New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

working today too... not too busy, and my husband has been telling me to work less. the problem with me is if i work less, i just end up on my bed reading or playing video games... i don't have much of a life outside of work. is that sad or what? my husband and son don't like to leave the house to go out. i occasionally go out w a friend of mine. sometimes i force my family to go see my sister who lives in Irvine. but that's it. so i bury myself at work....

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bed and video games, Ally? You might really be my ideal woman.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ally I dont work and I spend WAY too much time in bad watching tv. I know its not good for my depression but I just dont see the point of getting up, showered and dressed when Im not going out or doing anything. Today Ive its 4.20pm and so far Ive watched a 1 hour comedy, and two films and had to now come down to start cooking dinner because we are all getting hungry. I also have to force my sons to come with me to visit or go aywhere when its not something they have asked me to do. When I did work I was always the one who did loads of overtime and couldnt say no when I was asked to help out.

Teezah, well done on the cutting down the drinking and now trying to stop, is your hubby ok with stopping with you. Maybe the self loathing came from drinking too much that night, I know after I have drank a lot i get self loathing for a while as well. After I have been on a bender its not only the stuff that I just did that starts whiring round in my head but things that I did while drinking years ago and I cant get rid of the guilt. In fact one of the reasons I watch so much tv and films is as a distraction, I dont want to be alone in my head to let it start thinking. I dont know if anyone knows what I mean there. Even now after staying off the drink for a nearly a month it can still be as bad as ever if I give it a chance.

I do think its a bit odd that I am not drinking like this, it was not my intention it has just sort of happened that way, I have got cans in the car and could go and get thme at any time and I really dont know why I havent, I do think it is something to do with the epilim, but then there are other people who take it and are still struggling with the drink.

Anyway I do feel ok today. It has been snowing here ove the past few days but we have had rain today, I hope that isnt going to make the roads even worse when it freezes. I hate driving in the snow and ice in case I skid into another car or someone skids into me, but I also hate walking in it because I always seem to fall over no matter how carefull I am.

xx

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space: great to hear you not drinking! I hope your depression is better. I think we are similar in that way... I don't get out of bed on weekends at all because I don't see the purpose when I'm not working. I don't have any energy! Caffeine gives no energy at all. Alcohol did though but I guess I'm increasingly getting paranoid about alcohol destroying my liver.... So I just live in bed on Sundays now!

[NoraC]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Living in bed sounds good.

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi, everyone:

Just wanted to report that I tried one member's suggestion of 1/2 teaspoon sublingual l glutamine for cravings... I think it does help!!!! It's a lot easier than having to mix it to take it to work w me or to mix it at work, getting the powder all over myself and on the desk! Plus, I feel like I'm using less l glut-- less of anything has got to be good right?! So I'm going to try that from now on!!!!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,
I've had a really nice two days off work, today especially. I've been in my new place for about a year now and I've been away for really about half the time due to the issues in Spain. So I'm still working on making my apartment into a peaceful nice place to come home to, I have to do things slowly when I have a little extra money. I read recently in some book, "Your Sacred Self" I think, about how we need to surround ourselves with things that make us feel good and be able to focus on the positive and beauty in our lives, well I think it was a different book, by Stuart Wilde. Anyway, I think it does help my mood to look around at things that bring good memories for me and make me feel comforted. I live in a small studio apartment and have a small balcony, thank God and it is interesting that I have lived in a small space for so long that it actually feels very comfortable and I can hardly imagine having a Hugh house that I would of course fill up with things that I don't need, of course I couldn't raise a family here but I'm kind of past that. Well, I don't know why I went off on this tangent but I guess I have just enjoyed being home these two days. Today for a change I got outside and walked by the lake and also rented a zip car and went to look for a small carpet for my entryway.

Is also interesting that as much as I want to work less I find that many times when I don't work, I don't do anything creative with my day, kind of like you Space and Ally, I love staying in my PJs all day but not when I just drink and play on my computer. I have many projects that I am vaguely working on, pictures, collages, eBay selling, and a most of the time when I am home I just don't motivate to do them.

