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    New here and starting Topa and with a question

    Well, Space, I live in a very sleepy upmarket Afrikaans neighbourhood. So, where I am is very safe and I'm 5km away from public transport. Public transport is still linked to the have and the have nots because call it what you like but most white people have more money and cars and a large percentage of black people still live in informal squatter camps without cars and rely on cleaning and gardening jobs and public transport. Thats why public transport are deemed unsafe and why if you live near it, your house is also a target for break-ins.

    I havent been to the city a lot and last Sept I kept warning my bf about Cape Town city and the vagrants and how the trains are awful and what to avoid but then he came after the Soccer world cup was here and actually the money injection made the city a much nicer place and it gave us money to build much nicer buses and trains and stations, so we are getting there in some aspects. We could even walk at night as they built larger sidewalks and put up really bright streetlamps.

    When I lived in the city for many years, or rather I lived next to the beach, close to the city, I was often scared, as you used to get many rough sleepers who would harass you for money and I was mugged once and 'almost' mugged twice but my pepper spray saved me. I learnt street smarts, dressed down, always wore flats, had attitude and became less scared. But after London and moving to the suburbs and getting my own car, I'm scared again, I'm afraid I'm a wuss an no longer feel like 'part of the people.'

    I have to say that I'm not a racist and that I wasnt even in the country when the whole apartheid thing was taking place. I had mixed race classes since first grade and had black friends since I was two and living in Zimbabwe. So when I clarify things, its only because I'm speaking plainly, not because I'm being judgemental. But 80% of the crime statistics take place in the informal settlements.

    If you shared in a one room home made out of scrap metal with 6 relatives. And the area was filled with people who didnt have jobs or were dirt poor and had no proper lighting and had only some toilets you had to share. HIV rates are high, gangs are everywhere, people steal from anyone who has anything, rape is common. You get better parts (the ones at the entrances where the police stations are) but you get better parts too.

    Khayelitsha - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    Nyanga, Cape Town - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    But where I live is a bit like Ealing, big yards, lots of trees, except its a bit like France as well, we are next to a wine valley (sigh) lots of sunshine and green rolling hills. Very nice area, a bit snobbish, but my friends are nice.

    Well, it seems I'll be hanging out in Leeds quite a lot but as bf is a decade older I doubt I'll really be hanging out with the younger crowd. I'm over my clubbing days and am more of a restaurant girl myself really. I'd much rather go to a nice restaurant or a show than go to a noisy club with teenagers having sex in the toilets, thanks ya very much.

    I think the government actually encouraged the pulling thing by closing the pubs at 11. Everyone got so fecked by then they could hardly walk, and then they had to catch the tube home by 12, so they just ended up sleeping at whoevers home they were at. Its a very foreign concept to me and I'm actually so surprised that HIV isnt more common in the UK. I mean, it isnt as if there arent foreigners living there as well. And you get some nasty people out there, as in guys who know they are HIV+ and then sleep with as many girls as possible to get 'revenge' on the one women who passed it onto him.

    Anyway, let me stop talking so much!!! I'm just excited about the UK today and now I cant stop nattering. I've already done online window shopping in Ikea and Argos, such nice stuff! Now, let me go do some stuff, being lazy today!

    :h

    Comment


      New here and starting Topa and with a question

      Where I live in the UK is a outskirts of the city social housing estate that used to be quite rough but now its ok. Not ok as th where I would let my son walk around of a night alone but I am not in fear here. I get what you mean tho about street smarts, I grew up in the inner city when it was a pretty rough place to be and we where by the prostitutes area so I got used to having a "walk and attitude" that said dont come near me and carried not actual wepons but things that I could used to defend myself, ie an umbrella, perfume sprays, an alarm ect. Now I am much more relaxed and dont feel the threat of attack I also have become a wuss and am not sure if I could defend myself anymore.

      Anyway you go and get things done and we can chat later. I will check out those links you sent me.

      xx

      Comment


        New here and starting Topa and with a question

        LOLOL!! Y'all are soooooooooooo funny! Re: WTE "taking one for the team" and the ensuing comments and conversations! I LOVED it!! WTE - sounds like a fun evening, and I was almost disapointed as well, but then you said he was what - 29?! and you just could go there?! I dunno...woulda been stellar, gf! LOL, but sounds like a fun evening just as it was. And now he also has your business (literally if not figuratively), so that's good!

