New here and starting Topa and with a question

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl, please stay here.
We have been there. We have all been there.
Please keep coming here.
I ve been thinking of you! And I m glad you are back.
I wish I could hug you so you could feel how we truly understand you. :l:l:l

Just come here and write what you are feeling.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay i am back. I know it is late but I am wired and ready to catch up!

Houtx, so sorry your rondevous was such a let down. I'm all for dating and excitement (and sex) when you're single. suck to have bad dates. I recall in the early 90's when I was getting up there in my 20's and still single I was sooo lonely and I started looking at personal ads. that was before online dating. We didn't even have PC's then and I remember it kind of being a stigma to be doing personal ads and I would spend hours listening to recordings of guys' ads but never responding then I did finally respond to one or two very nervously and they were both total duds and I never did it again.

Britches, so great to see you again and glad you are an advocate of the all in one and the tapes too. I really want to give those another try and will soon. I have a quiet week ahead of me so there is promise to try them again.

Girl, YEA!!! Please stay with us. No matter how much you are drinking or taking your meds or what. We will be here for you and not judge you! this is Free Therapy Central! And I feel you and agree with Airam too. We've all been there with forgetting crap and pretending like we remember what we said or did and faking it. I was such a pro! At least I think I was. My only advantage was that my hubs drinks a lot too so I think we would both fake and probably both have the same freaking conversations over again. :H

Airam, I think we are all just so glad you are here and keep coming back. Despite the language barrier you are doing just great! It always makes me happy to see that you have posted. And I definitely think you should try the all in one. Geez I think I've said that to everyone now and it was a main theme in the original book so HEY EVERYONE: JUST DO IT!!! IT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD AND IS GOOD FOR YOU. IT COUNTERACTS ALL THE BAD STUFF WE DO TO OUR BODIES EVERY DAY!

:H Okay, stepping down from my soapbox now....:H

On to me....

We just had an absolutely fantastic weekend!!!! Everything I had hoped for as far as the kids and the motorcycle riding. Major milestones all around. So our 7 yr old daughter took to the riding like a fish to water - I mean completely addicted!!! We had to keep telling her to SLOW DOWN! Our son is a bit more hesitant so the huge victory there was that we got him to overcome his anxiety over riding his new "big" bike (Honda CRF 100) that he can barely touch his feet on. First day was just getting him to ride it. Second day... he learned how to use the clutch and shift into second gear. Sooo proud!! Then as a bonus, he was so proud of himself he went a step further and progressed beyond riding on flat track to going over the "bumps," which are fun dips. Very cool.

As for me, I also rode the most challenging and longest I have ever done and it was fun! I did two rides - one was about 1-1/2 hours the first day and the other about 2 hours the second day. I had 2 crashes, one each ride. That's pretty damn good for how new to this style of riding I am. The first crash was pretty significant though. I ploughed my shoulder into some nice large rocks and have the badge of courage to prove it. We joked the rest of the weekend that I should go back to work and pretend that my hubs beats me. Decided that my next motorcycle investment should definitely be in body armor/shoulder pads!

The only bummer was that hub's work was a mess and he had to be logged in on his computer and working a whole lot of the time. the up side of that is that he works for an online video game company and they just launched this major new game and it's doing so well that it's getting overwhelmed. More business is better than not enough ya know?! He only got to go on one short ride himself so was kind of disappointed personally, but I think he was so proud of us as a family collectively that it made it up for it for the most part. Actually I do know he was tickled to death at how well we all did he was just disappointed that he didn't see how kick ass'ed I rode which was a major accomplishment.

Okay, on to alcohol related stuff...

As I mentioned before I think I was at 150mg around Xmas and then maybe 100mg when we got back just because of poor planning, holidays, etc. I had planned on working back up this weekend and then totally blew it. I was so busy packing all of our stuff for this trip and had a million last minute things in my brain to do... one of them being to pack my Topa... so I forgot and had NONE on the trip. I was dismayed at first, but at least I still always have my NAL in my purse so I wasn't completely unassisted, so I figured, use some restraint, let the topa work out of my system and see how I feel and also see how I do.

