New here and starting Topa and with a question

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Iluminae, WTE is right. This is the place. I can relate so much. I feel there's so much I want to talk and I don't know how/where to start.

Sunny, I'll be 46 in a month (don't know why I said I was 44 in my first post , I wasn't trying to hide my age or anything) and I still care what my mother thinks :no:

Sassy, I'm glad Hubby and son weren't hurt! How scary. And I'm also glad you haven't drank. I really think the topa is knicking in.

I haven't had more AF days. I'm not drinking too much. About 2 glasses of wine or 2 shots of tequila every day. Hope I'll have more AF days soon. I'm still at 150mg. I need to go up to 200mg but I'm scared I'll fall asleep at my desk.


Oh! WTE, I met my SO online too! 9 years ago. He is a great man. Non drinker! But guess what... he lied about his age. Ugh, why do men always do that?

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello!

Hi everyone. I've been around off and on for a couple years. It's been so long I couldn't even remember my username/email or password so I just started fresh. I decided recently to start this journey again with the help of my friend Topamax and I started with 25mg a week ago today.

A few days ago I started reading this thread to get some ideas of what others are experiencing on Topa...and have read through its entirety. lol so I feel like I know all of you. Had to join in and say hello.

I have to say that all of you are very inspiring and I can relate to each one of you in one way or another!

My vice is wine. I've been drinking a bottle or more every day for about 2 years now. Recently I have seen myself empty 2 bottles per day more frequently and I am also finding myself drinking during the day. During the week I would start as early as 2:00 or 12:00 on the weekends. I would call myself fully functioning. I hold a good job (unfortunately one that is flexible enough for me to go home and drink during the day). I have a 6 year old son. I am soccer mom, room mom, and volunteer for everything under the sun. I have a masters degree and I am back in school yet again. All while drunk all the time. Go figure.

I had success with Topamax back in 2008. Had 14 days AF and decided to "test" myself with a night out at a cowboy bar and the rest is history. Tried it again a few times since with no success. I don't know if I started with too high a dosage or didn't cut back on drinking enough, but this time it is working great! I came into it mentally ready though. I've just got to the point where I am so tired of the same old crap.

Topa day one I had sharp cravings, and ended up drinking a whole bottle of wine. Less than I normally do, but still more than I wanted after my vow to stop. Day two was easier, only had a couple glasses. Day 4 was my first AF day!!! Day 5 another bottle, but it was Friday night and a social event... BUT I hardly even wanted to drink. It was that whole "my mind wants it but my body doesn't". I kept drinking to try to get the buzz that never came." Yesterday I had my 3rd AF day.

Anyways... hello.... hope you don't mind me joining in. I am curious, how is everyone else's progress?

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay – FRUSTRATING. Am I the only person to type a lengthy chat only to have it blown into cyberspace and then have to sign back into the forum? It’s happened before. I’m playing it safe and typing into word and then transferring. I was too exhausted and frustrated to try and retype last night so I’ll try and recap today.

WTE I am only beginning to realize the trials and tribulations of online dating. This guy that has a VILLA – 4 room 3 bath house in Orlando (yeah villa, right) was freaking ready to marry me, had us making love out by his pool (and an ugly pool at that), holy crap is all I can say. Had to cut that one loose real fast. Oh and did I mention that his net worth of 5-10 mil had him spending summers in Europe in a friggin motor home. Yeah, WHATEVER. If I didn’t drink already this online scene might be driving me straight the hell to it. And the bonehead of the week – I’m so sorry but I did laugh. OHHHH wow, hope it’s all sorted out now. OK I’m still snickering but just a little.

Airam – You have to stick with the generic for whatever reason it seems to work for you. It might even be something non medicinal in it . Who knows. Even if there was the ever so slightest chance that it was in your head so what – it works so go with it.
Now, for the 2 drinks a day – that is fantastic – that is within healthy safe national limits. I would be happy if I could be there. I know you want AF and you will get there but focus on the positive until you do.
And Airam, when you are ready to share, you know who to talk to, we are all here.

Not a thumper Sassy – sure sure. Just kidding. I admire your commitment. It’s nice to have something like that. I hope you had a great weekend without your dear husband.

H4B – 2 glasses on a day for any of us is an accomplishment so give praise where praise is due girl. The laundry can wait.

2Run – losing weight seems to be the SE we all want. Another beotch on board WTE☺ World travelers and skinny beotchs. Yeah, I’m a hater.

HOUTX – Damn………….Damn. What a loser. Seriously. What guy has to lie about his age? Come on (sorry Airam wrote that before i read your post again:-) And the outburst - Dork. Contender nothing – he shouldn’t even make it to the gate. Get him to take you to the most expensive restaurants in town before you kick him to the curb girlfriend.

