New here and starting Topa and with a question

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I was told by my doctor to pop in often. I have read that some are afraid to go to doctors for medicine because you don't want it on your record. Are those afraid of others finding out about your drinking.
Questions was asked if my family knows I drink. Mom drank too much and had to stop a couple of years ago because of her age and drink caused of a lot of problems. My husband has addressed my drinking and being a child of an alcoholic he wanted it stopped. But he is on disablitiy and I am the major income. I think he overlooks it and I hid it. I think my immediate family knows I have a problem, I don't drink in front of anyone but my daughter. I have quit twice but I like it. I know it is killing me. But I don't drink and drive, I just start every night at 8 with gin and go to bed at 930.
I love hearing about your everyday life. Who is the one that owns a business that puts on parties, so interesting. I also love the different countries everyone is from.
You are a very loving group.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey All,
I sure enjoy reading all your posts, thanks for being here:h Dizz your advice to LJ about taking the AF time, you said 30 days, I know it does really turn your head around, no matter if you are unhappy about not drinking like Stuck, and really all of us here, it still does help to see things without the haze.

This is my third AB 5/7 week, I'm really enjoying it, it's wierd, I've been pretty sick with a URI but still am doing things around the house that I never normally do when drinking. When drinking every night, I just ignore everything, get in bed, eat and drink and stay on my computer. Now I find myself cleaning out a kitchen drawer, going thru old papers and a hundred other little things, kind of like you Stuck, but actually enjoying it.

I feel like I have lost 15 years of my life, each day now I feel more clearheaded and am starting to remember what happened days ago, even starting to notice that I am enjoying doing and seeing things with a clear head, wow, what a revelation. The cravings are really so tiny, they go away in just a minute and that is because I know I can't drink after the AB. Without it the cravings would be huge at this point, it works in a very strange way. Stuck you explained it really well the other day when you talked about how the brain adjusts to any situation that is absolutely forced on it, or something like that:H

So really, I feel like I am waking up from a dream, actually a nightmare. I now think of all the people in my life that matter to me and I want to be around for awhile with them and actually with a clear head and not obsessing about AL all the darn time, so this is feeling so so good, I regret not ever thinking about taking AB before but that's just how it was.

I got started on the alcohol during a very devastating time of my life and obviously I tried to hide from the pain all these years.
I also see very clearly how AL has robbed me of my motivation to move ahead with things that were important to me, my hypnotherapy school, studying Spanish (who can learn a new language when you don't even remember you studied the day before) and perhaps most importantly being an active seeker of my own self realization.

I won't get into spirituality here but just want to say that I lost my zeal for my spiritual growth and that is sad because it really is the most important thing in our life. (Just disregard this part if it doesn't sit well with you) but I'll talk a little I guess anyway.

When I was very young I had a spontaneous event when I had an inner realization that we are all one along with everything else in the universe and it was much more than that also. That started me on my pursuit of spiritual awareness. I forgot about it kind of these last 15 years but now the desire is burning strong again, I know I have no more time to be a zombie, my life is a gift and what good is it to be given this gift if I just waste it. I think the Alcohol for me has to go, I may be able to moderate or not and I have faith now that it will just work itself out because I can feel myself losing interest in being obsessed with Alcohol.

I'm not quite sure why this has started happening for me but I feel an inner shift and I must say I love doing this with AB because as Dizz says there are absolutely no side effects. Is not substituting one drug for another (but I'm also for whatever drug or method brings about a change). For me it's great because I now WANT to be clear headed all the time.

Sun says that the Alan Carr book brings about a mindset like this, I haven't read it but I believe it. I'm hoping that with the AB I will just begin to forget about alcohol

Gee, I didn't mean to write a book or give a lecture, I hope you aren't asleep by now. STUCK, reading your posts always encourages me to write about my thoughts and feelings, thank you so much for being a part of our thread, but I really consider you one of us as opposed to taking part on our thread.

Well, there are a lot of things I need to respond to but first am going to take a break to eat and then get ready for bed.

But before I sign off saying hi to WTE and how sorry about your accident, you have been thru such an awful year with so many physical things to deal with. I'm hoping this year is better as soon as you are all healed and feeling good again. I want to send the pics but am having a computer problem, I'll try to sort it out. And there were no pictures from the last trip to Spain except for just family pictures, I spent a month in the house with my daughter after her surgery with very short times outdoors for little walks with her after the first couple of weeks.

Meggie you asked about why some of us don't want the AL on our health record. So of course I want to keep this information private, away from friends and family and most importantly it has to be off my record because of my work and also because of insurance reasons. In my opinion is never a good idea to have this stuff on your record especially in the United States.

