New here and starting Topa and with a question

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi meggie,

ramble away, that's what the forum is for!

Can I ask, why are you off the antidepressants when you are going through such a challenging time - were the SE too much? I had to try a few different ones until I found one that worked for me. Now, assuming it keeps working as well as it does, I have no intention of going off, it's been wonderful.

I tried a yoga class this week after work to help with cravings when I'm AF. Loved it, completely get where you're coming from. Going to try another one tonight after work. Can you try and get away for one class this weekend?

"When I'm good I'm really good" ----I think a lot of us are perfectionists, all or nothing thinkers, hence the anxiety and addiction to cope! so many talented people with addictions.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

The doc didn't felt I had been on the antidepressants for so long they weren't really working. I do take anxiety meds and it is a stressful time but I think I am ok. I just am so tired. Did all the testing this week so frustrating. My gym burnt down and I am at another and none of us like it. So I haven't been to the gym in a week or so. I know I need to get back, I am less tired.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

meggie;1645089 wrote: My gym burnt down

I would totally burn down my gym, too.

So much tiredness and anxiety and out-of-it-ness today. Was on the way to the gym but then just f**king turned around and came home. Back in bed, watching the commentary on the DVD of the tv show I'm writing about. So I guess it's kind of like I'm working, sort of...

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - I am so sorry that everyone is so tired and fed up - meggie you sound terrible and if your doc didn't think the AD's were working, why didn't he try you on something else ? You were going to a therapist weren't you? Why did you stop - you really sound as if you need some help ...... I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. Try and see if you can get on a different AD maybe ?? TALK to your doc and make him listen to you !! I think your friend getting sick has really upset you - is there anyone that you can talk to about that? You sound so alone.

Stuck - you sound as if you are in a bad place too. Do you have any friends that you can just go and do stuff with - not drinking ? How is the relationship with the g/f going? What has happened about her coming to live with you ? You never did tell us what is going on .....

Hi there gum - you sound as if things are going okay for you - which is great! I am not really worried right now about what will happen down the road if I stay sober for any length of time. Let me get some AF time under my belt before I even think about that !! I am doing really well - still AF and cig free - it is three weeks for the cigs for me. I am feeling well and for some reason that I am not too sure about am having no cravings for either Al or cigs! In fact, neither enter my head much at all! it is a really strange feeling - but one I welcome !!

Wonder how dizzy is doing - maybe if she lurks, she can pop in .....

habve a great weekend everyone, hugs, Sun XXX

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh hey, my bad - didn't mean to leave everyone in the dark on the GF situation.

Today was just a bad day, and I don't know why. I got up, I had my coffee, I wrote for a while on my dissertation, then around noon I went for a haircut and was driving to the gym when anxiety just got really bad. Felt disconnected from everything, was wondering not how did I get here or where am I, but more like fed up with what I was doing and not wanting to be away from my apartment and crap. Difficult to describe, but I got to school where my gym is, but instead of doing that I got some frozen yogurt, ate it sitting in my car parked outside the yogurt place, then turned around and came right home.

Just felt off the rest of the day, sort of lightheaded, anxious, thinking I'm dying today and all that. Just downright crappy. I've been snacking on a lot of little things and staying in bed and watching TV. But I'm watching a lot of the show I'm writing about - commentaries on each episode and then the episodes themselves and I am taking some notes, so it's not a complete waste even though it feels like a complete waste, and now it's 11:30 and I feel like WTF.

The girl is moving here July 1st. We're going to Europe in May, and she's got some babysitting for friends and other obligations through June, so after that she's packing up and moving here. Another of our mutual friends has agreed to help with the move, and she's got the route planned and who she's going to visit and stay with along the way, and on July 4th she should be here. Kind of like the opposite of Independence Day, right? That's that with the GF. We'll make do being really cramped in my one bedroom apartment with my two cats and then her two rabbits, she'll put almost all of her stuff in storage, and she'll start looking for a job while I work on my dissertation.

I'm broke over the summers because my contract doesn't pay me June or July and only 1/2 a check in August, and she won't have a job for a little bit, but once we get settled and figure out our finances, we're planning on finding a new apartment to move into by September. That will be nice - we'll have enough space and hopefully a really nice place that we both like, and it'll be a good fresh start. For both of us.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

StuckinLA;1645171 wrote: and on July 4th she should be here. Kind of like the opposite of Independence Day, right?

ROTFLMBO Stuck !!! That did make me laugh!! Not sure if it is quite
the right attitude - but hey - you do tend to march to the beat of your own drummer don't you ?

