New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All - I agree. I like that we are all here like family. I don't want all of us to all go off on our separate ways (threads) - sniff sniff:-( I catch up and comment when i can or just jump in like I am right now. Tomorrow morning I will put on my bunny slippers (just kidding) and take the time to sift through and get to know everyones goings on and gettings up tos again.

Yes, so to address the reduced Wednesdays. Def, NOT LIKE AA. It is just an incentive to do something together. Consciously. If we make it. we make it. if we don't we don't. No need to report in. No need to confess. We don't care. It is just a reason to try to go one better than another day because, perhaps, another one of us is doing it with us.

And for my last comment on this very brief note this evening - I think that we have all been at our lowest points in our lives at one time and I daresay that they have been far far from where we are now. Am I right? I think that we beat our selves up way too much. 1 bottle, 4 drinks, 2 too many, couldn't leave that little bit - whatever……. Let's remember where we have been and celebrate how far we have come.

Cheers - love you all.

[mumtotwo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just have a minute... busy busy day and going out of town this weekend I want to say THANK YOU so much to all of you for the advice on talking to my doctor tomorrow. I definitely am not going to bring up anything about feeling I drink too much. She usually sits and types a ton of notes on the computer as I talk to her and probably transcribes every word. I'm not sure what I'm going to say exactly in regards to migraines or just not mention it at all. I am a horrible liar! I'll let you know what happens.

I wish I could send out a personal reply to everyone, but I wanted to say YOU ARE ALL DOING GREAT. I agree that we all tend to beat ourselves up too much. We all have our "bad nights"... I'm sure I'll have one this weekend with the girls. As long as we are making progress then we are doing something better than before! I feel like I've gotten worse lately, but my goal now is to stop this before it gets out of control. I will do it!!

Thank you again, everyone, for all of your advice and support! I'll keep you posted about the doc, thanks for remembering and thinking of me Sun!!

Anne xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all - just got in from work and am sipping my way through a Guinness - only want to sip it too - usually I have already got the 2nd one open by now! Just don't really fancy it - this is GOOD!

Airam - have you gone up to the 200 mg yet? I think we will still have the odd day - I hope that you parents are okay - do you have any idea what is wrong with them? It also doesn't help when you have a so and so of a boss. i am so lucky - mine is great. Anyway, as you know there is always tomorrow!

Illum and Clare I agree with you - I like having the one thread and I am sure that no-one feels slighted if they aren't responded to - we are all busy and do the best that we can. we all catch up when we can too. Re the reduced Wednesday - I don't feel worried by it - it is nice to have the challenge but don't feel worried if I don't manage it - this week it will be easy for me - but who knows next week?? As you said - we all know our own limits and where we have been!


Anne - I shall wait and see what happens re the doc - maybe you might end up getting it on line. i am a dreadful liar too, but if I practice and believe it enough and it is something like that that I feel is important enough I am thinking I might be able to do it. I am not sure - like you I am a dreadful liar. I would probably end up blurting out the truth. Is the appt for something else and you were just going to ask about the Topa while you were there? I have to see my doc tomorrow as well to get some more. And Anne - YES you WILL do it - we all will - we are going to beat this - with each other support, we can do this. And on that note, I need to get to bed. i have to be up early in the morning for work.

Hugs to all of you,

Sun xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So, the saga continues......I ended up tipping out the rest of the Guinness, had a VERY small brandy in coffee and went to bed!! Off to work - have a great day all,

Hugs, Sun xx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Claremont;985918 wrote: I like that we are all here like family. I don't want all of us to all go off on our separate ways (threads) - sniff sniff:-( I catch up and comment when i can or just jump in like I am right now.:agreed:
But I understand what you say Houtx. Maybe sometime we could have our own topiramate subforum.

Claremont;985918 wrote: And for my last comment on this very brief note this evening - I think that we have all been at our lowest points in our lives at one time and I daresay that they have been far far from where we are now. Am I right? I think that we beat our selves up way too much. 1 bottle, 4 drinks, 2 too many, couldn't leave that little bit - whatever……. Let's remember where we have been and celebrate how far we have come.