        DIZZY, you crack me up as ever. You & Space both w/ your different expressions. I cannot for the life of me figure out what "pulling" means...picking someone up and doing IT?! I guess?! Please enlighten. I love all the descriptions about So. Africa and the UK. I teach World Cultures & love saying, "I have a friend who lives in such and such a place and life there is blah blah blah." Makes me sound so much more worldly than I really am!! And as I say such things I'm thinking of my galpals around the world who I have so much in common with and who I relate to here. I tell my classes this...limited, of course, that I'm on a "penpals website" type thing but just that people are people and share so many problems, concerns and core values no matter what culture we belong to. Anyway, I love the cultural borrowing!

        Much as we love to be social, it was brought to my attention that perhaps we ought to spend a flash in the pan talking about our struggles with "the demon"? I'm down. Here's where I'm at: I am still undecided about trying TOPA again. I just HATED the dopa, but I continue to be on the fence...keep thinking well, maybe I'll just go to 25 - 50 mgs slowly and see. Last time I was up to at least 100 mgs/day and in fact, still have some 100 mg pills. Especially b/c it's summer and I really don't have to speak with authority or intellect on a regular basis. Dunno...I continue to take L-Glut every morning and continue to think it keeps me sharp. I also think it curbs my appetite to some extent.

        HA!! Funny here in houtx...I have slowly gained about 10 lbs over the course of the last year or so. It has really crept on and I suddenly woke up one morning and thought, SHIT!! I have a wedding I'm going to Sat. and thought I'd better try on my go-to navy sheath dress that I wear to EVERYTHING with one jacket or another...OMG. It was SOOOOO tight I was just horrified!! But I actually didn't spend too much time beating myself up b/c I know I can get it off, it's just's the disappointment. SHIT!! I lost 40 lbs a few years ago ( got down to 132 - 135 at my lowest. Ohhhhh man, how I loved myself!! lol) and it has slowly crept back. I sortof stabilized at 140ish for several years (I'm 5'8") and was ok with that. Then in the last year it has slowly crept up...I would panic and lose a few then not give a shit and gain it back. I'm not sure my scale is accurate b/c I can weigh in at 148, brush my teeth and gain 3 lbs. Or blow dry my hair and lose 4. Ya think??!! LOL But I can see the curvier curves, and my clothes are stuffed!!

        Anyway, I had to laugh and shake my head this afternoon and I thought about the whole "lot o' ya" as I was about to go shopping for the wedding outfit. I think of shopping as a sort-of workout, btw. Afterall, we are on our feet and stressing out for several hours usually...so ok, it was my last day this week of summer school and I wanted a little something for the road. I have not had a glass of wine in 5 days in an effort to redirect and water down my caloric intake from AL. Yes, I suppose in the real world I would be going AF, but I consider that option literally ALL the time, and I just can't hold out for very long. So I'm substituting vodka & diet tonic. Loving it...So I thought ok, a teensy diet V/T to fortify myself for the potentially traumatic shopping task I was about to take on. Wait!! I thought!! I know!! And dumped in a couple scoops of L-glut to my V/T. I thought of how contradictory I was being, and I wondered what you all would think. I shook my head, stirred it all together, it tasted great and gave me the boost I needed to get out there in the nightmare land of 3-way mirrors and fluorescent lighting.

        LOL - it actually went fine. I am not horribly horrible, and found a cute little jacket that will work with a halter dress I can still squeeze into. I plan to have my hair done into an updo instead of the clip shit I have normally been wearing. I'm not the bride and there will probably be no eligible men there in my category...but one never knows! LOL I'll get back to you.

        Hope this flies - longer than usual!! Take care, all ~

        Comment


          New here and starting Topa and with a question

          You... I relate to your comments. Pulling? The mind creates so many misfit ideas that they cant all possibly be true.

          Dizzy I have no idea what you meant about social life and not sure I want to. A town cant make your sociallife but so Cal shuts down romance quite readily. Whe. Modelsnand airbrushed actresses are your role models friends and family it is hard to be much but the bald sister.

          It doesnt keep you from having friends of course.

