New here and starting Topa and with a question

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. I feel like I'm going backwards! What in the world has happened?

Just a bit past the two week mark of being back on a proper dose and up to 25/50 now - the same thing I did last month. In fact I am trying to follow everything I did exactly last month (with the exception of blowing up a computer and getting sick eating a Turkish dinner and over drinking during it all!) and yet I'm not getting that same "not caring about wine" feeling. Grrrrr.

I spent most of the weekend alone with a stack of files on my desk and proposals that needed writing as this is coming into my insane time of year. It's stressful and it's been my habit in the past the while the hours away with the TV on, a couple bottles of wine, some snacks and slowly move the files from one side of my desk to the other as completed. And that's just how my weekend went. No matter how many glasses of juice or lemon water I poured, I always opened another bottle of wine.

Odd because I didn't have ANY of the tingles last month, but do this time in my hands. Same order from River. Eating about the same. Vitamins slightly different, but nothing major and I would say my mindset is about the same in wanting this. I just don't get it. The only thing different is my stress level.

A few days ago I poured vodka down the drain. then I bought more wine. What is up with me? I know I need to be patient in all of this, as I tell everyone else, but a month ago I was having AF without issue at this point. I think I am just disappointed and just don't understand ... and venting. Sorry.

Sun: Glad things are looking brighter for you and I hope the 6th comes with ease for you. I admire your courage and determination. I hope to be behind you soon again.

Sassy: Sassy, sounds like you are making steps forward - but I know how you feel. Fighting for stringing the AF days together with ease. I would al be one that would rebel if someone tried to control me - just who I am. And the more I am told I can't do something (even my myself HA!) the more I want to do it. I guess all I would say is that Topa continues to be cumulative? And so even at 200mg it is still building up and so perhaps those steps of cutting back will continue and more AF days will come and come closer together.

Girl: All have days like you! I am having one myself for sure. I know a big part for me is when I've been drinking too much - it totally effects my mood the next day. Best to you on your Dr appointment on Tuesday. I'll be really curious to hear which path he suggests for you. And don't forget ... it was just a short time ago that you drinking quite a bit of vodka, and yesterday it was only wine? And you are doing this all on your own? That's wonderful! Give yourself the credit you deserve.

Houtx - Waving hi. Enjoy your IPhone. I just can't quite get a grasp on those yet.

Claremont: Not sure about the 2 week vs. weeks 3-4, but I have no clue how this drug works. It does seem like you are having progress .. and I know what you mean about almost a year on Nal. I'm at the same dose as you now and AFs are eluding me as well this time - but I have faith. They sure snuck up on me last time and it was like WOW.

Illum: You continue to crack me up talking about the tapes .... Glad you are doing better with the SEs.

Trapped: Hope you are getting out of your funk. I've always thought the depression was more the AL than any drugs we are taking. At least ';m pretty sure it is for me. Hope things are working out with the wife. Can't imagine going through all of this with a spouse and I'm not sure if the support would help or if it just makes it harder. Guess it depends on who they are ... Best to you.

Hi to everyone else. Must dash - work calls. STRESS!

Later & Hugs

WTE

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy, I too have hid most of my journey so far from my wife. Just recently I went half way honest with her and it didn't turn out so well. As far as the Topo/ AL-free thing...I have been told you can drink "over" it. I think that means you can drink the effects of it out of your system, so that your addiction kicks back in. Try cutting back even on the nights you aren't supposed to be drinking. Just my 2 very small cents.

As for me I too have only had 1 AL free day, feeling now SE from topo, but man am I beating myself up badly. Dealing with alot of anxiety, depression and anger. I know that this drug is no magic bus, but I wish it at least kicked in a little like the book described.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yea! glad to see some more of you back. On the phones, I too just wanted my simple old cell phone, but my husband is one of those that must have the latest of everything technology so when he went from his 3G iPhone to 4G iPhone he insisted in handing his old one down to me and now I'm hooked on it.

