New here and starting Topa and with a question

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG,OMG,OMG...... I am sooo sorry WTE, that I didnt notice, yesterday evening when i finished the post I started in the morning about your anxiety. Are you feeling better now? Did you start having anything like panic? Thats my biggest problem.... I technically have bipolar, but its very slight.... the panic attacks/anxiety will make me pour a glass too.... and all they do is throw lorazapam at me.

keeping it easy to read... lol ... i finally found out its NOT klonipin...
Lorazepam (initially marketed under the brand names Ativan and Temesta) is a high-potency, short- to intermediate-acting, 3-hydroxy benzodiazepine drug that has all six intrinsic benzodiazepine effects: anxiolytic, amnesic, sedative/hypnotic, anticonvulsant, antiemetic and muscle relaxant.[4][5] Lorazepam is used for the short-term treatment of anxiety, insomnia, acute seizures including status epilepticus and sedation of hospitalized patients, as well as sedation of aggressive patients.[5][6][7][8]
it knocks me out for 4 hours, so i really cant take it. This is why i really truly started drinking wine. It is milder......
So I really do hope that (getting back to my original thought) that the Weebutrin gets out of your system quickly. I didnt have that reaction with it, but had anxiety beforehand, so may not have recognized it.

This morning when I went back and looked at all the posts i was soo worried! I also completely understand why you may decide not to pursue any more ADs for a while.

One thing you may want to consider might be to go to your real Dr, and get a full bloodwork done. Many things can cause depression, and since you have in your past just like i did drink two bottles of wine a day without getting depressed, perhaps this is something else. Could be something as simple as your Thyroid... just something to consider.

I have a little news. Its goes along the same lines. I have had as you all know had some very strange symptoms... some you dont know about. I finally called my Gyno and talked to him... and without the bloodtest will tell you... alot of what i have been going through:nutso::nutso: is likely hormonal and may be getting something to help me through it.... the beginning of you know what...... super fun! I told mum and she told me to do it naturally. I told her shes the crazy one... lol! night sweats i am thinking are AL withdrawals, (therefore drinking more perhaps) depression, pregnancy type hormone bomb feelings.... and the list goes on.... NO FRIGGING WAY! LOL! I am like a Fine wine reaching my peak! She told me that my body will stay this age forever because of the hormones... I said... OK!!!!:banana::banana: LMAO.... um... really mom? thats ok!!! My Husband is also this age!!!! I kind of want to keep him!!!

Ok, will be right back to keep posting.... I had to add those dancing bananas!
XXOO

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning Everyone!

Play! You so nailed it!! Thats exactly how I feel!! (regarding drinking) I want to moderate. I want basically exactly whats in the book that RJ wrote. I dont want my Husband to be subjected to opening a really nice bottle of wine with dinner to drink it alone with dinner.... thats just not fun. He doesnt now, but he shouldnt HAVE TO forever. It saddens me when i see people that were 4 months AF and beating themselves up for 1 beer, but i guess they know themselves better than I do, what they desire.

It will be soo nice to meet you in SD soon!! I hope you are bringing pictures!!

Nora.... It will be nice to meet you in SD...... what day are you going? I will also be going for about a day. I have a little one, and dont want mum to go to crazy... lol!

Sun..... I dont need courage!! I think you might! I was joking about how you said anything looks good after a couple of Guinness... lol! (I guess you had a couple when you agreed to the kayaking)
I cant wait to meet all of you too!! Its going to be soo much fun!! I chose this thread because I felt i knew all of you before I posted.... lol, I didnt read all of it, but ... um i think i read like 150 pages... lol!!!! thats why i told you so much from the beginning!! I already had like three years of knowing you! hehehe!

Mama bear... always nice to see you around....looks like you are past another fabulous 30 days!!