Dizz, is BF coming to stay some time with you in SA? You have probably said but I tend to forget things. And yes you will eventually need to find a new doctor that you are comfortable with in the UK. I'm so glad that things have gone so well for you and BF, I remember when I thought it might not happen so it seems the move was certainly the right thing to do.

Dear Space, I so wish that we had gotten to meet but I know it could not be helped, I still think we will get together sooner or later:h I sure understand when you said that you feel that you have tried everything for your mood and nothing has seemed to help. I'm thinking something that might be a bright spot, just the fact that you have been off the drink for a good bit of time seems to indicate that things are really changing for you, we may not know why but it is happening nonetheless, and that alone is to give much thanks for and it just might happen that stopping drinking is making your depression seem worse for a time. So please don't give up hope, I think the time will come that your depression improves.i also think the class you are attending will be a good thing for the depression and tiredness. Now I'm wondering if you have lost any weight since not drinking? Just curious as I always think the AL makes me want to eat more and keeps the weight on.

Ally, I find your "Lights" situation very interesting!

Meggie, I'm so sorry about your Mother, it makes us all stop and think I am sure, and we certainly know what she went thru with an addiction, but we keep on don't we, boy it is not so easy, God Bless Your Mother.

Hi Stuck, where are you these days? You are not posting on your thread anymore? I guess because you are not taking BAC at all now? Even tho I didn't post often on your thread I feel a bit of a loss to not see you there, not that I think you should start BAC again:upset:, oh no, I just miss seeing you around.

Oh My Dizz, that situation with your mom, well don't feel to down on yourself, others have some responsibility also, I think venting a little here is the best way to deal.

Dear Teezah, so happy that the Topa is working for you, don't get down about some ups and downs, but my only advice regarding the Topa is: whatever you do, just don't stop taking it because the next time you try it, we'll it will not work the same. I say this only because so many of us here have been thru the "Topa Honeymoon" only to stop for one reason or another and then well, just don't do that, make sure you always have a supply, and try to not drink over it which seems to become more easy with some time, I suppose you actually have to use some willpower in the end of it.

And Teeza, regarding the self loathing, please get the book, "Your Sacred Self"

Sun, sorry the changeology book was somewhat disappointing:h I haven't really even started it, I'm so far not following thru on many of my commitments, hmmm, but I did order the lessons today

Meggie, maybe a bit of walking in the evening along with the melatonin might help your sleep, exercise seems to help me if I can motivate to do it.

Hey Ally, regarding your weight, well Sun said you are quite beautiful and do not need to lose any weight, but she said the same thing about me and I still want to lose 20 pounds. BTY, I have neglected to check in on the weight loss thread, probably because I have not bought any DVDs, cut down on food, or started exercising, I just can't do it when I work every day, but I did have two days off and took a walk around the Lake, what I really want is a wealthy friend who will take me along for company, to a beautiful weight loss/quit drinking Spa, 10 days of total pampering, healthy light meals, exercise classes, massages, manicures, total release from the day to day stress, I'm sure I would come out a new person.

Dizz, I think the B12 might be something and also Vit D, we are all probably deficient in both.
The sugar I know is Poison, and the Wii sounds fun, I am thinking about it for some time. And the Electronic ciggs, well at least they do not deposit the tar in the lungs, they have to be a better option than real cigarettes. My son has finally quit smoking by using the patches, gum and even chewing for awhile. H has stopped many times and started again, I so hope he keeps stopped this time.

Well, I still have some more to respond to but I'm tired and this is turning into a rather long post and you are all probably tired of reading, but thanks for doing it, love you and talk tomorrow after work.

Love and Peace and hugs, play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - just a very swift pop in - am going to see my M-I-L this morning and need to get going but wanted to say hi - will reply later on today - working closing shift tonight so should have time when I get home from M-I-L.

