New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

Hi Meggie, Houtx and Stuck - good to see the thread moving a little ! I will be interested to see what you are doing next Stuck - and Houtx, what has happened about the new job ? Meggie - I thought you were thinking about retiring ? I think it is so sad when one hates their job .....

Well, I had four AF days last week ! Can't really take the credit for them though as I was feeling nauseated ! Usually I do drink when I am poorly - but could not last week - unfortunately things are back to normal this week, although due to the Nal, my intake is still down overall....

Have a great week all -

Hugs, sun xx

[StuckinLA]

You sure can take credit for those days, Sun!

I stayed AF on Sunday but drank tons Monday and yesterday. My relationship really is in shambles. I poured all my booze down the sink just a few minutes ago. It was only a pint bottle of bourbon, but I didn't want it in the house anymore. I am going to give some AF time a go. Really. And not for the girl, but for me.

She basically gave me an ultimatum and I don't deal well with those. And I have no idea where we're at. She's super pissed, and does have every right to be. So I'm not thinking that AF days will fix anything right away, but again, I'm doing it for me not for her.

I have no job lined up. I have enough saved to pay some of the rent over the summer, but not much. And I have credit card debt and a student loan that I'll have to start making payments on. Basically, I'm super screwed at the moment, and if she doesn't want to support me at all then I'm truly F-ed. I don't know what I'm going to do. I guess that's been part of why I was drinking so much. But that didn't make anything better, of course.

Anyway, it is a relief to have finished the doctorate. I just wish I knew what comes next. Have a good one out there, everybody.

[meggie]

Stuck, I am sure you will be fine. Easier said then done I know.
Houtx and Sun, I really was thinking of retiring but my benefits are really affected by the retirement. Also, I can not just stay home and do nothing, I have to find something else that I am passionate about. Our Governor just passed some awful laws regarding teacher evaluations, everything is tied to testing. It is crazy.

[DizzyBee]

Hi everyone

First of all, congrats to Dr Stuck! Whoohoo, that wants to be done. As for the girl, I know how that feels. My husband also drinks too much but he seems to sometimes just stop for a few days without too much problems - like the anxiety I get and I know you do too. I felt better when I had some Clonazepam just to get me over the first day or two of quitting but it's really hard to get a script here in the UK. I often worry that he'll just get tired of my drinking and leave, especially on days when I'm so hung over I can barely do anything and he is still working. He's been working from home a lot lately, which makes things worse at times.

But at the moment we are doing OK, after a bad drinking weekend I finally sobered up yesterday and started sorting things out in the home and doing some freelance writing. We are also going to Cannes this weekend, so that should take the pressure off home stuff. He has to have a liver function test done as we are buying a home and we need income protection, so I suppose it will be a rather dry weekend. Hopefully we'll get to do normal stuff then, like go to the beach, or perhaps have dinner in Monte Carlo. We got a cheap deal as no one else seems to be flying there for Easter weekend, it normally being a family type affair, and all.

I'm still looking for a permanent job, and the fact that we are buying a house makes me feel even worse for not having one. The freelance writing pays peanuts and I wish I had nicer freelance gigs too. Well, at least its Spring and the UK is getting less miserable than normal.

Hi Sun, I'm glad to hear that the Nal seems to be working for you. :thumbsup: I'm crossing all my fingers. Too bad about the nausea though. I can't really remember why I quit Nal, I think it was mostly too expensive to buy online and I wasn't seeing results quick enough. It did not make me feel bad like Bac did though. Good thing you don't have nightmares, I have these awful lucid dreams, the other day I could even open one eye and tell everyone in the nightmare that it was only a dream. It leads to not such a restful night!

Houtx, so nice to see you back here, writing long posts even! I actually wrote quite a long post on Monday and lost it, I thought that might cheer you up, although it was all my own fault as I let my laptop battery die while I was doing the washing up. I wrote some teaching stuff below which was meant for you too. You seem positive and I hope this Spring/Summer is the time that you find a man who is not (so much of an) asshole!

Sorry about the teacher regulations, Meggie. I hope you and Houtx can hang in there. If you enjoy teaching, you can always start applying to mark (mostly college) papers or even supervise students who are taking exams. I know some friends of mine did it some time back and although the pay isn't enormous, its something. There is of course also tutoring and another friend of mine is doing a job where she teaches people all over the world how to speak English, just by using Skype. Or if you're feeling adventurous, you can leave home behind and go teach English somewhere foreign like Korea

Time for me to get some work done here.

Hugs to all,

D XOX

[meggie]

Happy Friday and Easter to all.

