New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Airam - PLEASE don't disappear again like that!!!! As for starting again at 25 mg, I am not sure. You will have to play it by ear. see how you feel. Start again at where you were when you stopped - did you just stop taking it totally? If you did, when you start again, see how you feel. No more time right now - will post more tomorrow. hugs to you Airam - so pleased you are okay.

love, Sun xxx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy - so glad you have had the conversation with your husband. I'm sure that was not easy. Please let us know how that progresses and lean on us if you need to.

Trapped, I'm still wondering exactly what your conversation was with your wife - you never really explained. And also if you've figured out how to fit in the CDs. I swear I have NEVER EVER been the type of person to be hypnotised before. Seriously my husband has done it to many people and tried with me when we were dating and I could not let it happen, and then a few years ago we went on a cruise that had a hypnotist and I tried a couple of group sessions and still nothing happened, but with this, despite the lameness of the recordings and the guy's voice, I've found that if I just let go I've found a deep relaxation and it just might be working because I want it so badly.

Airam, welcome back, obviously you can see everyone is here for you.

I just got back from my business trip and had a pretty distant welcome from DH. All business about how it went with the kids, etc. Hubs was catching up on a TV series that I have no interest in, he continued playing the next episode after we had that conversation, so I scooped up all the mail/bills, headed here into the spare bedroom to sift through it all, watch a show of my own online, and check this site.

Was a very mellow trip for me drinking-wise. I remember in the past how the drinking would dominate my schedule through the airports, hotels, restaurants, etc..., I'd be hung over at the conferences... This time I was just really tired 'cause of jet lag and still staying up too late, but still much improved. Had an amazing lodging literally right on the shore of Lake Michigan (I could have opened my window and thrown something in the water and it was government rate of $55 a night!) and caught a great sunrise yesterday morning. Then came back to temperatures in the high '90s in So Cal. Crazy. Thankfully I have tomorrow off to get things straightened out.

Wishing everyone the best,

Illuminae

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Copy of a post I did on TSM in case you're interested

Overdue for an update. Been very busy and was on a business trip this week, which brings me to my update. What a difference in my behavior from past trips. Business trips used to somehow give me an excuse to get even more off the hook than usual. I guess something to do with no kids, no fixing dinner, blah blah. I usually go from So Cal to the East Coast, so I used to even plan my flights so that I would have at least an hour and a half layover to get near my next gate and have time for a meal and 2-3 drinks. Then get on the plane for my final destination, have one or two more drinks on the plane, make it to my rental car, drive to the hotel (which HAD to have room service) order up dinner & a bottle of wine, order a pay-per-view-movie, set the alarm, and then blame it all on the jet lag when I felt like holy hell in the morning.

Since I've been on Nal (and now Nal + Topa) things have definitely shifted in my mindset for many things like when I book a flight (concerns about how early I have to get up or the layover silliness) and many other things. For example, I didn't take a single drink on my trip out Tuesday, left SOCAL approx 10am, direct flight to Chicago, got my car, drove 30+ min to destination, settled in lodging, explored the area, decided on a restaurant, had a relaxed gourmet dinner w/2 glasses of wine, stopped at a grocery store on the way back, got provisions which did include a bottle of wine (and ice cream), but face it folks, in the old days I would have been in the bag by now!!! I watched TV and did internet stuff, including posting info about that (sort of anti AA) article that was in American Airlines magazine that (by the way) almost no one said anything about.

Anyway, so today the conference ended, and technically I had my room for another night. I think in the past I would have stayed overnight, gotten pissed, whatever. Some of my fellow Californian's checked out and lugged their bags around all day but I didn't. I had a plan. I was going to head back to the room after the conference, check email, take a nap, have another gourmet dinner (hopefully in Chicago proper) at a famous restaurant or something. Part 1 - heading back to the room was good. Part 2 checking email sucked. I had all kinds of connectivity problems that turned into a big time suck. Part 3 - I decided that a nap while my computer sorted itself out was way more appealing than a fancy restaurant, but still thought I'd have time for a nice meal at the airport. Part 4 - email finally downloaded, pretty anticlimactic, time to pack. Part 5 - Raining, detours, wrong turns, rental car return, air port security line hang ups... bottom line, I end up with enough time to grab some kind of pizza bagel and a bottle of water. But you know what? I was really Thirsty. Really. For Water. That's all. And although I was really pissed that I didn't get to have a nice dinner I didn't give a **** about not swilling booze at the airport. Seriously I remember sooo many times being stressed out at the security line looking at my watch figuring out how much time I had to drink, even calculating where my gate was in relation to where the bar was so I could hear them call the row numbers and stuff like they're only calling group 2 and I'm in Group 5 so I can finish this drink - pathetic! Part 6 - I had 2 wines on the plane while I watched the movie and I couldn't believe how long it took me to drink them compared to the past (honesty.. I ordered the 2 at the first pass of the flight attendants and I know that's habit).

