO CD's too after umming and ahhing for too long, and ordered a book I heard about here (from Book Depository - free postage worldwide) called "Kick the Drink Easily" by Jason Vale - I read some of the testimonials and it sounded really good, plus some of the posters here said it was a great read. Teaches you to look at alcohol from a different angle.

Anyway, if you have the CD's pop them on and tell the kids to amuse themselves for a while, otherwise perhaps get your hands on some other form of meditation (one that you can listen to and not chant -I'm not into that)

Does wonders.:groupluv:

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all

Oh Play - I wondered why you were being so quiet. Yes, that explains a lot. I finally yesterday got your stuff together to send and it will be going off on Monday - hope UPS is okay as that is easier for me.

I think your idea of going down to 25mg of Topa is a good one in that when you get to Spain, you can start again at the 25mg and you will also have so much going on, that the two will go together well so hopefully you will have much better luck with it.....

That was really nice of you to have your niece to stay - I am sure she has had a ball - laugh at the niece saying about Auntie Play having wine all the time though - hells bells!! yes - children do tend to say it like it is don't they?

Re the weight and the discouraged feeling - you have a lot coming up - once you arrive in Spain and start 'working', the weight will start to come off and your mood will improve - plus once your niece leaves and you can concentrate on getting your stuff together for spain, you will start feeling better I am sure...... I like routine and your life is anything but routine right now. Even once you get to Spain, it will be more routine than it is now.....

Hi Trixie - how odd that you should mention Holosync - I too did it for years - then gradually stopped it as for some reason it stopped doing anything for me. It is hard to explain to anyone exactly what it does, but it did something - LOL. I put them on my iPod and found that a lot of them were exactly the same too...... Maybe I might dig them out and start all over.....it would be interesting to see if they affect me the same as they did or if the change they made in my brain is permanent!!

I too read Kick the Drink and didn't care for it - my favourite is the Alan Carr book - WHEN I read it it really resonates with me - the two books are really similar as Vale worked with Carr and after Carr died, Vale printed his own version...... a lot of folk prefer the Vale version though.

And yes, I too am a meditator - but only when I don't drink..... which these days, isn't often. One day - LOL. I hope one day, to get back to my regular routine of meditating and yoga like I used to. It used to make me feel so good. All without AL. The odd Guinness - but never every night and never something I would think about all the time..... SIGH

WTE - I really have no idea at all what it is about the lead and Katie - to my knowledge there is nothing at all in her past that could have done this or that she associates anything bad with it - but it is a work in progress - I used to love taking Maggie for her walk every day - daisy doesn't like to walk - walks about 50 yds then doesn't want to walk any more - no fun at all. So I was hoping that I could get back into walking every morning with Katie - there are some friends that we used to meet every morning on the trail and I would so like to get back to that.

It seems whenever anything happens in our lives to mess things up that it is so easy to go off the rails re the drink - and that shouldn't be an excuse but it is for me - last night I ended up having 5 Guinness again. Stuff stirred up from a while ago that just got me down - NO excuse I know but I need to be able to handle things better other than turning to the Guinness. I am a big girl now and instead of going to the fridge, should go to the L-Glut and the Kudzu. then wait at least 20 mins......

So, how are things going with Charlie? I know that for you, this was a big happening for you too - hence your going off the rails too - see? we all do it..... AL is so easy to turn to..... SO, we all need to get our heads sorted and straighten ourselves out - yes? YES!! Oh - so easy to say...... What did you mean WTE when you said that you think the Topa is screwing with your nutrition? In what way?

I seem to be in a waffly mood this morning so will stop before this keeps going and going.......

Hope you are doing well Mimi and Struggles too - pop in if you can and give us an update - it would be lovely to hear from you. Houtx - hope you are good too - shame you can't copy and paste, that way we might be able to actually SEE a post from you - LOL.

Diz - did your friend leave? I am happy that you had such a lovely time with her here - you really needed it and it must have been so good for you.

Space - thinking of you and sending prayers and hugs your way :l:h

Love, Sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning to all ?

Space, from me ? simply a big ol? hug.

And Space ? you ARE like me when it comes to the eating. What is it with us? I can relate to you looking at the clock and it being 3:30 PM and you have not eaten yet. ACK. Maybe we can put our heads together and work on that. I eat better when I am more on track with everything ? but when I de-rail so does eating.

