New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well Illum - it looks like it is you and me for the moment!! Did have to rather laugh at your morning post! Go you !! Re the post before that - that is great that there was wine left in both bottle and glasses - I can identify with that - not left in bottles and glasses but I know what you mean!

What is your new military job? I didn't know that you had one? And of course I know what you mean by needing adult time! I am a mum! And talking of Mum's - where is anne these days? Gosh - I do wish other folk would post! I mean - I love that you are posting and I am so glad that you ARE posting otherwise I would be talking to myself, but I would really like to know what has happened/is going on with the other folk who have been here. Back to your post - you mentioned liking feedback - I posted a LONG post - and got no feedback - ahem!! There was some stuff in my post I would have liked some feedback on funnily enough. Enough said! To your writing - what sort of writing do you do? I love the way that you write, so depending on what sort of writing that you do, I would love to see some of it. I have a friend who writes and celebrates her rejection letters with 500 letter parties or 1000 letter parties - and although her writing may be great, her subject matter is not my cup of tea. I love her dearly - she is a great friend and a very unusual person but she is into sci fi and all manner of strange and unusual things and I just cannot get into her stuff.

I think it is great that WTE and you live close enough to meet - I wish that I lived close enough to someone that I was on a same thread with to meet with! That English is appalling! but you know what I mean. I am miles from anyone on here.

Well, I am going to go and get my second Guinness - not long been in from work so too wound up to go to bed yet even though it is 11.15 which is late for me. Day off tomorrow yeah! Hugs to you Illum - you never know - someone else might come along and post!!

Love, Sun XX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So Sun, I got confused about your cancer comments. You had it and were worried that it might be back but it's not? I sure hope that is what you are saying! And yes, do try getting back on the all one powder especially since you have lost all that weight and I do recall that you are quite a thin person from the photos I saw.

Regarding my military duties I am in the Navy Reserve so have to work one weekend a month and two weeks a year, sometimes more. I just started with a new unit. I serve my weekends here in San Diego and work in support of a command that is headquartered in Hawaii so do my 2 weeks out there. I know it sounds fantastic but I will be on shift work when I go out there and don't know what shift I will be on yet. I was stationed out there for 3 years and these days it is really overcrowded so the glamor has really worn off. the good news of it all is one of my dearest friends in the world lives there.

Regarding my writing it is mostly fiction that I try to inject some humor and some twists into. One of my stories had a little bit of science fiction in it but nothing way out there at all. It was just a bit silly really. One was based on a marriage going a bit bad and one was about a mysterious couple meeting. I also wrote some poetry and a short nonfiction piece.

I was pretty tired today and canceled my appointment with my trainer but still had a great day at work.

Enjoy your day off Sun!!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Illum - Yes I am cancer free ! YEAH. I am PM'ing you.

Hugs, Sun XX

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Y'all!!
So great to read your posts - mostly Sunny & Illum, especially the last week or so...others will chime in I'm sure. But when I signed on, this thread was sooooooooo far down, like it was months ago when I was desperate for talk about taking TOPA. So yes, we need to keep it up...HAHA! Except I don't take it anymore! I'm here for the therapy, right?!

Sunny - I am so happy your health situation was not cancer!! I understand & hope your daughter's situation stabilizes. You are a great mom and I think you take your drinking 3-4 beers every night WAAAAAAAAY too seriously. But we couldn't do without you here, so keep on!

Illum- Love your stuff!! It makes sense you love to write b/c your posts are very well written & lengthy...like a lot of ours! But the stories about "the hubs", the fam, etc is especially loved by me. It's therapuetic to write - so keep on!

I've talked to Claremont and she hasn't posted for various reasons but I hope will soon. There are so many others I miss hearing from...but they, like me, may have stopped the TOPA for various reasons b/c have not found success or just too busy. Still, the more the merrier here.

I am just trying to maintain. You remember the bullshit with my father (Illum, I also choose #B: motherfucker - the compound word LOL)...He did apologize via email but Thanksgiving and Xmas I didn't talk much to him and he was pretty low-keyed for a change. My dad kindof holds court..starts talking about stuff and asks people questions...for the most part, a great cocktail party guest. But when he does it time after time, year after year...we are worn out. So he & I were fine (I ignored him LOL)...then he asks if he can come stay with me next week for a night when he picks up my aunt from the airport.

UGH - I immediately asked him why he doesn't ever stay with his brother...he went silent and didn't say much else the rest of the night. So then I got an email the other day asking if he can stay...I wrote back and said no. I tried to be diplomatic, but basically said he hurt me very deeply, I didn't trust him anymore and really wasn't in the mood to be one-on-one with him in the near future. Said I'd either feel guilt telling him this or dread over letting him come stay and the inevitable conversations about what has happened. I chose guilt over dread.

