New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

And re: grouchiness, yes I recall getting VERY grouchy when I first started reducing my drinking. Especially with my kids. Now I am quite the opposite. I am enjoying my time with them more and more.

:thanks:
I already feel the b*tch coming out as I know I can't drink as I have been....like I HATE all the happy sober people around me!!!!! GOD how do they do it? I will be a bear for a bit I can feel it............Michele

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Girl - my heart goes out to you. I am at a loss for words. I really do not know what to say. If you go to the Emergency Room, don't they HAVE to treat you? If you don't have the money, you don't have it. They can't just let you die from lack of money......... you sound in such an awful place. Are you still drinking now? Michele - they can't take money from where there isn't any. What if you had the tests - what would happen if you didn't/couldn't pay? What would happen if you needed anything done because of the test results??? Oh my gosh, I don't know enough about the American system with no insurance to even hazard a guess as to your situation. I have no idea if it would help but feel free to PM me if you want - I can't help but I have broad shoulders and can listen. Haven't you told your SO about it all - surely he knows anyway? I am sending huge hugs your way - you need them right now - it is all I can do - PLEASE keep me informed of what is happening with you......

Dreams - thanks for replying - I forgot to go up today - 'nuff said. I feel fine. I will go up tomorrow. Long day today - late shift at work. I do hope that you feel better though!!

Illum - I will reply later - I am sort of feeling too much for Girl right now - hope that you understand - I am sure that you do.

Hugs to all,

love, Sun XXX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well shit. I had just written this gigantic elegant helpful and enormous reply (hang in there Girl!!!!) and lost the whole fracking thihg. It was a piece of literature and emotion generoisty too dammit!!eee

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl

Hi Michelle,

I also feel bad for you. I'm new to these boards and certainly don't have the answers.

I don't get the impression that you're taking Topamax so I wonder if you'd get better ideas on the New Here or the Need Help ASAP! forums? You seem like in you're in crisis mode right now with your health and job situation and somehow need to find a way to stop drinking right away. I know it's not easy but like your title says - it's killing you.

Just throwing out ideas - is it worth trying Antabuse so you can't drink without getting sick? Going to an AA meeting? They're not something I want to try but you are getting to a point where I think you have to act - your body and job aren't giving you a choice.

Maybe you're a regular on this forum and I don't know because I've only come on in the last few weeks but even so I would encourage you to reach out in other areas for support. Others here have been where you are and can hopefully help you get through this.

Let us know how today goes.

Hugs,

DYD

:l

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

and I will try again when it is not so late. I was up feeling a bit sorry for myself because I just got braces on yesterday. Um really?! No way I should be feeling sorry for myself.

Girl!!! I thought you were doing better! over on TSM you were sounding so optimistic before. What has happened? I'm so sorry you are having such problems! I remember when I was in a pretty bad place and I was having a lot of 'bathroom issues' I had told my husband I though that I had Irritable Bowel Syndrome. and he was like no, you just drink to fucking much. Hard truth, but he was right.

Gotta side with DYD, maybe you should try Anatabuse. I know it's scary, but if you're that bad off right now I don't think moderation should be your goal at this point. Or just go check into a rehab somewhere right now.

I do wish you the best and hope you can turn this around. I know that you are too young to be falling apart!!!!

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE OUR CARE AND SUPPORT!!!!!!

:l :h :l

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hangin on

Wow, thanks to you all for your encouragement and understanding. Yes I was on the right path, buying my 1/2 pints and no more. Then I switched jobs and had to go to the grocery store which did not sell small sizes - and for like a month the svedka cherry 750ml was only $11.00 on sale....so I was buying full botttles. I am already on night 2 back on the 1/2 pints, woke up sunday and yesterday sweating bullets which I never do. And the weird and vivid nightmares - wow! Found a website on withdrawal and everyone had the same symptoms, so once again I will stick with my lil' half pint and work down from there. I did not have to work until 5 pm today and the last month had been drinking wine before work, had nothing before work on Sunday and took a sip (yes I mean sip) before work today - much better than the last month. I will just wait for my bloodwork results to come back and see what the deal is and take it from there. The bathroom situation was much better today also, and I ate food! Some special k cereal, a side salad from mc d's, and a yogurt parfait. I am on antibiotics now for my congestion so I want to eat yogurt, I rarely take antibiotics because I have had a good immune system - so I'll pig on yogurt to prevent the nasty thing that happens to women on full range antibiotics! God I wish we could all meet for dinner - wouldn't that be interesting! I don't know you guys technically but I love you all! Thanks again for your love for me! - Michele

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum - I would love to have seen what you wrote, although I probably would have been sobbing - but sometimes I like just crying when I read posts. How this demon has f*cked us up pisses me off. I am feeling positive today, I need to get life back on track - there is too much ahead of me (and all of you) for us to stay trapped by this BS! If you get the energy Illum - please post I love your writing! And Sun, you are too sweet - all of your kindness will come back to you 10 fold! You are such a kind and caring person. XOXO to all - we can do this, especially if we have each other...

