Dear Space, I'm sad for the experiences that have closed your mind to being open to the realization that we are all part of a power that is without beginning and without end, like the waves are really just the ocean, like the stars are just manifestations of the infinite galaxies and on and on. It is not something that some people get and you dont get, not something that i have that you don't have, not something that I am capable of understanding that you are incapable of understanding. It is only that you are not yet training your mind to think and see in a different way. You do not have to go to a twelve step program, to a church or a cult, all you need do is make a small effort to be open to the possibility that things are not as you think them and believe them. Just make some small efforts in the comfor and privacy of your own home to read and practice some things that might seem different or odd to you right now, but believe in them because others have found peace thru them, just be open to the possibility that it might make a difference for you. Just start reading "Letting Go, The Pthway to Surrender, by David R Hawkins and listen to the Loving Kindness guided meditations which I can send to you, these are a great start and take very little time or energy and what can it hurt to give them a try? I wouldn't tell you these things if I didn't believe them myself, if they hadnt made a huge difference in my life, if i didnt know that they can make a difference for you. The only thing I cannot do for you is find the strength of spirit to try!!! I know that you are going thru a dark time right now and I am holding you in my prayers that you find your resolve to try a new direction. The reading and doing guided meditations can be even more effective in distracting and lifting you out of your depression and dark thoughts than watching any tv show, it just takes a little time, please try Space, just give it all some time, no thoughts of believing in god or anything, just reading and practicing and seeing where it leads without hurry or pressure, it is very simple and delightful. Send me your address again and I will send you the CDs and just get the book from amazon or on the kindle app or I will send it to you along with the CDs.
Funny Girl, we have no problem tolerating anything that you tell us here, you are beautiful:h but you must grant yourself forgiveness just as you would be loving and forgiving to us.
Gotta go for now but thinking of everyone and please know that my remarks may offend they do come from a place of Love for you all here.
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