Illuminae – No gushing – just write. And write and write and write. We are definitely here to read and listen and respond if that is what you want or need. Writing definitely helps get it out and sort it out for sure. I’m proud of you for being able to prove what you wanted to for your parents. Good for you.

Sassy – wow, that’s quite a story. It’s like you weren’t meant to drink. Thanks goodness no one was hurt.

So three successful online relationships from our group. Woohoo!! Houtx. WTE, there is hope for us single gals. I’m still holding out for the rich guy though.

Oh Oh D2T WELCOME to another Wine lover!!!! You sound totally ready to do it this time. I think, from what I’ve read from others that have tried before, that it’s like quitting smoking – you have to be really ready to do it.

I am just starting week 3 so tomorrow I will go up to 75 mg. – 25 mg in the morning and 50 mg in the afternoon. My wine consumption was under 30 glasses for the week this past week – well I’m pretty sure although I have to add in tonight. That hasn’t happened in over 3 months and only then, probably 3 weeks out of the past year. So, I do believe that it is the Topa doing it’s job!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Airam - and welcome Dreams - wonder if I would know you by your other name? Airam mum and I talked yesterday and the Topa wasn't mentioned - I am sure that she will be writing to me though!! I am supposed to going up to 200 mg today too - so now is when i start to panic and think "Is it going to work??". I am still drinking but just the two each night - of course, it is Kahlua and I don't measure it though.....

Dreams - lovely to have you join us here. I am always amazed when somone says that they started the Topa and it works straight away - when I first started it, both my doc and the pharmacist said that it would take about 6 weeks to work, so I happily continued drinking!!

As you probably read, I did start again and also jumped back in at too high of a dose- and my doc said it was at too high a dose so went back to the 25 mg - I have definitely cut down and am not drinking my favourite any more - cannot drink Guinness now - the thought of it is yuck. I am going up to 200 mg today and am just starting week 6 so expecting great happenings this week!! Maybe when the Kahlua runs out I shouldn't buy more!! We still have brandy in the house which I will sometimes have instead - brandy in coffee. hubs drinks but I don't like what he drinks (anything else apart from kahlua, although he will have brandy sometimes but if I tell him not to get it he won't). If the Topa works for you on a lower dose, that is great - it does for some - WTE had great luck with it this time. For others, they have to go up (like me). Although I wonder if I decide in my head that I have to go up, so I can keep drinking longer......just something that has crossed my mind. I think it is wonderful that you have had 3 AF days - well done. Wish I could do it on such a low dose.

Clare - just realised that you have posted as I am writing so will post this then come back and post again after I read yours - would hate to lose this. back soon! Oh and no - I lost one 'cos it wouldn't post after I tried submitting it!!

hugs, Sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Welocme D2T!! I think everyone here will agree that you're in the right place.

Thanks everyone for encouraging me to write. I had my lowest number of drinks for the week since I started counting almost a year ago, and I haven't even gotten my Topa yet (hey, shouldn't it be here by now?!!) 1 AF that wasn't hard at all. Lots of factors helped to make this week so low as I mentioned before. I guess all of us still worry about our parents! Too funny. I also feel pretty good because over the last couple of weeks I've helped several other people on this and the TSM site: 1) sent a member in need some Naltrexone til he could get some more 2) Referred some folks here curious about Nal/TSM to that site, and 3) referred a TSM'er to the shrink that prescribed Nal to me when I started on this journey, and he has an appointment tomorrow!!

I started on the MWO supplements yesterday and I feel pretty good today. I was worried they'd make me sick to my stomach with how many pills/powders there are, but so far it's been fine.

Friday night was really weird. My mom was watching the kids so we could go out. My husband and I were pretty tired/burnt out though so decided to just go to dinner. He ordered a gin & tonic right away, I asked for water. We ordered our standard bottle of wine, I think I had what would count as 2 glasses, maybe a bit more but wasn't rushing through it, trying to get "my fair share" like I used to do. We were pretty much done eating and each had a few sips left in our glasses, when hubby decided to order desert and a scotch. I was ready to go and this annoyed me more than it should have. So then I said I'd finish his wine thinking it would be nice to have some to sip through him having his scotch and dessert and he was like no- I'll drink my wine AND my scotch. I know this is normal for him but it really pissed me off because I know he doesn't even notice how much more of the wine I've been "letting" him drink (I don't usually care as much now). For some reason his drink was taking forever to come, of course, and next thing you know the manager brings him one scotch, then the waiter brings him another not knowing what the manager was doing! Oh, I just watned to go home!

