New here and starting Topa and with a question

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dizzy I am so happy for you the whole thing sounded so wobnderful will you send me a pic as well as I would love to see how good you both looked, there is something so special about wedding pics, its like the love shows through not just about the fqancy outfits which Im sure looked good as well.

I did see my therapist yesterday Sun and we are going to be working on my relatinships with peole, which is something I need as in reality I am a lonely loner and nowanknowedge that I dont give of myself to others. Coincedentally tho while my family came for dinner with me I was crying in the kitchen with my daughter and getting very upset, the whole thing with the guy last week brought up the fact that I miss so many opportunities in my life, I have found myself a lot lately saying to myself what I should have done earlier when things have happened and then I got a text message asking me out to a nearby pub which serves nice food for lunch tomorrow by a girlfriend I have met a while ago at the centre. It made me feel better and couldnt have come at a better time really.

Oh Sun if you get any pics of you and your new grandaughter will you send them too me as well.

hi to everyone else sorry I havent got to talk to you all I hope everyone is ok and wish you woud all talk more xx

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Dizz, pictures for me too:h

I have the day for myself tomorrow and will be writing to you all. Dizz, Space, Sun, love you all and others TOO:h

Play

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Whoops, I didn't get the day to myself and didn't have time to post but had a lovely day at the beach with my little grandson

Love to all,
From play

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow, everyone's WAY too quiet around here. Time for WTE to come back and for Play to finally get a day off.

I've also been a bit dazed and we have had such a nice bout of sunshine which ends today that I had to make sure to use it. At this rate I may miss the UK Summer and and my mood will NOT be happy about two Winters in a row.

I'm glad you like your therapist, Space. It seems strange that all these thoughts are popping up now, I wonder if it isn't perhaps one of your meds.

Perhaps you can still fix things with the distant nephew, just tell him that you were overcome with grief suddenly felt really guilty about flirting at a funeral but are feeling better and would like to see him again. That might work? I would buy that story if I was him. Courtship is really hard sober but its actually more beautiful, especially for people like us. Of course we long to have a glass of wine at candle light but we know that it will end with two bottles and us being trashed while the other party may be just fine.

I think we all have that in common, that we are loners in some ways, and that we hide a lot of what we are thinking. I wonder if that is what make/made us drink or whether its just a personality type that's drawn to alcohol.

I'm still getting the pictures in from various people but promise to send out a few once I have it all and can choose the best ones.

I need to go get ready, we are going to drive up the coast for my aunt's birthday. My parents will drive me crazy in the car but the scenery is absolutely stunning.

Love and hugs to all,

:l:l:l

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I cant believe that no one is posting it is way too quite. Dizzy do you have any idea of when you can jion your new hubby and be living together for good as proper married couple it is really bad the trouble you are having comming here. I know there is a cut down on people who come to the UK and do agree with it but there is supposed to be something being put into place to lety the genuine people here and also I have heard talk about not letting people come to use the NHS so only allowing those who can afford private healthcare as we have too many people just comming to the country just to get free healthcare but that shouldnt affect you since you are now married.

I cant find the guy I was telling you about on facebook although he did say he used it or anywhere else so I will just have to accept I will never here fromj him again which is sad as we really did hit it off I thought and he seemd like one of the good guys and there arnt that many of them about.

This past week has been quite emotional for me with the guy thing and also the therapy has brought stuff up. Seeing my brother at the funeral alos although I dont want to go into that, my therapist says that is a toxic relationship and not to think about it so I am trying to take her advice although it has been hard, my mum has made it worse by trying to intefere as she is upset by the fact that he wont have anything to do with me. Anyway my type of therapu is caslled interpersonal psychotherapy and focuses on my relationships with people to help me build my life and myself up so I have been trying hard this week to do that. On Wednesday I went out for a meal with a group of people from the centre I have started going back to and really enjoyed it, I made an effort to talk to some of the women I have seen in the centre but not spoken to much and at the end of the day I asked them for there mobile numbers. Yesterday I got a text message froma guy who I have known a long time who came out with us saying it had been a good day and so instead of just reading it and thinking nomore about it as I would uusually do I sent a text saying the same back to him, the woman who I already friendly with and the two new ones who all replied and that felt good. Today I am going to the music group they habve on at the centre which I have never been to before and also going to visitmy mum who has been down over the past week since loosing her brother in law, she has known him since she was nine so it must be quite a big loss for her and I do feel bad that I havent really been making enough effort to see her more since my daughter move away from living right by her as well.