Sassy, Dad, WTE... I think we're all control freaks. Perhaps that's part of what makes us have this fun problem? And also Sassy, I have a lot of trouble with AF days and a lot of that has been because I don't sleep well when AF. Think my brain is conditioned to need the AL to go to sleep, but I feel less scared about that now. I've got two business trips coming up (first one starts tomorrow) and I want to try to use them to break up some of these habits and routines.

Speaking of which. yep Houtx, did it again last night, up til midnight no no good reason except hubs and I kept watching TV even though I knew we had to get up early for work.

Sun - Motorcycle huh! I looked up yours, is it kind of big? I ride too (sort of). I'm a small person though so small bikes. I had a honda shadow (500cc I think?) before I had kids. Hubs is big into riding. He has a Gold Wing for commuting. and just got back into dual sport riding (on-off road) big time over the last couple of years. I have joined him in an attempt to have something that we all do together and to keep from getting left behind all the time. So, I recently bought my own and we got them for the kids. Our big whole family debut riding/camping trip is in two weeks so I really hope it goes well because this is not a cheap hobby!!!

Speaking of my DH and the avoiding comment I made a few posts back.... I learned when I first tried to get sober that we don't communicate so well, though that experience did help us improve a some. Also, I have trouble getting intimate when not drinking and think he does too. It's like all we've ever known. I was getting some counseling when I first started on Nal and honestly I'm sure we should be getting some together but he completely DOES NOT believe in therapy of any kind. He barely tolerated the idea of me getting any. So anyway, now that I'm thinking clearer more often and seeing his drinking more clearly, he's driving me crazy more often. I don't really care about how much he drinks exactly, but I don't necessarily want to be around to have a conversation then. and there are just several other little things that bug me. Oh well, moving on, you guys are not my therapists. (though I do appreciate you listening!)

What else, lots of tingling but it's not bothering me too much. Another thing I noticed that may be from the vitamins... my complexion has been much improved! I'll take that!

Girl, good job on the no vodka. Let us know how the doctor goes.

Okay, I've got to get back to work! Love you all!

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi everyone!
Just checking in. I am beginning my 4th week on Topa and I am still on 50mgs. I am starting to feel the effects soften a bit. The cravings are creeping back. It's taken some willpower - and not having any wine in the house - to stay AF. I am sure if I had wine in the house I would have had some over the weekend. I had 2 glasses with dinner last Wednesday but the rest of the week was AF.
I wonder if the reduction in cravings is just one of the side effects of the drug, and as such, the effect is reduced over time just like all the other SE's.
Maybe it's why some people see results and others not so much. Some are sensitive to the SE's like tingling and others are not. Maybe it is the same with the alcohol aversion. I don't know I am no scientist. I just wonder why I had such good luck and others are not seeing the same results. And why do I need to titrate up when I was doing just fine until now?

Keep up the good work everyone. It seems like most of you are all better off today than you were before.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a quick post as I need to get ready for bed - very early morning again tomorrow - yes Dreams - it does seem to do that - surge then like a wave, pulls back then rushes forward again - I def. went back last week but this week, my gosh am I rushing forward again - poured a Guinness when I got home, suffered it (LOL), poured a second, drank about 1/4 of it and 1 1/2 hours later have finally poured the rest away!!! So it isn't that the cravings going away is a SE - it just seems to gather strength!! Then ebbs then gathers more strength next titration up.

WTE - hang in there - you know that this drug works in different ways - it seems every time we take it!! This time my 25/50 time did nothing for me - I was totally amazed when you said what it was doing for you!!

Sassy - 200 mg isn't the make or break dose - 300 mg is. But you are nearing it. when did you go up to the 200 mg? I went up last week to 250 mg and am feeling it this week. So I am hoping that this is MY week. You sound as if you are doing well though. I still don't have AF nights - I am just waiting for the Topa to kick in totally - THEN I will be AF - I don't even try to be AF, I am just patiently waiting and (sounds awful) will just drink (albeit a lot less now) until it does.

Trap - re the drinking 'over' the Topa - it isn't that you drink the effects of it out of your system - it is just that - like me tonight I didn't have to pour the Guinness out - I just really didn't want it - but I could have drunk it. That is what I mean by drinking over it.