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh, so good to hear you are feeling better and getting back on track. Will be anxious to hear how your bloodwork comes out.

I am still feeling sorry for myself anyway about the braces. My mouth hurts! So I am not eating so much because it is a pain in the ass!! I know I will get used to it soon.

I was glad today that I got out of work early and I got to take a great nap 'cause I needed it after staying up so late last night!

Take care all!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl - I am so pleased that you are feeling better than you were - if you are eating yogurt, I hope you are eating the one with the live stuff in it - I love the Danon (sp?) non fat plain - or vanilla - anyway it has the live cultures - apart from helping with the antibiotics, it will help with your tummy too. As Illum said, please let us know re the blood test results. DYD and Illum suggested Antabuse - why not try that? I know the idea of stopping drinking might be scary for you, but I think it is an excellent idea - you are having withdrawals from going down to half a pint, but how do you go down from here? Do they sell 1/4 pint bottles? I am worrying for you about how you will go down next - and surely you know that you must? Oh - I have read Illum's writing and it is really good - nothing to make you cry though! Sort of quirky writing. Really good stuff I thought.

Yes, it would be so good if we could all meet for dinner - America is so vast though isn't it? I keep thinking someone on here MUST live near me - but no-one ever does. Maybe that is a good thing......

Hang in there my dear - we are all there with you, holding your hand. Lorry loads of love to you and hugs too,

Sun XXX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Up to 100 mg now

So I was excited yesterday to be able to step up my Topa a little bit more. It's so strange to me how everyone seems to respond to the dosage so differently. As I read the the book or review old threads on the forums here - some people feel like not having a drink at 25 mg and some at ? So now I'm at 100 mg , day 21 (I started at 12.5 mg for a few days because the first day I had bad SE) and while I may be drinking slightly less, I still haven't felt like pouring a glass down the sink. I keep hoping that will happen and wonder when that will be.

The book made it sound like magic on the first day. Was it really like that for Roberta and her friend? And the instant weight loss? Will it be 150 mg? 300 mg? Or will I find it doesn't work for me and feel like I need to try Bac which many others on this board use?

Sunshine, you were going to up your dosage. Where are you at now and how effective is it for you? At what dosage did others feel like the Topa kicked in? Have you felt like you needed to stay on it to moderate or were you able to get off after 12 weeks and still been able to moderate your drinking?

I've also been doing the hypnotherapy CD's that were recommended. I can't tell if they're helping. I do think the subliminal ones make me sleepy when I'm at work which isn't a good thing!

I'd love to hear more from others on their experiences.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Really quickly 'cos I need to leave for work - I did up my dosage and it did make a difference - will e-mail more when I get home.

hugs to all, Love ya!

Sun XX

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well I slept good again last night! Just the 2 nights of bizarre dreams and waking up sweating. The nurse called today (wow, fast) and my liver 'AST' level is now in fact elevated in November it was 39 now it is 61, probably indicative of my heavier use over the last 2 months. She said the highest in the healthy or normal range is 37 and the Doc said I must cut down on the AL. Well I am glad to know - and I can hold off on the colonoscopy as well! And after 2 nights of drinking 1/2 the amount I now have 2 good mornings in - no vomiting spit and normal BMs. Has anyone else had their AST level tested? 61 is not off the charts by any means but the level did rise in 2 months (scary). My hun made me silver dollar pancakes for breakfast and I ate them - I was actually hungry! So again I plan on sticking to the 1/2 pint because I did not have issues with that, but I would like to start to have some AF days, or maybe even just no vodka, a glass of wine or something. I feel much better about everything and now I know what was wrong and I am glad it scared me back to less AL. Hope all is well guys, and bless you all and thank you again SO much for your support. Michele