Love and hugs, Sun XX

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun is too sweet! She didn't see the struggles of everyday I go through of putting on my pants and zipping up stuff. Quite an ordeal sometimes needing 2-3 people helping me! LOL!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ally, at least you can still get into them even it takes more than you I have a closet full of cute clothes but have now had to buy "big clothes, at least enough to go to work", no amount of tugging will zip up the other ones.
Love play

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ally: doesn't sound like there's anything wrong so long as it's the right 2-3 people.

Play: I'm sort of around, mostly reading here and popping in now and again. Haven't really had the time to keep up my thread, and it doesn't seem like there's enough interest anyway. Not to say I'll let it languish forever. Thanks for thinking of me, though!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay! Home from work and I need to catch up!

Gosh - what a lot of catching up too!! It is somewhat daunting but I shall do my best.....

Play - so glad that you enjoyed your two days off - you needed them! As for your flat - I think it is lovely and you are so lucky with your balcony - it isn't small at all - I thought your home was just lovely. Very welcoming. What is a zip car?

It is funny that when I am home all day the first thing I do ALWAYS is get dressed. even if it is just sweats and a jumper, I am not comfortable in my nightclothes - LOL !

Glad to hear that your son has quit smoking again - it is like AL - it doesn't matter how many times you quit, as long as you keep trying. One time will be THE magic time !!

Ally - I tried the sublingual L-Glut and almost choked myself. I couldn't take that powder in my mouth. I am happy to take it in water but too much powder under my tongue - gosh the thought almost makes me gag!

Space - my family (and friends) in UK have told me about the snow that you are getting there - where I live, we used to get so much snow, but these days don't get so much - I think UK gets more than where I am nowadays !! Anyway, I so hope that you get to feeling better - I am at a loss at what to say really - it is SO hard to motivate yourself when you are feeling down. I know ! I am happy that the thing at the hospital went better for you this time though. I am so happy for you with the drinking - I don't think it matters WHAT it is - just be thankful for it !!!! And send some my way - LOL :H

Oh - and trust me I do catch up on my sleep - I have worked out that sleep cycles go in 90 minutes cycles, so as long as I can get a multiple of a 90 minute cycle in, when i wake up, I won't be tired. It always seems to work when I do the clopens..... like a 4 1/2 hour sleep and I am fine. but I always make sure I get a full nights sleep the next night.

Teezah - good to see you - please do pop in again and let us know how you are doing on the 75mg of Topa.....

Ally - you do NOT need energy pills !! they have a terrible rebound effect I think - plus I think most of them are mainly caffeine. I cannot drink caffeine after noon ! or else I have a terrible nights sleep. I think I am partly lucky with my energy level - and partly 'cos I never sit still - I always say energy creates energy - I am a terrible fidget - if I AM sitting still I will be bouncing my leg or something. I am awful to watch a movie with 'cos I have to stop it at least a couple of times so I can get up and do something - I am not good at just sitting for a couple of hours. Air flights drive me crazy!

Oh - PLEASE do not worry about the book - I have another copy and was not expecting it back anyway. It is a book that I always have on my shelf and am always happy to give to anyone who would like a copy.

I understand about not having a life outside of work - in fact it is something I am working on right now to sort out. I will let you all know if anything comes of it, but I need more balance in my life - something it is sorely lacking. Work seems to dominate it - shifts do NOT help. So I shall see......

Anyway - it is 11.30 - I worked the closing shift, and I need to think about getting ready for bed. Day off tomorrow - YEAH !! Nothing much planned except for washing and stuff.....

Talk later everyone - love and hugs,

love, Sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

There does seem a lot to catch up on and I dont really think I have the time just now as I do have to get ready and go out shopping this afternoon.

Stuck I have been looking for you and wondering what happened to you so I am glad you have popped in here. How are things going for you?

I hope you enjoy your day off Sun, people who get up and get washed and dressed straight away always amaze me, it is something I have never done, even when I was in work I would have to have a coffee and cigarette first before I could funcion in any way at all, and I do think pj.s are way more comfy than proper clothes. The sonow is starting to thaw here now and the forecasts say that is it for now, the weather has gone strange tho hasnt it.