As for all Topa does / how it works ?it helps with cravings but there are also theories that it may also possibly work in some ways similar to Nal and the TSM program in re-wiring brain chemistry over time.

Oh dear Play. You sound about like me a few days ago! About to ?lose to me marbles? and drinking right through the days. Getting pissed off at myself and getting more stressed so drinking more. I SO feel for you right now! But,you do have a few days to still pull it all back together ?. no? Just thinking I mean, is it really the time to drop back on the Topa? When you say ?wasting it?, who cares about the cost as I bet you are spending more $ on wine than 25 mgs of Topa. And for me, as I was getting goofy with Charlie, I was forgetting my Topa and which doses I had taken or not and I THINK it was making it all worse! I?m not positive, but I think I may not have spiraled quite as bad had I keep on track with my Topa.

*** Just read Sun?s post that she is thinking the opposite here about the Topa. So who knows! HA!

Anyways, it?s a bump. It doesn?t mean you have failed, it doesn?t mean it?s over, it doesn?t mean you will not be back to being perfectly comfortable with 1-2 glasses of wine again soon. All it means is you lost your focus ? FOR A BIT. Just like I did with Charlie. I know it?s really hard and it may not be until your two more days of ?tour guide duty? is over, but try and get the brakes back on if you can. I am still working on getting back to my ?comfortable 3ish? ? so cut yourself so slack.

If my math is right (which it often is not! HA!) you drop your niece off on the 4th and leave on the 15th for Spain. (Sorry ? had to giggle that she was tattling on you and the wine! OMG! Kids!) That gives you 10-11 days to take a few deep breaths, maybe shop a bit of new things to wear, and re-group? Oh ? I so feel for you as I was I your shoes just so recently with that overwhelmed feeling. Hang in there ?? Topa WAS working for you, maybe just different this time. Hugs!

Morning Sun ? I hope you eventually sort thing out with Katie. I too love to walk with Charlie with friends and also enjoy picnics at the off leash dog park with others.

Yep ? Turning to AL is certainly our bad habit! HA! Funny, because I manage at time to roll through some things (like Buddy nonsense) and stay on track. Charlie just put me over the edge. I need to sort out why I am able to deal with some stuff without derailing. I do know we sure all beat ourselves up when we do ? it?s awful!

Which, BTW, Charlie is doing great! We had a BIG leap in improvement last night! Yippy! Had a great day at the shop and he did little to no itching. It was time to change the wrapping on his ?tube thing? so I planned on doing that when I came home. A bit nervous as I was afraid that when I took it off he would go goofy scratching ? so I gave him a rawhide bow thing (which I NEVER give him as they scare me ?but it was a good distraction item). They poor guy! When the vet tech had put the collar back on the last time, unknown tome, they put a 4th tie under his chin and a bunch of his fur was tied into it! OUCH! So it took quite a bit of fur cutting to get the darn thing off and he was so sweet and patient. He has this awful pink rash where is had been rubbing so I put a bunch of Benadryl (sp?) cream on it.

Not one attempt to itch at it. Sooo ? I watched a bit of TV, decided to scrub up the collar thing a bit, put new padding on it and leave it off! I used a hair dryer on it in case I had to all of a sudden put it back on. Tada! We made it through the night in one piece and no collar! I am guessing it will have to go back on after the staples come out Thursday ?but for now we are BOTH relieved! HA!

As for the ?messing with my nutrition? and Topa comment Sun, in that I mean losing weight. I am always hesitant to mention much about it because I know so many women fight with weight loss. But trust me, it?s no fun being on the other side of the coin either.

With Topa I really lose my appetite, and I am not a big eater anyways. I never have been, always been a grazer, and don?t really care for sweets although will kill for breads and pastries. HA! But on Topa I can seriously just FORGET to eat until all of a sudden I feel light headed and think ?did I ever remember to eat anything today??

When I really got rolling well and am taking the All-One, I started to actually get a better appetite back. I was eating better and eating much, much more. And paying more attention to when I did feel hungry. But no matter how much I am eating, it seems like my body is assimilating it oddly or differently. I am shedding pounds at a ridiculous rate. I just am not sure what else to try. I am seriously starting to look ill.

But ? On that note! HA! I feel SO much better and feel headed back in the right direction. Not there yet but feel like my focus is coming back. A bit tired again as I re-adjust a bit again with the Topa (I suspect) but it?s all good.

