New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all ! getting ready for work - got a heavy day coming up - some good exercise though! I am loving my new job.

I am sleeping just fine - the first night was a tad tossing and turning but other than that it has been smooth sailing and like Play, haven't had cravings as such - yes, I miss the drinking but no cravings really.

Play - the Cranberry Bliss Bar is on line - I Googled it - think I put Starbucks Cranberry and it came up - it is really good - YUM !! I daren't make it 'cos I would be fat as a butterball !!

I think it is all mindset regarding the not drinking - that is what Carr does in his books which is why they work for me - you read the book and he goes over and over the reasons why you don't do something - he changes your mindset. Once we have popped that tab., we know we can't drink. So our mindset is changed - like stuck said - we adapt 'cos we know we have to.

But I also think we are psychologically addicted not physically - I am not sure if everyone is once they stop or not. We were lucky in having no withdrawals, but then neither of us was a heavy drinker.

And Stuck - I used to say I would NEVER take an antabuse. And now look at me !! yet you take Bac - I would never take that stuff - that really scares me - I have a friend who takes it - well, took it - and it changed her from a nice person to a really aggressive person - it was scary. But I suppose we all take whatever works for us. I am not sure how long I will do the AB for - however long it takes to train my pea size brain I suppose. I used to have just one or two drinks a day for ages and was fine with that. It never went up - I felt good - it was good for me.

Anyway I am waffling and need to get to work.

have a wonderful day everyone,

hugs, Sun XXXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well that sure was quick. Yesterday feels like it didn't even exist, except I woke up this morning with a seriously messed up lower back, so guess I slept pretty awkwardly or something. But the other thing is that I woke up feeling like I'd kind of had my fill for a little while, so that's good. No real shakiness, no cravings, and since I passed out by around midnight or so last night, I can tell I already went through the sweating-part of the withdrawal.

So other than feeling kind of like crap, and not really being able to move at all, this day is getting off to a fine start. And of course I'm getting groceries delivered later, along with, you guessed it, several bottles of liquor. Those'll just have to go in the cabinet, lol. And I'll have to figure out what to do with this pizza I ordered last night, and didn't eat any of. Ugh.

:l:ls, all

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun & PLay - can't wait to hear the final comments on your AF week and then your first drinks! I'm totally inspired...

Stuck, I hope you find your way...you're taking BAC but still some black days it sounds like. Being a teacher, I wonder how you do it. Sounds like you are going thru a dark period...or are these benders normal for you? I'm so sorry for your pain, guilt, bad days, etc...guess the BAC needs to be upped, but I couldn't go very far myself. It was 3 1/2 yrs ago and I don't remember what doseage I got up to...just that I gained 8 lbs in 8 seconds with no results and no guarantees so stopped. Had other SEs but can't remember what they were - just remember being very wary.

I'm thinking the AB 5 days/wk may be a thought. Being completely sober 5 days...that hasn't happened since I was pregnant w/ my 20 yo daughter!! GAWD -

But been on NAL, the fear it blocks pain or something, I can't remember lol ... BAC had weight gain, brain damage & other SEs; TOPA had the tingles, weight loss (most of us didn't get that good part!! - was bad for others), and "Dopa"/cognitive loss...I had that.

Just saying...we are all here for the same reason. Wishing each of us the best. On this thread, it's all about support, right?! I'm booking a trip to see WTE in March...waiting her final approval. Will be so fun to see her!! Who else?!

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Space, I've been thinking of you today and also wondering why you are having no zest for life since not drinking and I think it must be something to do with your bi-polar and the meds you are taking for that and just the condition itself, perhaps the alcohol helped overcome that feeling somehow.

Since starting the AB and having this week AF, I can say right now if I thought I couldn't have another drink for the rest of my life, well, I would be pretty down because I like drinking, that sounds awful, but it is the truth, and just knowing that the weekend is coming up makes me cheerful and even appreciate the AL free days. One thing for sure for me is that I have a million times more energy off the AL, I'm seeing and doing things that I didn't even know I wasn't doing, like I have just neglected everything, I'm surprised I have managed work all these years but that is getting more difficult now as I'm getting a little older, so it is an eye opener for me to see how many things I neglect when drinking.

You were asking about why and how I stopped the antidepressant. It is interesting even to me and I'm happy now that I'm off, even though I felt I would take it for the rest of my life because of how unbearable it was every time I tried to stop, just constant crying and sadness. I had been taking it for 15 years starting around the time my marriage was falling apart and I had finally gone for counseling because I could barely function and get up every day and go to work. I think my depression was tied a lot to the marriage but when I look back I can see that I was depressed even as a kid.