Still, I guess all in all that's progress for me, and again, my thread my ramble


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[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all - Illuninae - that is so amazing!! You are really doing so well - and you sound so confident and relaxed about it all too - just taking it all in stride - no angst, no worry - it was all so nice to read. I was smiling for you as I read it. You must be feeling pretty good about it yourself. yes?? Except of course the return part and the reception from DH. that was a bit of a let down. Anyway - am on my way out the door - I am off today so will be back later - just wanted to post as this was such a nice thing to read first thing this morning!

Hugs to all,

Love, Sun xxx

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae - I am going to try the CD again today for lunch. I have titrated up to 75mg yesterday, and I am starting to feel a "little" different in my attitude toward drinking at the end of the day. Nothing major, just a "maybe I can do this" feeling in the back of my head. Still no side effects except for the occasional word mishap. Why are you on Nal too? Should I join you? I could call my doc today...

SunShine - You drop zone is tomorrow girl! I'll say a pray for you! You can do it!!!! One comment though, why try to quit both at the same time?

Airam - Give us an update, you ok?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Trap - because in my head it is easier - if I am drinking I like a cig, and last time I quit, I did them both together - I think the Topa helped with quitting the cigs as well for some reason - maybe the craving. all I know is last time I stopped drinking, quitting cigs was relatively easy! Hopefully the same this time. I am so pleased that you are feeling just a little something - Topa really is subtle and it wanes too - sometimes it feels full force, sometimes just a slight feeling - so pleased that you just had something!!!! This past week for me has been crazy - one day hardly anything the next full blown cravings. but I have to be sensible about this and am going to do this. I have some Nal if you just want to try it..... Oh and yes please to the prayers for tomorrow - I will take all I can get although my work shifts will help - mid shift which means I won't get home til 8.00 and can get ready for bed and just have a coffee (decaf) and a early night!!

Hugs to all,

love, Sun xxx

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So - I arrived to the fam vaca house in Fl. to find out that the maintenance guy has been screwing ladies in my bed and basically living here. So i hired a guy to change the locks and take care of the property and he took $240 bucks and the lock sets and never came back, the heat pump wasn't working so they are replacing that right now to the tune of $4500 and I've been here for 2 days. How is everyone else doing? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Very relaxing so far.

Illuminae – That is a fantastic update! What a world of difference. You must feel so good. Sorry about the let down on the homefront though. There seems to be a lot of that going around. It must be a transition phase as things shift?

Trapped – A lot of us are taking Nal and Topa together. There are a bunch of us that have some over from TSM as well that took Nal initially and have stopeed due to lack of success. I am taking it because I still have some left but sadly it doesn’t seem to have worked for me either, this the switch to Topa. How are things with you? Any luck fitting in the CDs?

Airam – How are you managing with the dosage?

WTE – It sounds like things are starting to work again, but maybe creeping? I’m finding it comes and goes. There and gone. How’s it with you lately? How’s the focus? An AF day in sight yet?

Sassy – How’s it going?

Sun – Thinking of you – Tomorrow is the day. You are in my thoughts and prayers but if you change your mind we will support your decision to do so just the same – no judgement☺ Let me know if you need anything.

Girl / Dream / Houtx - shout out to all

xo

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Trapped, I am still taking Nal since I did start on TSM and it worked to a point on the cravings. Reduced daytime drinking and obsessing for me but didn't get me completely where I wanted to go. Also many former TSMers did a combo approach of NAL/BAC or NAL/TOPA and were successful so I figure it can't hurt.

I"m going up to 75mg today as well. Good news, the eye twitching has stopped. Boy was I getting the feet tingling/falling asleep big time though, especially on the plane rides.

Oh my gosh Clare, what a nightmare at your vacation house!

Good luck Sun!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Clare - so you are in America now??? SO sorry about your vacation house - what a bummer! How long are you over here for?

Trapped did day one AF yesterday - and the support on his thread was AMAZING. That is what this site is all about - it was incredible - and he did it!! Just wonderful. Today is my day 1 - should be fairly easy as I am working the mid shift, so get home at 8.00, will feed and sort the dog, sort me then go to bed!

How are you doing Illum? Did you feel any SE's yet from going up to 75 mg? You sounded so positive in your post!

Airam - how are you doing? What is going on with you?

Girl - you sounded really down - feeling any better?

WTE - what gives with you too? feeling anything yet?

Houtx - what have you decided to do?

EVERYONE - how are you all doing? Please check in - I need to hear from you and also need your support for my day 1 - not so much today but tomorrow might be harder for me - it is my day off which is def. harder than not being home!!!

Hugs to all,

Love, Sun xxx

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun - how goes it? I quickly checked in with the AF thread for trapped from yesterday WOW - great ideas that I hope you are using as you venture on.

Let me know how things are going.

Hang in there. I am thinking of you. Hugs xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello,

Sun, hope your day went well. So far not too bad SEs for me from going up.