Love & Hugs
from
WTE & Charlie

And yes - he really DOES lay around like a cat. HA!

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I like the photos of Charlie, he looks lovely. I want to learn how to take photos of my dogs to show you all them. They are called Shadow and Skye, but unfortunately I dont get to talk to other dog owners while I take them out,(I havent been able to take them since my back got bad) and I also cant let them off their leads. Today when I have come in they seem all itchy all they are doing is grooming each other, I think its something in the garden thats doing it but they love being out there so much.

I just came in from my aunties and came on here to read, I was reading about peeps not taking their L glut so remembered I hadnt taken mine, got up wanting to take it and then started looking for food for our tea and then had poured a lager which I have been thinking about all day, came back here and realised I still hadnt taken my L glut.

WTE, I seem to be like you regarding the not eating but I dont loose weight, I just keep on putting it on, so much so that I have considered taking topa just to see if it will help me loose weight. My main goal has to be the drinking, when I loose sight of that and start focusing on loosing weight I start drinking too much again. an example of this is, I know lager is fattening, so if Im loosing weight I will drink vodka instead which is less fatteming, my goal has moved. When I know I cant touch vodka, its leathal to me and every time I end up on a bender drinking 24/7 when I am awake I am drinking. So I nead to start eating for nutrition and the weight is a side issue.

So yep WTE maybe we should put our heads together over good eating I think, set a goal to eat something of a morning could be a good start.

I also had a 5 can night last night, today wanting a drink has been on my mind most of the day, I am relieved to get home just so I can have a drink.

Just going to put the tea out I will have to finish this later xx

[Wildflowers]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play: Don't be too hard on yourself please your a good woman! Any one that takes on the career of Nurse & Mother is a deeply caring person! I hope that with time you will learn that it's OK to say no & put your own needs first. I know it must be very hard to say no to a child esp a relative. In hindsight perhaps the next time you have another scheduled trip so close together you will find your own voice inside, the one that says it's OK to put Me first. It takes practice & a desire to know that you don't have to please everybody else. That you don't have to be perfect. Needing approval, other peoples acceptance to feel good about ourselves, so that we can loves ourselves. Well that's at least what I've come to realize about my own life. I'm getting stronger, by saying no.

As for your Niece & her talking about your drinking. Just think many places in Europe they drink a glass of wine or two with every meal. Your able to function quite well, you hold a job, take care of your home, leave your home fly half way around the world to take care of your daughter, grandbabies & the list go's on.... Hold your head high if any one says anything act like it's no big deal. If you act confident no one will think any thing of it. Even tho spent money that was to be saved, you will look back one day & won't regret showing her a trip of her life time. The sweet memories that you've created together will be all you remember. Some how all these worries tend to end up working out in the long wrong. That's what my Nana used to say to me. That's what I keep telling myself when I start to worry & I do & it helps.

I'd say just go ahead & screw it for now, go shopping get some clothes that fit, ones that make you feel better. Tho this isn't a vacation you need to be comfortable when you travel to Spain. Sorry I thought that's where you'd gone. We need to love ourselves just the way we are!..... Ya know we aren't 25, 35, 45 anymore. I'm done grieving over my teenage body. Yes, it would be nice to lose 20-30 lbs, but when that's my priority it may happen, but if it doesn't so be it. I'd rather be content being fit enough to enjoy physical outdoor activities as I age. Beauty comes from within. God doesn't make junk! You aren't a barn!.... You are a bright, giving & beautiful woman!......

By the way it's OK to feel resentful towards Nieces, Daughters, Sons, Spouses, Exs, Mom's, Friends, Furbabies, Jobs, Etc. It's normal to feel these emotions from time to time. Even for days at a time. Surely we aren't horrible people, we are human. Yet, we don't feel this way towards those we love 24 seven, 365 days of the yr. I think its safe to say we can learn to accept them & not bury them as they are a part of life, yet we also don't need to constantly dwell on them either. It's all about balancing them. It's hard when were stressed & our lovely female hormones are rising & lowering. I'm also learning to meditate & know some yoga. It does help, but accepting I don't have to be perfect is grand. Keeps me more emotionally grounded so I don't want to drown myself in alcohol.

