New here and starting Topa and with a question

[irishfairy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Sun - perhaps you need to take up something else to replace the buzz you get from drinking - nothing like drugs or anything! Thinking more like running, or guitar playing, or something that will help keep you occupied... I know it's not the same, but something that will make you think you've achieved something. Not that I'm fit anymore, but I trained for a marathon once, and when I completed it, the high I got from that was pretty special... My weekend hasn't been great, I got really drunk last night at a get together, had to be taken home as couldn't even walk, it was really humilating, feels like 2 steps forward 3 steps back sometimes.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there Irish - sorry about last night - how do you feel today? I think it must be so hard in UK as pretty much everyone drinks - or everyone I knew did. Makes it a lot harder - here we don't socialize so it makes it much easier. as for taking something up - I want to get back into my meditating and yoga, something I used to do all the time, and haven't done for ages. The drinking holds me back on that. I won't meditate if I have been drinking. And the yoga goes with the meditation. I do have a long distance goal in mind though and WILL do this this time. Watch this space.......

Hugs to all,

love, sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey - where is everybody? We are about to be booted to second page! so I am kicking us up to top of first page again. No new news to report except tomorrow I go up another notch (gulp).

Hugs to everyone.

Love, sun XX

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - I have been quiet because I have just been my same bad self. I don't know why the topa worked so well the first time around and the first week this time. Now i am drinking 5 beers a night again. On the positive I can't seem to drink more than that, or when I do it is because it is the weekend and I started early and took a break. Also the drinks I take at night are forced a bit, meaning I really could do better. I have the name of a therapist and I really intend to call at some point. I just wake up every day so happy and with such good intentions that it takes me until 9 pm to realize I really should talk to a therapist! And then the day starts again! (happiness again for most of the day). Sun- so what is your next dose? I am thinking of upping to 250mg but not sure dr will approve. Also, which formula of all one are you on? I thought you said green one. Is that phyto based? Ok gotta get little one to bed, sorry to cut short.

[irishfairy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone - Sun, good luck at going up another notch. Midnight, 5 beers a night sounds OK, congrats at not wanting more than that, it's progress! What dose will you be on Sun?

I'm at 150mg of topa now, 100mg in pm and 50mg in am - have tingles in feet but I can cope with that. Feeling down, but probably unrelated, and haven't had a drink since Saturday. Best of all, have lost 3kgs, hoorah! Finally! Still fat though...

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Midnight and Irish - I agree Midnight - I am on 5 Guinness too - I MUST cut down. Got in from work today and went to pour one and decided I didn't REALLY want one - it was just habit so haven't got one yet...... I go up today to 150mg both am and pm - this is the highest dose I go to so this is make or break. This is when IT happened last time........Here's hoping, although the not wanting one when I came in was good....can't remember the last time that happened. As for which All-One I use - I use the Green Phyto one and feel so good on it - I can really tell when I don't have it, after about four days - similarly when I start it again - after about 4 days, I know it is in my system. I have it every mid morning/lunch time - have a banana, some dole fruit juice - using the peach mango orange right now, a small amount of milk, the scoop of All-One and I also add a scoop of ground flax seed. What dose are you on now Midnight? And how long have you been on it? You sound like me with the Topa. I was really worrying it would never happen for me. then boom - it did. I was sort of cross as I still wanted to drink - but my body didn't want me to. It was an odd feeling.

Irish - it may be that you are feeling down due to not drinking - possibly. Everyone is different but you might feel sort of at a loss? You have to replace it with something - it has taken up a large part of your life for a while, so you need to replace that with something. What do the others think - anyone??? we need words of wisdom here please..... I know for a week or more, I felt cross and sort of out of sorts as my body adjusted to being deprived (although not really - just the way that my body felt initially) of it's 'fix'. You are doing really well - hang in there. I admire you for doing so well - wish I was doing as well - hopefully in a week or so I will be joining you. Well done on losing the 3 Kg too! Go you....

love and hugs to everyone,

Sun XXX

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wish I didn't have to type from my iPhone. I don't feel like I answer everything I want to. Irish - sometimes I think 5 isn't bad as I am never drunk and feel very functional. I think I could probably do pretty well like this! But then I think surely 5 per night must really not be good for me. More than that it is thinking at some point I will have to take my kids s

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

See? IPhone is bad. Didn't finish my reply. As I was saying. I will need to take my kids somewhere and I won't be able to. That is my fear, that the alcohol will get in the way at some point. It actually hasn't yet, as I am always having my beers at their bedtime.

Sun- I keep stopping the all one as I think it upsets my stomach, but it is also two years expired. So I was thinking of ordering it new. I just had the original.

Words of wisdom. When I cut back, and during pregnancy, I had a tough time not knowing how to replace the alcohol. But somehow I did. I was certainly cranky at first, sweaty, sleepless, and itchy. Then I would just figure it out. Yell into a pillow. Walk, watch stupid tv, focus on things I used to like, find obsessions, read, get angry, let myself, drink nasty odouls... I don't know. Somehow I survived.