So it went pretty well. I did what is my new norm every night except last night. And I'll tell you I STILL had tingly feet so I think the topa takes a while to get out of your system. anyhow, the campground had Whine hour (literally that's what it was called) from 4-5pm every day at the cafe, free wine for the ladies only. So me and this girlfriend of another rider went over at 4:45 for one glass and had a really nice visit. Then everyone else joined us there for dinner and it took FOREVER! Hubs and I had a glass before everyone else got there, then ordered a bottle with dinner..(you see how this is going) I already had a bottle stashed in our camper and DH bought one after dinner. So we went to the big campfire, shared his bottle then went back to our camp and our neighbors had a Wii and TV of all things and the Tweens were doing dance revolution or whatever and my girl got involved so I of course had to let her do that and kept drinking the bottle I had....

Blah blah.... point is that drugs or no drugs I was really good but sometimes events and circumstances just lend themselves to a party. And they did and it was fun and it was okay. Only bummer was i recall hubs giving me a warning saying "be careful, you always say you're okay and you seem like you're okay, and then suddenly you're not okay" or something to that effect. And that's true. but that didn't quite happen last night I did sort of 'mist' out on the details of the bedtime routine but I knew I had promised my daughter that I would sleep with her at some point so I wasn't completely surprised when I woke up on her bed in the camper instead of 'our' bed and I was still completely clothed. but hubs gave me no crap whatsoever and I think that had to do with the fact that he started drinking 7&7's around 1pm, switched to G&Ts, and then you got what happened from dinner on no matter what he said. He's VERY good at appearing sober when he's not.

Okay enough! I guess my typing fingers were restless. I'm gonna try to send you gals who were interested a couple of my stories. If not successful tonight then maybe tomorrow. Much love!!!!

:h:l:

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh and Airam I am sending some of my writing out to sun. Can't sent on this site cause the files are too large so if you want to get them you need to give me permission or send me a personal email.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you all so much for your encouraing words once again! I can't say I am even trying, but hey I am on here again so something in my brain is clickin!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - computer been playing up today and haven't been able to post - hopefully will be able to post properly tomorrow.

hugs to all,

love, sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun and Airam I sent you a bunch of my writing, so i hope you enjoy it. If you don't it's okay, please be honest, I appreciate critical feedback. Probably will take you a little whle to read it all anyway, and if you have any questions I'll be happy to answer them.

Sent my son off to Outdoor Science School today and he'll be there for the rest of the week. Basically a big camping trip up in the mountains. I'm jealous, it sounds like a blast! and the weather is fantastic. Also means peace and quiet around here for us with no fighting and bickering kids so that is nice. Love having one on one time with the girl child. We got her hair cut and did our nails.

Other big news is I had been toying with purchasing an investment property and we finally decided to pull the trigger. spent half the day at work today multitasking on the phone with real estate agents and my mortgage broker trying to work out buying a condo. It should be pretty low risk because part of the whole plan is that my mother in law and her roommate will be the occupants so I have ready made renters. Only difficulty is working out all the financials and stuff. Pretty exciting really! We just really need to do this for tax purposes and it's good for a long term investment. I Sooo love the neighborhood we're focusing on too. Close the the beach and everything.

I've started back to 200mg today. Not following my own advice on the all one powder yet because I have no juice to mix it with and haven't had a chance to get to the store
And of course I was pretty sluggish today after staying up until 2am last night, but I was really in the mood for it. And I did take a big pause on the drinking while I was up
'cause my brain was still working. What I mean is that I felt like staying up late but I didn't feel like getting wasted and I was fully cognizant of what I was doing and what time i had to get up and how much sleep I was going to get.

Alright then, think that's enough for today,

Illuminae :h

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I m up to 100 mg today.

I m not feeling the topa-dopa effect yet, like the last time, but the tingling is worse. Not a lot of difference in cravings from 50 mg.

Illum, I got your mail. Thank you! I ll let you know what I think :thanks:


My computer at work is not working :upset: they are fixing it. No computer at home, no computer at work, just my phone buahhh!...:upset::upset:

But I m here, still on Topa, still trying, still checking on my dear friends.:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - Airam - sorry you are having computer problems - they are such a pain but terrible when we don't have them!! Glad that the Topa dopa isn't kicking in for you - I think with me it is mainly my age - and that is what I am sticking with!! I have accepted that 'cos when I take the Topa, it really does work. I have been taking the 150mg every day - and some days when i take the second dose (this is getting SO boring) I don't drink as much! I MUST TAKE MY SECOND DOSE. Today I didn't. hubs was off and left a message on my phone to meet him at the inn that we meet at - they sell Guinness - so we met there and shared a pitcher - although he has the larger share - and then I came home and have had two more and have just poured a third! I know that you a few of you, it isn't a problem - but for me, it is more than I want to drink. SO, for me it IS a problem. It is why I ended up coming to this site - it is why I started taking Topa. Memo to self - TAKE SECOND DOSE.