Please know that I'm writing this as much for myself as I am for you or any one else that it may help. I'm also practicing what I teach my girls when they come to me when their stressed, try not to react, but rather respond. Knee jerk reactions verses responding. I also think it's OK when you go to Spain that you don't have to act perfect in front of your family, as there's no such thing! That is an illusion that sets us up for failure, better to teach young ones now that life has hardships, so that they don't grow up thinking everything is rainbows & lollipops all the time.

As for the Topa. You decide whats best. My first reaction was that of WTE. But what do I know, it's your body that you need to listen to. I do think 25mg is to low of a dose to do much good. I will say a prayer for strength, reduced tension ~ anxiety, a safe flight, & that the surgery is without any complications, along with that it will ease your daughter's pain. Enjoy your babies!....

Waving Hi to everyone else. Give Charlie a belly rub.

Wildflowers :h

[Kradle123]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am on my second round of taking Topa. First time was with the starter pack in 2008. Was up to about .75mg and did great. No cravings, ]lost weight, gym everyday, wonderful. then my psyche collapsed and my new found success just seemed pointless so slowly , ,slowly I went back to the nightly bottle of wine and erratic bitchy behavior.
Now we are in 2012 and pointless or not, I must cut down, back or completely stop because it is way to expensive and it is a big fat toll on my health and I have promised my children that I am living until 93 years....and then I'm out a here!
This time though at .50 mg I am a mess. I can't remember a damn thing and I feel crazy and hungover almost all the time. My sleep is not too bad thankfully but the days are tough and my family is very demanding. I do not drink wine anymore but I switched to rum about a year ago, rum and diet tonic..my family has no idea. There is more story there of course...
It feels very strange to write that. they have no idea. I could drop dead min the kitchen and my husband would probably not notice so the fact that he is clueless is really no never mind but my kids....well...not certain what to make of that. Anyway, I'm off track.

Does anyone have this experience with the topa? It does cut the cravings; it really does but my God it makes me daft as a bat so I'm not certain which is worse this time!
My L-Glut should be here this week with the omega oil. I am now about 13 day af with a slip on 6 but really I don't 'feel' AF.... If that makes sense

Oh and for added fun, I have my lamictal bipolar med to contend with. It all makes me way loopy...but I need to stop or seriously cut back drinking but I can not function like this for an extended period.
Anyone's experience knowledge, direction is so appreciated! It seems unfair to wake up with headaches and feeling yucky when I am not drinking....though I admit, it's not as bad as a real hangover
:l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all - too strung out to respond to anyone. School is now officially out...is aw good.

So much to say but it's late & I am a basket case :-)) More later & glad everyone seems to be doing ok ~

XO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone!

COME BACK DIZ ALL IS FORGIVEN

Seriously - where are you??? You are missed...... I come here every morning and look to see who has posted and you always used to have - and yet again .... no Diz. :-( Are you okay?? I thought your friend was only staying a night or two... Did you have a nice time? i thought it sounded as if you did. I know you must be busy with your work trying to get it finished but please post and let us know you are okay - okay??

I am doing okay - just had two Guinness last night so woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning at 5.00. Have chatted with my mum and BOB (Big Old Brother for those who don't know) on skype - I am so envious of those in UK today - the Jubilee sounds so much fun and I should be there....... I am waving my flag though ....... I think the Queen is lovely and seeing as she was put on the throne at such a young age, has really been amazing. I love how everyone in UK is responding to the whole thing....SO British!!

Kradle - I am sorry you are having such a hard time with the Topa. Do you think the Topa and your other meds are not mixing well maybe? yes, it can give the SE's that you are having - I get the Topa Dopa but not as bad as you are having. I get the forgetting words - but also can put that down to age - LOL Did you go up to the 50 slowly or just jump in? How long have you been on the 50? Sometimes, staying at the dose for a while evens out the SE's - but time is the only thing that will show you that. I had a lot of success with the L-Glut and Kudzu actually. when I got really serious about taking them ALL THE TIME, I found they were as effective as the Topa is when I get to the dose that works for me. But I had to be really serious about taking them which I wasn't very good at. Because I don't drink a lot (amount wise), I tend to not be too good at keeping up with it..... SO, my advice would be to take L-Glut - at least 2 tsps of the powder, at least three times a day plus Kudzu - two tabs three times a day..... and maybe go back down to 25mg of the Topa and see how you feel...... JUST my advice mind you....

Hi there Houtx - nice of you to pop in - be lovely to hear from you - :H:H

Wildflowers - lovely to see you again. How are you doing these days? how goes it with the AL fight? you didn't say much about that.... I was wondering how you are doing with it.....

