New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG I used that article last year in an undergrad class!!!! wow, is this fate?

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

My first topa SE's

Girl1973 Welcome, need some time to digest your post, but we're all here to help. Are you talking about the article I put in the link to?

Anyway, so the last two nights I've had my first SEs. I feel like my my whole face is sort of having mild spasms. I also felt spacey this afternoon but not too bad.

Anne, I think it's good that you at least introduced the idea to your doc. Baby steps are better than no steps.

WTE & Houtx, you (among other old TSMers) surfaced in an old TSM thread today from Happy4Once. unfortunately says she's pretty down and regressed to pre-TSM levels but has checked back in and is ready to try again. You might want to send her an encouraging note from a familiar friend.

Stayed up later than I should so I'll cut it short here. Night!

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome girl1973. I think the mental clarity you will feel from being sober will trump the SE's of Topa at least. I am also studying to get another degree and so far I haven't been slowed down. I feel more alert and feel like my brain can get things quicker. Yes I feel a loss of words when speaking but as far as being able to learn I am ok. When I forget a word I can usually talk around it, taking about 2-3 sentences to describe the word I am looking for. Haha! makes me feel about 20 years "younger" - just a poor vocabulary rather than being "dumb".

it's been a few days since I've posted, and I know I had a few people ask me about how I am feeling on 50mgs and I don't think I ever answered.
For the most part, I am feeling great! this is my 2nd week on 50mgs (3rd week total) and I have been 99% AF, without really planning on abstaining. SE's are loss of words, forgetting people's names (I HATE THAT) tingling in the feet, and soda tastes flat! I had totally forgot about that SE until I read that on here. I thought no one knew how to make soda anymore. Oh and another WEIRD SE I have been getting since the beginning is this sort of numbness on the top/back of my head. Almost feels like that feeling when you get numb at the dentist and your lip feels fat... well just the left part of the back of my head feels that way for a couple minutes per day. It scared me at first and then I am thinking it is the same "tingling" SE as in my feet.

In the evenings I don't feel like drinking but I feel so bored! I'm not quite sure what to do. I could study but the little kid in me says "I don't wanna!" So I just sit here... pace the house, do laundry, whatever. It's a bit of an uneasy feeling. I don't feel irritable like I do when I try to stay sober on my own. Others notice there is something different about me. I'm still in a good mood. Just a little disturbed, as I am "in my head" a lot. Trying to process all this. There is so much clarity that comes with continued sobriety. I think a lot, but not the kind that depresses me. They are positive thoughts mostly. The demons I thought would haunt me do not. Instead, I find myself just letting them go away quietly.

One thing I always heard but never really FELT until now, is that alcohol is a depressant. I was on Lexapro for about 2 years. (hahaha literally been sitting here for minutes trying to think of the name - had to google it to remember :P -) Getting that AL out of my system works better than lexapro ever did. Maybe AL didn't let the drug work. But still, I never really realized what a horrible loop I was stuck in. Drink to feel better. --->Drinking makes me feel worse. ----> drink to feel better ----> feel bad again. Not just the stupid stuff I do when I drink, the money I shouldn't have spent and the weight it made me gain, but the hormones it screws with. This may be all stuff you already know. But it's one of those things you hear but don't get until you try it. Like when you young and people tell you how hard being a parent is. You hear it but don't get it until you have kids of your own.

I have a few questions for all of you that Topa is not working as well as expected. Where did you get your Topa? Is it generic? From the doc or online? How long have you been on it? Did it work at first and then stop working? What dosage did you start with?

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Can I Titrate up Faster?

Does anyone have any experience with titrating up faster? I am getting no SE at 25mg. i have been on that since thursday. can i start this afternoon on 50? basically what i am asking is can I make it a 5 day week instead of a 7 day week?

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning All!

Just a quick one as I have to dash to work again….

Hi Trapped .. Wanted to answer to first because I see you are logged on. And this is ONLY my 2 cents!

I used to think that the only reason to not titrate up faster was because of possible SEs. We are finding that that may not be the case. Sunshine had an experience of stopping Topa (after many months of success) and decided to re-start. When she did, she started at a higher dose – and it wasn’t “working” as it did before. On the advice of her DR, she needed to go all the way back down to 25mg and work back up in order for the drug to function properly.

Personally, I started a month or so ago at 50mg – but that was just because I couldn’t seem to get 100mg tablets properly cut into 25mg portions and gave up at just cutting them in half. I had AMAZING success within 2 weeks. Sadly, I blew it all when I took a vacation to Greece and started back at square one not quite a week ago.

Hope that answers part of your question and welcome!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome Girl! You?ve come to an amazing group of people fighting the same battle you are. And I have to say it, but if two people TOLD you, you smell like AL, trust me when I say there are a LOT more thinking it that just have not said it.

