New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm doing pretty ok, Sun, thx for asking. Glad you are too! I am holding steady @ 200 mgs for awhile, I think. I have not been too happy with myself this week. Lots of pressure and stress at work. I have thought alot about what Sid has said about (loosely quoted here) "partying hard in her 50s and just making her sick...realizing she needed to stop...did/has several times & now thinks of herself as essentially a non-drinker...if I can do it, you can too".

How many times have we heard people say that. For some reason her words are hitting me between the eyes. I am thinking maybe if she can do it, I can too. But how does she sleep, I wonder?! LOL That first night especially. Then the friends get together over dinner, etcetcetc. I would just like to go AF by myself for awhile. Why is that so hard?! This week I was not very good. My best laid plans...blah!! I stay up too late and instead of 2 or 3 or 4...and shutting down at no later than 10 or 10:30, I find myself up til 11/11:30 and I am screwed!

I am making new resolutions for next week! I've GOT to hark back to when I got on this medication in the first place. I really haven't lost my resolve, but without it giving me the "ehhhhhh factor" at every new dose level, I've gotten complacent and drinking thru it. I need to slow down and...just slow down and stay at this level for awhile. See how it works out. But nice long weekend ahead..got tomorrow off thx to the oy vey holiday :-))and look forward to changing gears. I love Fall!! Looking forward to doing a little decorating for it, candles, relaxing & catching up on sleep!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Houtx! Was going to bed but saw your post - I just showed Hubs a really nice thing on utube and he shoved the headphones back at me half way through telling me that "You know I don't like things like that". Nice way to go to bed - he isn't - we both work shifts - he is just up - I am off to bed. Wish he could just be 'with ' me sometimes. Earlier I started talking to him about AL and said "I AM going to beat this thing' - his reply? Yeah, I know. He drinks so maybe he isn't so gung ho about me stopping. Isn't the same when we go out and I drink water. ANYWAY! Positive thinking Jean !! Oh - that first night of no AL is murder! It often takes your body a good week or a lot longer to get used to sleeping without AL. That is why I try and taper down when I know I am going to stop. It makes it easier on the old bod!

I am even thinking about trying Antabuse. I have some. Just scared of taking it. but once it is in my body, there is NO WAY that I would take even a drop of AL. I really don't know if I want to wait the 5 - 6 weeks for the Topa to kick in - Antabuse is immediate. you have no choice. NO AL. I am seriously considering it.

Anyway - enjoy your long weekend - I need to get to bed - it is late and I have to be up at 5.00.

Hugs to all, and love too,

Sun XX

[taytayhi5]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Anonymity

...............................................

[taytayhi5]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Anonymity

Hey All,
Sometimes I wish you all lived near by. I relize we all have AA groups near by, some of us use those groups as well to battle this monkey on our backs. And I was thinking, realizing that one reason why we choose MWO is for the anonymity of the forums. ...yet soemtimes, already even though I am new, I find myself thinking it sure would be nice to have you guys over for dinner, have the kids to the pool....but then that would probably be reason enough for me to pour you a glass of wine...lol.

Day 5 sober. @ 50 Topa...may take 75 today. I am feeling pretty good. Tired but that is how I usually feel, at least when I am not working out and I have not been. Tomorrow I will run before work. Yesterday moring in lue of wine I ate. I hate doing that. It is just as bad. Just another addiction. Just another way of "checking out", going numb. I am tired of being tired. Tired of the extra weight. No alcohol has been great, it has and I think the Topa has really calmed me and I haven't really been thinking too much about drinking...(my weekend will be Sun-Tue so we'll see how that goes). Is it possible that after only 5 days Topa is helpping me? I want to be in calm, conscience conntrol of everything I put in my mouth and everything that I allow to affect my thoughts. Am I making sense?

SUn, Run, Faith, Mum, Houthx, Nora...and all of my other WayOut firends...I hope you are well. I hope you are safe and healthy and surrounded by those who can love you and help you to find your happy, sober place in this life! You are not alone.

:l

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

She?s Backkkkkkk ?.

First, Let me say hello to all the new people here! It?s been a long time since I have really posted here ?.

Good grief ..I look at my start date here and just want to cry. This will be round two of Topa for me . The first time around it was for about 9 months. I can?t said that I had much issue with SEs, and to be honest, I can?t even remember what dosage I had gotten up to (lost my book with my log in it) ? with the exception of extreme weight loss.