'Nuff said. I haven't heard back. And I feel relieved...I am in no mood for talking about my drinking behavior w/ my father!! UGH -

Next thing is I am meeting up with a man on Friday who sounds very nice, looks resasonably attractive, etc...big problem: he's married. I know I know...You all don't know me, but I was involved in something like this a few years ago. PLease don't be judgemental, but it actually attracts me on a few levels...I just am going to meet him and see if we click. Then I will have to make that decision if I want to go there again...the advantage of having a fun, sexual relationship (with other benefits) who goes away while I continue to look for Mr. Right. I know married women are ready to level the sight at me...but whatever. These men are out there, and they offer some attractive considerations... w/ their incredible stories of neglect and loneliness...and they are HOT!! It kills me...

But seriously?? I know I am doing it for the ego gratification. I seriously doubt I will choose to put my heart and myself through that hell again...and relax, kids, there is no money involved!! LOL I'll let you know how it goes. I promise -
XXXOOO

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hmmm very interesting Houtx. I won't knock you at all for your dating choice as long as it's not my man. Honestly I did my share of taboo relationships over the years. Mine were mostly when I was single but when I was an officer in the Navy and with Enlisted folks which was a big no no so there was serious excitement there. Then I had a double excitement once when one was with an enlisted guy who was also married but his wife was living in another state at the time and he was smokin' hot and we knew the whole time it was only temporary.

So bottom line I guess I'm saying as long as you know what you're doing I certainly won't judge you!!!

and glad you're setting your boundaries with your Dad. I think that takes guts and good on you! :goodjob:

Hubs and I have both been extremely busy with work this week so after our improptu liaison we've barely been in touch. It's been crazy because in between breaths we're trying to get ready for our next big camping/motorcycle riding trip this weekend. There is no rest in this house!!!!

In any case glad to see you check in Houtx and hope to see a couple more peeps as hopefully others' lives are slowing down after the holidays, etc.

Much love,

Illuminae

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Gonna post anupdate to keep up up here.

Getting ready for our next big motorcycle camping weekend and getting really excited. My girl is really going to get to try to ride this time!

I've been so super busy this week!! Started another new gig that I'm going to be doing monthly which is to serve on what is called a Family Advocacy Case Board where I am a case review board member for either spouse or child abuse cases for military families and we determine whether the abuse happened, how bad it was, and what the recommended treatment should be. The cases can range from lame and silly to really serious and bad. One of the most ironic parts - alcohol is involved I'd say a good 50-60% of the time, mixed with a hefty portion of mood & personality disorders and those kinds of associated of drugs. Although it can be very sad I still find it to be rewarding to be contributing to the treatment of these people and I was very encouraged to be in the presence of the chairman of the board today who put the most positive spin on all of it. I've signed up for this so I get to do it one afternoon a month for a year. We run through about 6-8 cases during that time and there is a medical rep, mental health rep, lawyer, victim rep, perpetrator rep, etc. It's not a legal court of law or anything so kind of informal but there are still very set procedures that are followed.

Anyhow, back to the rest of my crazy week, hubs works for a video game company, they just had a MAJOR game release so he has been working late, going in early, so I've been wrangling the kids on my own a lot and that has been keeping me frazzled as well. I overcompensated last night with wanting to have adult time and getting sucked into this show that I love that I have been watching on NETFLIX (The Office) so stayed up until like 1230am and drank almost 2 bottles of wine. Haven't done that since New year's. Though I still got up for work and wasn't too far gone or anything which surprised me. I think going down to 150mg of topa has started make my drinking creep back up and I've been staying up later and getting back to old habits. (So I did go back to 200mg today and plan to keep going back up per the schedule like before)

Hubs made a comment a bit ago before going to bed that he was concerned that I am staying up later and getting up earlier. I believe his implication was he doesn't know how long I can sustain that and he didn't comment on how much wine was missing from last night. Not sure if he noticed since he wasn't drinking wine last night or tonight. He was drinking though - just not wine, since his Gout is acting up and wine makes is worse. I may not have told you all about that and it's surely a story for another time but he damn sure does not want to have his joints acting up when he wants to ride motorcycles!!!

Anyhow as you can see we are busy busy busy but no fighting and stress seems to be manageable, that "release" recently probably helped and the camping trip will be great, coupled with a bonus day off for the MLK holiday. Not sure how many of you get it off but we all do. Hooray!!! I have a FOUR day weekend coming up!!!! Then looming on my horizon is a thorough teeth cleaning and then the braces come on some time in February I think. I also think I'm going to be going on a business trip to Washington D.C. and Norfolk Virginia in February.

Okay, enough from me already!!

love to all, I hope some of you others are reading if not posting.... :h

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae:
GO TO BED!!! LOL But have a GREAT trip - sounds fun!!