We have all been in your shoes and I think most of us have thought at one time or another that we were hiding it pretty well. When the days comes (and it WILL!) that you are drininkg much less or as AL free, you are going to be surprised how easily you can spot (or smell) others with an ?issue? with alcohol. **sigh** There are so many of us out there ?

Like you, I often suffer from early morning cravings, although they are much better then they were at other points in my life. I also tried Nal, for 9 months but just could not get an AF day under my belt for the life of me. A couple of years ago I also tried Topa, but had to stop. This time around ? something, and no clue what it is, something is REALLY different and wonderful.

The SEs are different for everyone. I don?t seem to suffer from most of them except getting very tired (not sleepy) when I first start it. I can get through my workdays just fine, but I do sleep more and love, love, love my naps now! HA! And I am one of the few that have to watch weight lose as the last time I was on Topa I dropped to a REALLY unhealthy weight of 111 pounds and I am 5?9?. That?s the reason I stopped last time so I am taking extra precautions this time around that I am not headed back down that path.

Like someone else said ? the SEs are NOTHING compared to the fog we live in with constant AL running through our systems. And if you are drinking at night and then ?having a shot? in the AM (like I am known to do with a few Bloody Marys) you already have more of a ?haze? happening than Topa would ever give you. LOL And I am not trying to make light of your situation ? I can just relate so well! =)

Dreams makes a GREAT point about drinking and depression and AD drugs. I have never been on ADs but I have begun to suffer from slight depression over the past 5 years or so. I talking to my DR about it ? they always jump to offering medication. I have always thought that is was the booze. And now I know I am right. As soon as I started putting AF days together ? POOF! It was totally gone!

Sure, we all have some down days, but there is nothing like pouring a liquid depressant down your throat daily to keep you feeling funky! HA! Great post Dreams and thank you!

Illum: Thanks for the heads up on Happy. Such a sweet person and I will look for her. Damn ? we have been fighting with this for so long ?.

And Illum ? did you just increase your dosage?

Mum: Sounds like it was a good DR appointment. PLEASE read carefully if you are going to try Bac. It is not something you can start and stop at once. It can be very dangerous to just stop taking it without titrating down. I actually ordered it and then got a bit spooked and decided to try Topa again. They are just totally different beasts.

Houtx! Yeah on the AF night! You GO GIRL! =)

Waving hi to everyone else! Gotta dash ?.

WTE

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank youu all!!!

:new:

Thanks guys for your encouraging words. Last night was night 2 of a 1/2 pint and glass of wine (an accomplishment for me), yesterday I felt great, but woke up at 4am and rustled around for hours....this morning again I woke at 4am and slept poorly until 11am (I work 2nd shift) and this morning I have way more anxiety than usual, so I am glad I cut the AL in half instead of altogether. I took 2 (.5mg) clonazepam so I am starting to feel better. I think that I should stay on the 1/2 pint for a while before another AL taper (what do you guys think?) I know people that drank liters a day and stopped with no WD symptoms, I have anxiety issues anyway, it runs in the family. It could also be placebo WD symptoms because I am/was basically anticipating them. Well, for now I am just proud that I drank 1/2 for 2 nights in a row. And yes, I am sure many more people smelled me but said nothing about it.......never even thought about that - so thank you! I am excited to see my Doc next Tuesday - I will ask his opinion - but right now I am thinking Topa over BAC...

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry to be dense, and I know what you mean when other smell of booze a day after they've had a lot, but I thought vodka was a drink that didn't give off that smell - no? Also, since wine is my drink of choice, does it give of the aroma the next day? I honestly don't know. 47 years old, but not wise to these things. What can I say? Girl73, are you just drinking Vodka, or other hard stuff? I take Topa, just up to 200 mg/day starting today, so I must be at about week 5 or 6. Have only had 1 AF day in there, b ut I have cut back just a bit. Really no SE's at all-no tingling at all, was tired the first week, but that's all, maybe things taste a bit different, but not bad, and I have a constant dull headache, but I'm attributing that to new glasses (bifocals) and tilting my head back a bit at work to read the computer.

Tell me about what AL gives off scent the next day and which doesn't-time to learn! Thanks!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay - hi all - I am going to try to reply to everyone. oh - first of all - yet another reason to titrate up instead of jumping up faster (trap - you were asking about this). My nephew was diagnosed with a brain tumour years ago and was put on Topa for fits, My brother said that he noticed that the effects of Topa are cumulative. SO, apart from the fact that jumping in at a higher dose does no good, it seems there is another reason for going up at the recommended intervals. In fact BOB (Big Old Brother) suggested to me that I go up every two weeks instead of every week - I haven't done that - but he did say that he felt strongly, from watching his son that he knows that the Topa works that way. One that I guess none of us have ever even considered......

