New here and starting Topa and with a question

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello from Greece!!! HA! Just had to pop in now that I have a place with Internet and a few minutes of down time. WOW! What a trip this has been. It's our last day and we are now in Santorini and fly back to Athen sin the morning ...

Hello to the new ones here - I will have to catch up when I get home.

Houtx - AF day??????????? YEAH! Doesn't it feel great just to know you can do it? =)

Well, the only sad part about Greece is that I think I planned my restart of Topa as a bad clause with this trip. Did pretty good the first few days but then it all just rolled out of control. Time and day changes and a wacked out scedule - well, I started screwing up my dosgaes and losing track oof counting. **sigh**

Oh well, I KNOW I will be back on track in just a few days. I can almost feel the hunger to be back there again and having AF days and drinking so much lighter over all. Greece and 42 singles is NOT the place to try that. HA!

So just a quick hello to all and I will be back in a few days. Hugs to everyone!

WTE

PS: Houtx -date sounds pretty fun! HA!

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE Great to have you here! Want to hear more about that trip!


HOUTX. Thanks, :upset: after 9 AF days I drank today. 2 glasses of wine. That was all I had at home, 1/2 a bottle.
It was quite different from the other times I drank on Topa.
What I mean is that it was easier to stop when I was drinking beer or vodka.
I thought of my friends here, who are wine lovers as I am. For one moment I thought that wine could be more difficult.
I don't know yet.
I stood up and went leaving half of the 2nd glass there.

Your date looks good..... Let's see
I like these kind of posts!!!! Please keep coming if you want.


Sassy, good you are here again. Hope you are feeling better.




Mum, you are always welcome here.

Hugs.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Clare, excellent suggestion, but not up for it tonight. Did really good though. left the house with the kids before noon, dropped the car off to get washed, had lunch (at SubWay) shopped [I]patiently [I] for halloween costumes (2 stores, many try-ons) and didn't lose my temper at all. Then went shopping for bathroom accessories for my daughter's newly remodeled bathroom, again not losing my mind with how long it takes a 7 yr old to decide on shit, so happy that I got them ice cream shakes at a drive through, went to my bank, came home and had a mellow afternoon. Got a little fancy for dinner but they were good and loved it, got videos for them and me.

Still up now so you know I'm drinking, but still it was a really balanced day. Gotta get my girl to dance class in the morning so I'm going to bed soon!

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae - It's ok to drink. It's about the control. It sounds like you had a great day with the kids. You're almost home free!!

Airam - Only not quite 2 glasses of wine after 9 days AF?? That's what I"M talking about. Imagine being able to live life that way? ALCOHOL DID NOT CONTROL YOU!!! You made the choice. Congratulations!

Mumtotwo - there are no outsiders. It doesn't matter your drug of choice. We are all here for the same reason - we all have a problem that we'd like to fix and we all like the support and camaraderie the forum gives us so please hang around and share with us!

Houtx - You aren't planning on marrying the guy next week. Enjoy!! It sounds like you can have a wonderful time with him and if he doesn't have the portfolio you are looking for, then you can make that decision later (and I do get what you mean, I am 48 and looking for exactly the same things:-) so cheers to you!

WTE: Wonderful to see your name pop up. Even though it was from Greece - beotch! Sounds like you've been having a blast but good that you also are "looking forward" to buckling down upon return.

OK - so here North of the border, is is a gorgeous fall day, the leaves are brilliant and it is our Thanksgiving - so, I'm off to cook a delicious meal for the masses and hope that I can keep my wine consumption under control. Wish me luck.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Can't believe this - the first time I have lost a post before I posted it! Darn it! No time to redo - have to get to work - will try later when I get home - hugs to all,

Love, Sun xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo all - next day now and I finally have time to reply. Houtx - thanks for telling us about your date - it sounded fun and even if he isn't quite what you are looking for, have fun with it!! I do understand what you are looking for though - in the same boat, so would I! I am SO curious though - on a different not "Sun is the purist among us" - I laughed at that - what ever do you mean??????