I, too, love The Office! Had missed it until about a year ago I stumbled across a rerun and laughed my ass off!! Got hooked - now my son is too. We LOVE that show! Only Modern Family makes us laugh out loud like that. I've been staying up too late, too. yawn In fact, it's catching up to me tonight and I need to go to bed in a few...

The married man called me a few minutes ago to chat before our meeting tomorrow. I asked about his wife...she has bad arthritis and joint problems, plus some kind of vaginal issues that makes intercourse painful. So after they have sex, she is bed-ridden for a couple of days! GEEZ...they both wish it were different, but she has "kind-of" given him the go-ahead to seek satisfaction elsewhere...Hmmmmm

I can just feel the ire as I write this...so I will just say I am curious. Having been involved and had my heart broken in a similar situation a few years ago, I know what I'm doing. This time, odd as it is that I find myself attracted to a man who is unavailable, this one is pretty honest that he is not leaving his wife. The other one, my heartbreak, was convinced he was...thus I banked on that and came away disappointed. (He is divorced but still living at home in his own little room! $$ problems...UUUGGGHHHH)

I am attracted to this only because it offers a fun, sexual relationship with no strings attached. He does not pressure me, goes home, is not analyzing everything I do...will never know I drink too much. In the meantime, I continue to date and try and find my Mr. Right who is all of the above...except is single and accepts me warts and all. LOL

So I type this stuff to an audience of people who only know me from here and am just trying to talk it out, I guess. I will never be able to talk about it to anyone in my real world...except maybe one or 2 people. We shall see - he sounded great on the phone, has written me long, detailed, incredibly insightful emails the last week or so...sounds like the kind of guy I could fall for (but can't)...but remember Lake House guy?? I thought he was IT too!!!!! LOLOL These guys sound great until you meet them -

I'll keep you posted.

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm here! But I can't write now. I have a lot of work to do. :upset:

I'll be back later!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well, to follow up on the meet & greet...

He was not as nice looking as his picture, which it usual. I always expect less. I walked in and knew in the first few seconds I wasn't attracted to him. We started talking and after a little tete-a-tete, he started REALLY talking and completely dominated the conversation. My side was mostly "Hmmmm.../Really?/Wow/Interesting"... just complete bullshit while he talked about everything and more.

I was completely unimpressed and while he was very intelligent and many of his stories were interesting, he asked only a question or two about me and mostly talked about his own shit. Telling stories in the way I HATE most: a perpetual blow-by-blow (I walked into the room and she said sit down, and I said ok, and then she said I want to know why you cooked chili tonight instead of spaghetti...I looked at her and wondered why she would say such a thing and I answered because I felt like it...and she said I was in the mood for chili and I said I wasn't in the mood to cook it and so I cooked spaghetti and if you don't like it you can go fuck yourself...blahblahblha) Un-fucking believeable...

I was totally not attracted to him physically, yet he was intelligent & had too many stories...is an ex-cocaine addict! And doesn't drink much, it appeared. After we'd finished our first round, the second took a good 20 minutes getting there - and we were at the bar w/ empty glasses!! - the guy was so involved in talking about himself he didn't notice. I was DYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So I interrupted the stupid conversation my date was droning on about and said to the 2 bartenders who were in front of us, in a very loud voice, "EXCUSE ME - WE ORDERED A ROUND 20 MINUTES AGO!!!!"

Sheesh - I was kindof pissed. So we finished it off and I was so ready to get outof there...I am totally not attracted to him. He was semi-arrogant and into himself. Loves his wife and yet without sex he is seeking it elsewhere and trying to justify it with vague platitudes. He said he counsels couples in their early relationship woes...has a kindof "gift" for it. OH MY GOD.

He was like a poor man's Dr. Phil. Convinced he has super-insight into most people's problems. I stopped him (when I could!!) and asked him about his own..."WHY /HOW/Explain to me" questions I posed to him...he would shift and adjust and get into this "I am the wise one, grasshopper" mode, and beat around the bush. When it came out that this is his 4th wife...!!!!!!!!!! OMG - you lost me at 2!!!!!!!!!!! UGH -

I had 2 glasses of wine and was counting the minutes after the first few sips. Nice diversion - but the guy is so totally not of interest...one more notch on the calender. I am waiting his next 13gb email about how interesting I am!! LOLOLOLOL and how he can't wait to see me again now that he has some insight on my wants and needs!!! Vomit!!

I knew going in he would have to have movie star status in most departments to have even a remote chance w/ me...and I mean that only b/c he is married, he should have SOOOOO much more to offer than the average man. I was totally non -plussed by him and he was clearly trying to impress me.

Blahblahblah - bottom line: NO. Next chapter: saying good-bye, as in Buh-bye, Ciao, get lost, etc...