Illum- your writing was great - as I e-mailed you, I loved it. you have a wonderful imagination and I enjoyed your writing style. the investment property sounds a wonderful idea, so if you can afford it, I say go for it - now is a really good time to buy, so good for you. And with your wonderful renters - well, it can only work well! When you said you have started back to 200 mg, what were you on? Were you on the 150 mg like me? Does the extra 50 mg make a difference? it really does to me. And yes, I too need to get back to the all-One - it really does make a difference - I have the green one and it does make me feel so much better - even my nails grow which is amazing for me. I don't know why I sabotage myself really. I need to gain some weight back after being poorly for weeks before Christmas - I am always so cold these days and I know if I could get some fat on me it would help!!!

GIRL - how are you doing? I was wondering - are you on anything? I know that you were on nal - are you still on it? How are you going with it - or can't you get it now? How is your AL intake? Have you thought about trying the Topa? It really can help.........do you want to stop? I know that you said that you had cut down - but from what? I was just wondering 'cos I thought when you posted before that that was what you were drinking before. does the Nal help you? I am not sure if you said it did or didn't... please post some more - we are here to support you and I know that it really helps just talking things out here - as you can see - once I get going, there is no stopping me. LOL

BRITCHES - where are you?????? Hey - have to go - back in a few

hugs, Sun XX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, thanks again for reading my writing and your kind words.

I went down to 100mg over the holidays. then I headed up to 200mg last week most days. I, same as you, forgot to take my second dose some days since we have been so busy. We had something going on every night this week and we didn't even eat dinner at home one single night!!! In any case, since Friday has always been my "dose up" day I decided to go up to 250mg today. If you might recall I had been doing really well and had made it all the way up to the full 300 before the holidays hit so I want to try to get back there and see how it goes cause i've been all over the map lately.

I did get to my pilates workout today too so that felt great. House is completely devoid of groceries since we have been back so really glad we have not so much scheduled this weekend and a chance to really get back into a sane routine.

I hope everyone is staying healthy. We had a ton of people out sick from work here this week and for 2-3 days! I had some really positive and exciting things happen at work this week so that's always nice. Getting ready to go on a trip to Washington DC and Norfolk VA 31 JAN - 4 FEB which should be rewarding and fun since besides working I'll get to see a bunch of old friends that live in those areas. I also have some great co-workers in town next week that I love working with. One is the guy that I almost totally F-ed up with on my trip to Florida but I think since we cleared the air and I'm in my home territory everything should be okie dokie.

Take care everyone!!!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Very happy to be going for more controlled drinking and all but dang it... just started getting the eye twitching again!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry about leaving so abruptly last time - had to deal with something - and now have to get ready for work - but Houtx - how are you doing - and I started to ask after Britches too....will try and get back on here this evening after work.

hugs to all,

Love, Sun xx

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Introduction

Hey everyone,

I've posted a few times but haven't introduced myself. I've read through the threads and see what a great community you have here and I'd love to be a part of it.

I decided today to change my name to something more inspiring so now instead of being "mariesc", I am "do your dream".

I am a 49 year old single mom to a 12 year old boy. I have been drinking for a long time. I was doing a bottle of wine a day (I have a love/hate relationship with 2-buck chuck) but lately it's been easy to open that second bottle.

When I read the MWO book I was so happy to FINALLY meet someone that expressed everything I have been feeling.

I lead a very healthy lifestyle with the exception of my drinking. I'm tired of hiding it, of feeling sick from drinking too much, of modeling undesirable behavior for my pre-teen and slowly killing myself. Like others I've read about, I'm sure I wouldn't struggle with my weight if I were not taking in so many calories from the wine and then the snacking that I want after I drink.