On another note...I am actually quite depressed tonight because I realized that OP and I BOTH forgot our anniversary. I usually am not much into that sort of stuff but it is sad when you both forget. 7 years 4 days ago. I remembered tonight.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi guys. Sorry I've been away for a while again. I just spent four glorious days with my boyfriend and then a few more on a business trip. He spoiled the crap out of me for a late birthday celebration. It was mostly wonderful because we are just absolutely mad about each other. The good stuff: first morning went for a run together, then got ready and went to this French country style Bed and Breakfast, where he had booked us on a wine tasting tour with a personal driver. Had a wonderful meal at the place that night. Next day hiking in the mountains and a picnic, dinner at a nice Italian restaurant. Next day back to his place and got all dolled up to go to the theater. We had dinner on the rooftop of the place and then saw "Wicked" the musical. It was great. Next day just lazed around most of the morning and I left at 5pm for my trip to tennessee for business. I'm on my way back home now.

The part I'm worried about.... at the very beginning of the weekend we talked about limiting the amount of wine we drank, but then we didn't really do what we said. And I only had a few Nal in my purse, forgot to restock so then I just didn't take them. That's the one thing I haven't told him about and I'm kind of scared to, though I know he'll be supportive with whatever I do. Mind you we weren't as bad as I tend to be when alone or when I was with my husband, but my concern is whether he will help me do better or if we'll fall into a less than desirable pattern of our own.

We both want to lose some weight and just set our mutual goals, and talked about drinking less as a part of that. He said that he most recently lost the most weight the easiest during Lent, where he gave up wine. So I know he can do that, but I'm scared if I can or not. We just talked about this last night again. We've discussed how for right now, since we're in this long distance relationship that every time we get together it's a "vacation," or special, so we're eating out, drinking, etc. and we are going to need to get into a better routine when it is routine when he moves out to California. He talked about only having one or two glasses of wine in the evening and stopping. That is the hard part for me and I've got to break my habit process. Like last night, (we were together on skype) he knew he had to get up early, so he stopped drinking wine and switched to sparkling water, while I just continued to drink almost all of the wine I had in my hotel room (almost a bottle and a half). And why did I have that much wine in my room in the first place? I get "scared" I won't have enough. Enough for what? To achieve a certain buzz? That's not good, I know.

then today, I'm at the airport. I sort of don't feel like drinking. Sit there trying to listen to my body, and then I cave to habit and went to the bar and ordered a bloody mary. Same thing on the plane. I was thinking I could easily do without another drink, but then I panic and think if I don't order one I will have missed my opportunity and then I'm going to obsess about not having it. Right now what I feel is happening is what always does when I seriously think about cutting back. I get nervous and scared and so then I overcompensate in the other direction.

Like I've decided I"m going to kick start my diet with a cleansing. So drinking should definitely be off the table or significantly reduced. So the machine in my head starts in; when should I start the diet? Well maybe not until after the weekend, because after all it is the weekend and I CAN drink and not worry about getting up early... etc. Isn't what I should be thinking that the weekend is a perfect time to start the diet, I can concentrate on shopping for and preparing the right foods to get me ready for a good week. I'm also going to have my kids a lot over these next two weeks, so maybe I should try to so something like only allow myself to have a drink after they are in bed and also make myself go to bed at a certain time no matter how much wine there is left in the bottle? I definitely want to start back on the Nal full time again and am hoping that will help.

Over the last couple of days I was trying to remember what had helped me lose and keep weight off the last time I trimmed down to where I wanted to be, and I think it was when I was on the topa and doing the all one and supplements. Maybe I should start on the all one again and then see if the Nal helps. If not, try topa again?

Back to the positive, Z has inspired me to exercise more and that feels good and I know he's going to gently push me to keep that up. I loved that we had the chance to go running and hiking together. yesterday at my hotel I did 35 minutes on the treadmill and this morning I swam for 20 minutes. I'm starting to remember what it is like to like exercise. So I really need to keep that part going. Perhaps that can start helping to be my substitute activity, like you guys are suggesting to Irish. My son said he would like to start jogging with me, so I'd like to get started doing that and perhaps he can help keep me on track with that if he really likes it.

Sun and Midnight, hoping and cheering for you!

Irish, keep up the good work.

Airam, I do hope that you keep checking back when you can and that wonderful things are coming from you seeing your new therapist.

Love to all,

Ill :h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just bumping us up until later when I plan on replying !!!!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae - great post & good to hear the romance is still going well! I'm so happy for you! I too obsess about "not having enough" or "missed opportunities" while traveling. It's just part of the struggle/addiction, I figure. Usually, I just give in...especially when traveling. So cool you & the new bf are talking about your drinking levels & concerns. Just try to relax and appreciate how much you've accomplished - and the fact you are aware and thinking about it.

