New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Cinders]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Interesting. If I check the box I don't ever get kicked off.

I can't imagine your computer doing it.

It has to be something to do with the website.

Try PM'g the Forum Moderator and see if he can point you to someone who might know.

Cindi

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm back to topiramate after trying baclofen for sometime. Not a good time (for me). But I'm ok. I can not write/read anymore from my job. But I will stick to this thread forever. The AF days I have had, had been only on Topa.
I miss you all.

Airam.

[Longshot]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunshinedaisies;1103276 wrote: Where is everybody? I feel lonely here.....

Oh sunshinedaises you just broke my heart.

Losing your dog like that, it's just awful.

My dog toby lost his leg a year and a half ago, Shattered the bone.

And I was still drinking so heavily, when it happened, and couldn't really be there for him.

Our pets are so important to us.

Big hugs....And I doubt I could remain AF when that happened to me at certain times.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Longshot - thank you so much for your post - the hardest thing is that I haven't lost her yet. But I am not sure how long I can do this for. Every time I look at her I think of it. And wonder if she is hurting. The paw that is affected is looking worse and worse. And the vet says that it is in her spine. I don't want her to suffer but don't want to put her down before I need to. Your post made me cry. I will not let her suffer - of that you can be sure. she has given me so much happiness in the 9 - nearly 10 years that I have had her. Do you still have Toby? I asked Tim (vet) if it would help if we amputated the leg but he said that as it was already in her spine there would be no point. I have to be a big girl here and do what is best for my Mags. thank you so much for your post - it quite touched me. And yes, my drinking isn't as good as it should be - no excuses though.

Hugs, Sun XXX

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, I had to take my dog in xmas eve, and sure enough, when my friends came over to help me load her in the car, she acted like normal (almost). It almost had me back at square one of "I can't do this" and at the vet, same thing, she was so much better than she'd been in weeks. But I knew, I just knew, she wasn't letting it show, pets are so strong, they don't whine like we do when things hurt, they just suck it up and keep trying to have fun and love life and us.

Vets don't seem to have any sense of an animal's pain, if you ask me. Pets don't complain, so vets just take it at face value which I think is a gross misunderstanding of their patients. I'd advise you to take her sooner than later, because there is no greater pain from cancer than bone cancer. Just because she's a survivalist doesn't mean you shouldn't take her for her final goodbye when she needs you to. Don't wait that extra two or three days, did that twice and forever regret doing it. I'm glad the last imagine of my pup this last xmas eve was sad, not horrifying like it was for my other two pets where I believed the vet saying "they're in no pain". BS. Sorry, just feel strongly about my babies.

So sorry Sun, I hope I'm not making things worse for you tonight, but that this helps you make the decision when you need to do it, before it gets really bad. Love love love to you all.

[Longshot]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunshinedaisies;1104150 wrote: Longshot - thank you so much for your post - the hardest thing is that I haven't lost her yet. But I am not sure how long I can do this for. Every time I look at her I think of it. And wonder if she is hurting. The paw that is affected is looking worse and worse. And the vet says that it is in her spine. I don't want her to suffer but don't want to put her down before I need to. Your post made me cry. I will not let her suffer - of that you can be sure. she has given me so much happiness in the 9 - nearly 10 years that I have had her. Do you still have Toby? I asked Tim (vet) if it would help if we amputated the leg but he said that as it was already in her spine there would be no point. I have to be a big girl here and do what is best for my Mags. thank you so much for your post - it quite touched me. And yes, my drinking isn't as good as it should be - no excuses though.

Hugs, Sun XXX
Yes I still have toby a year and a half later. He's asleep a few feet away from me.

I can't imagine the pain and suffering you are going through, if mags isn't in pain, and is eating and moving about comfortably take your time and say goodbye properly but in the end you must do the right thing and say goodbye.