As I posted yesterday on another thread, I felt terrible after taking my first 25 mg pill of Topa yesterday. I suspect it was the Topa and not the EPO or milk thistle but am going to take this slow to figure it out. I never did hear back from my new doctor and I think she's out of town for the next two weeks so I'm on my own and with support from here and a few friends I've confided in.

Last night I took 1/2 of the 25 mg pill. Today I was able to run and go about my day. I'm a little sleepy but it's manageable. Tonight I will take the EPO and we'll see if I react to it.

I can take this up slowly. I've been drinking a while and I want to get this right.

What a gift to find this book and web site.

I'm curious to know how many of you combine the meds with the supplements, hypnotherapy CD's and exercise. Do most of you continue with the meds once you reach your desired goal or are you able to taper off of them and still be moderate or abstinent?

:new:

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welcome Welcome Doyourdream!!! Gonna call you DYD from now on. You sound a WHOLE lot like me from your drinking patterns and your motivation for starting this treatment, and doing it right from the very beginning with all the supplements, CDs, etc..

Isn't it funny how the drinking leads to the snacking?? So like me!! And I so get you about wanting to be a better role model. Since I've been doing all of this I've felt like such a better mom and we've been having so much more fun and quality experiences.

Sad to say I have gotten busy. lazy, and stuff. I got right to the pinnacle of the treatment with the 300mg just before Christmas too and it was just way to crazy with both of my kids' birthdays and the holidays so I tapered back down and I am just now trying to get back up and fully into the swing of things so I can't answer your question about once you reach your desired goal 'cause I really didn't quite get there yet tho I ALMOST did. Hopefully I will soon again.

Look at Sunshinedaisies posts because I think she has been there a lot!

Once again welcome, we love to see new faces!!! :h

Good luck and keep in touch!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I think i am formulating a new idea for a story - working title is vacuum cleaner. I have become a vacuum cleaner for food, drink, TV shows, ideas. I also decide when I don't like the idea or show or drink so I filter it out. I could be something small like a dust buster but i am not. I am much larger. My filter lets much more particles in to be sorted through and my tank is larger. I have greater suction. I am hungry but am also getting fat.

Now I am just a gultton.

Noticible fact. right before xmas I wast feeling really lean with almost no effort and it was fantastic. A lot of that must have had to do with the Topa. So I really need to get on track with that!!! I REALLY felt good, people at work were noticing, not only that but xmas was really successful because I felt good and looked good and i think everyone noticed that and that I wasn't a big old drunk.....


I wasn't originally going to post this as it was just sort of personal writing therapy for me but it happened to be typed here, so whatever. don't get weirded out by the vacuum stuff.

MUCH LOVE!!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - welcome DYD! I am sorry that the Topa seems to be affecting you - but at 25 mg that is unusual - I would stay on that dosage until you are comfortable with it. And I think you said that you had been given just 25 mg and 100 mg tabs - you really need some 50 mg in there too. You have the book, so you can see the titration schedule - I stuck to it, staying at a particular level if I had any SE's, until I was fine with that level. had to laugh at Illum saying I had been there many times - yes I have. I have been AF on Topa - for 8 months one time, then came off it and started drinking again - started back on Topa at a higher level and it didn't work - so back down to the 25 mg and titrated up again- I am now at a point where I need to take my 2nd dosage of the day for it to work. Any questions that you might have - ask here as someone here can help - we are all vets with Topa!!!

I personally don't take any of the supps nor do the Cd's - I did have the All-One and think it is wonderful stuff - just have been remiss about drinking it. Vits and I don't agree with each other - they make me feel quite yucky. Cd's - I lead a healthy life style apart from the drinking - meditate etc., so don't feel I need for the Cd's. Ad far as continuing with the Topa once I reach AF - well, that was a disaster for me, but I had only been AF for 8 months, so am not sure what I would/will do next time re the Topa. I wouldn't worry too much about that yet! Just take it slowly.

Illum - love the idea of the hoover!! you have such a wonderful imagination. It doesn't matter if it is personal writing therapy or not - I think it sounds like a great idea! And yesterday once again I didn't take that 2nd dose - Hubs is off for a week (OMG!!) and we ended up having drinks together. Again - I didn't overdo, but had more than what I consider MY accepted amount.

Come on everyone else - where are you?? Britches - Houtx - WTE - Airam ?? Please post - we miss you!!

Hugs, Sun xx