New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I completely understand the boredom thing! My drinking really got bad from bartending from 2003 to 2008 - we could drink behind the bar...still debating between the BAC and the TOPA, TOPA sounds better - but hair loss??? Now I am almost done with my 1/2 pint and feel a buzz, which is great! I will not have a glass of wine after either, because I won't open a new bottle.....but man - today I was so tense and emotional....Don't know if it was part W/D or the guilt and shame I feel for even having to go through this!!!! Man my family would crap if they knew how much I drank - sometimes I just wanna call my mom (she's clueless) or my dad and just cry and tell them what I have been drinking. I was extra emotional today because my s/o said that I have seemed so unhappy the last few days.....it's not him, it's the fact that again I am coming to the reality that my drinking was bad, and I am cutting down - but it is still depressing......but I don't want to tell my s/o that I am on this website, that I am only drinking a half pint a night, and that I was on and will be getting on a new anti AL drug! He doesn't deserve this...I took a benadryl so I can finish this drink and go to bed - probably will wake up at 4 as I have the past 3 nights of half pints.....I am proud of my cutback though, I said I was going to do it and so far I have! Love to you all!!!!!!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just leaving for work but wanted to say you are doing really well Girl! It is SO HARD and I think you are doing so well - especially without any tabs - I couldn't do it. Don't feel guilty - it (in my opinion) in something that crept up on us and once it had, we were in too deep to get out easily! Hang in there - stay with us and it will all work out in the end- it isn't an easy journey but we will all give you lots of support. Hugs to you,

love, Sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello people, it's been a kind of quiet week around here (except for houtx's kind of "loud" John Grisham post! What??!! HA!)

Girl, hang in there you are motivated and starting out just great.

I'm having a pretty good week, moderate, no earth shattering changes. Proud of myself last night. Went through a trigger that normally would have sent me running for the bottle. My (almost) 7 year old daughter had a nuclear melt down as we were trying to have her piano lesson (second incident in a week!!) - so frustrating and embarassing!!!!! After literally dragginging her sreaming and crying back to the car, I was so angry, but I did the right thing and got her home, properly disciplined, fed dinner, ready for bed early and the whole thing and didn't have a drink until after I ate dinner, which is my new, saner norm. :goodjob: I was really glad my husband wasn't home to interfere with the process since I have been working on being consistent and firm in my discipline with the kids.

Tomorrow is my one week point on Topa so I go up to 50mg and we'll see if that changes anything. I think the supplements are making me feel pretty well and my mood has been good (aside from the above). I caught myself randomly smiling yesterday.

Tonight I'm going to a wine tasting dinner with an old friend. I'm excited because we haven't done anything together in a long time, and it's a social, controlled thing vs. sitting at home watching TV and drinking. I wonder how it will taste. I noticed both nights I drank white wine this week it didn't taste much stronger than water to me and it wasn't that appealing. When I drank red, it seemed to be more satisfying and also gave me that feeling of wanting to drink more. Interesting.

Take care all,

Illuminae

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae I too go up to 50 mg today as well. I haven't noticed anything so far, but who knows... what time are you taking yours? also, i do like the supplements too!

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

girl1973, i am hiding it from my wife as well to an extent. PM me if you need to vent.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Trapped, I start tomorrow on 50 and was going to try late morning for the first dose and around dinner time for the second.

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

it's 330 EST and i just took my whole 50. i'll let everyone know how it goes...

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello to all – And I totally confess to cheating Houtx when I “reply to all. HA! I often have a “word document” up on my screen for hours while I also doing other things. I go back to my last post, then start reading again and write as I go along … works for me. LOL

Sun: That totally make sense to me how Topa can be cumulative! I swear I start hitting a “point” that it’s adding up in my system – almost like I can feel it about now which is Day 12, the exact day a month ago that I felt so darn sick after drinking and wine sounded SO sour and the AF days started happening. I can’t say I am quite there yet again .. but the shift is certainly happening if I pay attention to it and not just drink through it.

And OH BOY! I know how you were feeling taking too much Topa! I thought I was getting the flu or something. HA! Hope you are feeling better and back on track. I see yo have a really firm date to be done with it all! You know we will support you and proud of you that you have made up your mind to just do it and put it out there like that! I wish I could say I would stop smoking right now as well. For me I feel I need to tackle on beast at a time – hopefully after the holidays the smokes will go as well ….

Girl: You are doing GREAT and SHOULD BE very proud of yourself. With the amount of AL you were drinking, it’s perhaps not a great idea to just go cold turkey unless you were in a supervised situation. That you are able to be already at 50% less is FANTASTIC!