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo there everyone - recently in from work - so a quick post - have to be up 5.00 - early shift tomorrow. DYD - I do hope I am not going to discourage you here - the first time I was on Topa, I didn't think it was going to work - then when I got up to around 200 (I think - I can't really remember), it really started to have a definite effect on me. I carried on titrating up and at 300mg I stopped drinking totally. I will need to check my calendar - I will e-mail you - but think it was about 6 weeks from starting it. This time I am up to 250 (just upped my dosage from 200mg) but it really makes a difference when you stop and start it. I warn you - you CAN drink through it if you so feel like it. I can already feel the difference with upping it from the 200 mg. I will still take it even when I do get to the magic point this time when I come off the AL - this time I will not mod - well, last time I didn't - I stopped for 8 months them came off it for a variety of (stupid) reasons - but it was too soon - I should have stayed on it. thought I could just have one or two now and then - yeah right - well, I can't. I CAN have one or two - but every night - never just now and then. Hubs works shifts (we both do) - we rarely see each other - he wanted me to able to still go out the one day after work (mine) that we did to a local Irish pub - and share a pitcher of Guinness - we just shared the one - but if I do that then I want to have a Guinness the next night so I am not sure what I will do. I will worry about that when I get to the point of stopping again. I hope I haven't discouraged yo too much - Topa does work. But it does take time - for some. I am one of them.

The weight loss? I went off food fairly quickly - just lost my appetite - which for me wasn't good - I am slim to begin with. Had to remind myself to eat. It did pass though and I am back to my normal way of eating - I think - I am not sure as I was never a big eater to begin with, but yes, I did lose weight with the topa.

I don't do the CD's - I meditate anyway (as long as I haven't been drinking) and am a very laid back relaxed person and don't need the Cd's. I am sure that I have something in my collection that would be similar if I looked but I really don't feel that I need it.

How are the SE's going for you? Have you had any major ones since the bad ones at the beginning? I used to get really bad pins and needles - they were more like nails being hammered into my feet than pins and needles but I rarely get that these days even. I am pleased that you are handling it all - I am so hoping it works for you.

Girl - I am not quite sure what to say to you. My immediate reaction is STOP DRINKING. If my AST levels were 61, I would be freaking out. I mean, the liver can heal itself up to a point, but I had a friend who died from cirrhosis - it was so sudden - there was nothing to be done. My hubs liver AST levels were high - he freaked and really cut down as the friend was both of ours. You didn't comment on us all mentioning Antabuse. I am glad that you are feeling better and I also have a feeling I am talking way out of turn here but I am so worried about you. Hope I haven't scared you away - it is being said out of care and concern.

Love and hugs to all,

Sun XXX

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

yeah I was feeling good, then today at 3 pm I was on my way to work and some dumbass ran a red light and slammed into my jeep - it is totaled! I had a chest a chest x ray and nothing is broken but i am in PAIN! A little mazda hit my commander so hard the whole front is GONE - that jeep was my baby.....now I have to dick around with insurance and looking to replace my baby! The left side of my rib cage hurts SO bad I cant bend down, pick my purse up or anything, and the nurse said tomorrow it will be worse! So yes I am having a drink......I have a busy day tomorrow dealing with attorneys and insurance D bags...and I was on my way to work (but I was sober)! Going to bed now....is this my payback for cutting my AL in 1/2? UGH I want my truck back!

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks for writing, Sun, but I was confused some by what you wrote. It sounds like once you lost your desire you stopped taking it and but eventually started drinking again?

If I'm reading you right, it sounds like when I used to be a smoker (many years ago) and thought that I could have just one cigarette but of course one would be two and then two would be three, etc.

My SE aren't bad. Sleepy sometimes and tingly but not too bad. I'm still able to go about my day to day stuff, still able to exercise, still eating well, still sleeping well. I'm doing all of the supplements that Roberta recommends. I need to be patient.

I probably am drinking less than I used to. I don't think that I've had a bottle and 1/2 of wine that I was doing before I started on this. So that's definitely an improvement. Embarassing to say, but true. I haven't felt bad in the morning like I did before. Not as tired, etc. So I guess I should give myself some credit. :goodjob: me!

I see my doctor again next week and I'll want to update her on all of this. I'm glad I'm able to step up each week. And because I'll be going to 150 next week, I'll get to go to the pharmacy this weekend and get 100 mg pills. I've only been using 25 mg pills.

I wonder why more people don't use Topamax. It feels like a ghost town on this forum.