So my stopping the AD has to do with my daughter in Spain. Her history as well as all of my children, is that they all had severe depression issues starting as far back as middle school, probably even earlier but that was when it became apparent and they started counseling and each of them started on ADs around that age. My opinion is that depression is genetic, or at least the predisposition for it. We had a really catastrophic event in our family when my children were about 7, 9 & 10 and at that time my husband became severely depressed and suicidal and it has become worse and worse as time has gone on.

Anyway, when I went to Spain a year ago right before the baby was born and we were waiting on genetic test results, well, it was awful and my daughter was really about to have a breakdown. We found a woman counselor/psychologist at the international women's center and took my daughter there for therapy.

It turned out that this woman used Kinesiology as the main tool in her practice, so you can see that some people might be reluctant to work with her if they were very traditional. For my daughter it was fine and they really hit it off and my daughter started seeing her two times a month and has continued to this day. For the last few months my daughter has been telling me that this woman has actually changed her whole life, in how she sees life and herself, almost like a spiritual awakening, in a very "Universal" way.

So this time while I was there my D really wanted me to go have a session with this lady and I also had been wanting to do it also. It was very untraditional and super interesting with the kinesiology and the techniques she uses. She asked me what I wanted to work on and I told her I wanted to develop a more independent work situation and I wanted to have more money so I can visit my grandchildren often as it makes me very sad to have them so far away.

She said that the job and money would come later but she could feel that I had been very sad for my whole life and that I needed to work on this first as it was the most prominent thing in my life. She said the goal was to help me release this sadness and it would not come back and then we could work on something else rather like peeling an onion.
/>During that session she used the muscle testing and "tapping", I think that part is called EFT, but I am not sure. So at the end of two hours with her (she is very untraditional) I felt extremely calm and light.

So later my daughter told me that because of the work she had done with this person she had stopped taking her AD two months ago because, in her words she said, " I am not that depressed person anymore".

Well that totally blew me away because my D had a very severe depression all her life and now had just stopped her AD, this girl whom I had taken to ER and mental health crises clinics several times over the years, had just stopped her medication and was doing fine, and the situation with the baby is not even having the awful effect because of this drastic change in her outlook on life and the increase in her "energy" due to this therapy.

So, when I returned home I somehow felt that my session with this woman had brought a change in my energy as well and for some reason I started thinking about stopping my AD again to see if I could do without it.

I knew that my darter had tapered down for a month to avoid the SE of stopping, so I just started taking it every other night for a couple of weeks and then started breaking the halves in half and then one day I realized that I had forgotten to take it for over a week and I felt just fine, as good as I did while taking it, this was something pretty amazing to me.

Now my observation on not taking it is that suddenly I feel much more alive, like I had been sedated with the medication, but I really couldn't live without it until now. And now I think my emotions are going thru some kind of re-regulating themselves because when something upsets me, it comes on just full blast and I feel like it is going to sweep me away, but then after about thirty minutes the emotional turmoil just disappears.

I have noticed that I seem to have let go of some resentment about my family living so far away, they didn't do it on purpose to hurt me but it has still been something that was very difficult for me. It is still difficult but I seem to have much less emotion connected to it.

So this whole thing has been quite astonishing to me. I plan to do an occasional session with the therapist on Skype. She has people all over the world that she works with from long distance. My daughter has even taken the baby for sessions with her, it is quite something out of the ordinary.

Well, oh my gosh, I'm sorry this is such a long post, I hope it wasn't too wierd or something, it is just something that I think is having an effect even on my ability now to start the AB. I'm having very high hopes about life.

Space, I want to take you to see this woman when you come to Spain(if you want to), I think you would like her, she is unlike any psych you have ever met

Ok, I'm going to bed, love you all and Stuck I'm happy you are doing a plan again and I have hopes that LDB can take the edge off things for you, I believe that it does work that way also.

See you tomorrow,
Oh yes, I'm really looking forward to tomorrow evening:H:H

Play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello Again

For Houtx, and Everyone:h

Final thoughts on week one of the AB 5/7 Plan, well we may have to write a book about the plan and become rich:H

It has absolutely no side effects and keeps your spirits up by allowing you to cheat on the weekend, that's what weekends are for, right? It can also be used as a diet plan, I have lost 4 YES 4 pounds this week, surely from not eating all night long like I do when I drink. And it takes almost no willpower, it is amazing.

I'm like you Houtx, I haven't had even two AF days in over twenty years probably, I love it and even tho I'm looking forward to the weekend and my goal is still moderation, I think given enough time this method might retrain my brain to drink in a more reasonable way

Wish I could join you to meet up with WTE, March is too soon for me regarding the need to work as much as possible, but I'm still planning the big adventure at some point and seriously want to get together with the two of you this year. Plus, you are welcome in SF anytime you want to visit for a few days.

