New here and starting Topa and with a question

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So, Sun, what is your dosage or are you taking any at all? You can always cut your tabs in half. I did that when I started with my 25 mg and it was too much for me. You can either do it with a kitchen knife or get a pill cutter at the pharmacy. Or, just call your doctor and ask if he/she would give you a prescription for the 25 mg dosage. Maybe you don't need a visit in person.

I saw my doctor today. I learned that she does hypnotherapy and decided that I am going to give it a try. She said that 90% of our experiences are at a subconcious level (or something like that). I would love to get to the root of my drinking issues for once and for all. I have good insurance and if I can really heal things without walking around in a stupor, wouldn't that be nice? There's no harm in trying. My first appointment with her for this is 3/8. I'll keep you all posted.

I've definitely felt stupid lately. I can't believe how the Topa has made me stupid. It's bad.

I've definitely tried to work on these issues with therapy, trying to be conscious when I drink, trying to explore why I drink, trying to abstain, etc., etc., etc, without much success. I'd really like it be a non-issue - wouldn't we all? I've tried anti-depressants to see if maybe I'm depressed or anxious - didn't help and now I'm trying the Topamax to see if maybe that will help - so far, not a bit. So, let's try this. Maybe there's something deep down inside me that can be helped. We'll see.

I'll keep you, my new friends, posted. :h

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun - I had a TON extra of the 25mg but have been taking them en masse until my next delivery arrived which is now just waiting at the post office and I plan on picking up tomorrow. But I know I have more 25's in there and I would be happy to do a mail swap since I'm getting ready to dose up on Friday.

And on the hubs front, we had a VERY stressful night and day today, but he did not get fired or anything but he is definitely looking for other opportunities. It sucks because what he does is highly specialized and not a lot of companies here and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my job. We have talked about it and if his gig bottoms out we are realistically looking at him probably going to work with some friends/former bosses either in Seattle or Austin for a while and me staying here and being a split family. I have WAY TOO MUCH going on to pull up chocks and leave.

Yeah, by the way, while there was stress on his side of the fence I had an amazing meeting today which was a follow on to my trip to DC and basically I think I have a lock on the business unit (i.e. funding) I was going after to the tune of an extra $10Million dollars a year to improve Navy training for Networks and communication systems. I'm sooo super stoked about that! My bosses quote afterward was "another awesome land grab by **Insert real name here**" (mine, that is!!)

Another cool thing is that I now have a trip planned for our business unit in Charleston South Carolina which in my 7+ years in this job I have never been to. I'm excited to go there for the business opportunity and also because I haven't been there since 1992 or so when I broke up with the second man in the world I thought I was going to marry. He still lives there and is a friend from college and my husband and I got along so well with him and his wife it was really cool and not uncomfortable at all so I really hope I get a chance to see them.

Okay, on to DYD... I think it's great that you're exploring the hypnotherapy stuff and you have a therapist helping you through this. I started out with a psych doc and he first prescribed me on naltrexone, but he mostly focused on my marriage issues, which are in fact real, but not what I was going to him for. I've toyed with the idea of hypnotherapy for a while but never tried it. my husband's former best friend is a super confirmed alcoholic and the first time he really quit was through hypnosis and the support of a girlfriend who was into homoepathic medicine.

I think that if you go back to the root of MWO hypnotherapy is part of it with the CDs. Just most of us don't do it. I did it religiously in the beginning and I'm not sure if it worked exactly but it gives you focus, an alternative activity, etc.
So while your cravings are being reduced, your behavior is also being altered, you are embarking on new routines.... with me add in The Sinclair Method...

Take naltrexone 1 hour before drinking. MYO listen to these CDs every day, take these pills... they do cut the cravings and I think that plus the ritual helps get it all under control.

As many of us have stated though, you can drink through it any time you want. but if you decide to stick with it it's not a bad formula... oh and the vitamins and stuff help to make you feel good no doubt!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

No time to reply as I have to be up at 5.00 and I am really tired - but wanted to bump us up. Will catch up tomorrow afternoon.