          Cheers y'all - not being good re al these days myself.

          Comment


            New here and starting Topa and with a question

            Pulling, copping off, bagging all the same thing, but then you probably dont know what they mean either, meeting a guy who you are later going to ermmm, wiggle tongues with and other things:H

            I dont think I would like all that high mainentance stuff in So Cal, I prefer it here where girls go to the shop in their pj's and rollers

            I actually went to my group yesterday, it was ok nothing great but then after going food shopping I was back in bed by 6pm again, literally done in. On the brighter note Im not drinking and dont want to, not sure whats doing that maybe the gabapentin, or maybe just all the crap I am taking right now together, whatever. Another day of it, I am at the end of my tether with it all. but glad to be able to come on here and tell you lot about it. good to see you here Bruun. got no advice really regarding the drink, just keep on trying is really all I cant say, oh and have a goal and a plan, it doesnt matter what the goal it, whether its to be AF or cut down or sometimes even if you stick to it, just have one.

            The weight urgg, I am just not doing anything about mine now, so still fat and trying to ignore it.

            Love to ya all xxx

            Comment


              New here and starting Topa and with a question

              Hey all

              Urgh, still sorting out paperwork. A good thing of course is that a LOT is getting done so that even if something goes wrong with my bf or trip or both, I'll come back to a very organised home. :H

              My article on an alternative monetary currency is being picked up by a few publications so I'm very chuffed. Of course the timing's wrong as I don't have time for negotiations and dealings but its been a while since I've done proper journo stuff and it'll look great in my portfolio.

              Think of 'pulling' as what a guy would mean when he 'scored' last night. But in the UK the girls also say I 'pulled' last night, and they are very impressed with themselves. To me its a masculine concept but they seem to think its cool.

              Sun sends her love to everyone. She is just a bit down from being off her AD's and she has to deal with her depression a bit. She promise to post as soon as she feels a bit better. Big group hug for you Sun. :groupluv:

              Houtx so nice to get a long post from you and so interesting that you teach World Cultures. If you have any questions, just shout. I've lived in South Africa, Zimbabwe, Namibia and London. Do you teach any other subjects?

              Also tell as a bit about Texas? My idea of it is pretty much what I get from the movies and TV and its not an altogether flattering image. So tell us a bit about your corner of the world.

              And if you're worried about what to tell other people about your international friends, you can always join our gardening thread. When I say something like, ooh I have a friend in Texas who teaches cultural studies and somebody asks me how do I know you, I'll just say, well I belong to this internet gardening forum They don't have to know its on an alkie site.

              Your other option, Houtx, is to try Gabapentin (other name is Neurontin). Space has had some good results on it and its an altogether more friendly drug than Topa. Its cheaper too. I've been talking about Gabapentin with Space and Sun lately, been very much wondering if I can perhaps swop my Citalopram for that as it gets very high ratings.

              Bruun, do you perhaps know anything about Gabapentin? Sorry, I didnt express myself very well with the social life remark. Of course in *my* head I knew what I meant but reading back I'm being very vague. I just meant it takes more than a city to determine's ones social life. So WTE said everyone here does this, but its impossible for everyone to live like that. But I understand that because she does it she will feel like that.

              And trust me, I know exactly what you mean. Its another reason I moved from the City/beach area to the comfy sleepy suburbs. Camps Bay (where I lived) is the capital city of models and gay men. You are surrounded by so much beauty and if lo and behold you go to the gym, you are surrounded by these other worldy creatures. Very bad for you when you are single and looking for a partner.

              But despite all the frivolity and models, fashion week, gay drama (which I like especially for that period when I was younger and trying to figure out how the hell I'm going to find a partner if one in two is gay) movie sets etc. I love my city to bits and I found a little niche corner which is more relaxed and sleepy.

              Space, I betcha you were a wild 'un when you were young but you're not exactly going to tell us about your 'Pulling day' are ya? :blush: Ya wild Liverpudlians.... Come on, spell them beans, and I don't mean them beans on toast. LOL.