Been out walking the dog already - and it is only 5.30 - got lots of stuff planned for today - should be a good day!

hope you all have a great weekend,

Sun Xx

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I got up with the puppy at 530. also. Went to Petco and talked to people about what to do the maniac puppy. They had to remind me that she is only weeks old.
Not taking AD but am upping my anxiety medication. Maybe I am tired because of depression, or tired because I have had a lot of crap. But thank you all, It gives me something to think about.
I hope everyone has a great weekend.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning..... I am feeling really good !! Meggie - a puppy is a wonderful excuse to get up and out for a walk ..... which can help your energy and mood.

yes, your puppy is very young - ours is chewing on baseboards STILL and I had to remind hubs that he is still a pup - even though he is 9 months old !! I think you are tired because of everything that is going on for you right now - plus I think you are depressed as well - maybe you should see your GP and get put on a different AD ? You sound so weary ..... I wish I could suggest something else but that is all I can see to do ..... exercise helps raise energy levels too....

Hugs, Sun XX

[Frankie78]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

passed out

took a 120mg dose bac and it feels like im on xtc.

woke up on the floor . remember fallling on the floor now i feel a major buzz what i can describe as xtc. crazy!!

is this normal

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - I am sorry but have never taken Bac - you would need to post on a Bac thread - hope that you are okay though. Please post again but on a Bac thread - okay? What you describe doesn't sound good .....

[gumtree]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

hey everyone,

Hope you're all doing ok and what you need to. Just a quick post from me today. This is an insane week. Possible business expansion stuff going on, making my head spin and keeping me up at night, plus a huge certification exam looming on Sunday that I'm not prepared for and am cramming for when I get spare moes.

Not doing so well this week at being AF or at the exercise, kind of gone out the window with everything else going on. Telling myself I'll get back on track next Monday..... I haven't taken my AB this week so it's kind of a permission slip to slip until Monday.

One positive, was having my wine last night and after 3 glasses, really didn't want anymore. so stopped - when I usually go for the full bottle (which is 5 glasses). What a strange feeling. maybe the topa? or just me being tired and anxious.

Now I'm off to buy dinner and get some evening studying done. Next week have some rental space lined up to view for the business. Exciting and scary all at once.

hugs xo

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all -
SOOOOOOO much to comment on! I will have to come back. My kids were in town this last weekend so busy fun there. Previous weekend, met a guy golfing....

Nothing to compare to stories on here! So much to say but it's late and I will come back & do so. Love the stories & thoughts going around - more later!

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Damn, forgot to bring a book to the gym. Christ it's boring here. Anyway this week has kinda sucked and I'm glad it's almost over. Lots of less than ideal news, and it appears I'll be teaching again next year. Which is stupid. And not even teaching in the program that was my second choice - the director and I had... differences. But now I'm like a girl who had a really awful first date where the guy didn't pay for dinner and was lousy in the sack, and I tell all my friends I'd never even consider a second date with that loser, until he sends me a note saying he didn't really feel a spark between us. Now, well, who the hell does he think he is!? That son of a bitch, I'll show him, I'm the best girl around and he doesn't even know how lucky he'd be for another chance. Or something like that.

Other things this week, too, along those same lines. But almost over and then I'm going to sleep and maybe play Xbox and work on my writing for the rest of the weekend. And cry, probably, too, just a little bit.

[meggie]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

stuck, i gather I don't know what you do. Are you a teacher, that is writing? Started my spring break, yeah,but drank too much last night.
I am so glad for the break, I hope to spend time with the dog and will most likely try to get back to the gym, yoga and meditation. I also hope to get some reading in. I may drive the several hours to visit my friend in the hospital. Hope all is well, very interested in peoples stories.

[StuckinLA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Meggie - no, it's the other way around. I'm a grad student, so my main "real" job in the university's eyes is finishing my dissertation and graduating with my PhD. Part of my funding requires me to teach - a very light load, even by grad student standards - one class of freshmen per semester. I taught in the regular writing program several years and the honors program last year. This year I've been on fellowship, which is sort of like a sabbatical, where I get paid the same amount of money but don't have a teaching requirement and just work on my dissertation. I've been trying to get another fellowship for next year, but have not been successful yet.

I know there are several teachers on this thread - at the university level, especially at major research universities like where I am - everyone *says* teaching is important but really it's your research and publication record that matters. In my case, doubly so because I gotta finish the dissertation by next year to graduate. I do like teaching, but with everything else on my plate - diss, novel, job market, trying to hold my life together - teaching would just make it that much harder to finish.