Peace

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry I did post yesterday, I had a bad day and was in bed sleeping for a lot of it, being busy for the two days before totally wiped me out. I am sick of this thing with my tiredness, pain and energy levels being so low it gets me down and Ive noticed that if I stay in and dont do anything with the day by the evening I am feeling more depressed because of it. Ha well I have to go out now tho because my electricity has just gone off so I need to go to the shop and buy some more. I get p'ssed off with feeling like this especially because I think I should feel better now Im not drinking, but then again I did used drink as a pick me up and also to deal with my moods and pain so I suppose it makes sense that now I dont have that method of dealing with everything I am actually feeling it full time and need to learn to cope with it. I do need to look into changing me diet and still havent done anything regarding that, Sun I forgot about you being a veggie and eating so well anyway when I asked you about being my partner for diet change but I know Dizzy is also eating healthily and will start next week I think, I get paid on Tuesday and can go shopping for fruit and stuff then, it may be off topic for the rest of you but is it ok if I post on here how Im doing each day?

Thanks you for telling me all about your meeting with the woman and stopping ad's Play, I have felt for a long time that ad's are not making me any better but keeping me trapped in some way but am way to scared to try coming off them again I have felt so bad when Ive tried it in the past, so I am made up for you that you have managed to do it.

Well done Sun and Play on the compleation of your first AF week, I want to know what you both do with your weekend so please be sure to tell us about it.

Stuck I do hope your starting to feel better today, I took 30mg bac a day for a while and it did help I think, I seem to remember it helping me cut down drinking but I still ended up on a bender until I was very ill, I really do hope you can start to sort things out for yourself, can you maybe take the pizza to the beach or a park or somewhere and feed the birds with it?

Teezah are you and your daughter feeling any better yet, I think you are doing so well I am so proud of you.

xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone. WELL, I am sitting here with my Guinness !!!! the first sip I took I was very careful with - waited a little while and all was well, so drank some more - all was well, so drank the rest. LOL.

Now, I have a slight problem with this - I didn't have the same stuff go on that Play did. First of all, I LOST energy with the NO AL. As you all know, I always have tons of energy. But from tuesday on, I was having to use the alarm to get me up - usually I wake up before the alarm. I have always woken up bright eyed and bushy tailed - these days I have been dragging. Once I have my cup of tea and get going I am fine but i really have not been feeling good in the mornings - so what is up with that? I have been sleeping just fine. I don't like feeling draggy in the mornings. the only thing that I can come up with is that the guinness has so many vits and minerals in it that it really was good for me. SO, maybe I should go back to what I was doing - but temper it somewhat and go back to my 1 or 2 a night.

That worked fine for me for a couple of years. It was when it started to go up that I felt it was a problem. It never affected my work or my family or anything else in my life. I am in quite a dilemma. I need to talk to Play about it and would welcome any opinions from here - honest ones please. You know that I value your opinions and input. I am really enjoying my guinness today - I love the buzz - LOL !!!!

Now to reply.......

Space - I am a little confused - why do you have to go to the shop to buy electricity? Even being from UK, I have never heard of that! And that is fine you forgetting I am veggie and even if I am, it doesn't mean I eat healthily - lots of veggies don't !!

Yes Play - the was really interesting about your stopping the Ad's. I do have to admit one thing - my mood was up this past week. AL is a depressant - so if I keep my levels down, that could help. But I am feeling good. Just talked on skype with BOB (Big Older Brother for those who don't know) who quit 1st Jan and he caved last night and is suffering today. I feel for him. When he drinks, he DRINKS. I have an off button - he doesn't.

Houtx - Yes, I think this is the perfect answer for you. it really does work - I was a tad leery about drinking the first one but it was fine. You just CAN'T drink after taking that Ant. Why don't you try it? PM me......okay? It really is worth it. As for visiting WTE in March - no can do. I hope to visit sometime but it won't be in March. I do hope that you manage to though and have a wonderful time. She is a wonderful hostess - just watch out for those hornets/bees/wasps/whatever - it doesn't matter - she knows where the urgicare is !!! LOL

Stuck - my dear stuck - I am so sorry that you are feeling like you do - join my Brother !! SO, what about your plan? Why don't you join Play and me on the 5/7 AB stuff? You know that you will be able to drink in five days......... that was what kept me going - which is probably the wrong way of looking at it really. BUT it is one way of retraining your brain.