You are so right Claremont. I just have to remember how I was last june. I was out of control. Had I continued that way, I would have been dead by today. I'm so thankful I found this site. And yes, topiramate has been a life saver for me. I'm still drinking I know, but now looking back, those past years seem like a foggy nightmare lived by someone else entirely. Yes, it's too soon, too early to be sure, but in some way I'm starting to feel like myself again, and all I can say is thank you.


Ilum- Yes I agrre with you. Please, nothing like AA.


Sunny my parents are living with me. Thay are old. My father will be 85 next week and my mother will be 80 next month. They are in pretty good health, but at their age every little thing worries me. Thank you for asking. I'm gald you have a great boss. I used to have a very good boss, a nice, intelligent woman but she retired 2 years ago. The new boss is a rude, sexist and vulgar man. There have been times where I've been rude just to defend myself and I don't like to work in a place like that. It's very stressful.


Good luck today Mum!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello, just doing a quick daily check in. Last night was good. I delayed my start, which wasn't hard at all, and just had about 2 1/2 - 3 glasses of wine and stuck to what I set for bedtime. Had a good night's sleep and feel pretty good today but am losing my voice from whatever this sinus thing is!

I just checked my Topa package tracking and it looks like it arrived in town today, so I'll probably be able to pick it up tomorrow. Perfect timing for when I wanted to start! Hubby leaves for the weekend tonight. Interesting, he's seen me starting on all these supplements and hasn't once asked why I was doing that or what it's for. I guess he's used to seeing me try different vitamins and supplements for various diets and such.

I saw this article today while looking up something else on high functioning alcoholics. Boy was this me, and I imagine most of us.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/05/he...brod.html?_r=1

Today is my Friday (I get every other Friday off) so I'm looking forward to some down time tomorrow and see how that first day on Topa goes. Hope everyone is doing well today!

Illuminae

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

great article. So fitting for me and most of us here I am sure. It's interesting to think how many people out there have no clue what goes on.
good job last night! looks like there were others that did well too! great news!

I went to the grocery store today for the first time since I started my effort to stop drinking. It was very odd. I didn't feel the strong pull of the cravings but I felt almost sad, as I walked past the wine. I had to look away quickly, afraid that if I looked too long I would cave. It felt almost as if I was ignoring a person or an old friend. Wine is strategically placed throughout the store, not just in the alcohol section. It's by the meat. It's on some ends of aisles... each time I just closed my eyes and looked the other way. Never a craving but more of a feeling of "I can't believe I am not picking it up". My bill was another strange thing. Only $45... and for the first time, I carried my bags in and there was silence. No clanking sound of the bottles.

I started on 50mgs Monday and it really hasn't made much difference since 25mg. I felt good at 25 but I was also taking the AllOne. I haven't had any AllOne in a few days and I am starting to feel like it did really give me that extra boost. I don't feel cravings but I don't feel the aversion to the wine like I did before. I went to a birthday party last night and I didn't drink but I'll tell ya it was really hard to say no.

I am down almost 2 lbs since I started a week and a half ago. That's good news, but I am actually surprised it is not more considering I am eating substantially less and not drinking 2 bottles of wine a day! Oh well I am grateful for what I have and am not giving up.

I keep telling myself this:
I don't drink because
#1 it will help me lose weight
#2 I can't afford it (financially) anymore
#3 I am setting an example for my son
#4 It is good for my heath.

I repeat several times a day to remind myself why I am working so hard to do this.

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone – OK catch up day – have a headache this morning after only 3 ? glasses which seems to be a lot for me these days. NEVER thought I’d say that. 6-7 was a lot and regularly. I was happy when I only had 4. Now, over the past 2 ? weeks 5 was the highest and only once. Now I have 3 daily. Not bad. I am on 75 mg. at the moment but still headachy and still wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep and still feel like someone is massaging my brain. I don’t really have the topa dopa thing YET but have had the feet tingling, no biggie though. Loss of appetite I have noticed some but no weight loss of course. Now I ask WHY is it the ones of us that want that SE don’t get that SE – ha, Murphy’s Law.

So, Anne, I’ve been thinking about you these past two days. Please let us know how you made out at the Dr’s. I can’t lie either, god bless us all. Hope you did ok with your “story”. How are things with your son? Any word on diagnosis or plans for?