So at home, we pop in a movie, and he opens a bottle of red. I open a white and pour a glass. I think it sat there for 1/2 hour before I took my first sip, and didn't finish that first galss for a good hour total. I only had two more glasses over the next couple of hours. He drank over half his bottle then switched to vodka drinks (2 tall ones I think). I was sitting there thinking that he's going to be a MESS in the morning. but he wasn't, and this probably wasn't a big deal for him but my perception of it sure was different!

That's my vent/story for today. I hope everyone has a great week!!! :h

Illuminae

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Illuminae - it is SO amazing how different our perception is once we are cutting down our intake isn't it? Hubs drinks and I have always just accepted the amount that he does drink - but now I look at it and think "wow" - I never drank a HUGE amount but it seems to me that he is drinking more. It doesn't annoy me but rather just amazes me that I didn't really notice it before.

Good for you on helping others too - that always leaves me with a good feeling when you can help someone else here (or the other site too). When did you order your Topa and where is it coming from?

Gosh you singles, I am SO pleased I am not in the dating pool! Hubs and I have been married 29 years and although he is a pain at times, I would hate to have to go through all that again. in fact I don't think I would - I would stay happily single if anything happened to Hubs! I do not think I could do that again.

As far as losing weight - this time I haven't actually, although I am fine with that. I went down to the smallest I have ever been last time (a 4) and had to go out and buy new trousers for work and someone asked if I was anorexic!!!! I have gone up a size and am now fine. so, here is good.

Got to get ready for work - closing shift tonight. Talk later everyone,

love, Sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I ordered from River on Oct 6th and the site says it made it to the US Postal Service on Oct 11th. Maybe I'll have a slip to pick it up when I get home today?

I sure hope I get it this week because I want to start on Friday when my husband is gone and I have the weekend to see if I have any SEs, etc.

[mumtotwo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi girls (and the men too!)

I want to take time to read and reply to everyone very soon, but I've been so busy and so disappointed in myself lately. I can still drink a bottle + of wine every night I allow myself to (which is virtually every night). Nights like Saturday night at a neighborhood party I'm sure I had WAY more and am soooo annoyed with myself... and so the story goes. My son is still having issues that we just can't determine and it breaks my heart every day. Makes be believe that having a glass of wine (and then continuing on) at 4 pm is "OK".

Here is what I would LOVE your help with: my doctor appointment is Thursday (FINALLY... she is so hard to get in to) and I would love your advice on how to approach Topamax with her. I ordered Bac online (still haven't gotten it yet) but will be willing to not take it at all if I could convince her to give me a prescription for the Topa. How do I do this?? I have no history of migraines so I don't think I could go that route unless anyone has a suggestion for how? I would just prefer to have this prescribed for me so she knows that I'm taking it (in addition to the 50 mg of Zoloft that I currently take for anxiety). I'd love any advice you have!

Being at home with my 2 little ones is wonderful but also allows me to drink in the afternoon which is NOT good. Having a 5 year old with other issues is also pushing me over the edge, along with my husband traveling all the time and not being here to help.

Thanks so much to all of you for your help!!!

Sun-- instead of being "Mum" how about I'm just "Anne"

Anne xx

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Its not too hard

Anne,
It wasn't very difficult for me to "get" my doc to prescribe Topa. Last time I saw him, (a psych I've seen for depression, which is well maintained with a med) he change my med for depression and suggested I cut back/stop drinking, as I'd come clean in a weeping mess about the amount I drank (bottle/day sometimes). Note I've only seen this guy 2 or 3 times total.

So, when I found this web site, and got it in my head that this was what I wanted to do and called for an appt, all I said was I wanted to talk to him about my meds. The scheduling was way out, (this was Sep, and it was mid-Nov before I could see him,). So I said that wouldn't work, was there a different doc, and there was, and I made an appt for that Friday. Interestingly, later that day, the office called saying my doc had an opening right away the next morning. I don't know if this was 1) heavenly grace, 2) reception was worried about me, 3) doc was worried about me, or 4) an opening just happened to come open. But there it was. So I printed off information about both baclofen and topamax, as well as the supplments and this program, went in, and told him, I want to try to tackle my drinking from all angles, supplements, hypnotherapy, drug therapy, exericise, just throw everything at it. Would you consider prescribing Topa for me? I'd rather have that than me getting it online. (Jewell has some lines in her book simlar to this). He saw the research I'd done, my committment, was aware of Topa's ability to decrease cravings, and was MORE than willing-no convincing necessary. No conflict with the anti-depressant. Yes with the birth control, but I'm 47, so likely not that fertile anymore (she says).