Hugs to all, love, Sun X

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae, I think the hypnotherapy this doctor does is more than what the CD's do that I bought from this site. It's more than just telling me that I will stop drinking. I think it's more about emotionaly healing whatever is causing me to drink. She said that it will get to more than what talk therapy can get to.

I've been doing the CD's but I honestly don't think they've been helping me one bit. When I do the subliminal ones at work I find that they make me sleepy and I sometimes have to stop them.

I do figure it can't hurt to try this.

Have any of you ever looked back at the book with a skeptical eye? Roberta seems to have been "cured" after one or two days. I mean, come on. After one or two days she suddenly didn't feel an urge to drink or felt like drinking less. I'm into six weeks and on 200 mg and I really don't feel much different than before. I don't feel as groggy or sick in the morning and I wonder if that has to do with all of the supplements I'm taking.

Do any of you take the supplements the book recommends?

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi people!!
It's been forever since I've posted but rereading Illume's & Sunny's posts...appreciate your passing on what been happening w/ us from FB, Illum.

No, I am not taking anything still...but am considering trying Topa again possibly w/ Nal. Considering...otherwise, not much changed. I am not out-of-control, but drinking about the same, which is heavily...habitually. And I feel such guilt and remorse over it. I am working out like a fiend, trying to lose 10 lbs that crept on over the last few months...and not eating much. But the wine is my calorie show-down!! GAWD -

Otherwise, things good. Yes, TX political BS w/ proposed budget cuts are getting me & everyone else fired up. And girls, it's feast or famine on the dating scene...mostly famine for me in recent months. A random date here & there but nothing interesting. Right now - there are 4/ FOUR who are pursuing and I am interested in reciprocally. WHEW - who has time?? I'd rather sit around in my baggy clothes, make-up free and drink wine w/o the effort of being cute and chatty!! UGH -

Illum - your pics are great and I'm sorry you are not real happy w/ the hubs right now. Sure it's just one of those dips in the roller coaster. Hope otherwise continues to go well. Sun - you are as cheery as ever!! Love your attitude & drive! Nice to see some new names on here & hope the wave continues.

I just thought I'd check in & say Hi! I miss the comraderie (?) & place to talk about my foibles & drinking woes. I know I know...I can always come here...and I will. Good to check in & will ttyl
XO

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HOUTX - so lovely to see you post! And I know exactly what you mean about the drinking. I too, am back to 3-4 each night, which in the grand scheme of things isn't as biggie, but to me it is, so I am once again going back to the beginning. And going to stick to the schedule like glue and WILL DO IT THIS TIME (do I sound like a broken record?). I know it works - and I know I can do it. I just need to be consistent with taking the Tabs. You sound so busy with your political stuff - Go You!! Re the dating - well, I agree with you on being at home, in comfy clothes etc., but then it is easy for me to say that. Yes, it is lovely that we have some more people here - we are hanging on by a thread (LOL). Please come and post more!! We miss you.

DYD - umm, first of all, you should not cut the Topa pills in half - there is a label on my tabs that states that - for some reason or other, but no worries, I have it sorted. And I am going to go back to the beginning. Hate to do with you starting out - but it is my own fault as I am not taking them properly - I was on 200mg or 250 some days. Last time when it worked and I quit with Topa, I think I was up to 250 when it finally sunk in and I just really didn't want to drink - and I stopped for 8 months, so I KNOW I can do it. I did go on up to the full 300mg but didn't like the way i felt so dropped back down to 250 but stayed AF. I think getting to the root of your drinking is a wonderful idea and if I could find a hypnotherapist who would do that I would be there in a heart beat! I went to one for smoking and although he relaxed me wonderfully, it did nothing for my smoking - he decided that it was to do with my dad - who smoked - and he didn't know diddly (the hypno - not my dad). I could have done what he did!! Which has made me rather gun shy about going to one. The Topa is very subtle - although at 6 weeks I would think you should be starting to feel something by now - do you feel any sort of lessened desire at all? I found I just noticed little things, like not wanting to finish a drink - I could drink through that if I so chose to though! I really need to dig out the calendar from last year (Dec 2009 actually) and see - I remember PM'ing someone and saying that I only had one (i think) New Years Eve. This time I am going to be more watchful - right now I have stopped taking it altogether so when i get the 25 mg I can start with a clean slate. RE the book, I might get it out and re read it - I know the Topa works differently for different people. I did try the supplements that the book recommended but didn't take them for long - I am not good at taking Vits and stuff - my body doesn't like them. I didn't feel good at all, so stopped them all - I did take the All-One which made me feel really good, but let that slide after a while too. I got a Green Phyto base one that is really good with some milk and some frozen fruit blended in. Well, I am in fine waffling form today aren't I? Let me know if I missed anything.....