WTE... reading again through these posts.... i will do a short story... i had a bad cold two years ago, and my 25 dollar no ins dr did bloodwork which cost me 145 for the whole thing.. ( for you to decide)
it came back that my potassium was low and that my thyroid wasnt working. He wanted me to wait a couple of weeks and do it again. I google researched it, and thought about the wine issue causing it, and knowing that there had been no real diagnosis left it alone. I tend to agree with Diz that the confident beautiful woman you are is not depressed at all. This is a symptom of something else, as is the other factors like the man that got away, etc... these are the effect, not the cause. Food for thought...... Anyway, i am on my way with some non sweet special swiss chocolate... lol!

You have no idea how i much time i have pondered how we could get you back on topa. Making all one with super high fat greek yogurt?...lol?!? Can we put you on the french food diet? You seemed to be doing so well on topa, and did you have any of the depression when you were on it?

One more thing, and I am not sure if it was Diz or Space who said it, or perhaps even both. The best AD I was ever on, was good old Prozac. NO SEs.. I dont even know why every doc seems to want to try all these other ones, since it really works.. oh, yea... MONEY. Prozac gave me energy, and made me happy happy happy. I smiled all day.... lol!

Space....I hope you are doing well! We seemingly have the beginning of fall down here.... I wish i could put you in my suitcase for San Diego..... from what i gather you like sunshine too! :P

Diz....I am so jealous about your concert! I have seen Howard Jones in concert a couple of times, and he is such a wonderful musician.... but i love all of those you are seeing!!

Regarding the effexor.... I started to see an increase in cravings, and some other erratic behavior, possibly due to the hormones... so... ????? I think i will start whatever Dr puts me on for the hormone issues... I actually did even think i was preggers this week....so basically i think i will relook at it once i stabilize that issue. I guess i have had alot on my plate recently. What do you think? I do see one thing very clearly too, that is that you see us very clearly....meaning I value your opinion. XXOO OH, and I would gladly put you also in my suitcase if i could... hehehe...

Hugs to all!! XXOO

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

You know, i kind of just had a funny thought... and it might be because i am such a newbie on posting on a forum like this, but.... it would be so nice, if this were more like facebook. we sign in, and see whats going on everywhere. i get that nice little scroll down thing telling me who said what where i posted. I guess i just have to figure it out with time. may be something for our girlie time in SD.

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

My fingers have been tingling really badlly.... is it topa? or should I have bloodwork done as diabetes does run in my family, and hyglycemia as a precursor.... and would the topa show up? these questions i ask, only because i do have insurance here, and really dont want to pay more to extend it internationally if i am not really planning a long trip. should i see that my trip may extend longer, or that i am having troubles, hubby can always buy me the extension, or in case of emergency flight back is always an option. Swiss insurance is really wonderful.... and no pre exsisting conditions. eitherway, i am still... a little... bit of a coupon queen. lol!

I forgot to say anything..... moms recent trying of celexa ended up kind of like WTEs..... extreme SEs.... within 8 days. She wont try to take anything now. I guess this isnt so important to post other here, but i wanted to for WTE, for the simple fact, even though you know it. You are sooo not alone. And i was not happy when i heard the word... celexa...... it scared me... not being there, funny how things are like connected.... like how they connect the dots in a book... somehow though, life sometimes feels that way.....

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thank heavens you are ok Sun
ya'll will have a blast in San Diego...I am jealous!!!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning Everyone ….

Thank you ALL for your concerns and information. It just amazes me how some meds work so great for some and are a nightmare for others.

Space: No, I have not tried bac, but I know quite a few who have and said the SEs were awful. Houtx included. I just seem to be SO sensitive to all this stuff these days! When I called the DR office yesterday, I was given a message to stop the Wellbutrin and they were going to call in a script for Campral. BUT – everything I have read says Campral is to be taken when you have already stopped drinking and it helps the cravings and to stay AF.

I told her to pass the message that I could not take Campral – and call me back. I never did hear back from them. *sigh* Maybe I should start drinking beer. LOL

Sun: I’m with the others is saying you should feel no guilt about discussing anything here. What is the point of all of this, of our room if we are not honest about what we are all dealing with? And it was good to chat to you yesterday! I also said the same thing when I bought my new car a year ago – but I do cheat from time to time now with the smoking. Hate it. But I know I can’t quit until I get this drinking under control. I’ve tried everything but 2-3 glasses of wine and I say screw it and light up.

