New here and starting Topa and with a question

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ah Stuck, your girlfriend forgetting her phone at the bar made me laugh, it sure does happen! I was on holidays in KW, Florida a few weeks ago with hubby before starting the topa and we both were having more than usual one night. His credit card was MIA the next morning and we were both dumbfounded, was it at the drag bar or the gay bar??? Took some sheepish wandering around to track it down, but we managed... I don't like the black outs from over doing it! One of the reasons I quit for so long before. It's hard to moderate when you're on holidays. So far with topa haven't had any blackouts even with just the little bit of cutting down, which is great for me.

Sun, I started up again for lots of reasons, but mainly because I missed it of course lol!!! But also I was off my AD and having loads of anxiety and marriage issues too, feeling resentful that hubby was increasing his drinking and letting house stuff go from his work stress and so on. It crept up on me. One day I just took a drink without much thought. It was a slippery slope from there.

Stuck, good luck with the tail end of your visit, it's a bit of a catch 22, wanting to have fun with her, but not too much fun...am sure regardless she'll be understanding.

Sun, good luck with the AF day to help with your BP! Have you thought of other contributing factors? I know you eat healthy, so probably low sodium already. I don't know much about BP issues, mine's always been low too. I love my salt, but guess my running has helped counter act it so far - figure one day it'll catch up with me and I'll have to start forgoing my olives and dijon and soy sauce etc!
Maybe the nose bleeds are more due to blood clotting issues? Like having low vitamin K?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh yes stuck - blackouts and not remembering stuff would NOT be conducive to a good relationship - I so agree! So, will you stop drinking again after she goes do you think? You amaze me with how you can just stop .....

Thanks for explaining the BP issue - mine isn't terribly high but is high for me ..... so am hoping that it will go down now I am not drinking.

Gumtree - today wasn't just an AF 'day' - I have stopped. I have been playing with it for way too long - and it is never going to be fixed if I don't change it - so today I just decided. I always think I can start again and just have a couple which i did for years - but my couple is now 4 or 5 which is way too many. Today has been fairly easy - I sat and read the entire day - LOL and I am past the worst time for me drinking now too which means I have it beaten for today!

As far as other things causing the high BP - there is nothing I can think of that is different - apart from the fact that my amount of AL has gone up from the 2 a day. My job is really physical so I don't worry about exercise - I really do get an amazing workout every day at work !! The nose bleeds - who knows? A combination of things I am sure - but am getting an appt with an ENT chap so will probably have to have it cauterized. YUCK.

Off to tidy the kitchen before getting ready for bed and more reading. Hope you had a good day ....

hugs, sun Xx

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Day 1 over ..... didn't sleep too badly all things considered - and am feeling good today. Knowing that I can do this is KEY !!

hugs, sun XX

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good for you Sun, I admire your courage. I know I need to do it?

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

how is everyone? my weekend's been a bit sloppy drinking wise, a bottle and a half both Saturday and Sunday with some memory loss from that on Saturday night. I'd say that's me drinking over the topa for sure!
I had been considering staying at 50mg another week (just because the SE I read about scare the crap out of me, especially hair loss), but decided based on my drinking to go up to 75mg today as planned.
It's also a holiday today and shops are closed, and no vino left in the house, so trying for an AF day - first one in a while. Just taking it easy, still in pjs, cuddled with the dog on the couch. Being gentle with myself.
Sun - How are you doing with your abstinence? and has stopping made any difference in your BP, am curious!
Meggie - how are you doing with the loss of your dog? I know how quiet the house seems after losing a pet!! they are such a constant part of our everyday lives, it leaves a hole.
Stuck - any luck with winding down a bit?

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey folks. Just FYI from my experience it's really difficult to get a baseline for BP when drinking alcoholically. Withdrawal sends it all over the map, up and down, for a while. So depending on how physically dependent you are take that into account. I don't naturally have hypertension, but well it sure looks like I do for a week or so of abstinence. I'm not going to check again until tomorrow after the girl's gone, but since a couple people seem interested I'll keep you updated.