Airam - as Claremont said - it isn't about drinking - it is about the control and you definitely had the control over it - you have done amazingly well - that must feel so good for you - well done. I think back to when you started this thread and look at your early posts - you have come a long way!!

Mum - you are welcome here no matter what you take - we are all on the same journey. We all want the same thing.

WTE - lovely to hear from you. i am not surprised that things turned out the way they did in Greece. it would have taken super human will power to stay on the path!! There is always when you get back - drink has been a major part of our lives - what is a couple
more weeks in the grand scheme of things? I look forward to hearing about your holiday!

Illunimae - I think you are doing just fine - I have been taking one Nal plus my Topa and I think it is really helping. haven't had any Guinness since Hubs gave me some the other evening and haven't wanted any. have been having two Kahlua and Milks each evening since though. but that is way better than 4-6 Guinness each evening. I will be interested to see how you do once your Topa arrives.

Claremont - yes, I have been drinking since I was little with glasses of wine at dinner! English culture!! Also, no-one else thought I had a drinking problem - hubs didn't because if I did then he definitely did as he drinks/drank way more than I did! but anyone else would be amazed to think that I did. So now I am confused - do you have your Topa? i read back through a few posts but can't find one that says you do - I think Illuminae is waiting for hers - are you waiting too? For some reason I thought you had started yours. maybe I skipped a post? My memory fails me sometimes ha ha bonk (me laughing my head off). Anyway, I need to get you all sorted in my head so i know who is taking and doing what!!

Hoping - how are you ? And we haven't heard from 2Run in a while either. Sassy - how are you doing today? Have I missed anyone? Sorry if I have. Talk later everyone - have a wonderful Sunday,

Hugs, Sun xx (The purist LOL)

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sunday at the bookstore

I'm hiding from my husband. Just want to be out of the house. He can be such an Ass! Plus, I suppose I'm a bit bitcy this morning, as I had 1 too many wines last night. We went out for dinner, shared a bottle, but then I had 2-3 more glasses at home. Nothing out of hand, just too many. Today is Sunday, so hubby likes to get to church 20 minutes early so he can get HIS seat. Huh? Talk about controlling behavior-he tells me to stop doing my hair and get dressed so he can satisy his obsessive needs! Then, while I was putting my shoes on, he asked if I was driving my car or was he driving my car? Huh? I'll drive my car. Hang on a sec. He then claimed I was purposefully moving slowly to anger him. NO I'm NOT, I screamed at him. I mean, SERIOUSLY, can I JUST PUT MY SHOES ON? He went outside and stood waiting, and as I came outside, informed me that I've been very "sharp" with him, or was it "ugly"? He has these odd ways of describing my behavior that I think are 1) not always accurate, and 2) even if accurate, certainly not helpful. I told him to find his own way to church, and stormed off in my car. I drove around for a bit-not sure if I'd drive an hour to the big city that's close and do some shopping, but no, so I went back home, gathered my laptop, some books, my workout gear, an apple and a snack, and I just won't go home until this evening.

OK, I'm ranting. How much does this have to do with Alcohol? I'd argue that its this feeling of being controlled that drves me to drink. I say to myself "the hell with you" and numb it away. So I'm sitting in a bookstore, typing this and tears are welling up. Awkward.

thanks for listening, girls.

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Day all -

Yes I am taking my Topa and Nal. I started October 5. So that makes 5 days now on 25 mg. 5 days from HELL it seems. I have been having about 6 glasses of wine a day and the most awful hangovers. Massive headaches that keep me awake half the night. A normal sane person would say, oh 6 glasses of wine gives me a headache so I shall only drink 2……………so, I am neither normal nor sane. Haha!

Dinner went well though. Everyone seemed to enjoy it and I am thankful it is over for another year.

Since we all agree that our drinking has a great deal to do with habit, can we start a list of suggestions for alternatives? Like alternative things to drink and alternative things to do? It seems that the majority of us are perfectly fine during the day but our good intentions fall by the wayside in the evening. I always start off the day by saying tonight I will drink tea instead, whatever. If we all put our heads together maybe we can come up with some great ideas to steer us clear. I was also thinking that for those of us that do still drink regularly, maybe we can agree that on one particular night we will have a pact to only have 2 drinks, or something to that effect. Airam - maybe on that night if I only have 2 vs. my regular 6, you can join us by being AF if you choose or have 2 as well, whatever your choice is.