Illum - yes my bike is a big one - well, it is an 850 which to me is big - I too am not big either and 850 is about as big as I can handle!! Sometimes I wonder if I should have got a slightly smaller one!! My bike weighs 4 times as much as me!! What do you have now?

Well, so much for my quick post - I really need to shower and get to bed. 1/4 to 4 is going to come very quickly by the time I actually get to sleep! See you all tomorrow.

Hugs - hang in there, love to all,

Sun xxx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well it seems like we are all just all over the place!! Again too many to comment on -

WTE, muh dear, don't feel bad. You've been here before. Like so many of us, I'm thinking this drug is just going to be another one of those "hit or miss" with most of us. I'm thinking it's a miss with me. I dunno...all these damn drugs and there is no magic pill for much of anything. I am now sick of the f***ing TopaDopa more than I can say. It is weird.

I mean seriously, I have to stand up and TEACH and it's bloody hell when I am groping for words, can't remember, repeat things, drawing complete blanks...This being on 3 different medications since February '09 is now starting to suck. I think I will seriously stop at the first of the year. I'm done. I will give it a rest for 6 months or so and then revisit something. Maybe Topa again. I don't know.

Just tired of doing "drugs"/medicines, hoping, counting drinks, "trying" and not really feeling anything different physically, still drinking, although less, not with the miracles so many others have seen & felt. Just tired of it, ya know. None of it has really worked for me. So thinking I will go through the holidays as usual and then stop all drug therapies in 2011 for awhile, clean out my system...maybe just try good ol' will power like maybe what I've been relying on here all along?? Just thinking...

XO

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Back to reality

Back to work today, always sucks going back after vacation. And yes I did onlu buy a 1/2 pt. tonight......so I am back on this tapering thing, I felt like such crap today...nervous as hell but yet no energy, and at work I am surrounded by women in recovery, you would think that would be encouraging to me. Granted I have not had legal troubles, children taken from me from social services, nor have I been homeless because of my AL use/abuse/dependence - but I know this is a problem, it's BEEN a problem. Guess it is good that my teacher said I smelled likie AL, that was certainly a slap in my boozing face! Thanks again to all of you guys, you're a great bunch and I love this thread! Doctor tomorrow at 12:30, I will update asap on what we decide on. Much love and hope for all of us!:thanks:

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sun: a Honda CRF230F

Total Motorcycle Website - 2006 Honda CRF230F

[july141995]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just started!

Hi all!

Just started day 2 of my topa journey...again...and again! The third time is the charm.

Welcome to some new faces!

Sun, glad to hear you have your meds figured out. What a horrible feeling! Good luck on Nov. 6. I'll be pulling for you. I know you posted earlier, but how did you titrate up? I can't seem to find my book. Right, now I'm on 25 in the am. Can I take 25 in the pm? Or too much?

WTE- Hold out. I seem to remeber reading in an old thread (Paddy's) someone saying that the more we go on and off topa the more it loses its effacacy. Hold on!

Dreams- Congrats on your string of AF days! I look forward to the indifference of wine. And no wine in the house.

Illum- OMG I so had the terrible SE of the eye twitch! Horrible. Hope I don't get that one. But, like all it does pass.

I wish everyone well and and enjoy reading all your posts. All of your stories and insights are so helpful to me. Thank you for keeping this thread going!

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well the Doc wants to stick to the NAL, and up to 75mg on the zoloft....I will give it a try, he would like me to stop altogether, but appreciates that I am tapering down...dropped my scripts off, will get them tomorrow. Today was also the first day I was emotional during my appointment, usually we just talk shop and I get a script...he wants to see me again in 2 weeks because he said he is concerned about my depression...today I talked to my s/o and an old friend and decided to put my 2 weeks in at my job - it is too depressing here, I'm not happy, I gave it 6 months (I was at my last job for 12 years so I am not a job-hopper). The AL and the depression are quite a vicious circle, I also know that a lot of the depression stems from feeling guilt and shame and what others think of me, Doc said don't worry about other people - but that's just me, it's in my nature and a part of my personality. My guy is so wonderful, didn't tell him about the NAL - he will just be happy to see me cutting down....Doc also said he was not familiar with BAC dosage, but if I found out he will prescribe it, but he seems to be a fan of the NAL and prefers to use it. When I picked up the first bottle of NAL the pharmacist was a real jerk the was he spoke to me "yeah this medicine is for breaking 'baaad' habits" - I felt like a real winner then. Oh well, any thoughts are always appreciated! Thanks again and again everyone!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone.