[sunshinedaisies]

Getting ready for work so no time to reply to posts - just wanted to say hope you all have a Happy Easter ......

Hugs, Sun xx

[houtx770]

Hi all -
Meggie - I'm with ya on the testing & evaluations tied to them. Same here and it sucks. I just want to get out of education altogether and do something fun! I dragged my heels too much on the new job application, resume, and getting a sample lesson typed up. It was already filled by the time I got my shit together. Oh well - I wasn't sure I wanted to go into it all hung-ho anyway. Like I say, any kind of teaching gig out there isn't real thrilling to me.

Altho, DZ, the thoughts of tutoring or grading papers, being a TA at the college level might appeal. I will look into it. Kids these days are sooooooo bad. Of course, I teach 11 - 12 year olds and they are just hormonal and think nothing is for real. UGH -

Sunny - glad the NAL seems to be working! Any AF days are yours regardless of how you achieved them. It's been at least a year for me and I have no desire right now to even try. Just feeling ok about it. Not getting wiped out drunk on a regular basis, and that's good. I save drinking wine for the weekends and drink vodka tonics most other times. I seem to be more clear-headed on VTs. Sunny, you sound really good and I'm glad NAL is helping...no bad dreams is good. From what I remember the nausea is typical and goes away, but is a clue you will be one of the lucky ones. Does it make your Guinness taste tinny at all? BTW, for St. Patrick's Day I bought some Guinness, Bailey's and Jamesons to make "car bombs". I made them for my daughter & friends only I mixed it all together in one glass and it was GA-ROSS!!!!! Then I told the HI about it and he said "Oh no - Bailey's in car bomb is gay, etcetctetc" LOL but I never did just drop a shot of Jamesons in a Guinness and chug it...I think it's the Guinness that wasn't my cup o' tea. Pretty stout stuff!

Stuck - hope alls well since your last post. At least the diss is out of the way. You've celebrated and now on to the next step. The girl will chillax when you do probably. If she's pissed about your drinking, then she'll just have to get used to it, I guess. Y'all are still pretty new to the living together thing...getting to know each other, the good, the bad & the ugly. If it's meant to be, it will be. I look back at how critical my ex was about my drinking and I just seriously wasn't all that bad, all things considered. He was just too sensitive being the child of a bad alkie father. He blamed me for way more than I deserved. We came from different places. No amount of conversation made it better...but he was less of a communicator than I am. You'll have to try and just do what is right for you, and continue to talk to her, be sweet and considerate of what she needs. If she truly loves you, if you truly love her, then I believe that things will be ok. It may not be easy, but it may be fun. I love a life of surprises and some uncertainty -

Atho that does not include being stressed out about money! UGH - I hate worrying about money!!!!! Anything I can do to relieve the stress, I will do. Including partially cashing in retirement accounts, which I have done. Of course, I am at that age where I can without penalty, I just have to set aside the inevitable taxes on said income. Stuck, I have no doubt you will make it happen and figure out what you need to do to get a job. That PhD should help, yes?? Yes!

Otherwise, a lovely Easter weekend with my 2 kids home. My HI was busy at the Shell Houston Open tourney so I've been entertaining myself as usual. Walked on today as a single and got paired up w/ a really nice couple I will continue to be friends with I'm sure. Had a great time - beautiful day in Houston & promises to be the same tomorrow, so plan to play again. My house is a mess and need to dust, vacuum & clean up after everyone, but naaaaaaaah - it can wait!

I'm good with the HI, Meggie. I reserve the right to complain, but he's actually hitting most of my spots as far as sex and golf, and that's good for now. I would like more attention, more affection, more time with him, but I'm also an independent kinda gal and do just fine on my own. It's ok for now -

DZ - hope the job prospects brighten for you as well. Sorry you are still struggling with the anxiety & meds, etc. I can't begin to identify about having anxiety...or depression. I wish you the best! Again, worrying about money sucks the biggest. Good to hear from you as well -

Better post this before it vaporizes! Happy Easter, all!
XO

[meggie]

Hi all, where is everyone. Next week is the big testing week and the kids are going crazy. I am so mad at myself, I drank and don't remember what time I went to bed and could hardly get out of bed this morning. Not the usual hang over, just really tired. How am I ever going to end this cycle.

[sunshinedaisies]

Meggie - sorry I haven't been here - and sorry for how you are feeling - I am still hanging in there with the Nal - I just know this is going to work for me no matter how long it takes !!

hugs, sun xx

[StuckinLA]

So sorry, Meggie. Those days are the worst. Hang in there, sweetie - or, well, you posted yesterday so hopefully you made it through the day and got some sleep. Almost the weekend.