Illum - Your job sounds amazing and it is so obvious that you enjoy it. I don't blame you in the slightest for not wanting to leave it and move with Hubs - a lot of marriages thrive on being split and just seeing each other weekends or whatever!! And the business trip you have planned sounds good too - when is that going to be? Re the hypnotherapy tapes from MWO - what do they actually say on them - are they like your typical tapes for not doing something - you relax then when you are totally relaxed, you are told you won't drink, etc.? You said you were out of town this weekend I think - I hope all is well after your fender bender the other day!!

Well - AIRAM - it would be lovely to hear from you. I am getting quite worried about you. It is so long since we heard from you - I do hope things are well with you and your parents.....

Dreams - how are things going with you? It is a while since we heard - do drop in and post and let us know eh? It would be great to hear....

Hugs to all, Love, Sun X

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, no, I can't say that I have any lessened interest in drinking. Maybe when I step up to 250 mg. tomorrow I will notice a difference. I'll let you know.

I hope everyone had a nice weekend. They go too quickly.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD - I think when I went up to 250 is when it happened for me. Fingers crossed - I know I was getting worried that 'it' wasn't going to happen - but it did !! I (head hanging in shame) am back to 25mg. But this is what happens when I don't follow the schedule properly - no-ones fault but my own. I do hope that you start to feel it soon - I don't know what to suggest if you don't. Never talked to anyone who it just didn't do ANYTHING for! I am so hoping........ hugs to you.

Illum - where are you - I am missing your coming in and chatting. Hope everything is alright? I know that you were away for the weekend, but I also PM'd you - I will be going to the P.O. tomorrow.

Where is everyone else - the few of us anyway!! Dreams - where are you? And I really am getting worried about Airam - I have PM'd her and heard nothing. I do hope all is well. I worry too much.

Just got in from work and am going to soon get ready for bed - love and hugs to all,

Sun XX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello ladies. Sorry, yes I had that fender bender on Friday and that was right before leaving town for the weekend. I did have my laptop with me but we were way out in the desert on connectivity sucked, plus whenever I was on the computer my husband or the other couple that was with us were around. Got back yesterday afternoon and had to jump right into the shower and head over to my brother's house for dinner at my brother's house with my parents who had arrived in town on Thursday. They came over here last night to spend time with us the rest of their stay.

So first to the MWO discussion. I agree that the book seems pretty hokey that she seemed cured so quickly. OR at least feeling such a drastic change in desire to drink so quickly. As far as the hypno tapes, I haven't listened to them in quite a while. What I recall is that they relax you a lot, help you go deep into that and then plant suggestions that you plan to work on about stuff like "I don't need to drink" or "I don't need to finish the bottle of wine" I found myself falling asleep to them several times but according to the directions that is okay if you want. One of them is specifically designed to be listened to while you sleep to reinforce whatever suggestions you've had "placed" in your mind earlier. I'm not sure if they really work or not. I do know I was doing better when i was following the whole program which included them and the supplements but that just might have been because I was more focused and motivated besides just casually taking some pills ad drinking whenever.

Now on to what has happened recently. the car accident was freaky! I know part of it happened because I was exhausted from staying up late two nights in a row stressed out about my husband's job. That first night (Tuesday night) helping him write that email response and stuff and the second night I basically never even went to bed. I watched TV late, then turned it off and couldn't go to sleep. I stopped drinking and started working in the middle of the night. I think I fell asleep in my chair around 5am or so. This would have been Wednesday night. On Wednesday I was supposed to have a workout with my trainer at 4pm and then piano lesson for my daughter at 5:30pm but I canceled my workout and the piano teacher canceled on us, so I left work on Wednesday acting like I was going to work out anyway and took a righteous nap, so at least I had gotten some extra sleep before the practical all nighter.