Give it a try- I was worried too, and it was easier than ordering a pizza! (Cheaper too)Good luck

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Anne - I hate to say this, but I would not advise telling your doctor you have a problem with alcohol if it's not already part of your records. It will have long term consequences on your ability to get insurance. Health or Life, and being that you have children, please think about that. I made that mistake myself. After reading the MWO book, I went straight to my doctor (back in 2008) got the prescription and last year I applied for life insurance. The life insurance company requested my medical records, DENIED my application, and reported to MIB, which is a nationwide insurance reporting service. So if I go to apply for insurance anywhere else they will see my stuff also. I asked how long before I might be eligible for insurance and they said AT LEAST 10 years! This makes me sad because I have a young child and I just pray nothing ever happens to me. More reason for me to take care of myself, right? So I would advise telling your doctor you have migranes and that your friend/sister told you Topamax works great, and insist on it...or something like that.

Sunshine, I am amazed how well it is working this time. It may be my attitude, or may be the dosage. I have 50mg pills that I split in half. They are the pills I have from my Rx from way back. The last few times I tried, I just started out with the whole pill and continued to drink over it. I dunno... weird. And I would get so messed up because I was chasing that buzz that topa wouldn't let me feel and would ultimately drink way more than normal. I guess my heart just wasn't in it at the time. Lots of other emotions going on too. That didn't help. But now, most of my motivation is really vanity. I need to lose weight so badly. I am so miserable and tired of it.

Thanks everyone for your welcoming messages. Back to work now...with no wine in me

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a VERY quick post and will write more later .. ECHO the last post.

DO NOT inform your DR of AL abuse if you can avoid it. At least if you are in the USA. It will haunt you for years. There are other means of getting Topa.

Hug and back in a bit (from KnuckleHead LOL)

WTE

[july141995]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

OMG,

What a great thread! I need to catch up!

I'm waiting for my topa, but starting all my supps, I had a restrained weekend and did very well for myself. Friday nothing and Saturday a hot toddie. Feeling a little under the weather with the sniffles and cough. I was very happy with myself.

Hoping- I hope you feel better with the "flat" feeling. That was my biggest trouble with Topa. Just feeling blah....laundry whatever.....dishes whatever....I'm willing to give it another go.

Houtx, Wow! What a story.. Love reading everyone's stories.

Illum- The "p's" I purpsoely maintain space with my in-laws. They mean well and love me and my boys, but...there are boundaries.

WTE- I hope you're feeling better after you jump to 100!!!! Make sure to get your rest.

Sassy- Doesn't it feel good to be sober and be ready at the last minute call? We go up Noth and I know how big deer season is...We are waiting for snowmobile season.

Dream - Welcome . I think we can all relate to one another here. . Don't be afraid to vent! That is what we are here for. Good luck.

I can't wait for my topa. This weekend I was "good". I'm just not feeling well with this cold. But, the hot toddie tastes good and helps me sleep.

Best wishes to everyone! Let's do our best for ourselves and loved ones!

Good night

[hoping4better]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Regarding the insurance issue: my doctor isn't on my insurance plan and I pay her cash. But she does prescribe the tops, bac, nal. Will they still ask for her records? Probably so....

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Insurance

This insurance thing makes me said/angry.

In the not-too-distant past, I held my life/health insurance licenses for multiple states. And for more years than not of my working life, I've worked for health/life insurance/financial companies. You know what? My youngest is 12, and I have the life insurance I need. I get my medical insurance through work. I was unemployed for a year in 2009-2010. And getting sober/controlling my drinking is MORE IMPORTANT than that.

I heard a lecture this weekend about being true to yourself, letting yourself be less than perfect, letting others see that you have flaws, and how freeing it can be. I understand not giving info out if it will, indeed, be damaging to one's financial future. But I think the general advice to "not tell the medical community about your AL use" is misguided. It feeds in to the taboo of having a problem-hide it!!! It's something not worthy of help!!! DON"T LET ANYWAY SEE!! SWEEP IT UNDER THE RUG AND DON"T TALK ABOUT IT. You know what, I don't buy it. I believe our health professionals are there to help us, that prescriptions are better than internet buys, and that life insurance is nice, but it's better to be sober in life than to leave a fortune to others in death.

Just my 2 cents.

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I totally agree with the information/privacy issue and giving too much information to your Doctor. I am doing Nal and Topa under self medication (probably much more informed than any Dr. if I do say so my self:-) I was denied life insurance 2 years ago also so PLEASE be careful what information you choose to divulge and whom you choose to give it to. There is a whole thread at Thesinclairmethod.com about this very subject.