I know for many of you that would be a blessed side effect, but I am almost 5?10?, tiny boned and went from about 136# to 111# in that 9 months. I had jeans that could almost take off and on with out unzipping ? looked like walking death. I HAD to stop Topa..

I?m a very heavy white wine drinker, and as we all know it?s a progressive disease. I?ve been drinking about 2 bottles of chard a day for 15 years plus a day ? never missing a day ? until Topa. I had my first few AF days on Topa, and in general really reduced my overall consumption. I hated stopping, and shortly after ? ramped right back up to that 2 bottles. A sipper that starts at lunchtime, I can at times even go over 2 bottles if I?m out late and never seem like a fall down drunk. I started added in the occasion bloody Mary in the morning ? and on I goes ?.

A long time went by after I stopped Topa and I heard about TSM and Naltrexone (Waving Hi to Houtx!) SUCH high hopes. ? but over 9 months into it, my progress was no where near where I had hoped to be. I followed it to the letter, tracked every drink, and now believe that there are certain ?types? of drinkers that perhaps are not as successful on The Sinclair Method ? such as Mediterranean Drinkers like myself.

All the rage about Bac was happening. And so I ordered that as Plan C ? with great fear I may add. I live alone, have to drive daily to my business I run, and I kept reading about the difficult side effects. I honestly just decided I was too scared to try it ? and in a drawer it still sits. I am alone in this journey and other than the people and friends I have made from this board and the TSM board ? no one knows of my dilemma.

I can?t do any of this with my DR as I can?t afford to have this on my records. I have personal medical insurance, and AL problem can raise all kinds of issues in the future for things such as policy costs, getting policies, getting life insurance policies, etc. So I am flying under the radar with my DR only knowing that ?I think I drink too much? and him asking if I drink more that 2 glasses of wine a day and me saying yes ? and this small dialogue ONLY after I told him I wanted to talk to him about something but only if it would stay OFF my record. I asked him if he knew about Topa and he said yes for migraines and seizures but had never heard about it for AL ? does it work? I said yes, that I had tried it a few years ago. We left it at that.

So ? here?s where I?m at now. Went to Vegas with a GF for my BD the end of August for 4 days. A drunken 4 days I should add ? her even worse than me. UGH. A couple of days later, I restarted on Topa. I remembered not having much Ses, so jumped in at 50mg ? and I was right. So I stayed at 50mg (all in one dose) for 12 days.

About 8 days into it, I was scheduled for a dinner party at my house, a cooking dinner that ended up going WAY too late before food and WAY too much wine before food ? that really started a ball rolling for me. Computer crash the next day and something I have been dealing with for the past 7 days = massive amount of wine while on the phone for hours with tech support. The next 4 days I drank close to close to 3 bottles of wine a day and by the fourth evening thought I was going to die. I had not been eating, stress over the top, massive amounts of wine. Not sure I have ever felt so sick or so scared from AL.

So, took my 50mg of Topa ? that was this week on Tuesday. Forced a bit of food down and drank tons of water with lemon and stayed faithful to my vitamins. But I will be damned, by about 5PM, just as I was feeling ?slightly? better, I poured a damn glass of wine! Not that I wanted the taste as it sounded disgusting ? I wanted that feeling. But thanking I almost choked on it and didn?t even finish it and poured the rest of the bottle out as well as all other booze in the house.

Come Wednesday morning ? more stress and another 7 hours with tech support but thankfully no wine in the house. Until my creepy little brain remembers a special bottle of red wine hidden away. UGH. I am suppose to meet friends for an early dinner. I pour a small glass of red while dressing. Feeling a bit ?iffy? with AL in my stomach and this was the day I had mobbed to 75mg. Went to dinner and managed to order a dark BEER and nurse one all night with girls! Now THAT is amazing for me! They all had 2-3 glasses with dinner.

And so after this VERY long post ???.. my drum roll: Yesterday, my second day on 75 mg and still under the gun with major stress and plenty of opportunity to go to the corner to buy booze: an AF DAY! My first in YEARS!!!!!!!!!!! MY first since I was last on Topa!

So my Topa pals, while I am not saying it is easy ? it helps. And I do believe that making myself so sick and scared played into me being able to be AF yesterday, no matter what has happened in the past, I always found a reason and a way to drink EVERY Day.. It?s not magic and it will take the ?mindset? as well. I thought about drinking 100 times yesterday and then would pour another glass of something else. Suddenly it was late enough to call it a night.