NoraC: Hey wild woman! HA! Which day are you coming? Have to make sure you don’t miss WU. Can’t wait to meet you! And yes, I’m passing on the Campral.

Houtx: I SO hope you can find a way to make it here! Sorry you are going to be forced to spend time with the EX. Guess I was lucky to still adore both of mine – although has passed now (just a few months ago). I have a theory that when you don’t have kids and you divorce, you are not FORCED to be in each other’s face while you heal. Given time, and no contact for a while seems to make it easier and less bitter. That was my case …

Bac: Again, thanks for the information and insight. For some reason I was under the impression you were AF. And yes, I had to stop Topa (for a 2nd time) because of the weight loss – surprised to hear you went through that as well. I don’t have ANY issues sleeping – except when I tried Celexa. Otherwise I sleep like a baby always and anywhere. I’m honestly scared to try anything right now. I’m not certain if my DR would give me Remeron or not if I really pushed for it.

Play: Good to hear from you. And you may be right about therapy instead of trying more ADs. I just don’t know anymore and like I said before, I don’t have a lot of confidence in this therapist – but it’s only been 2 visits. And yes, lots of emotional crap of recent. Losing “Buddy” in my life as well still makes me teary every day – it’ so recent I guess.

I’m like you in that I want to be able to have a few glasses of wine but also have some AF days. I am beginning to think it may not be realistic for me – but then again, I am totally screwed up these days.

WU: I’m thrilled you are going to make it over! I just found out from Sun yesterday that not only her but also Play and NoraC are all vegetarians. Are you also? I may need to eat a couple of steaks before everyone comes. HA!

I certainly felt a touch better yesterday with not taking the Wellbutrin, but my system is still messed up and it’s hard to eat. I’ve never had anxiety before until about a year or so ago and it would be just a “flash” as I first opened my eyes in the morning and then would go away. It’s increasing and the Wellbutrin made it full blown along with all kinds of other weird things like shaky hands, really agitated, heart racing, etc.

I don’t envy you with possibly beginning the “change”. I went from 60 to zero in a flash when I had a radical hysterectomy about 7 years ago. Not fun trying to get hormones all balance again. I wish I had my hormone levels checked B4 the surgery to know where I was trying to get back to. I’ve now been on a “bio-identical” patch for years and that seems to work. I worry about osteoporosis as my Grandmother had it really bad – so make sure you keep that covered.

I did send a 2nd fax to my DR yesterday telling him I wanted a full blood work up and my liver checked. Yes, it could be anything – who knows. I’ve been off Topa long enough now that I SHOULD be putting weight back on – but I’m not. I seem to gain a couple of pounds and then I drop them again. I just feel like my whole system is screwed up right now.

Anyways all, hopefully I will know more today when the DRs office calls. I have no clue what he is going to suggest. Hopefully not rehab! He was not very keen on my taking Topa because of all the weight I lost and how spacy it can make some people feel. And I’m terrified to go back on it as I am now down to 111 pounds. That is scary at 5’9”.

I just feel like I need to get EVERYTHING out of my system and somehow get the energy and interest to eat more and better. I have this giant order of produce I picked up the other day and even a small steak in the frig. But last night I ate 2 pieces of toast for dinner instead. UGH. No interest in cooking or eating – just drinking hollow calories of wine.

Charlie is going crazy with allergies for some reason. Driving me crazy and not sure what direction to take. I put him back on allergy pills but they don’t seem to be helping much. I hate the thought of putting him on steroids!

And we have 3 large events on Saturday at the shop – two of them weddings. So that is stressing me out a bit too for some reason. I am back to feeling totally overwhelmed with life right now. I’m blaming the wine and the vicious cycle it is creating, and yet I can’t seem to slow it down, let alone stop. Every day I tell myself I am only going to drink 4 glasses of wine – but I buy 2 bottles “just in case”. I know if I buy one I will end up back at the store. Never fails – they are both gone by the time it’s bedtime.

I know there is an answer out there somewhere….