Sorry you feel you went over the top, Gum, but glad you're being gentle with yourself - that really is the best policy. Have some water and some juice. And just relax. One day AF isn't the end of the world

I was AF for 2 days until last night, and pretty much fine but only with the help of 1/2 an Ativan each day, and sleeping wasn't bad except for waking up in the middle of the night. Last night I had 2 glasses of wine while watching TV. There was 1 glass left in the bottle we had open and I poured that for her, then I asked if she wanted a second and she said yes, so once I opened the last bottle in the house I figured screw it and we finished that off. Which means, if we're being super OCD, that she had about 3 1/2 glasses and I had 2, and this is a big win for me because I didn't freak out or feel jilted that she had more, or that I didn't have enough, and I didn't run out to the store for more. And earlier in the day I'd poured what was left of the bourbon down the sink - so my apartment is dry now. We finished watching TV, had great sex, and went to sleep - and I went to sleep feeling sober, also a big win, even though I didn't sleep all that well and woke up a couple times.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

meggie;1627738 wrote: Good for you Sun, I admire your courage. I know I need to do it?

Meggie - it hasn't taken courage - I finally just decided that I had been playing at this for too long and to JUST DO IT. So did. End of day 3 today and it has been pretty easy really - no cravings to speak of although i feel really tired tonight. Will be in bed early I think. Smoking is next ....LOL

Stuck - my BP has been going down and down - just now was the lowest it has been since I started taking it at the beginning of february. Still not low enough, but definitely on a downward trend! Which pleases me no end. Your BP sounds like mine - not normally high but recently has been and I am pretty sure it was the AL.

Good for you pouring out the rest of the bourbon - I assume that when she leaves tomorrow you are going to go AF again? I am glad that you have had a nice time with her staying - when will you both meet up again?

Gumtree - when I started the Topa, I deliberately didn't read about any SE's - they do not happen to everyone. If you looked up the SE's of Tylenol for example, it would freak you out ! So try to not even think about anything you have read about SE's - most of the time they don't happen .... yes, sometimes they do, but you might not get them!!

I am doing really well with being AF. I didn't even think about it when I got home from work - usually the first thing I do is pour a Guinness! I am hoping that I sleep a bit better tonight though - my last two nights have been pretty fragmented. No worries about overdoing - I don't think anyway - once the Topa kicks in properly it will be easier !! You might have to go up to the next dose or even the one after that but it will eventually work ....

I need to get to bed ....

hugs, sun XX

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hi everyone!
I spent some time reading your back posts yesterday and overnight while staying up with a sick pup.

Sun, among your helpful pull up your socks attitude posts, I came across the hot sauce and poopsickle one. A real lol moment for me. Sorry, I'm sure a true frustration for you Sun, but what an image! I'm grateful my pups don't have that habit.

I have to say I'm a tad frustrated at the lack of affect I'm having from topamax. The first week seemed so promising, but I think any alcohol curbing had to do with my body reacting to the initial dose and my feeling loopy. I adapted pretty quickly and haven't felt any of that since.
Nor have I had an AF days. I was trying for one on Monday since the wine shops were closed, but ended up drinking some of hubby's beer instead (and I don't even like beer!). So seems I don't even have the common SE of carbonated bev's tasting like crap. One of my fave drinks is bubbly and it still tastes great to me. As a true alcoholic's brain works, I keep buying it to test that SE out and damn, but it still tastes good .
Maybe I'm like Sun, and just need to hit a higher dose before it works........I'll keep increasing every week on the schedule.
But after reading the backposts, I'm thinking of trying the antabuse 5/2 approach as well to get some AF days and at least lower my tolerance and get a grip.
I truly appreciate the inroads and testing you girls/guys have done. Without this site and this thread I wouldn't be as hopeful as I am.

EDIT: Sun, as far as SE go, even with Tylenol or Advil, I only take them a handful of times a year - maybe 4-8 total. I really try to stay drug free as ironic as that is with the amount of vino I drink every day! That's the reason I didn't get back on my AD soon enough last year even though all the warning signs were there.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there ..... am away right now, with my daughter and grands. Last night I did have some wine with my daughter - but am NOT buying Guinness. I had 2 glasses of wine.

Gum - yes, just keep going with the Topa ..... it might take some while. I NEVER thought it was going to work for me - ever! but it did finally. Have faith - LOL. and I don't take Tylenol etc., either - maybe once or twice a year, I used to worry that 'cos I drank it would be really bad for me (ironic eh?). I was just trying to explain about the reading of SE's really....

Yes, we are going to have to try something else to stop the dogs eating poop - it really is the pits! Someone suggested a remote shock collar - we would have to watch just one dog and do one dog at a time but there is one that is the worst of all of them.

I did laugh at you testing the Topa with AL - reminded me of me !!! I would do the same thing.