Hi there Space - how are you doing today? Seeing you say about your dogs, I have decided to post a picture of each of my two dogs - Daisy and Katie. I loved the picture of Charlie - he is such a sweetie isn't he? You said you can't let your dog off the lead - in USA where I live, there is a lead law and you are not allowed to let dogs off their leads - I hate it as they never get a good run!! Even if they will walk on a lead in the first place - LOL How goes it with the Lager? I was very good last night and only had 2 Guinness.... Go me. Oh re the dogs and being itchy when they come in from the the garden - if it lasts a while, you can always give them an antihistamine - Daisy has low thyroid and is on meds, but 'cos of it she is always scratching so we give her an anithistamine twice daily with her thyroid meds. Anyway - thinking of you today and sending hugs :l

Hi there WTE - as usual - lovely picture of Charlie - so happy that things are getting better with him. yes, I too have a problem with the eating - half the time I cannot be bothered and I get to the point where I have to eat something 'cos I feel sick as I haven't eaten!! It is such a waste of time - but I do try and make sure I have the All-One so I get at least some nutrition and of course, Guinness is good for me - LOL :H Oh - and I do know about being on the other side of the coin re the weight loss - I am 'slim'. Always have been, and used to have to fight to keep weight on when I was in my teens and early 20's. Not now - I am pretty stable these days, but do still need to watch it that I don't lose weight.... SORRY everyone who is trying to lose - can't help it - just have an amazing metabolism!!!! yes, I graze too and don't eat sweets either - although I always have a bar of Cadbury Fruit and Nut in the freezer and sometimes will eat three squares of that if I am feeling peckish and can't be bothered to eat! Apple and peanut butter is another good standby. How is the AL going? Now that things are calming down a bit for you.....are you getting back on track?

Gosh - it is nearly 8.00 already - I have been up for 3 hours and have been on the computer the whole time - okay, a good chunk of it on Skype with mum and BOB, but even so - I need to get my day started - the compost pile awaits!!!

Need to attach pics of daisy and Katie first.....





It was hard to see which ones I put as they were so tiny -LOL

Love and hugs to all, Love, Sun XX Attached files [img]/converted_files/1870781=6830-attachment.jpg[/img] [img]/converted_files/1870781=6827-attachment.jpg[/img]

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh My Gosh, what would I do without you all, Space, Sun, Dizz, Wte, Trix, Wild, Houtx, your messages really mean so much to me.

Space, I wanted to say that I really understand that wierd thing about doing really well during some especially demanding time and then as soon as the pressure is off, just letting loose with the drinks.

I'm trying to catch up with a couple of posts here before my own story. Space, I eat pretty healthy but very irregularly also, probably mostly because of my work hours. I love the All One shake that I make with frozen berries, a banana, some kind of juice or milk, protein powder, etc., I'm very good about having it when I don't work of a morning but when I get up at 5:30 am, I'm just not hungry and also I don't want to turn the blender on and wake the neighbor. So, then I'm off to work and never think about food until lunch time and then perhaps don't get a chance to even then. My worst habit is eating in the late evening when I am finally at home in front of my computer with some wine. Last time the Topa made me totally disinterested in food and I lost 8 pounds in about two weeks and then just held there and now have gained it back plus more, I needed to lose 20 to start with.

Trix, thank you for your encouragement, I tend to try to meditate when I am already nice and relaxed and the more stressed that I get, well, it's just so much easier to reach for a drink like I have done for so long, and feel the stress let up at least temporarily, it doesn't make sense of course, I guess I'm working on it, at least I want to work on it, it is one of my goals. Tomorrow I will google Holocync, thank you for suggesting it.

Sun, UPS is fine, thank you so much, I will enjoy anything that you send. For some reason I started wondering about what is a "waffly mood", is this a mood that is good at just the breakfast hour, and do you have moods that apply to other food times of the day? just wondering.

