New here and starting Topa and with a question

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Greetings CLNSD, is it ok to shorten your name?
Welcome here, you are in the right spot for information regarding your Topa journey and overall friendship and acceptance. Please read thru our thread in your spare time:H if you have any, you will see that we all have our experiences with Topa, etc. to share and I think that is actually easier and more entertaining than for us all to go over our whole history with Topa. But we will certainly do that if you don't have much spare time.

I will just say that I loved Topa and had great success with it at a low dose but eventually had to stop taking it because I am a nurse and the very subtle dopa effect caused me to start making errors at work which I couldn't continue to do, so I had to discontinue it in the end, but now I and some others have found Antabuse which is practically a miracle drug, just read back a bit to get the details.

Hello Bug, I don't know you well yet and I'm happy you are back posting with us. I want to say that I certainly can understand that you have strong issues with your granddaughter and her behavior issues , I certainly hope that your relationship with her works out well in the end. I heard you say that you were happy that she was gone and you had your own family back, but isn't she part of your family? Bug, I don't mean any disrespect to you but I hope we can keep our thread on the positive side and building people up:h

Houtx, Way to go, I'm so amazed and proud and happy and thankful that you were finally able to trust me, Sun and Dizz enough to give the AB a try, I'm so happy for you, and yes, believe me, when we have our reunion, we will leave the AB at home or at least in the pill pack:H

Sun, hope things are ok and love youXXX

Stuck, I am keeping up with your thread, just haven't had time to post yet.

So, today there was the walk in San Francisco for the condition that my beautiful granddaughter has, I was dreading getting emotional and sad, but in the end, it was so great. There were many families from Northern California, lots of darling children, a rock star band, big picnic, and just lots of fun. It turned out that our team was the top fundraiser for northern california:goodjob: that is so awesome as all the money goes directly to research for this rare condition. So, it was a good day and wonderful to meet other families going thru this. And to top it off, it was a sunny, warm beautiful day, and how many of those do you get in San Francisco? Wow, not enough:h

Love you all, I'm so thankful to call you friends, you keep me going:thanks:

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all sorry I havent had time to read right back yet, I havent even been here to read over the past days ? I have been a mess. The pain I have been in is bad and my emotional/mental state is not good either. Its really been its worst since wednesday, just everything piling up on me and then I feel like I just collapsed. I have been obssessing over stuff in my head and if I could turn off the think function in my brain I would. The only thing that has kept me relatively sane that is neither suicidal or homicidal has been playing the daft facebook games as it takes up my concentration.

Houxt Im happy for you after your first week, its so cool that you are doing this.

Sun whats up sweetheart, I wish I knew and then I could maybe say something helpful xx

Play I also just read that you are sick of drinking and looking forward to starting ab again so I take it you did not take it this past week but not sure what has happened to you since your op. I worry about you. glad you went on the family charity day tho and it was good for you xx

Stuck not read your thread yet and probably wont today as I will get off here after this but am hopeing that bac works for you this time round. I know you mentioned somewhere you tried the gabapentin for your leg pain, how did it go? I take it for pain and take 600mg three times a day but have to use pain relief as well, I dont think by itself it actually gets rid of pain, well not for me but maybe just takes the edge off and Im on a pretty high dose I think. Anyhow can you look at what you did last time and try to change it a bit do you think to try and avoid the effects it had that caused you so much trouble. Or try changing times when you take it, I dont know, maybe just go slow, or then again maybe go fast to get it over with, you have the experience and I know you have read enough anyway to be able to decide how to go about it so good luck with it.

Hi Cleansed, welcome to the thread. I hope you stay around and tell us more about yourself.