              Good to hear you went to group, thats a positive sign. I did read up on Gaba and Seroquel and they both can lead to weight gain, so I think you'll do better now that the Seroquel's out of your system. And if you can find a way to boost your energy and go for daily walks, I'm sure the weight will quickly come off. I'm going to do the '30 day Shred' DVD soon, you can google it and if you like it I can always send you a copy or you can get it off Amazon, K9 lost 5 pounds by doing it for a month.

              Waving hi to WTE,
              and Play
              , Wildflowers,
              and Trixie
              .

              OK, better go do some more yucky paperwork.

              Lots of hugs and love.

              Comment


                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                As a few of you are complaining about Topa Dopa, lethargy in general and not being able to lose weight, I had a look at the MWO book:

                "While short-lived, I found the cognitive impairment associated with the drug to be the most interesting aspect of the program—and, again, it’s one of the reasons the other therapies play such an important role, as I believe they can help offset at least some of the side effects. Several weeks into the program, I discovered a nootropic agent (basically, a “smart pill”) that very much helped mitigate the problem—and interestingly, it further accelerated my weight loss, which I’ll get to later."

                "I lost nearly 30 pounds in about three months, but had also begun taking the nootropic supplement, which had its own anorectic, or appetite-suppressant qualities, so my caloric intake had become significantly reduced. I limited my small meals to healthy choices. Like others, I found any desire for greasy junk food virtually disappeared, and was replaced with a yen for salads, protein, and small portions of carbohydrates. For the first time in my life, I also lost the desire to top off dinner with dessert. I can say without reservation it was the most painless diet I had ever undertaken."

                The pills she talk of is Adrafinil, Olmifon, also known as Provigil, Nuvigil.


                I took Provigil for a while when I had chronic fatigue. Its a stimulant and it helps boost you. I would not advise it as a long term drug but if you were titrating up and you need your wits about you, especially you Houtx, being a teacher, then its worth looking at.

                :l

                Comment


                  New here and starting Topa and with a question

                  Its interesting you just brought that up Dizzy, I have ordered some Modafinil so see if it is of any help to me, I have only ordered 10 to try it out so I will let you all know how it goes when I get it.

                  I looked at the links you posted Dizzy, but then I looked at some other stuff on you tube, it was very scarey and depressing and I had to turn it off, in fact it has kind of put me off coming to visit the little penguins

                  I was reading around the web and found someone who was treating alcoholism with meds in a private clinic, I cant find it again but interestingly she was using Baclofen, Topamax, Naltrexone and Serequel. I am worrying a bit now that it has been the serequel killing my cravings and they will come back once Im totally of it.

                  Comment


                    New here and starting Topa and with a question

                    All I can say, Space, is first take only a quarter of the Modafinil. I don't particularly like feeling wired. If you do take a whole one, on the other hand, you may indeed become SUPERSPACE!

                    Ah, sorry to bring you down. The little penguins are far away from the misery. I'm afraid there is a big gap between the haves and the have nots in Cape town. So if you come as a tourist you will only see the pretty side, the sea, mountain, winelands, pretty stuff. But ironically the airport is slap bang next to the squatter camps so you will see a bit of it as you drive to the nicer areas.

                    So just as I'm sure there are nice areas in Liverpool and then the girls peeing themself at night while pulling, we have penguins and people living in extreme poverty. But the worst thing we can do is try to take on the world's problems as well. I do what I can Space, and you can also do stuff like donate money at Oxfam and stuff like that, its all we can do for now, especially with our depressed minds.

                    I seriously don't think the Seroquel is for cravings, I think its to help the person sleep BUT like I told you why not just ask your doctor to change yours to 50mg normal acting (that is if you are on XR) as you are worried about feeling drowsy and gaining weight. Then you collect those pills and even if you don't use them, just keep them handy, I don't think its a bad pill to have on hand. *Some* person may even offer to buy it off you one day. :bigwink: Just teasing.

                    I've been feeling much calmer recently and I'm still taking the 50mg Seroquel at night to help me sleep. I think its making a big difference in my life but I only plan to use it for this *crisis* period.

                    I have to go to my parents again soon and I just can't stand to see my mom so bad. It makes me want to down a bottle of wine. Hey, with a bottle of wine in me, it used to be quite manageable. I would just put on a stern voice and say OK listen, here's whats going to happen. But now with the Topa and everything I have to do I can't drink. Not even to mention I dosed myself with AB because this is my BIGGEST trigger.