Ok I will bhe off now and really do hope to start hearing more from you all, Play I am waiting until you have time to have a proper chat but I understand that you have been busy which I am glad of, I hop0e this break in Spain has done you good, you needed it.

Love space xox

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning Space.... yes, it is very quiet - there isn't a lot going on with me really. I am enjoying my new grandbaby and working ! Still working on the cutting down with the AL and feeling good about it. Working in the garden, doing a lot of weeding - LOL.

I am so glad that you are seeing your therapist and yes, it will be hard for you. But it is the only way that you will get rid of the baggage that you are carrying around. It also sounds really good that you are getting out more and replying to texts and such - good for you. Often, the other people feel as nervous as you do, so it is good when you step out of your comfort field and contact them. You sound different in your post already! More positive, which is lovely to hear!

Dizzy - yes, I am so looking forward to seeing some pictures. I hope you enjoy your day trip out and that your mum doesn't drive you too crazy! Is the paperwork going now for you to go back to UK as MRS Dizzy? Do you have any idea of when you are going back yet? I don't recall you saying at all.

Yes, I too really miss Play posting on here - there are so few of us that post here regularly that when one stops for any reason, it gets way too quiet. Still, it will pick up again, I know it will.

off to work.... love and hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I cant believe I wrote a post this morning and now its not there, I cant repeat it all now it wouldnt be the same so just will say hello and hopeto hear more from everyone soon.

Sun how are you even you have goone quite.

Dizzy I hope you enjoy your day out, I am going to visit my mum this afternoon and am not looking forward to it, she is in self pitty mode and gets so s4lfish its unbelievable, no one has had it as bad as her is what she thinks and she gets nasty as well but I have got to go.

I will check back later to see if anyone has been on

Love space xox

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

As you might be able to tell my new tablet has a few faults, my post just appeared then haha x

[playland]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi All,
I apologize for being so busy and tired at the end of the days to post but I am reading and love you all very much. I am returning home on Tuesday the 16th and I can't figure out how 5 weeks went by so fast. But I will take a couple of days to rest up at home, just stay in and catch up with everything, posting is my number one priority. I really do ave quite a lot to share about my own drinking issue here, seeing the fabulous therapist here and reply to all of you. Oh yes, Sun has also started working with the therapist here using Skype (hope you don't mind that I shared that Sun) and we both are thrilled with what she is doing for us.

Ok, thanks for everyone posting, space will catch up with you and we will start sky ping as well and Dizz you as well.

Love to all from play

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Space - I had just posted when you said I had gone quiet! Did you not see my post? It was an hour after yours......

I hope that your visit to your mum went better than you had hoped. It is hard when you don't have that good relationship - maybe you should ask your therapist about it and try and get it sorted?

Oh - daughter just called and is on her way over with grandbaby - got to go - love and hugs to all,

love, SUN XXXXX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I read daily, but rarely post. I see that many of you have mums or mothers that drive you crazy. My mom always was complaining, wanting attention. She lived hours away, but I did always call her nightly. Well, I went to visit her for a long weekend and she died while I was there. I miss those nightly phone calls, I miss having that person to call when I had a problem. People told me that, I didn't really get it until she was gone.
Back to the topamax, oh, my I am so tired. I don't remember, does it do a number on the muscles on the body. I feel like I have been beat up.