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Illum and Houtx and lovely to see you Airam - hey, there is someone called readyornot who is starting Topa and has posted a new thread - I have suggested she reads this thread and posts here - told her we had veered off course a tad!! But that we had lots of experience between us!! She is just starting it and her doc, although prescribing it told her she would end up flitty - or something - can't remember her word! really supportive!! Hope she joins us!

Can't reply to your posts now as I have to shower and get ready for work. Will reply later.

Hugs to you,

sun XX

[Britches]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everyone! Sorry I have been away so long alot is going on with me personallly right now and I don't want to bore you all with it way too much drama!
Ilum I also had braces as an adult it was not too bad only about 15 months it has been 20 years ago and my teeth are still great so hang in there!
Sun it is always so good to see your posts..........I have missed you all!:l
I am up to 25 in the am and 25 in the pm upping the dose on Mon and still drinking but not as much.
I also take the all one and it is fab! Makes me feel great!! I think I will take that forever. I just got the tapes and have listened once I am planning to do as it is outline in the book so we will see how it goes.
happy new year all! I hope this new year brings you everything you hope for!
xoxoxo
Britches:h

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh man I was posting this huge reply last night, addressing everyone else and updating on me which was a pain since I was doing it all from my phone and then it died!! will have to catch up later

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Illum - what a pain. Britches - lovely to see you - glad that you are doing well on the Topa - I am going to up my dosage as I am finding my AL intake is creeping up slowly - not a lot but still creeping up. MUST remember to take that 2nd tab each day. Not sure how much is me "forgetting" to take it and much is me REALLY forgetting to take it!! I need to get back on tack again. I also should take the All-one too - I felt really good when I used that - actually grew nails for a change!!

Illum and Houtx - thanks for the wonderful posts - sorry I was missing for a while there too - I enjoyed reading yours though!! Houtx - I agree with Illums sentiments re married men - as long as it isn't my man - which sounds rather selfish!! I sort of have mixed feelings about it - but don't know both sides of the story! I never judge others ! anyway sounded like a complete flop so it really is a moot point. loved hearing about it - I do enjoy hearing about your and Illums exploits!!

Illum - I know what you mean with the Topa- I am only on 150mg a day and the drinking definitely can creep up when i am on this dose. So, as I have already said, I am going to take that 2nd dose starting today - in fact I will go and take it right now - I will take a 2nd dose of 50mg for this week so will be on 200 mg for a week and see how that goes. On a very positive note, with all the blood work that I had done over the past month or so - my GP said that everything is really good - in fact a lot of my stuff is low - so I was somewhat relieved about that. not that I think I drink enough for liver to be a problem, but one never knows and there is always just that tiny niggle in the back on ones mind!! So I was well pleased with that!!

WTE - how about hearing from you?? And airam - please post and let us know how you are doing too. I was hoping that Readyornot would post but I don't think she even posted on her own thread yet either.

Hugs to all - I am so pleased that we still have this thread going - even if it is just therapeutic, it is nice to know that we can still come here!! love and hugs to all,

love, sun xx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello everyone!

Houtx and Ilum, I really enjoy reading your posts. Very therapeutic to read too!. and I'd love to read your writing Ilum.

I wish I were more fluent in English and could communicate more easily so many things I have in my mind. I'd love to be able to write long posts as you do.

Sunny thanks for asking! I'm very glad everything is ok with your health and it's not cancer.

Britches I'm glad to see you too.

I'm on 50mg. of topa. I have to go up today.
At this low dose I feel a significant reduce in cravings. I am most of the time, in control.

My problem has always been weekends. I start drinking very early because I'm at home (same as you WTE). I drank a lot this weekend, but last week I was drinking moderately at nights, two drinks, three at most.

I - just - have - to - keep - taking - the - topa.

I'm intrigued about the All in One. I'll probably order it.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all! Hope you are all doing well - I survived the Holidays, but not doing so good....I have been buying a 750 0f voddy and it lasts me 2 nights - so I am still staying at a 'pint a night' even though I have a full 750ml bottle.....and of course if I am off of work I will drink wine during the day, and some off days I will wawit until after noon and make cocktails. At least I am back in school so I have something to occupy my mind....but too many days of not remembering. Looking like a dumbass in front of my S/O -- like 'we need toilet paper' and he says we just bought some some the other night it is still in your truck...'oh thats right I thought it was paper towel' I reply and try to play it off. Ugh, and I have had such a bad cough and bad phlegm that I cough until I vomit, and I am scared that the AL is partly a cause for this. As usual sick of feeling sick and tired and shaky during the day, and of course afraid of being 'sniffed' out AGAIN! XOXO to you all!!!!! I need to get my butt back on this board regularly!