                    My mom just lies in bed and she is scared of doing ANYthing and EVERYthing is too much or too scary or too bad. And she's so scared she is shaking and she doesnt want to bath and she doesnt want to live. And my dad isnt fully mentally *there* anymore so all he does during the visit is complain about 'your mother doesnt cook me proper meals anymore and you only show up every second day' your mother just lies there' 'your mother this' 'your mother that' It makes me want to just punch him in the face and then shake my mother and tell her to snap OUT of it.

                    So I just want to cook the food and walk the dog and get out of there but my mother takes ages to to compile a shopping list and ages to tell me not to lose their credit card and not to crash my car and not to take the dog to the wrong park and my dad takes ages begging me to stay...

                    I SO want a drink right now its not even funny. But I can't and I won't.

                    :h

                    Comment


                      New here and starting Topa and with a question

                      I agree. I don't see Seroquel being for cravings. It's an antipsychotic and that's some major stuff that can have major long term effects.
                      I know this because I have spoken to people on another forum that were on it long term and it really messed them up.
                      I rarely use it any longer. If I do it's 25mg at night to sleep. God forbid I don't sleep when I take that stuff. I look like Jack Nicholson at the end of "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". It makes you into a zombie.
                      I compare that to Thorazine.

                      Comment


                        New here and starting Topa and with a question

                        Its prescribed to me COS for my bipolar, and I have to say it does stop the manic bits, but thats crap for me, I am not madly manic I just get load and busy, sing and dance a bit and actually manage to clean my house then so I did like the manic phase and I didnt go getting into trouble or whatever some people do and it also only lasted around a day a month. So my psychiatrist idea is to stop the mania which wasnt a problem to give me serequel which I would say has pretty much fu@ked up the quality of my life for the past few months and plunged me into a 3 month continuous depression. Anyway, I do know how useful it is for occasional use for sleep so I am now down to around 20mg and have just been and picked up a months supply of 50mg pills to keep handy for emergencies.

                        Oh Dizzy you are doing so well with your parents it must be so hard for you to see them like that and then to do so much for them and have them still complaining. I know what you mean when you say it was easier to deal with when you had a bottle of wine inside you but then when youve visited you still have to go home pissed, drink some more and wake up with a hangover. and then go back again. Do you have anything that would help a bit more right now or can you get some valium/xanax or something like that, hasnt your mum got some you could have a few of just to help you through this difficult time. I will probably get rapped for even suggesting that to you by some peeps on here but I dont care, I just want you to be ok.

                        I will be careful with the modafinil, as I say Ive only ordered 10 but I found some olmifon and have taken one of those today and am feeling more normal not like Ive taken speed or anything.

                        Comment


                          New here and starting Topa and with a question

                          Fun to hear about the different places everyone lives & their cultures. Think there's a mix in most places we live here on planet Earth.

                          Glad to hear people are getting some AF days or are trying. It's so hard, esp some days! It can be done if you really want it more then the drink!... Don't beat yourself up if ya fall, just get back up & try again!.... That's what's so great about this Recovery Site! There are many ways out & nobody should quit trying! Lot's of love, support, knowledge, info all over this site! Sometimes ya gotta hunt for it!

                          Tom will be one month AF again, almost had two last time. It is fecking really hard some days! But, I notice those mind fecking ones don't last. I just have to reconfigure my plan. Big part of that is taking care of me!.... The urge days are easier. Have had a few urge days & it was a breeze to get thru, compared to those battle days. Yet, most of my AF days have been happy ones! Yeah! Better then being drunk, hungover, depressed, sick etc.... Those are the worst days of my life!... That is no way to live!.... Being drunk is no way to live!... AF is the way to live!..... Doesn't mean being happy all the time!... But, most days are happy ones! Plus I can cope & manage the fecking ones most the time easier without the poison! I really can!, When I think I need booze to cope, to be happy, lower anxiety, I'm recognizing that its a big fat lie!..... It's the disease talking, not Wildflowers!.... My daughter so politely reminded me of the day after I had no sleep & I was weak. "Mom it's your disease talking, you really don't want to drink" I was like ah... yah, your right! Glad she was there to set me straight. Tho I still wouldn't have drank, at least not that day. I have to take it one day at a time!....