Dear WTE, thank you, yes, feel like I'm about to go round the bend lately, and I was yes thinking of backing off the Topa and Sun agreed and probably would be a good idea but then you brought up the idea that there is a possibility that it be working to actually rewire our brain like Nal so that the craving might actually go away in the long run, this is something that I have wondered about for a long time, so you have given me something to think about again, and yes, of course, 25mg of topa doesn't cost all that much, I guess I can spare it, I'm thinking I'm not going to cut it down. Right now I'm on 25mg AM and 50 mg PM ( i was going to cut down 25 mg pm). Who knows, the day I get to Spain might be the day the Topa really starts to help, or the day that I don't drink over it, or just who knows. I think my new plan may be as soon as I get there I will increase by 25 mg in the am so I will be 50mg AM and 50mg PM, perhaps I just have needed to go to a bit higher dose as I have never been that high before. And Yes, WTE, this is just a Bump, a Glitch, a tiny Detour, Not the End of the World, thank god for my friends.

Space, I love the names of your dogs, Shadow and Skye, what kinds of dogs are they? I'm glad they can go in the garden as you aren't able to take them out right now with your back hurting, I will look forward to the pictures, I'm figuring out pictures also. As far eating, even tho I feel like a barn, I too am trying to remember that what is important is our overall health, weight issue can come down the line sometime, I'm trying to get more comfortable with it.

Dear Wilde, what a beautiful wildflower you are, I do have quite alot I want to tell you, I put the computer to sleep overnight and now I'm running out to work but will post again tonight, in short, thank you, more later.

I love you all,
play

[Kradle123]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

:Hi Sun
Thanks so much for your thoughtful advice! I was reading in another thread how a member landed herself in a coma with Topa and Pristiq so I am a Bit wtf....
I did go up gradually, I have done this before, I am under a ton of stress- most of it self fricken imposed of course :nutso:

I am also thinking that my lack of actively might be involved... I have always been super active and slender and then this last year...went to hell in a hand basket. I think I can get into one pair of pants. :upset:

Anyway, I am waiting for the L-Glut maybe I should order the kudzu though it didn't seem to help me last time...maybe just go for more Supps and try to wean away from the synthetic drugs...I do like the idea that The Topa or was it Camp ? is re-wiring our brains.

Lord knows in could use a complete overhaul :H:

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HA! Sun! You have a “cat like snoozer” dog too! Just cracks me up when they do that. Charlie is the first dog I have ever seen sleep in the sun on his back like a cat. Your pups are SO sweet looking! Funny – you say your pictures are too small and I can’t figure out how to make mine any smaller. LOL

Shame you have no off leash areas around you. I live up on private roads, on acres in the hills and years ago it was made legal to have our dogs off lead. It’s even posted as you enter this area : “Warning – Dogs at Large” however then it has this goofy picture of this cartoon dog that looks far from dangerous. HA! Don’t you have any off leash dogs parks in your area?

Space – It’s pretty easy to post pictures here – can help you if you want. But please, no photos of Skye doing her um, um, um, …. HA! If I die and someone looks at my computer I will not be embarrassed about posts on MWO or posts here, embarrassed about being on dating sites ..but I WILL be embarrassed Goggling “do female dogs masturbate?” HA! HA! I had no clue! LOL

Yes, trying to stay up better with my L-Glut as well. Decided to add some column to my “chart” thingy and check off as I take it. Shezzz, seems if I don’t note everything down I just forget it in my Topa Dopa state. Which I also moved to my desk as I seem to be losing track of taking my Topa when it’s on the kitchen counter – so now it stares me in the face here at my desk and I can note it right away when I take it.

And Space - I hear you about the vodka! I simply don’t dare have it in the house! When “buddy” used to visit, that was his poison and so I would always buy a large bottle. Never failed that I would always end up with a Bloody Mary or vodka cranberry in my hand first thing in the morning. I have ZERO will power with it in the house. *sigh* But you are right, our focus needs to be on the AL issue for now and getting healthy. I would NOT try Topa just for weight loss. Not everyone loses weight on it and you already have a cocktail of meds going that you are trying to balance and work with. I would think that as the lager goes now .. so would a few pounds perhaps?

OK – What is for breakfast??? ACK I have SUCH a hard time eating in the mornings! Space, do you take All-One? I am trying to stay consistent with that again and I am least getting some of the nutrition I need from that. If you do eat breakfast Space 0 what do you like? I need something that is quick and easy as I am always dashing out the door fast for the shop and end up saying to heck with it if it’s too involved.

Wildflower – I loved your post. And while I know it was written for Play, it resonated with me so much as well. So thank you. I also keep on promising myself to learn yoga as I think it would do wonders in balancing so much in my life. Thank you for reminding me again to make that more of a priority ….