A friend sent me this

"The Heaven of the Animals"

Here they are. The soft eyes open.
If they have lived in a wood
It is a wood.
If they have lived on plains it is grass rolling
Under their feet forever.

Having no souls, they have come,
Anyway, beyond their knowing.
Their instincts wholly bloom
And they rise.
The soft eyes open.

To match them, the landscape flowers,
Outdoing, desperately
Outdoing what is required:
The richest wood,
The deepest field.

For some of these, it could not be the place
It is, without blood.
These hunt, as they have done,
But with claws and teeth grown perfect,

More deadly than they can believe.
They stalk more silently,
And crouch on the limbs of trees,
And their descent
Upon the bright backs of their prey

May take years
In a sovereign floating of joy.
And those that are hunted
Know this as their life,
Their reward: to walk

Under such trees in full knowledge
Of what is in glory above them,
And to feel no fear,
But acceptance, compliance.
Fulfilling themselves without pain

At the cycle's center,
They tremble, they walk
Under the tree,
They fall, they are torn,
They rise, they walk again.

--James Dickey

Staying AF is nigh on impossible at times of loss and pain.

But remember this, what ever release and escape alcohol gives you is brief and transitory, and afterwards you'll feel remorse and a hangover, and your grief will still be there.


Love to you and mags.

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hugs Sunny. Maggs and you are in my thoughts.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you Longshot, Bruun and Airam - SO much. Yes, Longshot, she is till moving and eating - in fact this morning I took her for a walk, which ended up being a mistake but she misses seeing her friend - anyway it made her paw bleed which means now we have to start wrapping it. I wouldn't keep her here longer than necessary - I will do what is right for her. And the poem was lovely - thank you.

Bruun - my vet is wonderful and I trust him completely - he also knows that I know Maggie and has left it to me. I do know that bone cancer is painful which is why I am keeping SUCH a close eye on her. She is eating really well which is the main sign I am going by. I am sorry that you had to take your dog in Xmas Eve - how awful. Mags and I have a really close rapport and she will let me know if she is hurting and I will go by how she feels - how she moves.....thank you for your caring concern.

Airam - wonderful to see you back here - and sorry Bac didn't work for you - why didn't you mention you were trying it? did you stay on the Topa or go off it when you were trying the Bac? I do miss seeing you here when you don't post..... Where are you on the Topa? I am going back up again and am at 250 mg a day. It is working but some days I drink over it - Oh, Longshot - I don't drink enough to have a hangover, but have been drinking more than I would like to - that one day I did have six (shame on me), but I normally like to keep it to 2. Last night I had 3, poured a 4th, and tipped the 2nd half of it out. You are so right - AL doesn't help at all - well, actually I feel it does take the edge off it for me. As long as I stick to my 2.

BK - do you share a computer? The day that I signed in here, I have never signed out so don't ever worry about signing in and have never been kicked out. When I bring up the MWO page, it is open and ready to go. But yes, I have lost whole posts sometimes and have no idea where they go - if I have actually written a long one, sometimes I will 'copy' it just in case it disappears - that happens sometimes in my e-mails too, and I have them 'save' it every so often. Anyway - your appt. with your gyno sounded really good for you and I am so pleased that she made you feel better about things. I am not familiar with the Novasure procedure - will Google it and see what it is about. I do hope it helps - it also made me think back and I think my drinking got worse around the same time - I never used to drink daily, or maybe this was my natural progression. I am trying to think when I did start drinking daily. Probably about 10-12 years ago. I am so pleased that your hubs is with you in all this - that helps so much too, to have his support.

Sid - thank YOU so much for popping in - that was so sweet of you - as you gathered, I was feeling pretty down and it was lovely to see a familiar face there!