Dizzy I havent read back far enough to know whats happened to you just that you are in a cave. I hope its safe and warm in the cave anyway and will try to see what has happened, take care x

Space xx

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I have worked my butt off the last 2 weeks cutting my alcohol to 1/4 and working out at the gym. I got out the summer clothes and nothing fits. I don't know why my physical appearance means so much to me. I feel like a failure when I can't quit drinking and now I can't fit into clothes. At the gym I am one of the oldest and I am doing piloxy(kickboxing and tabata.
I also have a sick husband, he is always sick. He can't get out of bed, not depressed, disabilty sick. I can't do anything for him. So I try to work hard on myself. I want to go back on topamax but my doctor thinks it is crazy and there has been no studies of it.
I also have seizures, it worked before at 75 mil. Well, I am just sputtering because I am trying to make changes and nothing seems to work. I was seeing an alcohol counselor. I gave up on her after 3 sessions because it was obvious that she didn't know what to do with me.
Stuck what age group do you teach? I teach elementary, love my group. We still have 7 or more weeks of school. I hate teaching when it is 90 degrees and no air.
Dizzy, I feel for you and your bf issue. I have to believe that the world is unfolding as is should. However, this is sometimes easier said then done.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning everyone.

Space I am so sorry to hear you are in so much pain. Yes, doing anything to try to take your mind off it is good - anything that takes concentration is good so keep doing whatever it is - even facebook games. What has happened with your aunt? Did you brother come down? Does he have any ideas about what to do?

I really am FINE everyone !! Honestly I am - I wish you would all stop worrying about me and thinking something is up - I am okay - really I am. My back of my molar broke off last night - the one I am having the root canal on, on wednesday - it is most weird having a huge hole at the back where there should be tooth - the front is still there but the back feels so odd.

Houtx - Yes, it is best to try to moderate the day before you take the AB. I STILL haven't decided if I am taking it or not - I really want to but am worried about the dentist. I am going to call and see if he can do the root canal either tomorrow or Tuesday now I have this great gaping hole and if he does it early than I can still take it. Sorry about your daughter coming over and messing up your plans - well, she didn't really and hope that you enjoyed her visit. Yes, I agree that taking it Sunday is better really but I like my Guinness on a Sunday so still take it Monday. Just need to keep the amount down today.

Hi there Play .. I am so pleased that the walk went well - it sounds as if it was a really good experience for you. To meet others in the same boat and see the children. It all sounded like a great day - weather and all!

Stuck - I haven't seen your thread - maybe I should go and have a look - I remember that you had one with the Bac - is that the one? I hope that the Bac helps you this time - just maybe go slower on it? Thank you for explaining it all to me - sorry the leg thing is appearing already - is that a common SE?

Dizzy - hope that you are feeling a bit better after being in your cave for a while - I wish things would sort out for you. I feel for you in your situation, not knowing really what is going on. With the visa or b/f. Is anything happening with the visa or have you just let it rest for now?

I need to go and do something productive - too wet outside to get out and weed so am starting off in the kitchen. That needs a good clean! back later everyone - have a wonderful day!

love, sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Meggie - cross post! Gosh you do sound disheartened. Can you not tell your doctor about this web site and forum and also the book? That is what I did with my doctor - also took the titration schedule with me and explained the whole 9 yards to him. It was 'cos of all that that he gave me topa.

As for the weight issue - it will come. It didn't go on overnight and won't come off overnight - good for you going to the gym and also cutting your AL intake - you sound as if you are doing all the right things - be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself too. So sorry about your hubs - that must not be easy for you. :l You really are trying to get yourself sorted - go you. You can do this !! we are here for you if you need to vent or just talk.....

Hugs to you, sun XX

[mama bear]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning Sunni!!! I miss you!!!!
Hi to everyone else, too!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there jan - great to see you - I read about what you are going through right now :l:l to you. Hang in there - thinking of you,

Love, sun XX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sunday Morning and its Beautiful outside.
SUN, yes, headaches are definately a si of comming off of clonazepan, but i have been on this dosage for a while now so i'm gonna stick with it, they must be on the downslide soon. The topa still makes me sleepy, so i have no intentions of going up with the dosage for a while.
CLEANSED I stared topa about a month ago, it makes you sleepy and kinda dopy feeling, so take it very very slow!!!!! i'm at 75 mg now i break it up to 3=25mg before 5 each day usually starting around 10 .
and dry mouth is another side affect. the pharmacist told me that after a while your body should catch up and make more saliva, but in the meantime it is very annyoning, but keep the big picture in mind, i am definately drinking less, and have lost about 13lbs, my cravings are alot less, im still drinking but nothing like i was.....Good Luck Stay STrong, Keep on the Board, These Folks have beeen a great help to me!!!! The Only People That Truly understand What Your Going Through!!