Oh Kradle – Sorry to hear of your rough patch. Yes, Topa and really make you feel goofy for a bit. I got a bit off my for a week or so with life “stuff” and am finding myself back with Topa Dopa – but it seems to be fading again. Like Sun said – it just takes time for the body to adapt. Then again, it could be a med combo? I’ve forgotten if you are getting it through your DR or not. I know when I increase my Topa I get little tiny headaches “flashes” for the 1st few days – but they are mid-day, so something different then you are getting. My thoughts are with you. And I find the L-Glut is REALLY helpful for me.

Houtx – I am missing you! Can we PLEASE set up a “date night” on the phone? Pretty please? =)/>
Sun, happy to hear you are having a great morning after a 2 nighter! I did better yesterday as well a bit – 4 glasses. Not the 3 target I had for myself this month, but back to being closer to it. I still struggle with not “starting” too early when I am home. It just consumes me all day until I cave. If I could open a bottle of wine at 5 or 6 PM like normal people, this would be a walk in the park. I think. HA!

Charlie did end having me a bit rattled again yesterday. The morning started off great. He had a bit of rash where that “ring” had been rubbing BELOW the surgery and the vet asst had tied it wrong into his fur. Not sure if it was the anti-itch cream I put on him or the anti-biotic cream but something triggered him and then he itched the hell out that area! UGH. So bad I had to remove his collar as it was flaming red. So I gave him an antihistamine before bed and prayed for the best. It made him sleepy enough that all was good this morning, but now I am in a pickle again. Can’t put the ring collar back on because I can’t put a collar on him to keep it on him. I looked at harnesses online this morning and thought I may try to go down the hill and buy one. For now I just put strips of T-Shirt over it and that non-stick surgery tape that only sticks to itself to cover the area. Good grief.

So, other than that, it will be a pretty quiet Sunday. I’ll be sticking close to home (and Charlie) except to do a dash to the store for more medical tapes and patches, a harness, (wine HA!) etc. He still seems a bit sleepy although we have been up for about 3 hours and he has had breakfast and gone potty but now back in his bed in my office.

Hoping we all enjoy a soothing Sunday in our own ways ….

Love,
WTE


PS: Where IS Diz????

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Very quick reply and will post more later -came in to get rid of my clothes!!!! Last year bunnies ate ALL of the leaves off my sweet potato plants so this year I bought some Liquid Fence and having seen a couple of baby bunnies in the garden decided it was time to spray it....... to give you an idea of the smell (you spray it around your beds and the critters won't cross it) the first two ingredients are 'putrescent egg solids and garlic' - anyway - yes, you have guessed it - it went all over me - not just a spray - but literally soaked me !!!! I stink to high heaven!! Have changed my clothes but I can still smell it. the dogs think I am so interesting - LOL I put them in while I sprayed it as when I was filling the container I spilled some and they both licked it - they obviously like it so hope they don't get sick! Once it is dry I can put them out again. I hope they don't lick where it has been sprayed......

anyway - that is my day so far - have also had a Guinness - have been catching bits of the Flotilla in Uk and it has been really choking me up - I am such a Royalist!! Have finished with the compost piles and am so pleased with all my work - got lots of good stuff and now going to start on the planting of some new plants and putting new seeds in where none came up. feeling really good and I think it is good that I only have two more Guinness in the fridge. Won't drive after that so can't get any more......

More later and will reply to your post then WTE, Play and Kradle - Play - I think we sort of cross posted !!! you need to go back and look at the pics of my dogs - not that I am showing them off or anything - LOL !!!

back later - having a good day - apart from the smell - Peeeeyooo !!!

Hugs, Sun XX

DIZ WHERE ARE YOU ??????

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone

And Sunny, I've been reading the posts but I can't post from my phone and my brother's been using the modem this weekend. Its frustrating as I often think I want to say something and then I have to remember to say it another time.

Your smelly spray thing made me laugh. I just gagged as my brother made me help find the stinky item in his room and it was his sheep wool slippers. It was so bad that I literally gagged! You should make your own spray rather, it stinks less, there is an easy one with garlic and chillies and the bunnies. I put a link on the gardening thread.

The visit was nice but then I got offered this job that we both applied for (we're both writers), the money is really good and its 6-8 hours a day for 5 months but now I'm really stressed as I have so much work and the move and everything.

