New here and starting Topa and with a question

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx, and all. Sorry for the short posts. I have been on Topo for 2 weeks with no side effects...no nothing. I have cut back on my drinking by will power. I am hiding it from my wife. I am slowly sinking into a rather deep state of depression and can't seem to pull myself out of it. I have a high stress job, and am really hoping that this program begins to work soon. I am doing everything but the cds. I just can't seem to find the time to listen to them. I even transfered them to my iPhone in case I did have some time... If you would like to read my story, you can do it here. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f8...out-45907.html

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Dad - find the time!!! Even though they aren't the best the clearing alone should help you with the depression if you just relax and try to let it.

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a quick one as I have another early one out the door ... tis the season.

I am NOT giving up. It's still early in this game and just a very short time ago that I WAS feeling the control that I want back in my life. I'm going to play the waiting game here and hope it returns.

Slight shift yesterday and last evening. Again - so subtle at times. I came home to a full bottle of wine in the frig and opened that. Poured one glass but found I was drinking it slower again. Poured a second glass and when I went to drink it - there itwas again .. that "do I really want this?" thought. Ah Ha! Pushed it aside and went to bed with water instead.

I find sometimes I have to change my environment, like leaving my desk or moving from the living room and going to the bedroom to finish watching TV and leaving the wine behind - or pouring it out. If it's staring me in the face, I will drink it - habit?

And AF day is still out of my reach for the moment but perhaps getting closer again.

Houtx, like you, I am SO sick of tracking, and pill popping. But I am even more sick of how little focus and energy I seem to have the older I get and drinking so much wine. Damn - just don't pop back the way I used to. HA!

I'm in a real catch 22 right now. MAJOR stress time for me with work and that makes we want to "unwind". Then I lose my focus and just don't get it all accomplished like I need to.

Hugs to all and sorry this was only "all about me" .. just wanted everyone to know I REFUSE to give up and am still on track and doing 50/50 now.

WTE

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

illuminae, when do you listen to the cds?

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

NOTE TO GIRL : Make sure you take your NAL properly****** ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS when drinking. 1 hour before you drink take your NAL then drink. It doesn't work if you don't drink. Check out thesinclairmethod.com

If you knew that , awesome. If not, just wanted to make sure:-) Good luck. We are all rooting for you.

NOTE TO AIRAM - Please check in. Just let us know you are ok. Even if it is one line. Even if it is "HI" . Check in.

I'll update later. Love to all.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

For the most part I've listened to the clearing and hypnotic ones on the weekend when my husband has been gone or busy and kids watching tv or on the computer. I've played the subliminal in the car or while doing housework. Sleep - of course while sleeping but went in our spare bedroom with the excuse of my husbands snoring which I do all the time. I actually did one of the hypnotic tracks in my car while I was out of the office in between meetings! I'm also fortunate that I get every other Friday off so I've done some of it then

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl, I am in western WI, grew up in MN....for what it's worth.

Told all to my hubbie this morning after a VERY tearful evening last night. Told him I'm not happy, I drink to drown it out, looking for more joy and "fun" at times in our relationship. It's not all him, by any means, and this morning, I took a deep breath, and told him that when doc said I should probably stop drinking (he said this last fall), that it's just pouring fuel on my depressive fire, he's probably right. He was very good, listened, said that's probably right, wanted to know what the plan was. It's complicated, I said. On the one hand, if the plan is for me to abstain, but then I want to have a drink, and you're the provider of AL as the liquor store owner, it's hard to to feel controlled. On the other hand, you're my husband, and I want your support and help. Try to think of it like a diet-don't keep chocolate mousse in the house or eat it in front of me, but don't damn me to hell if you see me eating something you think I shouldn't be eating. Not exactly the same, but...

Time to reinvent my life.

[SassyLassy]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Day 1 AF

Yesterday was day 1 AF. Yeah me.

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sassy - Good job on day one! now just take it hour by hour on day two. I have never made it past day two. show me you can!

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone for being so kind and for your support. Thanks everyone. You are great; it feels so good to come here and see your messages. Thank you Sunny for your private message.
Thanks Claremont and everyone else for asking.

I was very depressed these days.

Last Wednesday I had to confront my boss about the way he treats people and myself. It was hard and didn?t go well. That was the very first thing that caused major anxiety.

On Friday, my father was feeling better so we decided to have a small dinner party to celebarte his 85th birthday. Everything went very well. But after dinner my mom started feeling ill. To cut a long story short, after several doctors and many medications they could control a bit her pain. It was a very hard experience. She is a little better today.

Besides, my boyfriend had a very big problem and lost a big business deal and his business is suffering badly now and, yes, I was also affected by this.

After those days I was feeling incredibly uneasy and anxious.

I just wanted to calm myself.

I really don?t know what I was thinking, but I decided to stop taking the topiramate and started drinking like crazy.

I wonder how I didn't end up dead.
I drank 4 bottles of vodka and some wine in less than 3 days.
I am so stupid.


I?m back to topa since yesterday. I?m taking 150mg. I don?t know if that?s ok. Should I start again with 25mg?
I want to be free of this monster

I haven?t been here but you have been on my mind. I wish you all are well. I?ll read all your posts later.

Thanks again.
Hugs.

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

airam, how long were you off topo? you might be ok if it was just 4 days. do you have a doctor that you can talk to? were you al free before at 150mg?

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi TrappedDad, it was 4 or 5 days.

I was not completely AF. I was about 4 days a week AF for the last weeks.
I don't have a doctor. I'm doing this on my own.

Thanks for your reply.

[TrappedDad]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

airam, go for it and see how it works for you. if the cravings come back hard, then I think you will have to start over again.

[Claremont]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Airam - what a relief - so glad to hear from you. You are NOT stupid. You have been under SOOOOOO much pressure, the bubble has to burst doesn't it? We knew it would. You WERE working up to it. You knew you were. The signs were there. You told us long before it happened. Thank god it wasn't worse. You had your moment, as brief as it was. And it was brief. You are back very quickly and look at what you have dealt with in such a short period and so few bottles!! It could have been much much worse and in the past would have been. Proud of ya babe!

Now, there is still pressure with your BF loss so be there but try not to carry the burden. Hope your folks are hanging in OK. I know how hard it must be for you. The boss, sorry, is still a dick and needs to be fired. I'm glad to hear you addressed the issue and I hope that things will be resolved.

If the 150 mg is ok with the SEs after being off for 4-5 days then stick with it for a few weeks before titrating back up again. It'll need to build back up in your system or won't do you much good.

So happy to hear from you. We were WORRIED. Don't do that to us again. Geesh.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Air, I feel you - I have been there, many many MANY times...you are not stupid, none of us are - we are on here aren't we? When people used to tell me they tried to quit smoking and failed I always said 'well at least you tried, I have never even tried!' - well here I am trying!!! This has been a very dark and depressing week, feeling better today...hang in there everyone, we all have each other.:h