July - it is best NOT to take more than you are supposed to - by trial and error we have found that going up faster than you are supposed to does more harm than good. Let me see if I can find my titration schedule - hang on - I think someone posted it on this thread somewhere - let me check.

Easier to just retype it out

week 1 - 25 mg pm 25 mg
week 2 - 25 x 2 mg pm 50 mg
week 3 - 1 x 25 mg am, 2 x 25 mg 75 mg
week 4 - 2 x 25 mg am, 2 x 25 mg pm 100 mg
week 5 - 2 x 25 mg am 1 x 100 mg 150 mg
week 6 - 1 x 100 mg am, 1 x 100 mg pm 200 mg
week 7 - 1 x 100 mg am, 1 x 100 mg plus 2 x 25 mg pm 250 mg
week 8 - 1 x 100mg plus 1 x 50 mg am, 100 mg plus 1 x 50 mg pm 300 mg
weeks 9 - 12 same as week 8 300 mg

When I took more than I was supposed to and went up faster - it didn't work. It is up to you, but it didn't work for me. I had to begin all over again and start at the 25 mg dose again!!!! How did you do it last time (the TWO last times) that you were on it - please refresh my memory if you have already told us 'cos I have forgotten!!

Girl - your pharmacist is a real JERK. Mine, when he found out what I was taking the Topa for, found out all he could about it, printed out studies for it and was SO nice about it - you need to change pharmacies and let the place you go to know why!!!!!! He was totally out of order. I would have complained BIG time. It is NONE of his business! Gosh that does rile me up. So, might you take the Bac then?

Illum - I must have dreamed that I replied to your post about your motorbike - I thought I had - I thought I said that maybe I had made a mistake getting such a big bike - maybe I should sell mine and get a smaller one. Maybe next spring - I will see.

Dear Houtx - I can quite understand your frustration. It is hard enough teaching - you couldn't pay me enough to do your job. I do understand the meds and the Topa Dopa. there is a book by Alan Carr called Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol which might help you. It has helped me in the past - my brother used it to quit - without any other help and he was drinking way more than me. It uses mindset rather than meds. It really is a good book - I did quit smoking with his stop smoking one. I am quite happy to send you my copy if you would like. PM me your address and it can be in the post tomorrow. I do understand how you are feeling and I don't blame you. At least give the Allen Carr book a try eh? But please keep in touch with us here - we will miss you if you don't. You need to at least see how we are all doing and we all want to know how your love life is going. Some of us live through you vicariously! LOL (after 28 or whatever years of marriage we have to fine something !!!!).

Love and hugs to all.

AIRAM WHERE ARE YOU. To everyone - I PM'd her and have not had a reply - hope her folks are okay!!!!

Love, Sun xxxxx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Again - soooooooooooooo many I want to respond to!!

Fisrt off, I am am not in a relationship w/ DHG. I am putting him off this week b/c I am in a huge wedding this weekend and just too busy to see him much less construct a carefully worded email or talk to him on the phone. No. I am in love with my new iPhone!! LOL

Trappedad - I am really concerned and worried about you. Your short posts conceal a whole deeper worry and depression I don't know how to help you with but wish I could.
You've mentioned so much here...I wish you would post more...altho it's so personal, maybe more of us could talk about and offer more hopeful comments if you'd like to talk about it...I feel a real kinship with you b/c of your avatar being "Avatar"!! LOL I LOVED that movie - saw it 3 times...anyway, be strong, my dear man. You are trying, you are here, you are with us, and we care!! "Do not fall on your pitard" !!! It will be ok -

WTE - Loved hearing from you, as usual - ehhhh - what are we gonna do?! Try try again.