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow, you guys have been busy over the weekend. I have been following and keeping up, please excuse me if I don't comment about everyone today.

It's just been relatively easy being in my cave, watching movies and eating ice cream but today I have to work and cook and do the dishes and my heart really hurts. I know that if bf and I was in the same flat I could just cuddle up to him and all this would be over but I'm not sure if I email him now who I'd get and I don't want to be hurt all over again.

So I have have to stay by my original decision, give it time, wait until I have the email from the embassy as proof that it was not my fault he got the letter ad see if he apologises for being so mean. Otherwise just let go. I'm a very fragile person and last time we got over it as I took all the blame but this time I did nothing wrong and I'm not going to build this relationship on me being the scapegoat because he happens to be the one earning the majority of the cash right now. Anyway, I'm rambling, and I have to go.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun, and everyone. I'm not trying to steer people over to my thread or anything, even though I keep mentioning it. It's just that I have put everything on there over the last year, so if anyone cares, yes this is mine here: https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...bac-63480.html

I guess it takes a couple of days to read all of it, and I don't think it's worth that or anything, but a couple people have recently posted there saying they've done just that--read all of it. Anyway, just letting you know that that's where I'm at. :l:l

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello All
HOUTXwhat were you referring to that was not on the positive side to building people up? My personal experience with my husbands granddaughter? she is not mine and has been nothing but disrespectful to me and my home since she moved in, and btw latest update she finally drove my husband to his end last week and she is moving out! whatever it was, that was not my intention. bug

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bug, I think it was Play who said that but I'm sure its all cleared up now. Besides, this is where we come to vent in a loving space, right? I still feel miserable so was checking in but am too damn early as usual with the tiime difference and all. Hugs to everyone, especially those who are having a tough time. X

[taw]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Dizzy! Sorry you are still so down and blue!! lots of :l:l!!!

The only thing that saved me this weekend was that I took an AB on Wed or I would have been a trainwreck this weekend. Nothing major, but EVERY project I started, that should have taken 10 min took two hours. I was cranky, crabby and crochtedy all weekend....my poor son. But he knew everything was going wrong, and he was contributing to the angst!

Play, you asked my story....I am 41, single mom to a wonderful almost 11 yr old son. I have been divorced almost 5 years. The only reason my ex watches my son is so I can work overtime. I have been an alcoholic since I was 17...tried to start getting it under control about 6 years ago, after my ex moved out and it got REALLY bad. Been to AA, in and out of rehab, therapy, on and off bac...and here I am....I had success for a couple months last summer on AB....I like the idea of AB 5/7, I just want the obsession/compulsion lifted. Even when I take AB I still think about drinking. The odd thing is, when I take AB, I want to drink things I don't normally drink!

I am looking to a glass or two tonight. I am sooooo stressed and wound I just need the edge off! Going up on topa tomorrow...will see how that works for me....may do the AB 5/7 too...I may have to do it so I am AF on the weekends tho....I go too far on the weekends still.

Hope you are all having a good day!! :h

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Isn't that the craziest shit? Whenever I stop drinking, I get cravings for a glass of wine. I almost never drink wine normally. Or these really classy cocktails that I also, almost never, really drink. Same thing every time I try to quit smoking: I have these intense, horribly emotional cravings for unfiltered cigarettes--usually Lucky Strikes which don't even really exist anymore. I normally smoke Camel Lights, btw, but whenever I break down after a couple of days, or a week, or whatever it's usually then that I buy a pack of unfiltered cigarettes and just go to town on them, and those, those first few smokes, are the few times in my life when literally everything immediately feels right with the whole wide world. Sucks.

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,
Bug it was actually me who made the comment about lifting people up here not Houtx. What I really meant to say is that even tho this is our safe place to vent, for me at least, it seems that venting in a really negative way about friends and family might be better done in a PM to specific people rather than on the thread in general. I understand that I know nothing about you and your relationship with your husbands grandaughter and I really do wish you good luck with all that.

Please forgive if I offended you.

:h