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all Play its good to hear from you and the five weeks have gone so fast even tho Im not there, I cant believe you went that long ago.

Sun I am sure my relationship with my mum will be touched upon in my therapy sessions, the problem is withh only having 16 one hour sessions and two have already gone I dont really think there is enough time t go into it all I have been told by the organisation that is providing the therapy that I now get discharged after the 16 sessions and have to start waiting again from the beginning of the list if I want any more when I asked the admin woman that I was originally told my wait for a senioor therapist took so long was because there was no time lmit she denide there having ever been that conversation so I will need to ask my therapist about this, she is on holiday next week so I dont see her until the monday after.

Meggie I am glad you posted although I wish you would more often, I have never been one to just read and not post but I do think you would do better and get more out of this forum by pdting and building more of a relationship with us by posting more often. I casnt remember ever having bad side effects at all from topa, I stoppped taking it because I was getting bad anxiety but it turned out another med I was taking at the same time was causing it not the topa, because the med I was then changed to stopped all craving for drink for me I never needed to use topa again anyway.

I am having a bit of a down day today felling irritable and unease, I cant be bothered dooing anything just been lying in bed reading while the sun has been shining outside which is making me feel even more miserable as I cant be arsed going out and making the most of the good weather before it goes again, probably in the next few days or so, its nearly half 3 and I only just got showered and dressed.

I have to go now as this little tablet has turned out to be a bit of a pain and it hurts my hands to type for too long on it.

love space xox

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Meggie - I am SO so sorry to hear about your mum - I dread the day when I lose mine. We Skype every weekend and also write and e-mail a lot. I just cannot imagine her not being there..... I really feel for you. I DO know that I will miss her terrible 'cos that is how it was when my dad died too. I still miss him every day - and he died 19 years ago. I feel your pain and am sending healing vibes to you :l

I do agree with Space though - I wish you would post more. Even though you read daily, it would be lovely if you posted. there are so few of us here that one more would be great. Plus when you post so infrequently, if we answer something you say, by the time you post, you have forgotten it and so we don't get an answer! :H Please post more - it would be lovely to see you here more often.

As far as the Topa doing a number on the muscles, it never did with me - the main SE's that I had were Topa Dopa (or that could have been age) and when I got to 300mg, depression.

Hi there Space - sorry you are feeling gloomy today. Try and get out in the sunshine - it will make you feel better. Just smile too - that often makes me feel better......

Hallo to you to Play - yes, the five weeks has gone by SO quickly. You will really miss your family when you come back. You will just have to post more often here and we will be your surrogate family !

Well, I am off outside to the garden - it is hot but once I have soaked through I will be fine - LOL. Need to put some washing out too as it will dry beautifully.