Okay - Oh - I have been talking to Honeysuckle and she might be joining us here which would be great - I hope she does. LOL - she is English - we are slowly taking over :H:H:H

Back later everyone,

Hugs, Sun XXXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Sun, and everyone here, you are all such dears.

It does suck, waking with even less energy than you had while drinking. It's just simply unfair that things actually get worse when you quit. As bad as it all was, it gets fucking worse. And that's crap. Of course, you know, it's not something I can really speak to right now, given that I'm drinking already today. Kind of a shame to put Jameson in fucking maxwell house coffee, but hey, I'll run out of coffee soon enough and be able to then have my dear friend Jameson on his own terms, for a moment before that runs out.

Oh bloody hell. Anyway, it'll all sort out soon enough, I'm sure. As for dealing with getting well, and this whole recovery thing, I've been reading the AA big book quite a bit lately, and honestly I don't really recommend that. I say I you're curious about what to expect, go out and get yourself a copy of Infinite Jest, by David Foster Wallace, and the problem there is that it's about 1200 pages, and you'll have to dig through and just find the parts about AA. But 1/3 of the book is about AA, and it really, really helps. Plus it's an amazing piece of literature.

So that's my pitch, such as it is. I'm going to go back to watching the State of the Union address now. Hugs and love.

[teezah]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Pop in!

Still around - just decamped 5 hours up the road for the weekend for a not very pleasant task :/ being an adult is rubbish sometimes!

Lovely to read all your posts space / stuck >>hug

[NoraC]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Quick stop by......

Play - thanks for sharing your story. That sounds so interesting. Really would love to hear more details.

Sun - the tiredness can be a side effect of the antabuse. It will pass. I had that too but don't have any problem with it now. I'm taking the AB about 3 times a week.

Haven't had a chance to read back yet. I hope that everyone is doing well. :h

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Home Late, Short Post, Maybe

Hi Everyone,
Well, I Too am sitting here with a glass of wine, it is delicious, I'm not feeling quite the same urgency with it tonight which is also delicious.

Sun, I'm upset that your energy is so down, yes, we need to talk about the plan:h

I had a really great day as I started my second session of Hypnotherapy school. I finished the first session right before I had to go to Spain the first time and so was unable to continue until right now. I had paid the deposit long ago and they just kept moving me ahead in the sessions because I had to be away so much of the year. Is a really exciting thing for me, I'm really only doing it for my own pleasure but at the end I will be a certified clinical hypnotherapist, that is quite a way in the future because this is real school that is accredited by the California Education Dept. and each session is 40 hours.

So, on our lunch break, five of us went to eat at a place around the corner and I had a glass of Wine, I figured well it would make me more hypnotizable:H:H I was beautiful weather and we sat out in the sunshine, me with my wine and the others with their ice tea, I didn't even care because of how good I was during the week. The class went way over time and I just arrived home and now am having the second glass of the day, that's it for wine for today. I'm beat and have to get to sleep to get up at 5:30 for work tomorrow.

Next week I will be taking a week off the AB because my younger daughter got engaged today and they will be having some celebrations during the week with friends and family. After that I will resume on the next Monday. I don't have as good a STOP button as Sun does and I can tend to over drink quite a bit and I know right now I wouldn't be able to keep it at two glasses of wine a night, hopefully at some point my brain can retrain itself.

Sun, I wonder if Nora could be right about the AB causing the tiredness and that it might go away with a little time, so I'm thinking maybe you should take the week off with me and see how your drinking goes and then start again with me and also see if the extreme low energy goes away. Anyway, we can talk more tomorrow evening

Stuck, I'm going to listen to the AA podcast, I just have been too busy but it does sound good.

Teezah, I'm glad things are looking up a bit right now, I know that every day is a challenge for you, some days more and some days less. If you would ever like to share more about your daughter please PM me:h

Space, wish you were feeling better too and I'm thinking that you would need regular sessions with a therapist who is a lot more capable than the people that you see now.

Like this therapist in Spain, she is from Finland or Norway or somewhere like that, but I think it takes an exceptional therapist to really make a big difference for us and so many of them don't really seem to know much, or care much or just not pay much attention, or it has become just a job for them, whatever the reason they don't help much.

I was able to come off the ADs after only one session with her but I think my issue was a less complicated kind of depression than yours, but who knows what could happen if you could see someone like her regularly, just like it happened for my daughter. I am saying prayers that you meet a therapist who will be very engaged with you and really help you with your recovery, and I think if we Ask For Help in that way it will come.



So, the plan is working well for me at this time and will post tomorrow about further developments.