So you aren't on TOPA anymore? I'm thinking about getting NAL again...I dunno. Or TOPA...but I can't handle the "dopa" when I get up into 100s. Just thinking about it. I have felt so much better not being on anything & not worrying about ppl finding the meds, trying to remember when to take how much (on BAC & TOPA). NAL was sooooooooooooo easy!! Maybe 2nd time around will be better. Just thinking...

Alls well w/ me. School has started and I am drinking less than I did in summer. Too tired right now to catch up on the love life...suffice to say there are a few stories. I have moved into a beautiful new condo in a hot location in Houston...so happy to be out of my little 2 BR apt.!! The noise drove me out - this place is like a tropical oasis in the middle of the city. Loving hardwood floors, 3 BRs, big patio & hot zip code! LOL I'm happy -

Good to catch up w/ everyone - take care :-))

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Doing a great job this week of moderating and communicating with my BF this week. I had one night where I only drank 3 drinks. Huge improvement for me. I am cautiously happy. Where is everyone?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I am here - just haven't posted. I should have ...... I am sort of doing better....sort of like being a litte bit pregnant though isn't it - you either are or you aren't. I am up to 300mg and had an awful day when I was so down. The Topa does help me - I could feel it and really didn't want the AL - although I did still have some Guinness, I had cut way down, but I have got to find that happy ground inbetween where it makes me miserable but still kills the want for a drink. So, I am a work in progress still, but am hopeful. Sorry no reply to anyone but am in a rush - I work at 2.00 today and have a ton of stuff to do before then, just wanted to pop in.

Love and hugs to all,

Sun X

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello y'all,

I have been absent mostly with only a check in or two in the last two weeks, have been ill and traveling/busy. Cannot see MWO on my dang bberry which is sucky the screen is so small. Even with readers I can't see it. And bberry is such a crappy product you can't make it big enough without limiting the amount of text to like ten words a screen. Ridiculous.

Anyways, enough rant.

Great posts Illum and Sun, Midnight, Air, Irish and Hou!

Irish, glad Topa is working for you, great and excellent AF time for you. Illum, we've probably been on the same plane now and again, I relate to the hotel travel story except I almost never drink in the airport or plane, I definitely want to in the hotel tho. I did have wine in the airport this last trip, I was sitting there waiting for 90 minutes for a 9pm flight, it was almost impossible, not to. Illum, I think your BF has the same problem you/we do, he's doing the exact thing you are, going partial-disclosure on it for fear of popping the magic bubble.

Ladies, I also relate to the 5 beers a night being "not too bad" and also "too much" both. I think that no matter your position, the fact that you are here and posting and working on it is excellent.

Midnight and Air, I am in the same rut, bad and good, back and forth, struggling every damn day and going in circles. I told a friend how sick I was last week while I was traveling and how hard it was and that I think I'll die of gastric cancer of some sort because that seems to be my weak link. However I didn't tell her why my GI tract is so f'd up, which is booze.

Midnight, maybe the reason I've been so extra PMSy this past 10 days is that I didn't drink Mon thru Wed, but I did have three glasses of wine Thursday and then two beers a night Sun/Mon/Tues. Last night I had a bottle of wine and today I'm down two pounds and I am happier. F! Guess getting my AL back made my brain and body feel "normal" ...

My weight is so crazy, I don't eat or drink for three days and I gain weight, then I get PMSy and drink a bottle of wine and lose weight. WTF?

Gees....

Love to all - keep up the good fight, never give up!:heart:

[Midnight]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - I only have a couple of minutes to drop in and say hello. I will try to respond to everyone over the weekend. I finally met with a therapist and told her all about the drinking and my problems with my OP. We will start next week working on the drinking. As she said, she will try to make me want to stop drinking, because I told her I hadn't been trying to stop much at all, besides taking the Topa. I said I come home and am so frustrated in my relationship that I'm working pretty hard and drinking. So I had to laugh at her comment about helping me want to cut back. I did tell her the Topa has made it very difficult to drink more than 5, unless I start pretty early on weekends for special occasions like lake parties! So - question to the few that are taking Topa. Did you ever take the "real" Topa, or are you on the generic? I had my success when I was on the real one. I am not doing as well on the generic, and I wonder if there is any correlation. I read some stuff on the migraine websites about how awful they are feeling on the generic version and I wonder...also, any chance that the vitamins help with absorption of the drug? Just putting it out there. I used to take the vitamins and haven't been. Just got my vitamins in the mail again and was about to start over the weekend. And concerning the 5 beers and whether it is good or bad - the therapist's face NEVER changed throughout the entire session. So I left with that "am I good or bad" feeling - all around. Maybe that is what makes her good? I'm left analyzing everything...is 5 beers good, or bad...how does that compare? What do her other clients drink? I don't know! What a poker face! Hopefully I can check in again over the weekend. Oh, one last comment - weight gain and loss reminds me of economics - can't understand it at all - why does the stock market go up one day, and down the other day...about the same to me. Bye for now.