                          Switching my Topa to 50 mg AM. May add low dose PM. Another experiment. hahaha... At least this is of the positive type. It's making me to hyper, but could be my new addiction to java beans. Guess I'm going to have to accept that being tired for a while & maybe quite awhile, along with days of no sleep is all part of getting well. So, cutting back on java beans as well. Keeping a journal. Was awake the other night until 4-4:30 am no sleep Thank gosh for my girl, cleaning this big house. Pre-scheduled house cleaning day. With still packing & all the other things. Had to cancel friends dinner plans to our home. Nice that friends understand such things!

                          Getting everything ready for today's arrival of my Baby Bear & her BF. Was going to make Lasagna as they think Mama Bear's is the best. In fact they think I should have my own restaurant. I say it's just cause they love me. They say not. Anyway, I'm practicing self care, I'm too tired from all this moving & being in early recovery, getting older too. My daughters friends bailed on her So, were going out. Instead I'm making chocolate chip cookies. Ah can you smell the house when they walk in.

                          PS. Yes, I was reading WTE'S post. Sitting on the edge of my seat. Damn, I thought those clothes were coming off. It was like a chapter from a romance novel. You gorgeous cougar you! Who says you can't have a younger stud! Don't work to hard sexy lady! Don't forget to eat & take care of you!

                          Oh & Ms Lovely Dizzy, I think it's excellent to be demanding sometimes. If I were single now I'd make them get tested for STDS too, b4 they got any of my sweet stuff. By the way when are you flying to London?

                          Waving Hi to everyone else.

                          Take Care, :h

                          Comment


                            New here and starting Topa and with a question

                            Yep, some people are getting AF on here, others are reaching their drinking goals, others maybe struggling but still trying and coming on here or reading here so change will be on the way for them as well. I am AF right now but dont count days it doesnt matter to me how long I have or havent had a drink for its what Im doing and how me and my family feel that important to me, I do realise however thats important to others.

                            I have managed to get some work done on the dresses tonight, I am worried in case they dont turn out right and just want to get the first on finished now and see does it fit and is it ok. I did think about a bottle of wine this aftenoon but when I was leaving the shop I realised I had forgotten all about it, then my youngest son told me how much my drinking had upset me and how happy he was that I have stopped, he said he thought it was amazing, so I popped an AB quick so I didnt go and let him down.

                            Oh well Im off to sleep now so goodnight everyone.xx

                            Comment


                              New here and starting Topa and with a question

                              Hi all

                              Comment


                                New here and starting Topa and with a question

                                Not A Happy Camper

                                OK, I posted earlier but the post turned out much angrier than I intended so I turned it into a PM. I'm upset about what's going on at this thread. I'm really upset that Wildflowers decided to hi-five the people's comments on THAT other thread, without thinking that it would hurt Sun's feelings. I really miss having Sun here and I really hope she will come back to us soon.

                                I always thought our thread did not have politics and nastiness and I would really like for it to stay that way.

                                Also, where is WTE and where is Play? Are they upset or are the respectively sharing their jacuzzi with their toy boy and enjoying the Spanish sun?

                                Good luck with the dresses, Space
                                . You really have lots of talent!

                                Yeah, Cos
                                , I know Seroquel is hardcore. My pdoc did discuss it with me and although I don't take it permanently I'm not exactly new to anti-psychotics. The name sounds awful though, as if if you didnt take it you'd be psychotic all the time.

                                I leave on the 4th of July so I have some time. Still have millions of stuff to do though! At least like I keep reminding myself, if things doesnt work out or if I do come back for a holiday, I'll be coming back to a clean slate as I'm sorting my stuff and finances and papers from top to bottom and it will feel fantastic once I'm done.

                                Right now I feel like a drink but of course I won't because of AB. Shit, had to by Antabuse for the first time in South Africa today - its R15 a pill! Sheez, the generic stuff from Goldpharma works just as well, thank you very much and its 6 times cheaper.

                                Being on a diet obviously doesn't help but I HAVE to lose a kilo or two before I go over, its a nightmare to go from midwinter to midsummer, even if it IS British midsummer.

                                Let me go be grumpy somewhere else.

                                Take care all,

                                :h

                                Comment

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