Airam – how are things? It must be so difficult caring and worrying for your parents. They are lucky to have you. I hope they are ok and you are ok. I know you have good moral support from your man. Are they feeling better? How bout you? Oh and your boss is an ass- I’d be rude too, he deserves it. What can or are you going to do about it. You can’t go to work miserable all the time. Can’t you report him? He’s stressing you out. A whole bottle and two shots is only 6 drinks. The hangover sucks but it’s only 6 drinks Airam. You’ve been sticking to two. You are doing fantastic. Look at the big picture – look at the week as a while not one little day. Sorry you had the Hangover. I hate those little reminders.

D2T –How are your feeling, any SEs, any difference with cravings, consumption, feelings? Are you trying for AF or reduction? I forget. I’m wondering because you said it was hard to say no at the Bday party, I would have just had a few and left it at that but I guess you are going AF. I hear you on the cost of it though. I was buying it by the box – like $300 a month. It adds up like crazy. And who can lose weight when we are consuming like 4200 calories in wine a week☺ hope things are going well for you – keep us posted.

Illuminae – It sounds/looks like you’ve just gotten to the point where you’ve had enough and you’ve gotten into the habit of you guys doing what you do but you are the one that wants to change the habit. That would be annoying to be the one that goes the different path, naturally now wouldn’t it. You see DH doing the stuff that you no longer want. Once you know you can handle it, you just won’t care. Oh and I also forgot to mention how awesome it is that you are helping so many others. You are a blessing and a lifeline so thank you. Good luck with your start this weekend. And a sip left is a sip left, isn’t it – anything we do that is different is a step forward in my books!

Sun – 29 years with DH. Congrats. I am 48 now and starting over. My dream is to have a 25th one day with someone. Wonder if that will ever happen?
What’s going on with the Kahlua / Guiness theory? Decision as to what route? And the funny taste – I don’t think I’ve noticed that but haven’t had anything in a can. Is it just fizzy drinks? Wish it would work with WINE!! Haha. That might cure what ails me.

2Run – where’dya go again?

Sassy – what’s up with you these days? How is DH? 2 glasses!! Yay! Yes, good for you☺

Calling all Houtx’s

WTE – Not buying wine when there is none in the house? Now, that is fantastic. I hope it keeps raining and you just want to snuggle under those blankets………hey whatever works. Sound like the Topa is kicking in fast and your choices are so positive - vodka and brandy over wine! Good for you. I will get there eventually if I can steer my brain in that direction.


Great weekend all xo

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wishing I had some motivation to drink less this weekend - I don't. I'm not off to have a bender or anything, I just don't feel like "trying" to drink less. I want to drink whatever I want to drink. How juvenile is that? sorry, that's how I'm feeling.

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sassy - On the contrary, that is not juvenile at all. That is very adult of you. You are all grown up and able to do whatever the hell you choose. Sometimes living under constant pressure to do "better" gets to be too much and we have to let it go. This is the weekend you have to let it go. Enjoy your weekend, know that you are having free will - don't go on a bender but don't try and refrain either AND try and remember that hangovers are a bitch. Be normal - whatever that may be for us.

Hugs xo

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy I am feeling the same way. It gets exhausting, and especially when the weekend comes around, I think we tend to get the feeling like that is our time to unwind and take a break from all our hard work, whether it be our job or working on ourselves. I know even when dieting people tend to splurge on the weekend. It's not juvenile. It's normal.

Today as I was driving my son to school I remembered it's Friday and got that excited feeling, like it's the day I get to drink without guilt. I thought about having a sober weekend and thinking, uh it's the weekend! I feel like I don't get the full benefits of a weekend if I don't get to have my wine you know?

It's 3:45 here and by now I would have totally opened a bottle by now. I haven't had a drink in 6 days. I am happy to say it has been relatively painless.

Clare - I didn't set out to be AF. I really don't know what I wanted. To be honest I have been praying a lot about it lately and really that was my last hope. Prayer and Topamax. I had it in my cabinet and figured I'd give it another go. No expectations really. I have absolutely no self control without topamax. My drinking has led me to gain so much weight. My weight and my debt were really my wake up call about my drinking problem. I need to lose about 75 lbs and my budget really can't withstand my 2 bottle a day habit anymore. I desperately want to be a healthy weight and yeah I have run up some debt that has been causing me lack of sleep. So... those motivating factors are really helping me abstain. Not sure what I will do tonight. Topamax is so great, I don't really feel like drinking but I do ya know! It's friday!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning to you all! Well, it seems I go from one extreme to the other - one drink one night a four pack the next - had four last night and although not hung over am feeling slightly fragile this morning!!