Peace & Love

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun youve got me wondering what your thinking of doing, you say you dont like the dragging of a morning but then you said your mood is better during the day so thats got to be a plus. I also think that your new job is taking it out of you physically so until your more used to it that may well be the cause of whats happening, your body is changing and strengthening and needs the rest. I had forgotten also that AB can cause tiredness at first so I would stick with it for a while longer you are doing so well and it has only been a week and you have noticed possitive changes already in your mood, I dont think guinnes has so many vitamins and nutrients in it that cant be got elsewhere. I hope your brother is ok, I also have no off switch so I know how he must feel. My worry for both you and Play is that now you have had a drink at the weekend it may be hard for you to stop again on Monday and your drinking brain is looking for a way out. I am here to support you both in whatever you decide to do I just want you to be happy

Because Im not good with money and out of work I get my electricity on a pre-payment metre which means I have to go and charge up a key to get the electricity on, it is a bit of a niucance sometimes and does cost a bit more in the long run but at least I dont have any nasty bills to worry about nor getting cut off if I dont have the money to pay.

Yesterday was such a disaster for me and I really dont want to talk about it, I went with my daughter and her hubby to her dads grave which is quite a distance away, on the way back my NEW car wasnt working so I had to get a recovery truck out (which very fortunately I have cover for) to get me home. I was totally devastated, I felt ripped off, stupid for getting that car, hurt and all the other feelings I put on myself, at first I thought it was the gearbox which would be a big expensive job but the guy who came out said it is something to do with the suspension and is not too bad. So we all came home with the car on the back of a huge big truck. I felt so awful about it and still do, I am worried about how much it will cost to get it fixed and the fact that I got it brought to my house because I didnt know what else to do. I know I will fixate on this now until its done.

Also its my mums birthday today and she is coming for dinner, instead of going and starting cleaning my house which is a tip because I havent felt up to doing anything over the past weeks I am on here in bed and just feel like crying myself back to sleep. I am so tired even though I had plenty of sleep last night and by back is hurting, I will go and get a coffee and try to make a start now and get something achieved today.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh My Space, I am feeling for you so much right now, life can really be a challenge. I'm off to work but will be here later today. Try to let it go out of your mind for the day if there is nothing else to be done today.

Love you and see you tonight.

Play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Space - I so feel for you ! It seems to be one thing after another. But as play said, there is nothing to be done today, so try and forget it for now. I wish I could help somehow - :l to you. I hope you enjoy your time with your mum today.

Thanks for explaining the electricity thing for me - I had not heard of that before. But yes, no bill to worry about coming in is good......

As for the AB making me tired - I don't think it is that - taking a half one day wouldn't do that I don't think. When I quit before I had the same thing. Not waking up before the alarm, and just no get up and go. It is really odd. I drank yesterday and feel back to my usual peppy self today. The job is very strenuous but it isn't making me tired. I really enjoy it and the boxes that I lug about don't seem as heavy as they did at the start! I do think that my mood is better because of the no AL though - AL is a depressant so that bit makes sense.

Hi there Play - your day yesterday sounded really good. Long but good. I think I am going to try this week without the AB as you aren't taking it this week Play, and see if I can keep to two a night. That is what I used to drink and am fine with that. I understand you with company that it will be difficult especially this early in the game.

One problem that I think I had last week was that I literally was waiting for saturday !! It was as if the week was a total waste because all I wanted was for saturday to arrive. I need to dig out my Alan carr book and read it - he always manages to help me with my mindset.

Play - that therapist sounds awesome. I wish there were more like her around. But to find anyone like that here would be a one in a million chance.

Stuck - how are you doing today? I hope that you are feeling a bit better. I have looked at the wallace book and it looks different !! LOL

Teez - totally di not understand what on earth you were on about being decamped five hours up the road and being an adult is rubbish - I suppose you knew what you were talking about though which is the main thing - :H Glad you will be home today - hope you and daughter are feeling all well again.

Well, I have to shampoo my carpets today - fun times !! And I think I am going to make some coffee walnut cupcakes too. Back later everyone - Space keep your chin up eh?

love and hugs, sun XX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

my heart goes out to many of you. It is so hard to deal with this disease with our every day problems. My counselor says my life will be so much better when I quit, I don't see it, I only want to quit because of what is doing to my health. I drink gin, so much stronger then beer, I used to drink wine. I sometimes wonder, when did I go from not drinking to starting to it being a problem. I do so enjoy reading all of your posts. I see we are all trying in our own way, we read, we post, we try something new, I do so believe in the strength of the brain. I am very interested in hypnotherpy, the Ab, meditation. I am reading but I may not always post. I appreciate the caring for each other here.