I've been really tired from my trip and also having to work this weekend, get up early and also get a flu shot. I've been really dehydrated so not sure if that's from the topa or what. I feel pretty dry-mouthed and when I do have a first drink of wine I get weird tingling on my tounge. And headache from the flu shot.

I'll have to check out that thread you guys mentioned from trapped.

More tomorrow.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Trapped's days

Holy cow! I found the thread you guys were referring to for trapped dad and what an amazing response! When I come to this site I normally just check this particular thread so haven't gotten to know other people or what else has been going on, especially since I've still been trying to keep up with everyone on TSM as well. So here I was tonight trying to casually try to check and see how folks were doing while hubs and I put in a movie. Turns out he was doing something on his iPad, I was scrolling endlessly through the Zach's first AF day cheerleeding fest and we both looked up after about 45 minutes and admitted to each other that neither of us were really watching the movie. We decided to part ways entertainment-wise once again, but that's okay. I think we'll find our way back to each other through these changes.

We're building up to a really important family weekend next weekend and a lot of preparation has been going into it. Motorcycle maintenance, camper stocking and cleaning, and truly I think we are both putting a lot of mental prep into this being a make or break bonding/mending trip. Sure hope it goes well.

This time of year is my most stressful and we're coming into full swing. My son's birthday is Nov 25th, Daughter's is Dec 3rd. Planning for their parties is in full swing. With the motorcycle-camping in full motion, the parties getting planned, we're now starting to arrange to go to Iowa for xmas (where hubs is from)... Geez I better stop now. Telling you all about it is stressing me more than relaxing me and I should be going to bed.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning all - well, as I thought - yesterday was easy - straight from work to home to bed. Today will be a lot harder but I can do it. Check in please all you others - Clare - are you in USA now? How long are you here for?

how are you all doing - Illum - are you still doing as well as you were? You sounded so good - but it sounds as if you are getting so stressed with all the stuff that is going on. Sounds funny to hear you talking about motorcycle maintenance - the temps here are in the 20's and right now I wouldn't fancy riding!! In fact I am thinking of putting mine away for the winter already!!! It is funny really as in UK I only had a motorcycle (no car as well) for about 2 years so rode it in all weathers - but of course had all the appropriate gear as well! Hope to hear from some of you today - hugs to all,

love, Sun xx

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all

I am here but what a greeting:-) Things seem to have settled down a little though since all chaos upon arriving. I'm here for 3 weeks but even the weather doesn't seem to be cooperating. Of course the drinking went up somewhat after all the nonsense and having to bring in the Sheriffs Dept and all. I so hate drama. Still, never had more than 5 glasses of wine on one day.

Sun- today will you will be fine. Just take some of the advice from the other thread and stock up. I think being prepared is half the battle. When all else fails have a bubble bath. It's usually good to kill some time:-)

Illum - I usually find that my mind takes up more time mentally than the actual physical time things take to do - does that make sense? I mean I get so overwhelmed thinking about the great lists of stuff, when I actually go to do them, I'm done in no time and I realize that I stressed myself out, as usual, when really i shouldn't have. I hope the time away proves to be everything positive for you guys.

Houtx - I hear what you are saying about the months/years we have invested in the pills,etc. I think maybe a break will do you good. Maybe it will be the magic answer.I'm thinking I might do the same thing and just relax. After all, we are beautiful successful women despite how hard we are on ourselves. Maybe it's time to give ourselves a break? I'm actually quite sick of taking a pill every time I think about having a drink. And this topa makes me feel quite yucky actually. Yucky is the only word I can think of, like just not quite right. No topa dopa though but I'm only at 100. I really don't want to get to that stage.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Back to the half pint, last night was actually my bad WTF day/night. Woke from a nap at 2:45pm....soon after had a glass of wine, then another glass. Then I opened my 1/2 pint that was supposed to be for nightime.....drank it all, then went for Italian with my guy and had 2 'Roman teas' - long islands basically...but I did eat bread, a salad, and some baked potato and like 2 shrimp (the Zoloft os really taking my appetite away), then after dinner I realized it was only 8 pm (you buy AL until 9pm here) so I asked my guy to stop at the liquor stare so I could just 'grab a bottle of pinot noir'...he waited in the truck and I ran in - and got a bottle of wine and ANOTHER 1/2 pint! UGH - yup I drank that 1/2 pint also and another glass of wine after that....I don't remember going to bed - but my guy was quite happy with me this morning so we obviously 'had relations' - I remember nothing. I did not take my NAL yesterday either. Really didn't feel bad when I woke up, and was ok today. I took my NAL 40 minutes ago and just made my drink - so it's 1/2 pint again, and probably a glass of wine. Idle time is the devil for me! I'm not beating myself up over it, just back to NAL and 1/2 pints...for now until I am ready to take another step down! Wow, the things we go through hey?!?!? Love to all!!!!!!