You'll make it through the testing week, and so will the kids. Though it sucks - I'm so mad about school testing and I don't even have to teach those tests!

Hope everybody's doing all right. Glad to hear you're sticking with the nal, Sunny.

[meggie]

I have to find a doctor that will give me the medication. I need something that I think might help. Thanks Stuck, how is the job search going?
Today is Saturday and I slept in till 7, going to the gym, shopping and enjoying the day. I have started reading for enjoyment. My biggest problem is I start and can't put it down, then I feel guilty spending the time reading.
As far is the tests are concerned, I can retire but using 50 percent to rate my teaching is just bizarre. These guys have too much other stuff on their plates, one going through divorce and she is being so bad, two others who have fathers that have cancer and they are getting worse. If they don't have family issues they have their own stress concerns. So sad.

[StuckinLA]

Job search is... not going well. Not well. But thank you for asking, Meggie.

The girl is less worried about it than I am. She seems pretty ok with covering things for a little while at least, so as long as I keep not drinking, she'll keep being all right with supporting me. My biggest concern is that if I don't get something for the fall then I won't be able to get anything academic next year. So then... what? Coffee shops? I have not idea what I'll do. So I just keep on sending out apps for just about everything I see, and hopefully I'll hear back from something soon.

Hope everyone's having a good start to their weekend!

[houtx770]

I know how you feel, Meggie. Don't be too hard on yourself...I try not to. Dragging out of bed after drinking beyond the usual is soooooo hard. Our testing week is week of April 22nd and everyone is so stressed & the kids don't care. So many failing w/ Ps in conduct, yet so happy, running, jumping & acting like they're on crack. Nuts

I had the day from hell yesterday - an irate parent ripped me a new one. Essentially saying I was a racist, wagging her finger in my face. Principal didn't say a word. No "We need to have this meeting when you calm down/Don't talk to my teacher like this/let's put your child in another room", etc. The parent threw her chair against the wall & stormed out threatening, "This is not the end of it! You WILL see this on TV!!" Nothing to see - her charges were unfounded, but the lies of the "little black boy" were what fueled her against this "white woman teacher". I held my own, was calm and apologized for any misunderstanding...she would have none of it.

At the end of the day I met my HI for a late afternoon round, drank a few vodkas then & after I got home, fell asleep & woke up on the couch at midnight thinking "SHIT!!" Wasn't all that hungover, just SOOOOOOOO tired. Thankfully it's the weekend and I'm taking Monday off.

Stuck, hope something will happen for you for next year. In the meantime, find something fun to do that generates some income...bartender?! HA! Hope the girl will come to know you better and see how strong you are when you set your mind to something. I think we are all destined to be imperfect, fall off whatever wagon we're on and beat ourselves up way too heavily over it.

Take a day off here & there when you can, Meggie. It helps. Go you, Sunny, on the NAL - I am really curious to see how it works for you! Hope alls well w/ everyone else

[sunshinedaisies]

Oh gosh Houtx - SO sorry about that parent - gone are the days where the parent had respect for the teacher - she threw a chair against the wall? that is a really good example for her child - no wonder the children today have problems - the parents are not good role models! I so feel for you all in the teaching profession! You could never pay me enough to get me to do it. I am really proud of you for staying calm and handling it to so well.

Stuck - sorry too for what you are going through as well - fingers crossed that something comes along soon .... as you said, one has to get in with the academic year .... and great that the girl is okay with it - but - 'as long as you do not keep drinking' ??? I do understand where she is coming from - but how do you feel about that? Are you going to try and stop again?

Meggie - the Nal is not a short term thing - I plan on it taking at least a year if not longer for it to work properly for me. And will then continue taking it is ever I drink.....I read on the TSM site about folk who it has taken up to 2 years - but some it works in as little as 6 months- so I will continue taking it an hour before I drink every time without fail! And Houtx - no it doesn't make my Guinness taste tinny - Topa used to do that! I just know that the Nal is going to work for me - no matter how long it takes. There is NO alternative.

Meggie so sorry too about your job - the thought of retiring must be so tempting for you.

I need to get ready for work - just going in for a few hours today then got to do some more weeding - with the house up for sale, and the heat and the rain that we have had the weeds are growing crazy!!

have a great day everyone, Hugs, Sun xx

[meggie]

Selling the house sounds exciting. What kind of house are you buying, downsizing? So happy for you and the drinking.
We give our tests next Tuesday through Thursday and then the next week. These tests are going to evaluate me by 50 percent. It is crazy, and many parents are opting their children out of the test. yeah, show the dear governor that they aren't going to take it.