Sassy - do you have a gym membership? I don't but have been talking about it for far too long. In fact if the amount of thought I have put into talking about my weight and getting fit could amount to pounds lost, I'd have disappeared by now:-) Anyway, I am now single again and about to meet who I hope is a possible future partner. He seems like a pretty good catch. I am 15 pounds overweight and out of shape and drink too much. I've thought about cancelling the meeting. But then I think, what if by the time I feel ready, it's too late. Then my daughter said, you're still you Mum, your personality doesn't change and he has to like you for who you are and you are beautiful. Can't argue with that now can you? Weight is just weight, it comes and goes. Alcohol is just alcohol - it does not dictate who we are inside. So, Sassy Lassy, let's go for a walk and enjoy the day.

Sun - Does your family know my family? LOL We're Scottish. Not that I blame the fam for my drinking habits, like mentioned my sister doesn't drink at all, my brother doesn't either really but he sure loves the ganja mon!

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy - check your PM

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OH Sassy! I do feel for you! Although I don't think I would have left the house - well, I would have, but then gone back after he had left and had some alone time at home. I don't blame you in the slightest for feeling as you do - is Hubs always controlling? How long have you been together? PM me if you would prefer - maybe I should PM you instead....

Claremont - the minute you said about wine when you were little, I KNEW you were in UK!!! MY mum and dad divorced when I was 18 - dad was an alcoholic and mum doesn't drink now (did but was a VERY normal drinker) and dad had his own business so lots of dinner parties and ladies nights and such. Dads whole family - alkies, mums mum too. No wonder I am where I am. I know that when I started the Topa, less Guinness would hit me harder but I didn't ever really drink enough to give me hangovers - I hate them with a passion and know my limits. Any more than 6 and I would tell I had been drinking. So 6 was it the last few years. (Might seem like a lot but I was practically weaned on it - drank it since I was 14 and could drink some of the guys under the table with it - terrible thing to admit) Alternatives for drinking....like tea. Yeah right. Sorry - couldn't help it. The Topa is at a point for me where I am hoping that in a week or two, with the help of the Nal as well, I am HOPING to be AF. Last time I think I was at 150 mg when I first had a couple of AF nights. I think. On Monday I go up to 150 mg. Sort of scary for me actually. I want to stop....but don't want to. Same as I felt last time.

I LOVED what your daughter said to you and I so agree with her 100%. You sound like a wonderful person Claremont and he has to take you as you are. It doesn't matter if you do lose 15lbs before you meet him - you will still be you. I think you have raised a very perceptive child. Good for you.

I am off to carry on doing nothing - can't get motivated to do anything today. My day off and I will be so cross later that I wasted it. Talk later everyone,

Hugs, Sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy - I sure do hope your alone time has you feeling better today. Getting into an argument like that while getting ready for church seems nuts to me! I'm not a church goer, but I think it's probably best you didn't go. You'd be fuming about your husband instead of reflecting on god (I think that's what you're supposed to do there? )

Claremont, a pact might be good for me. I'm so weak willed but then I'd have to answer to you all.

I recently started doing cross stitch again in the evenings, and being preoccupied with that helps me slow down the drinking. That's the plus side. The minus side is that instead of setting a bedtime and quitting no matter how much wine is left or how many shows I have to watch I just keep staying up later. Like last night, I didn't drink too much compared to a typical Saturday night, but i stayed up until 1am for absolutely no reason except to finish the bottle and keep watching TV.!

Well, I need to get moving. Got the kids to clean up there messes before their dad returns home today and we're going to by brother's for a play day in a bit.

Hope everyone has a great Sunday. I'm so lucky I get tomorrow off too and the kids go to school. Me time!!