Hugs to you all, Have a great day,

love, Sun XX

[bugpieper]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi, it's been a while since i posted anything, i read daily tho as do others. I guess i just don't want to post my depressing shite when others are doing so well. My al has been over the top... just drink every night alone in my room or by my computer alone till im almost passed out then go to bed avoiding everyone, espesally hubs. He resents me I resent him...it's kinda been like that for a long time...We've had money probelms that have caused us alot of problems.....in addition to other family problems...in addition to my drinking problems....there is no end to my problems....I am 1 of 8 children (catholic irish) My sister has been haunting my dreams, we were so close for so many years, i have 2 sisters and 5 brothers, her son sexually abused my daughter repeatedly over a number of years when they were children, i didnt know it for a long time, when i found out, i thought we dealt with it, my daughter never talked about it again until she was grown and about to be married, then the whole shit storm opened up. She had sexual issues,..(also, my sisters son was entering the priesthood of all things) then he dropped out...(i always went to st.louis to my sisters house for xmas < the big xmas with all off my siblings, my parents are passed away., ) anyway, i don't remember the sequence of everything but my sister told me not (my famiily) not to come to xmas because she didnt want her son to feel uncomfortable in his own home, then she turned it around and tried to say that she didnt say that ...
and then she lied to everyone in st. louis and told them that we decided not to come...anyway, so theres that., right after that i think somehow i spoke to nick, my nephew and asked him , why he never tried to apolgize to elise, my daughter, tried to apologize to me or my husband, tried in any way ask for forgiveness or anything, and he said....whatever, and said that he would like to come up and see her in iowa, so we made arrangements, he came up and elise first threw a fit, then she confronted him and hugged him and told hiim the best thing that he could do for her was to be a good person and never hurt anyone else....after that my sister talked with my sparingly, like she didnt know anything about it, then as time went on , things got really weird and evryone started asking questions and I started telling my other siblings and wives and cousins about what happened and then that was it I guess, she just stopped talking to me..."She was there for my daughters wedding in Sept of last year, but didnt speak with me for more than 5 minutes and hasnt spoken with me since, i saw her at a nephews wedding in march and she totally igged me the whole time, i wrote her an email and she wrote back a couple of weeks late that she was just so busy and that she would like to sit down and talk some time, Her son was married 2 weeks ago in Pittsburg, needless to say we werent invited, not to say that i was going to go anyway. To make a long story short, i just miss the relationship so bad, I know it sounds easy to say, wtf , why ? but you have to understand that we were SO CLOSE for so many years, my father died when i was 8, my mother died when i was pregnant with my 4th chiild. I spend 10 years of xmas's with her when my husband was still spending them with his other children, She took care of me,. she is 8 years older.. My husband thinks she is just manipulative and controlling but he doesnt see the other side .. He wasnt there when she was taking care of me....We talked on the phone every day for years!!! Her home was my home... I just can't understand how someone that close to you can cut you out of their life ? How can they just stop thinking about you ? I can't stop thinking about her.. I wish i could, it would be easier.... These are some of my issues....I'm sorry i run on ....This is why i don't post. bug

[spacebebe01]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bug please never apologise for airing your problems on here, thats why we are here to be there for each other no matter what. I think the situation with you sister must be so hard for you and your daughter but the whole relationship changed when her son abused your daughter, she must feel shame and guilt for that even tho it was her son and not her I know I would and I would also want to block out that part of my life, seeing you probably makes it to real for her and opens up old wounds which she may be trying tp pretend arnt there. I personally do think you would be better off not seeing her at all even though that will be so hard for you. I understand how close you where and this is a berevement of sorts for you, you will have to grieve the relationship with her as it is a loss but I cant see another way through it, you cant just pretend nothing happened because it did and you have to always be there for your daughter and put her first in this as well.

Apart from that whats going on with your drinking? Im sorry I casnt remember how you where doing thats the problem with your not posting more often I loose track of where you are, I do wish you also would post more often I think it would help you so much and dont worry if you are down you need to say that, I do make myself post about the good and the bad because thats what I need to do I think you should too. Did you cut down on drinking and now have gone back up again, where you taking meds, if you tell me then maybe we can help you make some kind of a plan of what to do you can also pm me if you ever need to talk about the problems with your hubby because I do think starting to sort that at the same time as you cut down on drinking will go hand in hand to helping you get better it cant be good for either of you if your stuck in a room on your own drinking yoursef to oblivion every night and hes in another room on his own he must also hurt over the situation with your daughter, would he consider going to counselling with you do you think.

I am going out today to the beach, I still dont feel right and would sooner spend the day in bed, I am feeling really lonely right now on top of everything else, I do have to do virtually everything, I am way t0oo tired to drive but am the only one who can. I am realising that I havenever had someone to just get me a cup of tea or pass me something I need, I have to get up and do it all for myself and everyone else and am feeling unlovable on top of the exhaustion and depression I am feeling at the moment. I know I have to go through all this but am not sure if theres any reason behind it I mean what is the purpose of my feeling this bad and thinking of all this stuff over just blocking it out will it actually make me feel any better in the end?
Only time will tell I suppose.

love space xox