The AB is good as long as you do NOT try to drink on it. I was very sensitive to it and even something with pickle in it made me react - trust me, it was not a good feeling. But it is good to kickstart you.

Got to get going .....

hugs, Sun X

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HI All -
Great reading all your posts: Stuck - you & "the girl" stories always entertaining, but especially this trip, sounds more "normal". Hope all continues to go well! I am so intrigued, too, how you can go full tilt then turn it off. Gotta hand it to ya - You da man!! lol

Sunny - once again, you go girl on your AF days. Good hubs is doing his own thang but also seems to be following your lead as well. You are so strong in your convictions - I think you are so normal in your patterns & are so hard on yourself. But I Totally respect and admire when you go into an AF phase or fall off your phase. I think there are so many people out there obsessing about their drinking who have no clue there are groups like this one. I feel so lucky to have you guys!

Gum - Welcome & hope TOPA works for you! Hang in there & keep posting your thoughts & progress as we all can relate! Good for you to try something!

Hi Meggie - How's school? You sound like you're doing well. Hope so! I'm so glad to read your posts - you sound like you are really motivated and aware and trying to get better! You are an inspiration to me - love reading your posts and thoughts and progress!

Not sure who all I've left out. Space says she's taking a hiatus for awhile. DZ will pop in soon & hope she's doing well, too. DZ - your posts are always so thought-provoking! Hope you're feeling better and you & Hubs are enjoying each other.

Me - I'm doing eh. Was moderating pretty well weekdays, but then I go off the hook and drink way too much, eat/snack, say "Hey" to men on Plenty O' Fish that I wish I hadn't the next day. Have gotten some good responses, but I am so NOT in the mood for physical contact until I lose these 10+ lbs that have me being a Hater on myownself!!

UGH - I've made some serious resolutions this last week. My golf partner has lost some weight, says she stopped drinking wine and went for vodka, among other things. HAHA!! I tried that tactic for a couple of nights. HELL. Really ??!! I had a cometojesus talk with myself...am gong to slowly moderate myself down off this white wine ridiculousness over the next few days. Come next Monday, I'm going to go on the Dukan Diet, which is basically an Atkins knock-off. Trying to talk myself into the 1/2 tab of AB again to keep me focused...at least for 3 days, I know I can do it. Just hard to DO IT.

Anyway, otherwise all else is good with me! I'm tired of obsessing about my figure flaws & know a loss of 10 lbs to start will make a HUGE difference. And I'm sorry to sound so trivial to those of you who want to lose more. 10 yrs ago I lost 40 lbs and so now 10 really has astounded me what a difference it makes in my body. Almost done talking about it :-))

Of course, if I didn't drink, the weight would drop off like melted butter! So trying to get resolved to really stop for a few days or radically moderate. BLAHBLAHBLAH. So trivial. Hope all else is going well w/ everyone! I am doing well, all things considered.

Go USA!!!!!

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Plenty of Fish, you say?

Nah - I wouldn't say I'm going full tilt to stop very well. Just kinda realized that today or yesterday or whenever, that I've been on a serious backslide since December. Too much to deal with, and withdrawal is a motherf****. Yesterday had to take a full mg of Ativan because I was driving down to Long Beach to meet my dad for dinner, since he's in town for the week on business. And of course I'm almost out of Ativan, and once that happens the only available cure for withdrawal is more booze. And that would put me on a real bender and I don't have time for that right now. Not that I've done anything the past day or so except sit around playing xbox and looking at porn and feeling anxious. Well, I did go to class today and that killed the entire afternoon - 2 1/2 hour class and over an hour in traffic to get home.

Day 2 AF and I'm really going to try to string some days together. We'll see if it works. Just took a bunch of benadryl so hopefully will get some decent sleep starting now. Need to get up early and get working on this conference paper that's taking - of course - far too long.

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

A couple of thoughts today,
I started reading up last night on the SE of alcohol abuse. Not just generalities, like it causes malnutrition yadayadayada, but down to the cellular level as it progresses from moderate to severe alcoholism. scary stuff. actually made me think that drinking will make me loose my hair, not the topa! haha. I figure a little scare is good motivation.

Houtx, I'm with you on the 10lbs, most women "get it" . I'm petite, so give or minus 10 makes a big difference. This last year I've been less active than my usual, and drinking, so on the heavier side of my usual. Have tried Dukan's, didn't do a low fat one - so a modified version of it. It really worked, until I started drinking on it lol!