I too have cut down on my caffeine intake and think energy pills are usually made from caffeine. I do drink decaff coffee later on in the day to protect my sleep.

Pay I also do wish I had been able to come to meet you and often think about missing out on it which makes me sad, but there was nothing I could have done about being so ill. It just seems that I have missed out on somuch of my life not being able to do things, I dont know whether it is bacause I am 50 now and I realise that I am not going to be here forever so know I should make the most of things but just dont seem able to do so. There was a time when my youngest son would notice and comment if I didnt have my make up on but now I dont even know if he notices that I hardley ever get dressed.

But anyway I am going to have a shower and get dressed now, and while Im at it I think I will put some make up on as well.

xx

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning / Afternoon / Evening all on this lovely supportive thread.

It feels like I?ve come home.

It?ll take a whiles to get to know you, and unfortunately I?m time limited but will pop in when I can.

I?ve increased my Topa to 25mg am and 50mg evening and plan to go up to 100mg on Friday ? that will be 50mg morning and evening. If my desire to drink keeps away, do I just keep at 100mg or keep titrating up? The MWO book is not clear on this point. Their schedule would have me titrating up to 300mg daily dose which seems excessive if I?m getting the benefit at 100mg. Am I missing something?

Space ? you are always so supportive, I?m so sorry to hear you?re going through a bad patch yourself. All I can do is give you a virtual hug. I have been my harshest critic in the past and have developed lots of effective strategies over the years to accept that part of myself. I really do feel that the Topa has lowered my resistance. So I?m reviewing all that I know and maybe taking a few new suggestions on board (thanks playland, I?ll take a look at that book).

Playland ? regarding Topa not working the second time round. I?ve heard this said around the boards too. Do you know how best to approach it? What happens if I titrate down to a maintenance dose then titrate up if I have to, would that work? What would be a good maintenance dose?

All drink & potential triggers are away in the cupboard and thanks to Topa plus the supplements it?s been an easy thing to achieve. I am so very grateful & humble.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning Space ! Good for you with makeup - now, that is something that I pretty much just do for work - except some foundation stuff to try and even out the stuff on my face - LOL. but then all I add for work is mascara.

Glad that the snow is thawing - our temps are bitter here - 13 degrees F this morning before the wind chill - that is about minus 10 C. Really cold. I feel sorry for the critters out there - we make sure we keep the bird feeder full and we have a heated bird bath so the birds can get water.

Teezah - lovely to see you this morning! If the Topa is working for you at any level, you can keep it at that level. In fact, if it is working at the 75, you don't even have to go up to the 100. You can just stay at the 75. As long as that level works for you, that is wonderful. I am one of those who have to go up to 300mg before it works - and at 300 I get really depressed on it, so can't do it. That, really, apart from the odd Topa dopa, is the only SE that I get. Which is a shame as it does work for me, but at such a high level! You are very lucky that it is working for you at a lower level. I am envious! If you are feeling that you need to go up to the 100, then go for it. I would wait and see if you start to get cravings, but generally once you are at a level where it works, that is it - you can continue up as far as I know, if you do.

A maintenance dose would be the dose that it stops your cravings - it isn't like Bac where you go up then come back down. You stay at the dose where your cravings are stopped. If it isn't broken, DON'T fix it. I wish I had never messed with my dose the first time I took it - but had just kept taking it - it never seems to work as well, once you stop and start it. SO happy it is working for you :l

Dizzy - I woke in the night and thought "I forgot Diz", in my post!! LOL. Sorry..... It wasn't that I forgot you - I just went back to where I had last posted and sort of answered from there and as you hadn't posted, you didn't get answered - but when I realised I hadn't mentioned you I felt awful! So, here you are !! How is YOUR depression? Have you had any blood test results yet? Hope all is well with everything...

Well, day off today - and I am going to sit and write out my things-to-do list (I LOVE lists!).

back later, hugs to all,

Love, sun XXX