One of the reasons I wasn't quite as freaked out about staying up so late was that my workplace was on shut down on Thursday and we were all instructed to work from home. So I knew that I was going to be able to sleep later, take it easy around the house if I needed to, and I had planned on spending time getting ready for our weekend trip in between work, and also I was meeting a friend for a walk after lunch, etc.

So I did all that working from home stuff, then I was supposed to pick up a friend for lunch and he got stuck and couldn't make it, so I ended up going to one of my favorite restaurants in Little Italy. with the two days of stress and sleep deprivation I ended up having 2 glasses of wine with lunch. I haven't done that in probably almost a YEAR!!!!! (proof that as Sun always says you can drink through this treatment if you want to). Then I proceeded to my errands I had planned to get ready for our motorcycle camping trip. after that I was heading off for my walk along the bay with my friend when BAM! car accident. Ya think?! I was so stressed, sleep deprived, and had a partially liquid lunch! I was messing with my car's navigation system, thought the car in front of me was leaving the intersection at a good pace - or I'm not even sure what - I got sandwiched. Air bag deployed. At least it was all at very low speed but fairly significant impact. So at least I called my friend who I was supposed to go walking with and she came and hung out with me throughout the whole rest of the mess of the afternoon dealing with the police and towing and insurance and rental car....

Ironic part? I was driving for my son's field trip the next morning!!!! How embarrassing.

Anyway, did that, pulled my shit together, went on the motorcycle camping trip, had a great time, but was already getting sore from the accident and got more sore from the riding. Today I tried to go to work and it was all to much. Plus I had left my ID badge in the car and several other snafu's. I threw in the towel and called my supervisor and asked for the day off. It was really for the best. I was able to deal with the insurance company, get into my chiropractor, spend time with my parents, all that stuff I needed to do.

Oh, and as if I didn't need any more crap... last week I had fraudulent activity on my main credit card and had to deactivate the account and get a new one, and then today it happened again on my primary checking account check card! :upset:

Final Black Cloud news... Houtx posted on Face book this evening that she was at a wine bar today and when she came out her car had been busted into - literally - windows broken, CDs stolen, trunk pried open, Golf clubs stolen. The planets must be in bad alignment for alkies and cars is all I can say.... (as if that's ever been a very good mix) :H

So by the way the car wasn't damaged too badly but it's about 2 weeks in the shop and I wasn't damaged too badly. Pinched nerve in my neck, swollen tissue and some misalignment but the Chiro wants to see me every day this week ($$ to bill the insurance I'm sure)

Tomorrow it's back to my awesome job and big time. I've got an entourage of colleagues in town for a 3 day series of meetings that should be very exciting. Oh and Sun my trip to Charleston is the week of 14 March. I'm so excited, they emailed me today and said I will be given VIP status with a special parking space, my name on the marquis, etc. Whoopee!

Okay, so all this means I better get off of here and go to bed. Especially since the rest of my family did over an hour ago.

Much love and thanks ALWAYS for listening. I love you guys!!!

Janet :h

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi guys, just a quick note to bump us up. Had a very busy day today! As i mentioned, visitors from out of town and lots of meetings. then picked up the kids and straight to dinner with my parents and my brother's family for my parents last night. They took off right after dinner to drive back up to Northern California. They like to go at night to avoid all of the traffic.

Not much else to say after my big download last night. Hope everyone is doing well!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Me too - just a quickie - need to leave for work in 10 mins. Have started again on the 25 mg and feel fine, but no surprise there. AL intake really good - two last night and three the night before. Have to fly - Byeee all - have a great day!

Hugs, Sun XX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dang, we were midway down page 2 just now. Had been on a good run a week or so ago and now...????

I'm super busy with work and also trying hard to stick back to getting onto my topa schedule again. Where did everyone go?

Sun - got the 50mgs you sent to me today so :thanks: So nice that we can help each other! I feel such a connection to you!

Take care,

Illum

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone! Still on the first page - but we go down SO fast! So many Bac users....