Go you Houtx - AF - I am extremely impressed!!

I want to go to Girl - a huge welcome to you! You are definitely in the right place, right thread here - we are a crazy bunch but very nice people! Re the smelling of Al and vodka not smelling - I remember flying back from USA to Uk and someone commenting on the fact that I smelled of AL (I had had vodka on the plane). but apart from that, when someone has had a lot to drink, it isn't that you can smell the particular drink that they drank - it is another smell - I used to think it was just that men smelled (LOL) as the bedroom would always smell funny (Hubs drinks way more than me)- my mum and dads bedroom always smelled funny (not a nice smell) and dad was an alcoholic and our bedroom (Hubs and mine) always smelled funny - so I assumed it was men - anyway when BOB came to stay he said "no, it is the AL coming through the pores". A few days later at work, a lady came in and I could smell that same smell on her!!! I told Hubs about it (the bedroom smelling 'cos of the AL coming through the pores) and he had tried to cut down - and the smell went away then all of a sudden it was back so I asked him if he was drinking heavily again - and he was!!

So Sassy - it isn't which Al gives off smells the next day - it is the amount that one takes in!!

Oh, I have decided that if I am still not AF by 6th November, then I am just stopping. Both smoking and AL. That is my final day for both. Totally. So, here I am telling God and everybody. The Topa should be working in full force by then and if it isn't then it is my fault it isn't - so there we go - I have spoken!!!! LOL.

Dreams - I do know exactly how you feel about being bored when you aren't drinking - I come on here or else I have been trying to find DVD's to watch or else I go to bed early and read. but this is where we have to adjust our life. When you leave a void, it must be filled. nature abhors a vacuum. And when Al is taken out - something has to take it's place - if you don't find something then it makes it easier to go back to the AL. You need a plan.

WTE - great post as always - I never seem to be able to reply to yours 'cos you are always replying to everyone elses! And they are always interesting!!

Illim - how are your face spasms? I had nothing like that - how long did they last? Have they gone??

Airam - how are you doing dear friend? how are your parents? Mu mum has accepted that I am taking the Topa at last! But made some comment about that she hopes I will continue to do well when I come off it. I ignored that bit!! I just keep saying to myself "She is 80 years old". Have you gone up again yet? How are you doing with AF days?

I need to go and feed the dog - will be back later - love and hugs to all,

Sun xxxx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE, I am only on 25mg, just started on Friday.

Sun, I've only gotten the "spasms" in the evening the last two nights. I've taken the topa after dinner. Spasms may be too strong a word, maybe "twitchy" sounds more accurate? but it just seems to be my face and a kind of numbness in my lips kind of like after novacaine at the dentist (I think someone else said that but it was their head?)

Felt like an idot today when I was reviewing the hypnotherapy part of the program - realized that I totally missed the actual hypnotic cues CD. So here I was doing the subliminal and sleep learning ones without having put the suggestions in place :argh:
I actually had 45 minutes to kill in between meetings while away from the office this morning so I sat in my car and did the first one, but it was kind of noisy so not sure how well it worked. Just bummed because I'm trying to do this totally to the letter. Well, I guess I can't say that completely either because I haven't incorporated the exercise.
Hopefully I can get in the second hypnotic track before bedtime tonight. By the way, I do find the guy's voice and pronounciation annoying at first, but I try not to think about it and it seems to pass if I concentrate more on the feelings and my own mind/body than how he sounds.

Dreams - filling the void... I think I mentioned before that I started doing cross-stitch again (used to a long time ago) to keep my hands busy instead of holding that drink all the time and that helps slow me down. Also reading is great. One of my bigger problems is the TV-drinking association thing, and I am happy to watch TV and cross-stitch at the same time which really helps distract from the drinking, but as soon as my husband wants to watch something together he has to have the lights dimmed so I can't stitch anymore, and he's got the same TV-drinking association as me, so off we go!! Anyway, is there something you used to love to do before AL started taking up all of your time? When I first started trying to stop drinking seriously a couple of years ago I took some writing classes and that was fun for a while but then got stressful. Cooking classes were good for me too but they are very irregular here. What I should do is go for a walk or the gym to complete my program! Anyway, try to find something you enjoy.

Til later,

Illuminae

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh bummer - I took my Topa about an hour ago - supposed to be 100 mg and was wondering why I felt so weird - I took 200 mg! My body feels all sort of twitchy and weird - I am SO hot! And I feel REALLY tired. Wow. I won't do that again - Don't know what I was thinking. Don't like this at all. Memo to self - take the right amount. WTE - now I know how you must have felt when you were taking the wrong dose! I just want my body to stop crawling/twitching!!!!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

BTW, the clocks are often wrong on my thread...???