So, bye for now, see you after while or tomorrow. I want to thank each and every one of you for the blessing that you are in my life. Without the alcohol I never would have met you and I'm so thankful that I have.
Play:h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Play - what a wonderful post! Extremely motivating for anyone wanting to quit! I think you explained everything so well. You sound as if you have really found your way out. I am so happy for you. It sounds as if your life is finally clicking into place after many years..... :l

Meggie, it is WTE that owns a business and does the parties. And yes, we are a diverse group ! And Play explained about the medical records thing.

Well, off to get ready for work - hope everyone has a wonderful day.

hugs, sun XX

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Stuck. I recovered from my dad's visit and I'm back on watching my drinking and doing well. I also have klonopin which similar to your Ativan. Alcohol is horrible for us. I feel my liver enlarge everytime I drink so it's definitely a deterrent for me

Play. It is so inspiring to hear your story! I'm glad you are clearheaded and so happy for you! We have had quite a few success story here on this thread!

I quit topa and now back to being able to do math and play piano. Drinking is still not much concern w help w l glut. For anxiety I use klonopin but have to find a doc to prescribe it regularly. I have to give public speeches at meetings so those come in handy.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry Im not posting Im feeling kind of low right now but want you to know that I am reading your posts and grateful that you are all here

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ok, I have told all my health people about my drinking what does that do for my insurance in the US? Play, I also am looking into spirituality, meditation, mind over matter, that whole way of thinking. Why do AB work? It is definatly a mind over matter, not a sickness. So are we sick or do we need to retrain our brains.
thanks for being there, or here.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi meggie, good questions Are we sick or do we need to retrain our brains? I guess it is both, at least thats what I think. We must be sick or we wouldn't get so addicted, and then again it could just be that we have done it so much that the alcohol grooves in our brains are really entrenched, so we need to retrain our brains and I hope it doesn't take too long if it is even possible, it must take a bit of willpower also or mindset or something to keep us from our old habits and the medications help also.

About the alcohol being on our medical records, well, if you have insurance thru your employer then there is nothing to worry about. But if you are someone who has to buy private insurance, at least up to now, there is no way in hell that you will be accepted for private insurance with alcohol treatment on your record. And it can also interfere even with job applications, they always ask things like that, i suppose it mostly just depends on what kind of work you do and if you have health insurance thru your employer. Maybe with ObamaCare it won't matter so much, no way to know at this point.

Oh Dear Space, I wish you were feeling better, I know what its like to be down, in fact, I'm feeling awfully down today. Sometimes I'm just so lonely that I can hardly bear it and mostly I try to put it out of my mind but sometimes i'm not able to do that and today is one of those days. I live by myself and except for work I do not have friends, except for Sun and she lives far away, or anyone that I go out with socially, so I mostly don't go out, especially in the evening, and I do go out alot in the daytime to parks and such things but the thing is I ALWAYS go alone and I'm really tired of it. I'm just so isolated and I know its not good for people.

You peeps on here are my only friends and I want to meet more of you in person and this site has literally saved my life for this reason, I always have my friends here to talk to when I come home.

I've met Sun outside the site and she is coming to visit again soon and I'm really looking forward to that. I hoped to meet you Space when I was in Spain but you were sick, I'm hoping for another time:h

I would also like to meet up with Dizz when she returns to the UK as I will be going to Spain again the end of June and would like to go to her for a couple of days but have to see how it will work out for her.

And I want to meet WTE and she is nearby so that can happen as soon as I have a few days off to go see her and I also want to meet Stuck. Stuck, my daughter is getting married in August in L.A. and you might find me on your doorstep, watch out:H

Anyway, I'm feeling a little better having just talked to you about this, I don't like to worry my children with it because there is nothing they can really do. They are wonderful children but they have their lives and friends and I can't expect to just be a tagalong. I have no sisters or brothers and really miss that in my life. I'm not close to my mother although I see her regularly and try to be kind to her but we don't have the kind of relationship that some mothers and daughters have.

On days like this in the past I would immediately have drowned all my depression in a bottle or more of wine but now I actually have to face the feeling, at least till the weekend, :H and it's also hard to motivate to meditate tonight, maybe i'll just watch a movie all evening.

Hey Ally, yes, i'm ready to start back on the reading project, let me know when you guys want to start as I don't check my yahoo email regularly so you need to let me know if you are using it. Please be careful with the klonopin, its addictive but I know you know that, how about hypnotherapy for the public speaking jitters, it works well for that.


Oh My, I hate complaining but thankful to have you guys here to listen, thank you, I really appreciate it.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey LJ,
there are two moderation threads, one is under the heading GOALS and is called Monthly Moderation, and the other is under OF SPECIAL INTEREST and is called Long Term Moderators, check them out, I need to check them out myself and maybe start taking part in one of them.

play

[Alcoholic]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all: spirituality helps me. And play ad sun we need to get started on it right away!!!

Play thanks for the caution about klonopin. .