Clare/Illum/the rest - hang in there -

Girl - your pharmacist could probably be "written up" for inappropriate comments about the drugs he/she dispenses. Seriously. There are codes of ethics (if not local ordinances & laws against breaches of personsal confidances). Just as grocers cannot comment on what your groceries are, Walgreens can't comment on what your personal medication is BIGTIME!!!! Your guy did a BIG BAD THING. Look it up. Ask his manager. Embarassasing a customer is harassment...I might consider making a "stink" about it. Just to have it go on his record. Seriously. If not now, if it happens again, stand up for yourself in the future. Don't let people talk to you that way.

I am amazed at how people don't simply say: "Please don't talk to me that way" etc in some way when they are being dissed...or just "NO ONE talks to me that way" often makes the point.... but this wouldn't have worked in your situation, you get my drift. Stand up for yourself.

Dreams - good for you keeping wine out of the house! Good luck!

I "accidentally" went to 100 mgs from 200 mgs yesterday - just forgot to take my second pill until 7pm and then decided it was too late. Today decided to not take it deliberately. Would like to see how the DOPA effects go down, quite frankly...haven't felt any other differences other than "listening" for more clarity!! LOL

Can't believe it is November!! Holidays upon us and trying to cease the drinking...oh, yeah right! Slowing and moderating is the main thing! This weekend is a huge wedding of my best friend's daughter. I know I will be ok but I have not seen my 76 yo father and step-mother since I showed up DRUNK at their house last summer after "drinks with friends". It was one of the WORST most embarrassing nights of my life...

I have talked to my dad, we have emailed, all that, I feel like the situation is over...but I still DREAD being around him. I feel like he will make some crack...I feel so guilty saying this but I wish he weren't going to be there. I would be looking more forward to the weekend if only my father were not going to be there...2 nights in a row. UGH. Anyway. Sitting here venting. Signing out. Putting off DHG for another week - will see him next week, I guess and then cut him off. Who knows.

Take care, everyone.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ah yes Houtx (did I spell that right) the wonderful holidays...last Thanksgiving we did his family so it was just beer, I was ok. But last Christmas at my parents I got super hammered and ended up with my arm around my dad dropping the 'f' bomb non stop! My sis in law was apparently horrified, but the next morning my mother said she was glad I had a good time and thought it was 'cute'....In my rationale though, I don't think I pounded that hard that night, but I had to drink the old cheap nasty vodka my dad had...I think it was friggin' pickled! I even had a mega hangover the mext morn, and I really don't even get hangovers unless I get drunk at a bar (the tonic from the gun). Well I'm home,, made it through the day. Ugh Friday I start a new class and my teach is a Doctor.....let's see if I get 'sniffed' out.....oh and it was a Walgreens where the pharmacist made me feel like a piece of crap, I pick up my scripts tomorrow at the same Walgreens too, but this time I aldready took the NAL before so he need not explain anything to me about it! We shall see - maybe he will have some opinion - 90 clonazepam, 45 zoloft, and 30 NAL - quite a cocktail (no pun intended!) Please take care everyone, I look forward to reading all of your posts tomorrow! I forgot who but I think its sunshine thats in Illinois? I'm just north of ya! Wisconsin! We're known for our drinkers.......

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

don't have the time or energy to reply to everything right now but Houtx, your last bit so resonated with me as I think you know. It's so crazy that we can be our age and still care so much about this embarassing crap with our parents. My HS reuinion this past summer and knocking around my parents house was my LAST awful incident to date (so far, fingers crossed). But a worse one two years ago happened in front of my mother in law and my kids at a wedding and it was a big part of what first sent me looking for sobriety or normalcy and facing my mom in law after that one was sooo hard. But she lives in the same town as us and was married to an alkie so is actually easier to deal with than my own parents!! Sorry this was a little rambling, as I mentioned I'm tired.

I'll do a better check in tomorrow.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ha, One more quick since I just read yours Girl (you must've been posting at the same time as me) I'm in Great Lakes, IL right now (which I see is practically in Wisconsin) on a business trip, just arrived today. Brrr!!! Since I live in So Cal!