And this is only my opinion, but if you are going to try one of the medications, I would say try Topa first. For most, the SEs seem to be a bit less brutal, and the dosing up and down a lot less dangerous. The hair loss issue seems to be an SE that some get, but not many. If Topa is not your answer, Bac could be your Plan B perhaps?

Going back to the Al and smell thing – vodka still smells on someone’s breath too. My brother had a real drinking problem and at one point came to live with my husband and I. He used to hide AL in his bedroom, and I could always smell the vodka on his breath – even through his tooth brushing and mints. And I think Sun may also be right in that large amount of AL consumed just starts coming out of our pores. Lovely huh. UGH.

Illum: I am so sorry I had forgotten you had just started on the Topa! How foolish of me! **blonde head tilt** HA! I have never heard of the face twicthy thing before – is it gone now? Perhaps go to even a lower starting dose if not? When I had the real “tired” SE thing, I stayed at one dose for 12 days, then moved up. I think it’s a good idea (again just IMO) to listen to our bodies and go up when it feels proper.

I did:
50 mg for 12 days (@ at Day 13 really had slowed drinking)
25mg/50mg for 4 days (was having AF days)
50mg/50mg for 9 days (more AF days)
Left for Greece (went to chit again) HA!

Sounds like the hypno CDs are working for you. I probably should have tried harder with them. I would either get creeped out, irritated or fall asleep. Not the best student. LOL

Congrats on going through a “trigger” with the daughter with out slamming the wine on point. =) Each time we are able to do one of those baby steps it all adds up. Reach around and give that back a pat GF! HA!

Houtx: As always – your post just crack me up! You are my Saturday Night Live of the AL struggle word. HA! Some time you are so damn funny even when I know you are not trying to be. Love you Chica! John Grisham. HA! HA!

Hey GF – you are having AF days! Remember the days of TSM and how we could just not even IMAGINE having one? Well – I’m kind of back there right now – but I sure had a taste of it last moth and hopefully back on the verge again. So it IS working for you Houtx! Yeah – cool to string a few together, but that comes in time. Don’t beat yourself up as you are getting there.

Cross-stitching … need a glass of wine. HA! HA! Me too! I could NEVER have the patience for such a project. I would be so proud of myself if I could do something like, but I just can’t slow down that much and sit still long enough.

Boat Dock sounds like he is playing his cards right. Good on him. Enjoy! Did you see him Thursday night? I had dinner with RSF last night .. same ol’ same ol’ buddy thing. It’s just weird but good weird.

Not sure the timing of taking Topa really makes any difference on if you want green tea that night. Like Sun was talking about, it’s cumulative in your system, not like an aspirin that works and then goes away. I could be wrong but the olny thing I find about the timing is that if I take it too late I can’t get my arse out of bed in the mornings.

Trapped: Waving hello again and happy you are here. This stuff works different for all of us. Quick for some, others a bit slower. Listen and feel for the slight shifts that begin to happen – they can be quite subtle in the beginning.

Airam & Dreams: Hi to you as well and hope things are going well for you both.

And to anyone else I missed!

Must get on with my day! Will be back over the weekend. =)

WTE

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WaitingToExhale - i upped to 50mg yesterday afternoon. and on my way to the store to buy wine, I felt a little like I didn't need it, then when I drank it it tasted kinda sour. Is that was the subtleness you are talking about is?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - wanted to post but have just been called by other manager and she has asked me to switch shifts tomorrow which means I now work at 7.00 am tomorrow so I have to shower and hair wash tonight and also sort clothes so will have to post tomorrow later afternoon when i get home. I am pleased - means I get off at 3.30 instead of 10.30 pm. Talk tomorrow all!!

hugs, Sun xxx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

First day on 50mg. I have been having the mild twitching under my left eye all day and my scalp and skin itches but not too bad. Pretty tired too, but it's been a long week. Interested in hearing how everyone else is doing!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you for that long and involved post Illum. HA! HA! Just had to give ya chit. And just kidding because I sense you can take it!

I just got my old computer taken down and my new one plugged in ,, good grief. I am getting too old to keep up on this technology crap. Windows 7 now and trying to sync my Palm and looking for a new one and Best Buy loos at me like I have 3 heads when I ask about PDAs. I do not want a phone that that does all that stuff! I want a phone that makes .. ah , hello? Makes phone calls. If I want photos, I don't want to take them and see them on a 2x2 inch screen! I'm a photographer of sorts and use a "good" digital camera. Don't even talk to me about using the Internet on a phone .. are you kidding? Computers at home ...at my work .. do I need to carry one around in my purse??

Is Topa making me crabby? HA! HA!