Hugs to all of you! And thank you for being here ….it means more to me than you know.

[NoraC]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone!!!! :wavin:

Quick check in because I'm at work. Can't read back so I'll catch up tonight.

WTE - I'm planning on heading down to your place Friday mid day. I'm going to try to leave work at noon. I think I'm about an hour & a half away from you. (Can you PM your address when you get a chance please?). I can't wait to meet you all.

Back to work.......catch you all later.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

It all sounds so exiting your meeting up, I hope you all have lots of fun.

I have got my daughter coming round again tonight to stay and Im really not in the mood, either for her or her dickhead boyfriend. Which brings me on to what Sun was saying about drinking and this site and not drinking and doing what other people think I should do not what I am trying to do and its that even tho over the past few days I havent wanted to drink during the day and have only drank a bit (1 can last night) of an evening now the fact that they are coming round and I cant drink I really want one, and the other thing is its bad enough my family telling me I cant drink, I hate that but I can understand it because of all the hurt Ive caused them in the past when my drinking was very bad, but Im sure as hell not going to let anyone on here tell me what I should and shouldnt do.

Sorry I am feeling a bit angry at the moment. I dont know whether to ring my daughter and tell her she cant come, her bf can be such a dickhead and I really cant be putting up with him right now, and I do tend to get nasty with him when I feel like this, and he knows it so he winds me up even more, and right now I feel like punching his face in.

Ok apart from all that I am ok :H I think I should probably get off now and will be back later.

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ok... just for fun... lets get happy people!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqUdI4AIDF0[/video]]Jack Johnson - Upside Down - YouTube

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow! All these great posts - this place is hopping !!!!!

Nora and jan - so good to see you both here - I talked to my boss again last night as he called me back and told me I had had three more calls - AND who they were from !!! LOL - two from hubs so he thought he had better let me know - I laughed and said I had called hubs from the home phone but obviously hubs hadn't bothered lstening to his voice mail! I hate when I leave my phone at work!

Wu - did you get my PM? Hope so.... any idea when you are going to be joining us? I know you aren't veggie 'cos I remember you takling about a meal with lots of seafood in it sometime back - but it is funny that all three of the rest of us are - WTE said she will eat lots of steak before we all arrive!!

Wu - the fingers tingling is definitely a SE of Topa. And seeing as you went up a little while ago, it could be coming out now. My feet tingled dreadfully - almost to the point of pain when I first went up on it and my hands too, but not as much.

Oh gosh - poor you with going into you-know-what. I empathize! been there - actually did it twice - once when on chemo as that will do it then again after my body had righted itself from that and it was the 'right' time. we have a walk-in freezer at work and I scared a new person out of their wits as he didn't see me going in and opened the door one day to find me standing in there!! They all got used to me being in there - LOL. I am fine now and couldn't use any sort of hormone aid 'cos my cancer was hormone positive so the docs couldn't give me anything - had to battle it through but it does end !!!!

Play - thanks for what you said about drinking. I think they are trying to turn this site into an abstinence site - I have seen posts from new people where someone says they want to mod and others have replied and said "post there but don't mention modding" and it is generally frowned upon on here these days which has changed a lot since I first joined. But I do feel comfortable here. I agree - is what we want realistic? well, I am not sure - I know that I would never want to do the stuff you said - drive drunk, post drunk, send e-mails and make phone calls etc., but I have never done that anyway - but I would like to get back down to my two. yes, this is a very comfortable thread and I love the people here.

You are sounding a bit happier these days - am I right? Or are things just settling down a bit now you are back and getting into the swing of things a bit more? I know you have your daughter and grandbaby to worry about so that must be hard for you as it is always at the back of your mind. And of course, money!! It is good that you are able to pick up work right now.

Hi there Houtx - hope your weekend doesn't go too badly for you - but I can imagine how you must be dreading it. It really would be so great if you could join us too in september...... have a think about it eh?