Will I drink today? No clue ? this tricky mind, as I am starting to feel better after only 3 drinks in 3 days (WOW!) that it is trying to talk me into perhaps a glass or two.

Hugs to all ..


WTE

[Lo0p]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Heya WTE!! :l

[hoping4better]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hiya Stranger! Good to see you again, was wondering what happened to you! I was actually looking up your posts the other day, stalker that I am, hahah. Wow, you've had quite a few weeks there. So encouraging to see that you are drinking considerably less and have even been AF.

I tried bac with houtx, got up to 200mg but the SEs got me and I was still drinking as much. I'm up to 125mg with the topa and I'm drinking less -- not opening that second bottle and not usually finishing the first. That sounds pathetic, but for me that's progress! Haven't managed to go AF yet -- oh yeah, and when is this weight loss supposed to happen??? Maybe I need to go up some. Going slowly. I am shedding a lot of hair right now, which I can't afford to do! So my dr. put me on men's rogaine. So far that's my only side effect.

So good to see you again!

[hoping4better]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hiya stranger, was wondering what happened to you. In fact, the other day I was looking up your posts, stalker that I am, haha. Wow, you've had quite a few weeks. But how encouraging that at 75mg you have so dramatically reduced your drinking and even gone AF!

I did bac with houtx. Got up to almost 200mg and was still drinking the same amount. I had to quit b/c of the SEs.

Up to 125mg with topa and seeing a little progress. Not opening the second bottle and usually not finishing the first. I have less interest in drinking, generally, but I'm definitely not there yet. And hey, when's this weight loss supposed to happen??? So far the only SE I've had is that my hair is shedding -- not good. My dr. put me on rogaine but that takes awhile to kick in.

Anyway, so nice to see you again, WTE. Welcome back!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE:
Girl....I am soooooooo happy to see you here!!! Your post was like a big ol birthday present or something!! So GREAT to hear from my good friend!! For me, it was a first as I am new here, so glad to join you on this thread/ your original site. And what a story!! I understand & don't feel bad - I know what you have gone through. UGH!! Crazy times. Glad you have made it through. And this drug works in mysterious ways, I guess. Yeah - makes you sick enough to say ehhhggggg don't want anything! That AF day is good for you and just be ok with yourself. Who knows how it might work this time around. Keep a journal again. Id and find it really helps me think things through and remember!! LOL

Computer crashes are enough to drive Steven Jobs to the other side, I'm sure. Force feed yourself!! Drink Protein drink or something! I am finding the non-eating thing easy right now. One meal a day basically. Have had a few glasses of wine today - but yeah, I know what you mean when you have 3 days of nothing after a bender. Don't beat yourself up too much. I am SOOOOOO glad you are here!!

XXXOOO

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

H4B -
I meant to comment to you: the fact you are drinking less than a bottle is HUGE, don't you think?! and how long have you been at 125? I am holding steady at 200 mgs and finding my appetite is pretty low, so that's good. Like I've posted earlier, am going to "force" the lower AL intake next week. Weekends, I am still habitually drinking the wine and not in the mindset of giving it up - just trying to drink less.

Overall, no other SEs except for the tingling...so going to stay here at 200 for awhile so as not to rush things. Love Love Love the fact we have so many people here supporting each other!! Hello LoOp!!

Bac was a nightmare drug for me too (of course you know that, am just saying...) - but dif strokes for dif folks. I still visit the TSM site and am amazed at how it is a miracle drug for some (?????). And I will probably be crucified from afar, but it seems like the 78% success rate is a bit questionable...but I digress :-))

Anyway, I'd recommend trying TOPA over BAC as a next resort any day of the week. Wouldn't you??!! Ugh - bloody nightmare!! More later. Good nite - hope all else is well!

XO

[taytayhi5]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wonderful to read!

WTE~
Although I am new her...I am glad you are back! Sounds like it has been a real battle field in your head lady!Keep up the fight. You are worth it. I too, as I am sure many of us have, been scared by AL. I had to be taken to the ER early this year. I though I was going to die. It is no fun. No one should have to live like that. I am so happy you made your way back darlin!!

:l

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I just want to say that I'm still here and very happy to have all these support and so many great people here.
I've not been able to write as much as I would want because I was out of my country on a work trip to So. Cal! (it was very nice, I ll try to write more later).