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks

Thanks for all of the PM's and kind words...I'm back home now, getting ready for dinner. Don't want to drag this out into a big drama. I didn't get to the gym, but I worked out Fri & Sat, so I'm not going to beat myself up about that. I did the bookstore, the mall, bought myself a few things (which will piss of the husband, but y'know, I work, and we are doing pretty well, if I do say so myself!), went back to the bookstore and bought the book, The Gift of an Ordinary Day (a memoir by a woman going through empty nest syndrome, trying to find meaning in life now that the kids are gone, I think). That's me. My kids aren't gone yet, but are growing up so need me less.

Several of you asked how long I've been married-5 1/2 years. I had been married once before, and that marriage was a train wreck emotionally, but it gave me the most wonderful son. I actually get along very civily with my ex, and my new husband is really a good man, just a bit strong willed. You could say the same for me. I haven't spoken with him yet, but he's coming in now, so more later.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow - there's so much good stuff on here!! I wish we could organize this thread better....So much to respond to and I lose track.

WTE: Hope to hear from you when you get back and all your tales.

Claremont: go out with the guy!! It's all good practice, don't be nervous, he probably has issues himself. Look your best, smile, look at him and act like he is the most interesting guy in the world. Maybe he will turn out to be Mr. Right Now!! (Like Mine is - details to follow! :-)) Anyway, yeah, having a pact on here is a good idea! Mondays? Wednesday? 1-2 or Af? I dunno...

Illuminae: You are SOOOOOOOOOO like me when I was married, only my husband didn't drink much to speak of and rarely went out of town. LOL - but I loved it when I was alone with the kids...still do love to stay up late when I the next day off, drink wine & watch movies or get on here. These days trying really hard to moderate. My computer clock is not accurate when I finally hit the send button as I save and come back...but I love to stay up late. And my kids were not scarred for life by my drinking wine. None of us on here sound like those toothless winos using the grocery money for their booze!

Sunshine: I say you are the purist b/c you are the most AF who keeps posting regularly!! And who eshews their Guinness in favor of Kahlua & milk. Airam will be next...

Sassy - I'm sorry your husband makes you crazy, but I would feel the exact same way!! Yee gads!! He needs to take a chill pill and get over it!

Update on The Date :-)) We may be talking about my new boyfriend, chicas!! I sent him an email of my "concerns" in an upbeat sortof lighthearted "I really don't feel like I know you very well" way...and he answered me back in a full page, straight on response that answered everything and more! His lake house is not just the "dock house" thank god, but does include something up the hill...not sure exactly what, but I'm relieved. He does work at a real job (oil field equipment sales) which takes him all over the state, mostly Houston - and he goes home to Lake TRavis weekends.

He calmed alot of my "fears" and seems genuinely interested in me in spite of my flaws, of which I confessed to one in particular (not the drinking - I have a very common STD that he is cool with)...and so with all that baggage being dealt with we seem to be on the road to something fun here in the near future! I'm cautiously excited!! What can I say - he's 6'4, nice looking, seems to really like and accept me, is a romantic, lives on the most beautiful lake in Texas, golfs, writes me funny emails....there's got to be something wrong with this picture. He does smoke...I will try and not pick him apart too much and I am keeping my fingers crossed he will be my new fun "Ongoing Thing", PLus he has the CUTEST name - much like mine!! :-)) Oh, and he drank about 5 beers to my 3 glasses of wine...hope it's not a problem :-/

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

haven't read everyone's recent posts but a real interesting thing for me tonight. I drank soo much slower that my hubby, which isn't new since Nal, but after him being gone for 3 days it really stood out. The big thing was that once I had another person in the room my perception of how much or little I had to drink was magnified. like how I stayed up so late every night when he was gone I felt so sober for so long even though I was drinking. Now he came home and I was so sleepy and feeling the effects much earlier when I had another person around to interact with. Totally strange! I might not be articulating this well, I'm still processing it, but i definitely feel some shift happening.

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm suggesting Wednesday's to start. Houtx - you said 1-2 or AF. I've never been less than 3 so would brave 2. Any other suggestions out there and who would like to join us for Wine-less Wednesdays? Illuminae you said you were interested so what are your ideas?