Illum - thank you too - I am on day four of my 25 mg thanks to you :l and I agree re the connection! Thanks for explaining re the tapes - i periodically think about getting them but to be honest KNOW I wouldn't use them as I am supposed to. This time round I am going to do it with the Topa and get back to being AF - I think 'cos when I mod, I seem to go up - not a lot, but more than I would like to. AL still has a hold!! You are lucky with your fender bender that the cop didn't say/ask anything about drinking!! Even with just two, they could still make a case! Glad that you were able to take a day off and get your head together - it all just bulds up I think so you needed it. hopefully you are doing much better now? Gosh, poor Houtx - and her car! How on earth could someone do all that to her car and no-one see anything? Oh, I do feel for her.... and THEN you with the activity on your credit and debit card - there seems to be LOADS of that going on at the moment - I think with the economy, folk are trying every which way to get other peoples money. How goes it with the drinking??? ROTFL

DYD - how are you doing? any progress with the cravings and/or feelings re AL? Now you have been on the 250 a few days, I am SO hoping that it kicks in for you - how much are you drinking now? Do you feel any lessening or desire for it? I got to the point where I would pour the drink then think "I don't really want this", but could drink it if I so wanted to - you do have to pay attention to your inner feelings - I am hoping so much this works for you. I do remember feeling panic because it didn't seem to be doing anything for me and then - all of a sudden I had that "no, don't really want this" feeling. Keep us posted my friend.

Illum - back to you for a sec- with the hoopla surrounding you and your trip to Charleston - I really do think we will have to be getting special permission to talk to you soon! Seriously, way to go - you are doing so well with your job - it is awesome!!

Houtx - if you read this, I am so sorry to hear about your car- what a bummer. Especially with your golf clubs and all the other stuff that was taken - how awful for you. You do sound really busy though - but come and check in when you can - this thread sometimes to be on the verge of dissolving then we do get some new faces - but so few people take Topa these days - as you know, Bac is the drug of choice.

I am really worried about Airam - PLEASE POST. Dreams - check in when you can - Bruun - you too - it is nice to have others pop in and chat too.

Off to make some cookies to take in to work with me...

Hugs to all, Sun XX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,

Thanks for asking.

Not sure if I'm drinking a whole lot less.

Maybe a few glasses of wine a night?

I did pour some of the wine back into the bottle last night. I don't want to waste it and pour it down the drain! ha ha! I think I mostly felt sleepy. I have felt tired lately. I did take a 20 minute nap this evening. Last night I had a meeting at my son's school so I had some tea that I took with me. I didn't come home until after 7 pm.

And tonight I didn't even have any wine until after 6 pm or so and then I'm drinking it slowly. I don't think it's so bad.

I did get annoyed when I posted on another forum. Nobody here knows me of course. When I drink in front of my son it's a 2-3 glasses at night. I'm not falling down drunk. The impression I got from what somebody else wrote is that he must be terrible damaged. Of course I don't know what he thinks of me and some day I will find out but I think what he sees is that I sip wine at dinner. But I am not passing out. I don't drink during the day. I function. I don't slur my words. Anyway, I digress but it pissed me off.

At least on this forum I've spent more time "talking" with you. You've had a little more time getting to know me. I felt judged after one or two posts there. I'm done on that one.

And of course I am here because I want to make a change otherwise I wouldn't be here.

Sun, regarding the hynpo CD's, I'd save your money. I find them relaxing but I didn't find them helpful for helping me reduce my drinking. Not sure they're worth the $118 or whatever I spent.

I'm really looking forward to my appt. with the psych next Tuesday. I'm so hoping that her hypnotherapy will help. I'll be disappointed if it doesn't and I guess then I'll have to jump to 300 mg. and if that doesn't work? Then what?

Go to an AA meeting? White knuckle it? I know I could just plain old use will power to not drink. I just haven't wanted to do the hard work. I like to drink, plain and simple. Guess I'll just deal with it when I get there but I hope I don't have to get there.

Sun, do you notice any difference on your 25 mg?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi DYD - I am off to bed - just got about 4 hours sleep last night and have to be up at 5.00 in the morning - but will answer your post tomorrow after I get home!! 2nd page again - my golly these bac users sure do write a lot !!!! LOL

hugs, Sun XXX