Let's both do the antabuse on Monday. I got a script from my doc and had it filled at one of the only two places in the city that do it from formula (it's been discontinued in Canada so not available at a regular pharmacy anymore). My plan is AB 125mg Monday for an AF Mon-Fri this coming week. Not sure about dieting or exercise, the AF part will be new enough for me.

Sun, good on you with moderating your 2 glasses of wine and not having Guinness!! Curious, did having a bit of another type of alcohol start a Guinness craving? When I have a beer it can trigger my wine cravings, that's why I ask....

EDIT:
Houtx: funny that being married and with the same man going on 14 years, I want to lose 10lbs more to impress some girlfriends for a girls only weekend in March than my spouse, not sure he'd notice, he's pretty easy going. I don't envy you the dating game! And then again sometimes I do - have loved reading back on your posts, so much life in them

Stuck: good on you for you AF days, and Benadryl, that's a nice tip! I like my melatonin and 5HTP, but doesn't always work. figure Mon-Fri AF will need all the help I can get

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there ... still with my daughter - going home on Tuesday. I am very happy that I came out here - despite it meaning I did drink! Why is it that I can give up at home but start again when I visit someone that drinks? My daughter doesn't have a problem with AL - although given the situation she is in I can understand that she is drinking ! And I had three glasses of wine last night ..... SIGH. No Gumtree - the wine doesn't make me want my Guinness.... I know only too well if I bought Guinness that I would drink all four of them! When I get home I will go back on the wagon.....

Houtx - I can sort of understand the 10lbs .. sort of. When I stopped taking ANY Topa, I gained 9 lbs so am that much heavier now - but am not worrying about losing it. I still fit my clothes and look okay, so am not worried. Ironically enough when I don't drink, I also gain weight - in part because I eat more. Even though it is good stuff, I do eat more. Although my daughter told me yesterday that I don't eat much....LOL

Stuck - good for you on day 2 AF. I am constantly amazed at how you do it seemingly so easily. Hang in there ... I have every faith in you.

Houtx - the weight loss that you want is not trivial at all. It is important to you which means it is important ! So, you just have to decide HOW important it is !! I have never really been in your shoes re weight gain - years ago I decided to lose some weight as after the second baby I needed to lose about 30 lbs .... and did so. then when I moved to another country gained weight again - but set my mind to it and lost it - so it can be done but it gets harder as we get older. I feel for you but know that you can do it.

Gumtree - the AB is an excellent idea - it is an easy way to kick start oneself - just do not be tempted to test it - you will regret it !

I need to get going ... will post when I can although being away it is harder.

hugs, Sun XXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks ladies, y'all are great. Day 4 here, and craving like a motherf***er even though I've survived the last couple days on sedatives alone. The girl left on Tuesday as you know, but my dad's been in town on business. Wednesday was a wreck - Tuesday night I went to the bar then bought 2 24oz cans of beer and a 1/2 pint of whiskey on my way home. Drank 1/2 of one of the cans and the whole bottle of whiskey. Think I drove to my therapist drunk at noon on Wednesday, then drank the remaining 1/2 beer in the afternoon with a couple hours to go before having to drive to meet my dad for dinner. Took a mg of Ativan on the way and barely made it though. Then Friday met my dad to show him around my school in the afternoon and had a bit to eat. Took 1/2mg of Ativan as soon as I got home. Another 1/2mg this morning before meeting him for lunch. Then we went on a whale-watching tour and had dinner and just got home. This has been a busy, active day. I want to get drunk so, so bad. But my BP is still a mess and I'm reading journal articles on chronic alcoholism and transitory hypertension. It's not promising. Not by a long shot, and that just makes me want to drink more.

So f*** it, I just put my PJs on and I'm going to.... I don't f***ing know, eat some yogurt? Some cashews? Smoke a bunch of cigarettes and stare at the internet or something. Or maybe call the girl before she goes to bed. Maybe. More on her later.

Big :ls to all. Keep on hanging in.

[DizzyBee]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all

I've been quiet as I've been in Madrid and being the first morning back I just read your posts and thought what great people you are, and what I would do without you.

I will give you all the Lovely Madrid details tomorrow, my ALT liver count which should be between 10-39 is 60 though. The doc didn't seem phased, considering my meds, but she also said I had to try and 'walk off' my sore clucky knee with soft ligaments, which has been going on for a year, before I can get physio.

Off to SA not this but next Monday so will also post more often then.

:l:l:l