DYD - Can't remember when you are coming back - hope that you are enjoying/have enjoyed your vacation - we are looking forward to hearing about it - and of course, Illum too - off on her travels All these jet setters and there is me - Little Miss Stop-At-Home. LOL But that is how I like it.

anyway, my friends - Hope you are all having a Happy Easter and once again - Thank you so much for your care and concern - it is so appreciated! :l:l

Love, Sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

We were halfway down the 2nd page!! Thought I would bump us up! Oh - and the Topa is definitely doing it's thing with me. Got in from work and poured me a Guinness - then poured a 2nd but didn't really want it - ended up pouring it out!

off to bed now as it is late. 'night all,

Hugs, Sun X

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I thought I had posted a message yesterday but now I see that it's not here.

Sun, I'm so sorry to read about your pup. I've lost pets in my life and I know how sad it is. I'm glad you're enjoying the time you have left with Maggie.

My vacation was good but it's good to be home. I saw my brother, who I don't care for, and was really turned off my his alcohol consumption. It made me glad that I'm on the journey I'm on.

I had to put my foot down and not let my 12 year old son get into a car with him because it scares me how much he drinks. He was pounding down the whiskey or bourbon (or whatever it is he was having) starting at 11:30 in the morning.

I was proud of myself for pacing myself. The most I drank was on Saturday when I had 6 glasses of wine from mid-afternoon until late at night but the other nights it was only 3-4 glasses.

And, BK, I think if you are interested in the Nal that you should try it. Don't wait for me - join me! You can visit the TSM site and see plenty of people that have had success on it.

Also, you made me laugh with the guinea fish reference.

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

As I said in my previous post, I'm (I'll be) back to topiramate again. I spent two months or some more time on Bac. Topamax was taking too much time for me. Unfortunately, my luck with Bac was not good. The side effects were too heavy, too scary. I admitt I colud feel like a zombie whilst on Topa, but I never felt I was going to die. For me, the breathing problems on Bac were horrible, I mean HORRIBLE. Every night I knew it was going to be the last one. It wasn't of course, and I'm so happy, so PROUD for all of you having your switch. I really mean it. My success on Topa was more than I could have ever thought before, but of course I wanted more. I wanted indifference. Yes, It didn't work.
I'm titrating down the bac. Withdrawal was similar to AL.
I'm back to topa. I'm very glad for everyone having success on bac and I kind of envy you. It wasn't for me. But I'm back here. I didnt want to discourage anyone.
I'm back and very happy to be here.


Edited to add: Thank you Sunny. You are the heart of this thread. And some other threads too.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Um yeah, I f*cking HATE myself

Hot mess, drinking before work. so depressed about my habit. WTF! Control is lost - I don't want to work, go to school - NOTHING! Maybe I should say F it and just drink myself to death - or until my s/o dumps my drunk ass......Doubled my welbutrin, does not seem to do a damn thing.......anyone care to come and shoot me????

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

((Hugs)) somehow, we will find a way. ((hugs))

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm very glad to be back.

I started Topa again. I m still at the begining. 25mg afternoon.
Bac was a nightmare. I'm truly happy for all the people with all that amazingly good results. For me the breathing troubles at night were very, very scary.

Anyway, I also have a three month Naltrexone supply. I have read most of Eskapa's book and I'm ready to start TSM too. Ilum, you have been like a role model for me. I like how you live your life. I actually like anyone in the TSM. And Sunny, you are the BIGGEST person that has kept me here.
DYD, I wish you luck with Nal. I havent been able to read many posts back. Are you also taking topiramate? I ll start Nal next Sunday. We will be about one month difference.

To the people who knew from the past, I had a very very hard problem at my job and can not enter this site anymore form work. I enter form my phone or Ipad, but it s very difficult for me to write from those devices. I ll try to be here as much as possible.
Unfortunatelly, my parents are not well and that is the thing that keeps me stressed to the most.
Thank you every one.:l

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm in no shape to give advice so won't, but I wanted to give my support to my peers continuing to fight the beast. We are NOT alone. There is no ONE cure, but we will all find out own way out.

Something I keep forgetting is to take all the supplements every single day. I'm sure it has alot to do with how difficult my battles are.