In a nutshell, I'm on my 4th week, I m on 100 mg, eating less, drinking less, obssesing less. Not as much as I wish but my life is certainly a lot better than a month ago.

I send a big hug to everyone and on Monday I hope I ll write more.

[taytayhi5]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

congrats ariam!

Way to go on your one month!!
Airam YEA! Good for you! ....and enjoy So cal I lived there for a bit and enjoyed the weather...the lifestyle was rough on me but the sun was splended when I was awake for it! Enjoy and breath in your sobriety Hugs from MN!!

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HA!HA!HA! Loop!!! How the heck are you?????? Good to “see” you – I’ve pretty much been away from the boards in my drunken funk since stopping TSM. Pffttt…..

Hoping4Better – My favorite stalker! LOL Yes, Houtx had told me you were trying Bac as well. I bought it and there it just sits. Just too many scary SE stories like yours and Houtx. I chickened out to be honest. Thought about trying TSM again – but damn, it was so discouraging after 9 months. My biggest issue is I know at some point I will have to stop Topa again.

And Hoping, I think I was a few months into Topa (or more) before I had an AF day the last time I did this. It took mea LONG time to get to even get close to only one bottle – so cut yourself some slack! You are making HUGH steps!!! For some reason it seems to be working faster for me this time around and I suspect that may be because I just made myself so damn sick drinking so damn heavy for SO many days in a row under such stress. Even now, the thought of wine turns my stomach – and yet, I crave the “buzz”, or whatever that is.

As for the hair, I had a bit of loss, but have always been told that there is a big difference in men’s and women’s Rogaine. So I used women’s. I also take a ton of supplements – keep switching them up and I’m not really sure what works and what doesn’t. UGH.

As for the weight loss, that seems to happen dramatically for some (like me) and nothing for others. LaBear (who I still talk to almost daily) says Topa only made her crabby and nothing else. No decrease in drinking and no weight loss at all. I am finally back up a normal weight (plus a few pounds HA!) which is why I decided to try Topa again. But already, I’ve lost much of my appetite – the danger spot for me.

Good to see you also!!

Houtx Chica! It’s good to be back! Yep – thought I would pick up some Ensure type something this time around. It’s HARD for me to eat on Topa!

But I gotta say … for YEARS now I have been trying to imagine how in the HELL I was ever going to pull off an AF day again after what … 4 years ago? Seemed impossible! LaBear does it all the time – but she is a binge drinker. I just could not believe I did it! AND – add to the glory! I was home all day yesterday trying to get caught up on crap as I leave the country a week from Tuesday for 2 weeks. More computer reinstalls blah, b;ah, blah … oh, the corner store so close … Water, more water, juice , more juice and by about 7:30PM I had resigned myself to NOT going anywhere. Frigging A – I just had TWO AF DAYS in a ROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTH??????

Now, anyone that has known me for any amount of time knows this is UNHEARD OF! I can be sick, have a cold, have surgery, doesn’t matter – I drink wine. I sure thought about it a lot yesterday, but somehow was able to push it back over and over again. I have no clue where this is coming from but I am not going to look this gift horse in the mouth! I’m finding that just not keeping and wine in the house is helping – if it had been here yesterday, I would have drank. I think if I decide to drink today, when I am done, I will pour the rest of the bottle out. Sounds wasteful, but I think it has saved me the past 2 days!

@TayTay – Nice to “meet” you! Thanks for your words of encouragement – we WILL win this battle! =)

@airam – Congrats on making the progress. Sounds like you are moving in the right direction!

Hugs to all in our journeys!

WTE

[hoping4better]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

WTE ("Wine To End" maybe?), the bac wasn't THAT bad! At first I didn't have any SEs, they just crept up on me. And I gained weight, about 10 lbs on my 5'3" frame, which is a lot. It sure works for a lot of people, so give it a chance if the topa doesn't work out -- but it sounds like it is! And oh yeah, the rogaine -- the dermatologist said the 5% men's foam is stronger than the 2% women's liquid, and less messy. (Women's only comes in liquid.) So far I'm shedding hair like my cat, which is the only drawback in this whole thing. If it doesn't stop, I'm going to have to get off this stuff which sucks b/c it's the only thing working for me! Grrrrr. Did your hair stop falling out after a while, or only after you stopped?

Anyway, thrilled for you, this is such great news. If only your computer would cooperate now.