Welcome "Girl1973" and I'm sorry people had to say something to you. That must've been pretty humiliating. It's like getting pictures back - you walk around thinking you look pretty cute and then you get your pictures back. Same with drinking vodka, I guess. We drink the tastless, odorless variety...and sometimes not even chewing gum masks it I guess. It takes all kinds of wake-up calls for us to do something to better ourselves. Yet here you are. Stand up tall and brush your hair and teeth and be surprised anyone thinks you are anything but amazing. I'll try and do the same. Ugh - Living la vida loca! :-?/

I don't know how y'all respond to everyone on here - I have to scroll back...waaaaaaay back down and it makes me a little crazy. I so admire everyone else who does so. So many of you are my heroes as far as posting (Sunny, WTE, Hoping, Illuminae...well, everyone but me!! LOL...)

I feel like I should be making a print-out or something I can refer to !! LOL I remember Illuminae& Dreams talking about being frustrated w/ what to do not drinking...maybe cross-stitching...then the pros/cons of that...yes, all that is enough to make me go pour a glass of wine! I went 1 day AF and couldn't do a second!! I blame it on my job but that's no excuse...It felt sooooooooooooooo good yesterday and I went to bed thinking "this was so easy!! I can do this"..Then tonight as it got closer, I just got to looking forward to my "reward" - well, I am glad and I do feel good that at least I did that one day. One day is good and I do try to do other days, like today...lite days...3-4 glasses....hmmmmmmmm

My Dock House Guy called and offered to take me out to drinks/dinner...I like it that he is actually offering to TAKE ME OUT. So many of the guys I've dated beyond the first date, much less a second or third, it's not exactly major but it's into the "He's cleared for sex" dimension...which is kindof huge in that whole level of "I ask them over for dinner", and then the pattern is established that we come over here or go to their place for dinner and just hang out...That's all fine and good, but I want to GO OUT too !!! I want to continue to establish the verb "dating"!

So we will go out Thursday night and I am looking forward to that. So DHG is also scoring some major points in the "Laid Back" (figuratively speaking in this case :-)) Dept. for being a gentlemanly, yet stand-offish kind-of guy. I know he is playing me...I am the fish and he is the Fisherman: brief phone calls, brief emails, once a week encounters that so far have involved very HOT fun...I LIKE it!! LOL So this "taking me out to dinner" ranks HUGE on the Richter dating scale. I can feel my little needle amping upward :-)) ANYWAY!!!

I am willing myself to try harder w/ TOPA - think I need to take the 200mgs a little earlier maybe?? I'm popping them about 5 pm and not feeling much of anything....badda blah...but not giving up. I have had too many embarrassing stupid times that I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish medication would help me with....

Sooooooooooo frustrating I have not had that physical WHOA HO feeling that makes me want to drink green tea day after day.....or at least only have TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!please god!!! Let us all have our Koombaya moments and beat this thing - SHEESH! If only for a week or 2 or 3 Right?? :-)) Right

Love to you all... Including all LOoP/Lurkers/etc :-))

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

A couple of more comments:

Celebrity crush: John Grisham!!! I've got first dibs!!! OMG - love his books just saw him on a late show...he's married/sniff!! But be still my beating heart! LOL I am looking for his brother (actually, was in love with a man who reminds me of him. BLECH!!!! WHYOHWHYOHWHYOHWHYOHWHYOHWHY?????)
LOL

And had something REALLY important to say otherwise......????? nite nite XO

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sun, are you ok from your "overdose" last night? that is dangerous, you have to be careful girl! I talked to my doctor last night and have decided to titrate up today to 50. He said as long as I wasn't experiencing any side effects that he felt it was safe, so here I go. i will keep everyone posted on my progress.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

AL smell

The day that I was in class I had ONE shot of vodka before class, which started at 6:30, at 10 pm my teacher told me that I smelled heavily of AL......The day before I shared a pither or margaritas with a friend, then some grape vodka tonics at the casino, got home at 1 am......so to take a shot at 6:15 and to be told at 10 pm I smell threw me off guard....I am always drinking vodka - must smell or I wouldnt have people telling me I smell. I always thought it was the brown liquors that smelled - guess not........love this thread and all of your insight and information - day 4 of a 1/2 pint (after months of pints).....I feel very motivated to taper off.....there is a smaller bottle of smirnoff at the store, next Sunday I will start getting it! (please hold me to that).........then taper to wine or beer. I so want to moderate, I have to Moderation Management book, started reading it.........hope I can be a moderator! Thanks again to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:h:thanks: