New here and starting Topa and with a question

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Love hearing you are racking up the AF days girl!! Now 3? 4?? Awesome!! It has been years since I've strung that many days together...All the stuff you are telling yourself/we all tell ourselves - so glad they are working for you now! You are being strong and I am finding it very motivating -

Just not there tonight for me. sigh. I drank about... 5 standard glasses maybe and about to go to bed. (hurry up!) I gotta dull the something or other right now. I am not manic. I just gotta dull "it". But WTE - you are a fighter and I am in your corner! I just don't know how to describe it folks - I wish I could "kill it", but the the ehhhhh feelings were not there tonight. Tried to drink slowly and think I did ok.

But...drink I did. About 6ish. sigh. When will I be loved? LOL WTE - you are doing great!! Seriously. The fact you actually pour out what you don't drink kills me!! LOL STOP THAT!! You are wasting tons of money

Has anyone else latched onto "Groupon" ?? OMG

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Houtx - I am just about to reply to some of the many posts that have been posted since I was here last - just got in from work!!

Hugs, sun

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hoping - I agree with Houtx - how on earth do you cope with all those children?? Someone else said - sobriety and children don't go together! LOL Oh, and I have to agree with all of you re buying your AL at different places! I do the same. Can't let them think I have a problem, can I? But I do wonder when i see these other ladies (or men but I am not talking about them right now) getting their wine or whatever, if they are 'like me'. I think there are many more of them than we realize! I had to laugh - as I have said, I only ever drink Guinness, and when I stopped, the chap in the main place I buy it (a supermarket) where most of the staff know me - regular shopping there, not just for AL - well, the chap that does the AL area - I told him I had stopped and after a few months he made a joke about his sales going down!! I think he WAS just joking but I wondered!!

Houtx - love that you have toyboys! Or Boy toys as you call them in USA! (in UK they were always Toy Boys although that may have changed!). You go - I think it is great!!

2run - great to hear from you - sorry you are a bit down right now. Please PM me if ever you feel like it, and just need some support. Yes, I did start watching Rain in My Heart. Only watched some of it though. Very sad. I agree with WTE and Houtx re the Topa - you can order on-line. 100 mg really isn't high enough for some. Last time I had to get up to 250 - 300 mg before it finally hit me hard enough to STOP. This time, I am only at 25mg and I am thinking "I don't really want this" but am having it anyway - can't believe I am getting these feelings at such a low dose this time round - quite amazing. Anyway - stop beating yourself up!! It doesn't help at all - in fact the stress of doing that will make you drink more so stop it. We all WILL get there!

Houtx - Rain in My heart is on the "general Discussion" board - usually the first thread there. I have to say that I think when you move up again, you will not feel the need quite so much - you remind me of me the first time round - I couldn't imagine the Topa working to such an extent that I would not drink - it does, but you also have to let it work. I felt that feeling but carried on drinking. Stopped the Guinness - really couldn't face that - then went to Kahlua and milk - just to have some AL so I could sleep - and get that buzz - then eventually, got down to a brandy in coffee (as we have all heard on here earlier) and eventually one night - I just did NOT want it! So, it will happen - but you have to let it happen too! You are right - we do drink because we like it, and that is hard to stop. We still want that buzz. BUT, if you REALLY want to stop, you have to work WITH the Topa. When are you supposed to go up again? It is a scary thought to be without AL in our lives.

I still need to reply to WTE's post and this seems so long already. Maybe I will post this and then regroup!!

Love and hugs to all,

sun XX

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Morning all!

Yeah Houtx – I really can’t explain it. The last time I tried Topa I was like you. Feeling some days more successful than others. This time it was jus WHAM! And I am just praying to God it stays this way!

Yep, 3 AF days but in the last 7 days a TOTAL of 3 drinks and 2 sips before I poured it out! HA! HA! If I could mail it to you instead - I would LOL. Frigg – I was spending close to $1000 a month on AL!! I’ve been on a shopping maniac the past few days for Greece with this new info figuring I’ve already saved a few hundred dollars. LOL

And yes, the stuff I am telling myself - I have been telling myself forever. We’re still going to have ups and down for a spell Houtx. Are you tracking? I thought that really helped me when I was doing TSM so I started again doing Topa. Now sure how the hell I am going to keep track of it all while in Greece for 2 weeks – ink pen marks on my palm??? HA!

What are Groupons? I’m always trying to find bargains, like saving 10% if you buy 4 bottles of wine at a time. Shezzzz…. For now I am focusing more on saving my liver more than money! HA! Hell, if I quit smoking (which I WILL DO when I get a handle n this – I may just buy that Mercedes I’ve had my eye on!) =)

Sun – Just a comment on you changing your drink. The thought of Chard, which has been has been my addiction FOREVER, is still turning my stomach when I think about it. Really. Almost like an instant acid reaction. And an EWWWW thought. Yet I still want a buzz to a slight extent – but nothing really “calls” to me. I’m even afraid to TRY a glass of chard and find out it taste great again and be back on a roll with it. Perhaps that is part of the reason I bought that Merlot the other day as well. Kind of want to stay afraid of chardonnay. So I know what you mean about switching it up – it’s not a bad idea.

And Sun – what part of the UK? I have tons of family there! In Devon and London. My nieces laugh when I say BoyToys too. HA!

Houtx – maybe try a night with a few beers only in your house instead? Just a thought … you will know when it’s right. You’re doing great too chica …stay the path. When you can go out and have a couple of beers and call it a night – you be rockin babe!

I’ve kind of got a dilemma about upping my dosage while gone – and would like any input. I went to 50/50 2 days ago. I should move to 50/100 a couple of days before I leave. OK – that feels safe as I could adjust before I left if it felt wrong. But do I dare do such giant jumps during the 2 weeks I am gone? Like the next step up is 150/150? Seems huge!

I am actually feeling great at 50/50 – but don’t want to lose this momentum! At the same time, I don’t want to be a space cadet on my trip either of be taking naps all day long. I am still suffering a bit from that mid day “need my Topa nap” thing – although it’s not too bad and passes pretty fast as long as I take my first does about 930-1000 AM.

OK – off to start my day!

Chow Mein

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there all - just got back from the dentist! No biggie though! WTE - my mum lives in Axminster, my brother in Braunton, my aunt nr Truro, and my other aunt in London!! How come you have so much family there? I think you are doing amazing on the Topa this time round - last night I got in from work, and didn't really want one - but I poured it anyway - and after the one, it was easy to continue - only had three total, but I shouldn't have even poured the one - my body didn't really NEED it - the Topa is doing something, even at such a low dose, which is incredible. It didn't work like this last time. guess each time is different. As for going up when you are away - I am not sure that I would. I don't know. When do you go? How long are you gone for and what are you at now? I might either stay at the level you are on now, or maybe go up one dose then wait til you come back to go up again - but only you can decide how your body is feeling. The thing is that it is easy to drink over the Topa, so I wouldn't want to get into the habit of doing that. hence waiting til you come back to go up again. Just my thoughts - others may think differently. As for changing my drink - I did buy some Guinness today - maybe I should stop buying it and do this the way I did last time I stopped - go to something else, just to still get the buzz - and then go down each night until I just stop. The Guinness has definitely lost it's appeal - until I have had that first one. LOL But we all know how that goes eh? Oh and WTE, when i stopped drinking in Jan, I also stopped smoking! With no trouble at all. then when I started drinking again this time I also started smoking again - with no trouble at all. The cigs have sort of lost their appeal a little bit too - unless I am drinking so I am hoping that I will stop both together again.

Anyway, today is my day off and I really must DO something instead of just playing on the computer! Probably back later though.

Hugs to all - hang in there - we CAN DO THIS,

Love, Sun xx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Congratulations to all of you who are doing so well!!!

Being AF OR reducing alcohol is GREAT! :goodjob: Really!
I wish I were there.

I'm waiting for that AL "indifference" to happen sometime... Have to be patient.
Some days I almost don?t want to drink, but still...I do.




Yesterday I went up to 150mg. 50mg in the am , 100mg afternoon.
I was literally sleeping at my desk today so I only took 25 in the morning and will take 100 mg in the afternoon. Will try 150 tomorrow again.


Except for today, I have had very few SE. I fact the side effects had been the good ones, at least for me.

I've read that topiramate is also used off the label to treat difficult OCD. So I think this is why I'm feeling better, more peaceful. And that is good!


I have had another (genetic) condition my whole life: Hyperhidrosis: "The purpose of sweating is to keep a constant body temperature around 37?C through evaporative cooling. We speak of HH when the amount of sweat largely exceeds the quantity required for thermoregulation". i.e. I sweat too much. Much more than the amount needed. Since I started taking topiramate, I sweat, but I sweat like normal people. I still need to use an antiperspirant, but my shirt and my hair are dry most of the day. I?m very happy for this. It?s a very embarrassing condition. My whole family suffers from it, and if you add alcohol and antidepressants that increase sweating, you can imagine?.
I haven?t read about the relation topiramate-hyperhidrosis. Have to google for it yet, but was an interesting and pleasant discovering for me.


Hugs!


.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Airam - don't worry about "IT" happening - it is subtle, and it will. Glad that you are only having good SE's too! That is great for you. You are getting some days when you almost don't want to drink - so it is beginning. I didn't know that Topa was used to treat OCD! That might be a good thing for me LOL.

Just keep plodding along and you will get there - it was SO slow for me the first time and I never thought it would happen - but it did eventually.

Hang in there dear Airam - hugs to you,

sun xx

[2Run]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Airam - I have hyperhidrosis (mostly in my underarms, although I sweat A LOT when I run) as well and I understand how totally debilitating it can be. I actually had botox in my underarms at the beginning of may for it. Normally a $1000 procedure but we have good insurance and they covered 80% of it. It was SO painful (something like 60 shots of botox under each arm) but it's changed my life. If you have insurance I would highly recommend looking into it. I don't sweat under my arms now at all. Not even a little bit damp. Not even when I exercise. You have to be treated again after 6 months but then the treatments begin to space out until you only need to go every year or so. I have also read that the topa can have an effect on how you sweat. Probably related to how much it can dehydrate you.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

2Run - I too had HH - similar to you and when I was 22 had surgery and they took out all my underarm sweat glands - another solution to a dreadful problem!! (amazing how all the little secrets come out as we all get to know one another! LOL )

Sun xx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thank you Sunny and 2Run. I'm glad you solved your HH problem!
Unfortunately insurance does not cover Botox for HH in my country
But topiramate is certainly helping

Today I took 50 mg in the morning and will take 100 at 5pm. I'm not very sleepy today. I hope ot kicks in soon!

Hugs!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there - I was wondering how tay was doing - she hasn't posted in a few days - tay - where are you?????

Airam - glad that you haven't been as sleepy today - the SE's do lessen I find as time goes on - actually, on the other Topa thread here - "side effects of topa", Lucia said that she had had really bad tingling to the point of numbness - made me realise that I had had no tingling yet! Hmm, odd. Anyway, just checking in - hi to everyone,

hugs, Sun xx

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Slow day of posts here, I guess - I notice sometimes my posts show in the wee hours and that is just not so. Weird. I have hit the flat wall again. And thinking of upping my dose. Ugh - hate that. My weight loss is not consistent. I've been on this stuff almost 2 months now and only lost what I've lost. It's pissing me off. I honestly feel like I'm starving myself to death. I'm seriously trying to lose some weight for some events in Oct /Nov and nothing is happening. It is just plain weird. I'm frustrated and HUNGRY!!!!!!!! LOL

I am working out, and not eating much and should have dropped about 10 lbs by now. NOTHING. Yesterday I ate practically nothing, shopped with my daughter after work, came home at 9, was starving, was feeling like a drink, poured a glass of wine, that tasted like vinegar, switched to a small glass of crown, had an 80 calorie lo-carb tortilla w/ a bit of cheese...

Weighed in this morning thinking I'd be a waif...up a pound?! NO way. Unacceptable. It's just stupid and I just think somethings wrong. Everyday I eat my share of veggies/protein/and very little carb...even with my lighter consumption of AL my stomach tells me I am eating WAY less than normal and I feel lighter and feel like I am losing weight...the scale - no budges, and my clothes are ok but not particularly looser. Pisses me off this whole DAMN thing. I seriously don't get it. Never in my life have I eaten as little as I am and not lost weight (even with the AL calories) - so it must be something with the med. Something must be up even with TOPA...interfering w/ my metabolism. I just don't know but I am freaking sick and tired of it. I am seriously HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT SOME BENEFITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT SOMETHING TO KICK IN FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SICK OF TAKING THESE GD MEDICATIONS AND NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been doing these f***ing meds for alcohol for a year & half and I am sick of it. I am sick of rooting for other people and being all nicey nice and all that. Everyone derserves it - but I am wondering...Where is mine???

WHERE IS MINE????????????????? YA KNOW??? Sorry - Just had to pitch a little fit for a minute - I'll be fine. Ugh...I'm going to go pour another damn glass of wine (my 4th tonight) feel sorry for myself for awhile and move on. Tomorrow night I may be meeting my Heartbreak ("HB") of 3 yrs ago(sometimes it feels like weeks or months ago...kinda has)...but I haven't seen him in a couple of months. WTE & I share some past on this. I am over him, I really am, but the heave-ho sighs at the very idea make me wanna drink in anticipation.

But I'm not. Right now I am trying to do some actual food prep! This whole thing is weirding me out. I know I sound anorexic or something but I'm not, I'm eating right and I'm doing it early in the day, lightly, etc and should be dropping the weight like it's hot...but not.

Anyway - maybe some of you have found this to be true. Look forward to hearing some feedback. ugh -

XO

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Slow day of posts here, I guess - I notice sometimes my posts show in the wee hours and that is just not so. Weird. I have hit the flat wall again. And thinking of upping my dose. Ugh - hate that. My weight loss is not consistent. I've been on this stuff almost 2 months now and only lost what I've lost. It's pissing me off. I honestly feel like I'm starving myself to death. I'm seriously trying to lose some weight for some events in Oct /Nov and nothing is happening. It is just plain weird. I'm frustrated and HUNGRY!!!!!!!! LOL

I am working out, and not eating much and should have dropped about 10 lbs by now. NOTHING. Yesterday I ate practically nothing, shopped with my daughter after work, came home at 9, was starving, was feeling like a drink, poured a glass of wine, that tasted like vinegar, switched to a small glass of crown, had an 80 calorie lo-carb tortilla w/ a bit of cheese...

Weighed in this morning thinking I'd be a waif...up a pound?! NO way. Unacceptable. It's just stupid and I just think somethings wrong. Everyday I eat my share of veggies/protein/and very little carb...even with my lighter consumption of AL my stomach tells me I am eating WAY less than normal and I feel lighter and feel like I am losing weight...the scale - no budges, and my clothes are ok but not particularly looser. Pisses me off this whole DAMN thing. I seriously don't get it. Never in my life have I eaten as little as I am and not lost weight (even with the AL calories) - so it must be something with the med. Something must be up even with TOPA...interfering w/ my metabolism. I just don't know but I am freaking sick and tired of it. I am seriously HUNGRY!!!!!!!!!!!

I WANT SOME BENEFITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT SOMETHING TO KICK IN FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SICK OF TAKING THESE GD MEDICATIONS AND NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been doing these f***ing meds for alcohol for a year & half and I am sick of it. I am sick of rooting for other people and being all nicey nice and all that. Everyone derserves it - but I am wondering...Where is mine???

WHERE IS MINE????????????????? YA KNOW??? Sorry - Just had to pitch a little fit for a minute - I'll be fine. Ugh...I'm going to go pour another damn glass of wine (my 4th tonight) feel sorry for myself for awhile and move on. Tomorrow night I may be meeting my Heartbreak ("HB") of 3 yrs ago(sometimes it feels like weeks or months ago...kinda has)...but I haven't seen him in a couple of months. WTE & I share some past on this. I am over him, I really am, but the heave-ho sighs at the very idea make me wanna drink in anticipation.

But I'm not. Right now I am trying to do some actual food prep! This whole thing is weirding me out. I know I sound anorexic or something but I'm not, I'm eating - but I'm doing it early in the day, lightly, etc and should be dropping the weight like it's hot...but not.

Anyway - maybe some of you have found this to be true. Look forward to hearing some feedback. ugh -

XO

[mumtotwo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm here... still haven't found the courage to talk to my doctor for the script. I did 2 days AF and with my husband out of town and the horrible day I've had I just can't keep it all together.... hard day with my little boy. Has anyone listened to the "God of Wine" by Third Eye Blind?

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HOUTX IM SO SORRY. I JUST WANT TO SEND A BIG HUG TO YOU. I DONT HAVE INTERNET ACCESS AT HOME AND IM WRITING FROM MY PHONE AND IT S VERY DIFFICULT. ((HUGS))

HUGS TO YOU TOO MUM.