Also Michelle bought a bottle of wine and that spiralled out of control so I ended up not doing most of the weekend but having wine and am a bit disgusted. I mean I wasnt on a bender or anything but I did have wine every day since Thursday and now I have to hop back on the wagon toorrow. I hate the fact that wine makes me so anxious and that I lose so much TIME as I havent done any of the things I shouldve done this weekend. Oh well, perhaps I needed a lazy weekend of watching movies and hanging out with my parents and skyping with boyfriend.

So, sorry for being AWOL, its the awful wine beast and internet complications, but I'm fine.

Speaking ofbf, we're going to skype just now, so I'll post whatever I have then to give poor Sunny's heart a rest and then come back afterwards and finish up.

The Queen's thingie also made me thing of you Sun, I did see a bit of it on TV, but for some reason they lost the commentary so I only watched 20 mins before I got bored. I thought Kate looked very pretty in red.

WTE - Glad to see Charlie's better, that photo makes him look like he's been in Sunny's garden. He looks stoned!

Kradle - Welcome, I'm also bipolar and my doctor actually switched my meds from Lamictal to Topa. Somehow it does the trick for me. I was very loopy the first month but it evened out after that. I want to ask that you PLEASE not stop the Topa but rather go down to 25mg, I think Topa is much stronger for people with Bipolar, so you should be very careful, but it does kick craving but, so hang in there a bit longer and do a bit more work in terms of supps and L-Glut before you give up. I'd rather be AF and a bit loopy than drunk every day.:l

Space - I hope your family story will settle down and I'm sorry you had to go through all of that. :l

OK, Mr Diz :H is online, so I better go skype, but will finish up my post in an hour or so.

:h

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play, I'm sorry you have so much stress but as a fellow soldier in this war against AL I can honestly say that wine has never helped me relax or solve any of my problems. Yes the first two glasses may calm you down for a little bit but in the end the anxiety actually gets worse. So I'm glad that you listened to WTE, I think just stay on course and try to do relaxation excercises. You won't waste the Topa and you won't run out this time.

Hey there Houtx, sorry your posts are so short, but hopefully you'll have more time now with school being out.

Hey Wild, some good advice you gave Play.

And Sun, its so cool that you have a bike!

Trixie - Meditation and guided meditations does help. I have read the Alan Carr book and although I hated it at the time I found that I now seem to quote it quite a bit. I think you only really start believing it after you've been AF for a while.

Anyway, had a 2.5 hour Skype with bf, it was draining but I feel much better now. Have to try and sort out visa tomorrow. Well that and ten thousand other things so I should probably not worry about it just before bedtime.

Love and hugs.

:h

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello Again,
I'm home breathing in my balcony garden, thinking of everyone here and the good vibes that you have been sending to me, how can it be just a random thing that we are here together on this site, during some of the most difficult times of our lives, each of us reaching out to each other, finding comfort and friends where none existed before, I feel that I am the most blessed person in the Universe to have you friends here, the beauty of your spirits, your kindness of words, your gentle reassurance of my beauty and value in this world and beyond, the reminder that if we experience gloom during the night, we need only to raise our faces to the morning sun and feel it's warm rays and awake to a new day, thank you all more than I can ever express in words.

Wildflowers, thank you so much for your letter, I will treasure it always, "I get every word that you wrote", tomorrow I'm going to target and buy some sweat pants that I can be comfortable in, yes, who cares if I've gained some weight, yes, I do believe that I am a beautiful person, my daughter is lucky to have me for a mother, you are right, I do an amazing lot for my children and take care of sick people in my "spare working time", LOL.

So, I did something for myself today, I worked 1/2 day and then instead of taking my niece to the "COLD SAN FRANCISCO BEACH" I told her that Aunt Play was old and tired and I needed to take her to San Jose to her Grandparents house this afternoon rather than on Monday, she looked up from her I Phone and said, "Oh, Ok", and went back to texting her friends, so my daughter and I drove her down this afternoon, so I did finally just say "no", but in the end she didn't even care, and now I have Monday off, for the first day almost since I went to visit my mom, that visit was spent packing boxes to mail back to myself so I can have everything in one place at my apartment for the first time in many years. So, tonight I am feeling a hugh sigh of relief, a few glasses of wine, tomorrow I'm making my cds to send out and catching up on other stuff, you guys, I just love you so much, hope everyone is fine, if we haven't seen you in a little while please check in.

love to all
play