Oh great .. Topa Dopa and all I can remember is the Dad part of your name because I amnot currrently typing in word but being just a smartass to Illums short post (just lub ya) .... but YES! That is what I am talking about in the subtle stuff ...

And with that, and I am off here to plug more thngs in and hopefully have a productive Saturday. Wanting that Topa KICK IN bad to happen again .. so far it is slight this time....

Hugs my friends. Happy Friday

WTE

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae - I am amazed you didn't hit the bottle as soon as you got the screaming banshee home! OMG - I had one of those. I swear, I think that was one of the main reasons I drank during the younger Mommy years...just to cope with the temper tantrums. I would "LOL" here but it really wasn't funny. I feel HORRIBLY guilty and take my hat off to you, bow in homage and all that.

My 2 kids & I now can laugh about all the meltdowns from the past (19 yo son & daughter 17 who was the meltdown queen :-)) But those years seem like yesterday in so many ways...seems like I didn't drink as much b/c I was so busy...except those certain occasions when I did. UGH - Good for you!!!

Trapped Dad - interesting name & hope all is going well for you.

Girl1973 - DoNOT be so hard on your self. DoNOT obsess about what you might have smelled like, etctetctetc. You are carrying a very heavy load, you are here and doing something about your drinking. GOOD FOR YOU< GIRL!! Good you have a SO that hopefully knows what you're doing? I read that part rather quickly...but you are drinking HALF of what you normally do and white knuckling it? hang in there and just keep the faith - you can do it!!

I too, recommend TOPA over BAC as a start. My experience with BAC was not positive...so that's just me. Hair loss on TOPA is not common so I wouldn't worry about it. Take Biotin supplements and some of the other vitamen supplements recommended in the book. I take a bunch - it's working just fine. Hang in here w/ us, chica. We're your homies! LOL No matter what you do... it's good therapy coming on here everyday and seeing what we're all going through.

At least I think so - even if it's not all about drinking...For instance:

DHG came over last night to take me out to dinner. He reeked of cigarettes although sober. I thought he'd probably had "a few" before he came over @ 6:15. He pointed out the fact I was having a glass of wine. ("Yeah, and what's your point?!" I wanted to ask) The evening was fine. He was very nice and kept up the conversation, talked about the book he's reading, friends, etc. We went to a nearby BYOB place and had a great dinner over a bottle of wine. Came back here & had a couple more glasses and I tried to stay awake...night went fine :-) He woke up too early, woke me up just tossing and turning, left @ 6:30...buh bye...I am TIRED!!!!!!!!!! And am thinking, ya know what?! This was enough fun, I am DONE!! Only John Grisham's brother gets away with smoking (and a few others on my VERY short list :-)) otherwise that's a deal breaker - that & the hacking cough!! And he has a bad habit of making this little smacking thing like dry mouth. BLEH!! There is just nothing here but the sex and I can't stand that dry mouth thing!! ICK - I have to have 5 glasses of wine to kiss him and he has to wash his mouth out with everything to get ready for me!! Never going to be a love connection...it's been a month. I think I need to cut it off. UGH - From the website: whatever/whocares.com!!!!!

I am being soooooooooooo mean!!! He really tries sooooooooooo hard to be a nice guy, to please me, to be nice, to be considerate in every possible way...I am so indifferent and have kindof a "whatever" attitude about everything. I am probably driving him crazy...poor guy! Whatever - hope everyone has a great weekend!! :=))

Sunshine: Thanks for being everyone's cheerleader!! Luv you! Hope the new shift goes well!

XO

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all - it happened again - I got blasted into cyberspace. I have to use word again later when I have time to catch up. Just a quick hey to all.

Adios to DHG!!

Hi to Dad and Girl!!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE ha ha, I can take whatever you can dish out, no worries! I just didn't have much to say last night.

I had a good time at the wine tasting dinner on Thursday. My friend wasn't feeling really well but it was still good to see her, but the best part was I met a couple that lives in our neighborhood, they have kids basically the same age as ours and in the same order (boy-girl) our husbands are both in IT, etc. We exchanged info and I'm excited that we might have some new friends.

Last night I was tired! Hubby had a rough week and went out with the boys straight from work. When it was evident that it was going to be a kind of late one for him I knew I DID NOT want to be up when he got home. Not in the mood to hear all about it after he'd been drinking all afternoon/night. So I only had three glasses of wine (that's about all I felt like having anyway) and headed off to bed. Had my sleep CD going and just settled in when I heard him come home a little after 10 pm. Whew! He had a bad night (probably heartburn) and ended up in the spare bedroom. He's still in there sleeping it off. I feel great! And I can hear about his day later when I'm ready to.

Gotta run, check in later.