WTE - I think I have to agree with the others about AD's not being for you. but I am concerned about your weight loss - it is getting serious and I can't believe the Topa is still to blame. When I came off it I gained back about 7lbs but that was all - being not huge anyway, 7lbs put me about right. But yes, at 111 lbs, I think a blood workup is a good idea. Oh - I too have to worry about osteoporosis and the doc keeps wanting to put me on tabs which I don't want to take. I am due for another bone density test in a month or so and I am also borderline for it - have osteopenia anyway so I suppose strength exercises might be a good idea.

Wish your doc would be better about calling you back - it is so annoying when they don't. I know they are busy but even so!! Hopefully you will have heard today.

Hope all goes well for you this weekend with your two weddings although having seen your work, I just know it will - you do beautiful work.

Re Charlie and the allergies - Daisy has allergies and I just give her generic allergy tabs from walgreens twice a day. Is that the sort of thing you give Charlie? Yes, I agree - I would hate for him to be put on steroids.

Space - how are you doing? This thread really is jumping right now for some reason - but wondered how you are! Still just on a couple of lagers? How are you feeling? I am so excited for you going to visit Play in Spain - I think it is really cool that all of us are meeting up one way and another !!

Hey there diz - how about you - how are you doing? I hope that you too manage to get to Spain with Space, to meet up with Play - I agree with her though - surely a visa wouldn't be that hard to get - not just for a few days? Can you try and see? that would be great for all of you and give you a break too.......

Need to go and do something. Closing shift today and open tomorrow - the "clopen" so have to make sure everything is ready for today and tomorrow !!

love and hugs to all,

Sun XX

[wuthrich8]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG Space... I am so sorry space... I hope it wasn't me. I certainly don't want to tell anyone what they can or can't drink. I am the complete opposite. Which is suddenly why I am capitalizing and punctuating now. I understand why you feel responsible..... to make them feel better. Just remember that this is your healing process, not theirs. we are here for you.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Im back, I went to see my mum and just gave my daughter a lift to her friends with one of the bridesmaid dresses, ha, she choose today with the mood Ive been in to say she had put on 1/2 stone, I told her if the dress doesnt fit any more then she better loose it quick!! because Im not doing any more alterations, Ive already had to let the other one out by 2 inches!! What is it with these girls that they suddenly go and put on weight after they where measured for the dresses.

So anyway I told my daughter that Im not u[p to having her and her bf to stay and when she asked why I told her because if he starts acting like a dickhead today I will hit him in the face with my iron, the reason for the iron is because my house is tiny and I have got my dressmaking table and iron and everything taking up 1/2 my living room so I can just see myself using it in the manner that it wasnt intended. So I have got home and had a can of lager and the dinner is cooking for me and the lads, although I dont feel like eating really, well not sitting down to eat Im way to fidgety for that. and this has now got me wondering about my relationship with alcohol, because the real reason I dont want my daughter here is because I cant drink when she comes, and while some days thats ok, today it isnt, so that means Im still in some way dependent on it. I do wish my family would accept that I cant just do the AF thing, I have tried for years and it has never worked, but they wont, so I have to keep on sneaking drinks.

I am very exited Play at the thought of coming to Spain to meet you, and I do hope Dizzy can come too, why cant you get a visa Dizzy? I dont know because Ive never needed a visa when Ive travelled, which admittedly has only been to Spain, Italy, Turkey and Florida. The odd thing about Turkey tho is that they say ?10 sterling counts as a visa, and they dont give change so if you give them a ?20 note it is only good for one and the other person with you still has to pay. :H

I went through the menopause (oh gosh I said the word!!!) at 37 and refused HRT until this year when it started to get bad again for some reason, at first it was very bad and that was when I started drinking a lot and when I started getting it all back again I went and got the HRT because theres no way I could cope with all that again.

Just off to put the tea out. :l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ps, if anyone wanted to come to UK you would all be welcome to stay here, but you would have to try and make it on our rare dry days because you would have to all camp out in the garden if there where more than 2 peeps on the couch :H

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Wu, no it wasnt you, I dont even know what you said that could upset me, so dont worry about anything like that

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

The dress doesnt fit her!!!. I knew when my daughter picked this pattern that it was going to be a pain to make them but not this much. Oh well back to work