Clare - I went back to the Guinness instead of the Kahlua and am going to stick with it as mostly I don't want it (so I thought) but will try it this way and see. Am pleased to see that your intake is going down and for what it is worth, I am not losing any weight at all this time round - in fact recently went to my next size up trousers!!

Anne - we are waiting to hear how you got on - what happened?

Sassy - I so agree with Clare - remember the hangovers!!

Airam - my mum is 80 so I know what you mean - she sounds so fragile sometimes when i talk on the phone and said that lately she gets puffed so easily - she used to go swimming every Sunday but has decided to stop doing it as she feels funny afterwards and has to rest. She would just do two or three lengths (pretty good for her age) but just feels strange now after. I don't have my dad any more.

Illum - so did your Topa arrive? Oh and that article was so spot on!! It really was good and makes you wonder HOW many of us are out there without admitting it.

Dreams - I really need to get back on the All one - it really did make me feel better - nothing to do with the AL but it did help with generally feeling well. So, with being on the 50mg, do you feel okay? I am so amazed that you are 6 days AF!!!!! That in incredible. And I totally understand the feeling of not enjoying your weekend without the drink - like me thinking about my day off and the same thing!!

Claremont - I can't imagine ever starting over again (re DH). If ever anything happened to him, there is no way that I would EVER date again. Let alone get married.

WTE - how are you doing today? And Houtx? You? Did you have another date with Dock House Guy? How did it go?

Got to get going - I work the late shift tonight and am off tomorrow - yeah!

Talk later everyone - enjoy your weekend, love and hugs to all,

Sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning Sun and all,

Yes, I got my topa yesterday and took my first dose. Had the day off and kids in school so started proper with the CDs and everything. I get what some of you said about that weird stairs stuff. Thought the second part must have worked on me somewhat because I drifted off at parts but still heard when it was time to "come out of it." Strange.

Good day, I volunteered at the kids' school twice - first in the afternoon doing gardening with my daughter's 1st-2nd grade class and then in the evening for movie night where I was on popcorn popping duty in the kitchen. This was great as it delayed drinking until almost 9pm. I remember one time last year I took my kids to one of those and was panicking about the drink. Think I had had one or two earlier at lunch, then I actually had wine coolers in the trunk of the car and poured two of them in a fast food cup to drink throughout the movie!! How sad. Anyway, so had the one bottle of wine last night and took me to midnight to drink it, but I feel fine and obviously not like it would have been if I'd been drinking like that last time!!

I totally understand you other ladies, I've still got that thing where it's Friday night or Saturday night. Of course I'm going to drink. I felt like I could have left it, but this weekend conditioning still wins over.

Well gotta run and get my girl to dance class. Looking forward to everyone checking in hopefully before the weekend is over!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

We were getting lost way down the page so thought I would bump us up. Last night I got in from work and poured my Guinness - I was up for 2 hours before I went to bed and had a half a Guinness - tipped the rest out! Just didn't want it!! A HALF !!! I would have had three previously. Today I am off so it will be interesting to see how it goes today. Illum - I know exactly what you mean about having a drink before you go somewhere you won't be able to drink!!! that feeling of panic 'cos you won't be able to drink! It is nice for me that that feeling doesn't happen any more.

Hope others pop in today and catch up!

hugs, Sun xx

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wondering how everyone made out over the weekend? So much for my 3 tops. Oops. 6 last night but I'm not beating myself up over it.

Sassy - how did it go over the weekend?

So, I had my first face to face from online dating and he was a super nice guy and we had a very nice lunch but not the guy for me. No physical attraction at all. It was obvious the guy was smitten with me. Now I have to let him know I am not interested. Ohhhhhhh I hate that. I don't want to hurt his feelings. He really is a nice guy. I'm sure if I said I would marry him he'd buy a ring tomorrow:-) Any suggestions on what I should say to him?