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

i very much enjoyed the message from Play( i think) who spoke of using AB and how her life has changed. My life changed when I went on seizure medication. I was having seizures in my sleep. I was worried they were drinking related, the doc doesn't seem to think so. I have been having them for years. I sleep alone so nobody would have known. I have lost so many memories and was having problems at work. The medication seemed to open up my life, I have started slowly to do the things I always loved. I am taking a meditation class soon and am trying so hard to find my place in the world. The shrink keeps telling me that my life will be so much better if I quit. Sad to say I feel I have very little in my life except a child. I know that isn't true and have been trying to start the day saying what I am greatful for and ending it with a prayer.
I think that once spirituality is found then I can find inner peace. I think I stated before I spend my Sunday mornings watching Oprah on channel 66. She has had all my spiritual heros on for interviews. She has interviewed different doctors who have spirituality and all seem to have such an inner peace.
Well, sorry I am running on.

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I m back. I hope.

I ve missed this site (and some posters) so much.
I m a mess. But I m ready to be out of this, as soon as possible.

:thanks:

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome Home Airam!

Dear Airam, So Wonderful to have you back here, please try to stay with us even if for just short posts, we have missed you too:h

Hope to hear how you are doing very soon.

Love, play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dear Meggie, thanks for sharing your feelings and please don't think you are going on too long, just look at me, I practically write a book for me it really helps me to put my feelings down and all, and then there is Stuck who actually should write a book at some point , he too likes to put down every detail and We LOVE It.

Can you share what seizure medication you are on? Is it Topa? Meds can sure work wonders, I know that from experience with Topa, and Space has suddenly just quit drinking due to her new medication Epilam (sp) or Depakote I think. I'm wondering why no one else is trying out that medication, I know it is for depression issues but maybe we should start giving it an experimental try, it sure did the trick for dear Space.

I think you are doing really well Meggie, it does take time when we start on any path, the work and practice just builds on itself over time:h

Love you, play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone

So glad to see old faces like Airam and WTE.

I'm still here and would just like to apologise for my absence. My visa was turned down so I spent two days appealing it, its been a bit of a nightmare really.

I also didn't do the antabuse this week as it was supposed to be my last week and I was supposed to greet everyone and now I'm hungover everyday and just feeling terrible in general.

The visa office said I didn't have enough proof that I would return to South Africa in 6 months because I don't have a permanent job and I've just come back from there. I sent all sorts of proof now such as my rental contract, proof that I own a car, care for my parents, own a cat, have a savings annuity all sorts of things I could think of.

My boyfriend is also annoying me because he has all sorts of grandiose ideas that because they turned me down this means they must let me in on a partnership visa but it clearly states on there that you must prove that you have lived together like man and wife for two years, which we obviously can't.

I just want another 6 months visitors visa and then I want a 6 months fiance visa so we can get married, the partnership visa will be too difficult to prove and I do want to get married in the long run if we are going to stay together anyway. He thinks we can fight this in court etc. etc. but its all bullshit, just because they think I'm spending too much time in the UK to be tourist doesn't automatically turn me into his common law wife.

And my car's window wiper just broke while I was driving in pouring rain, the neighbour told a delivery guy I moved (the other neighbour did) so they didn't deliver something on Monday and never told me so I've been waiting at home the whole week for it, and three of our neighbours had attempted burglaries in the last 2 nights AND my period just started :upset: :upset: :upset:

I just really wanted to leave on Tuesday and get away from all of this. I'm tired of seeing my mom so ill - I got horribly drunk on Sunday as I was nervous about my visa and my mom was acting all psychotic so I tried to drown her out with wine - I guess it worked but I ended up being a total cow. I just want tomorrow's family barbeque to be out of the way so I can take another antabuse. I wish I could dig a hole and climb in it and that everyone would just leave me alone.

:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OH DIZZY - DEAR DIZZY - my heart went out to you reading your post - I wanted to give you a big hug and tell you everything will be okay. Oh gosh - it never rains but it pours !! I am so sorry for all that you are going through - you poor soul. I have no suggestions on the Visa - it sounds as if you are doing everything you possibly can - it is ridiculous - hope it all gets sorted for you - no wonder you are so stressed out. And of course, the wine doesn't help if it is leaving you hungover - once you get the party over with then as you said, take the AB and you can get back on track. :l:l to you my friend...... and sending lots of positive vibes for you XXXX

Airam - wonderful to see you here. Tell us what is going on with you. how are your parents? What is going on with you and the drinking? last time you posted I think you said that you were on a mix of tabs and they were working for you...... please come back and join in and let us help you and find out what is going on?

Ally - yes I agree - and I will get right on it - no excuses at all. Just need to get going on it! LOL.

Meggie - Play answers your posts so well that there is not much I can add. I am happy that you are here with us and it really does all just take time. Hang in there and keep posting.....

Play - wish I had time to answer your posts properly but am getting ready for work - will chat!

Space - where are you please? I am sorry you are feeling down - but come and check in okay?

Must rush - got to get to work,

love and hugs to everyone, sun XX