New here and starting Topa and with a question

[mumtotwo]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone.

Checking in per Clare's request Thank you for thinking of me. I have been drinking more lately and earlier than in the past on a regular basis... this is really scaring me. I think I just need to totally stop but can't commit to a day to do it. Maybe November 30th... my son has testing for all sorts of things on Dec. 1st so I'll need a clear head that day In-laws are coming in town tomorrow for the weekend and then we'll be staying with them in the mountains over Thanksgiving, and they don't drink (and I KNOW they think I drink too much) so maybe over Thanksgiving will be the time to quit. Not sure if that will be good as I drink due to stressors and my MIL is a big stressor I know I need to come up with another plan to deal with stress but I also know that it will take time...and a solid plan. I need to make up my mind and set a date.

Clare--- I know exactly how you feel. I hate taking pills, especially when I feel like mine aren't doing anything except making me tired and slow. I metabolize medications very quickly so maybe I need to take more but I can't imagine taking more... I think I'd be sleeping on my feet. Hang in there... so much of it is simply the mindset and motivation, which I don't seem to have at the moment.

Illum--- hope you are OK... thinking of you!

Houtx--- you are fine!! Out with the old and annoying and in with the new!!

Sun--- good on you. You don't drink enough to be drunk even when you're at you're highest level... so cutting way down is even better! I hope to be there one day. I feel like since I've decided to slow down I've only gotten worse. I'm proud of you for all you've done!! Hang in there.

WTE--- where are you? How are you??

Airam--- haven't been able to read back too many pages but I hope you're doing well... sounds like you are from the posts I'm reading.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Anne xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello, I'm fine. Actually had a really good business trip, just got a bit stupid Wednesday night. Started out great. me and two folks that work with me (one guy, one gal) went to a really nice dinner, had one glass of wine each, and then just walked around this nice downtown area for a while... then we ended up going to this famous Irish pub near the hotel I was staying. We all three went to the same college (different years) and got going telling all these all stories about each of our exploits while there and stuff, and I got in one of those moods losing track of the drinks and having a really fun time. Me and the guy in particular have been working together for a lot of years and have a LOT in common. (we don't live in the same town though.) Lets just say at the end of the evening I said some things to him that were not so appropriate and had they been acted upon I would have been in some trouble. In any case, they weren't, and I didn't but it was not good... purely the wine talking. The sad thing is that I've found myself in that situation before (with others AND him) and I was really hoping it wouldn't happen again. Good news was this time I didn't pretend like nothing happened and we talked about it before the trip was over, why it happens in particular between us and how to avoid it in the future. At least I felt mature about that and didn't anguish too much. Again, very successful trip otherwise, and no troubles with drinking too much any other day.

Very, very busy getting ready for holidays and my kids' birthdays but everything is coming together. Still kind of insane though since I was gone on this trip and then my husband left on a trip straight from work yesterday so we didn't even see each other. He dropped the kids at school yesterday and I picked them up after I got back. he gets back late tomorrow.

Got to go for now. Thank you all for your concern and continuing to check in. :l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum - I hear ya and can relate! I love these stories because I identify on so many levels - GAWD!!! I know you've died a thousand deaths of embarrassment with this guy...good you talked it out, etc and hopefully it won't happen in the future...too tired to go into much more but hope that little blip in the workplace dynamic works itself out. Seems so...& Sounds like you acted and ended it appropriately:-))

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm sure this week will be very slow posting for those of us in the States...our big Thanksgiving holiday on Thursday.

Just wanted to update one more thing I found out today: my cardiologist's office called today. My arrythmia is not that big of a deal! I wore a monitor for 24 hrs and they said barely an irregular blip showed up! That just floored me as I can feel it pounding out of my chest sometimes. But...how can you argue?? They also said my blood work (and they tetsted everything from potassium to liver to sugar to everything in between) was completely normal! I can't tell you how relieved and shocked I was!! I told the nurse how my heart thumps me awake, that I was really surprised it didn't register anything more serious on the monitor (not that I am a hypochondriac, but this has been bothering me for 5 years)...she said if it really bothers me the DR can prescribe meds but "there are SEs"...

I didn't ask what. I took the clean bill of health and decided I will continue to live with the THUMPiTTY THUMP THUMP THUMPS that bother me every few minutes. He said these are more normal than people think...OK! I was sooooooo relieved! Thought I was going to be told I was on the brink of serious cardiac arrest or something. TA-DAH!! Naturally I celebrate...:-)) But keeping a handle on it.

TOPA is not exactly working for me...but maybe MWO, this thread, is. I have forgotten to take the pills for the last 3 days. Was at 50 mgs for a week or more and could feel a significantly more snappier mental self...liked it. Thinking I will just continue on with the therapy here and not take any meds for awhile. Hope alls well w/ everyone else. Happy Thanksgiving!

XO

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

good news for you Houtx, glad you are doing and feeling well. I've been up to 150mg since Friday and the SE's are starting to drive me mad. Eye twitches are back. feet falling asleep big time, and I am noticing saying the wrong thing at times but not too bad. I am having this really obnoxious bad sort of numbness/tingling on my tongue. Think this is what might be contributing to the appetite suppressant/weight loss aspect some experience, which is me to a degree. I haven't had any major weight loss but have been maintaining my lowest weight level in years over these last 6 weeks or so. Oh other thing is I've been having kind of bloodshot and dry eyes. Over the weekend another interesting thing was that I normally sleep in and nap at least one of the days. This past weekend I did none of those things. I Still drank roughly a bottle of wine a night (which isn't too terribly bad considering past exploits). I tried to sleep in but couldn't. Found myself waking up with things on my mind that needed to be done, got up and going with the kids, and actually wanted to. Added extra unplanned activities as well. We were out and about, got chores done and fun things too. Shopping cleaning, movies etc. I think I would have won a pretty good mom award. Nothing was driven by an agenda for me to have a drink like it used to be. Just now in fact it was a fairly faded memory that I used to center all of my movements around accessibility to alcohol. :goodjob:
I was pretty dang tired though and it was off to work this morning. Kids are out of school this whole week so DH and I are taking turns at home so I get to stay with them tomorrow.
Lucky for me for ONCE my stingy brother and his wife are having Thanksgiving at their house for a change since her sister and their family are in town. (For context we almost always have it at our house and also Easter is always at ours as well.) And so you know I really like my sister in law a lot it's my brother that we have a harder time with - go figure!
Well, I'd better sign off so I can go to bed and get ready for a too early wake up tomorrow. I hope to see more updates from my friends here soon. it really does help me on my journey to read other people's stories and share in your lives!!!!

And help me with these SE's. I'm a little scared about following the protocol and going up to 200mg on Friday and looking at the schedule and timing and all with it all coming with the holidays. Or maybe that's a good thing??

Oh another thing I forgot to mention. My husband declared today that he wants to "be good" and lose 25 pounds between now and Christmas because we're going to Iowa (his hometown) which means he'll have to diet and cut back on booze. I said fantastic! this could really help me cut back on the habit part of drinking. Then he proceeded to drink a large bottle of hot sake at dinner (we went to a sushi place) and a bottle of red wine at home and then had a "snack" of two soft pretzels with nacho cheese dip. I guess he'll start tomorrow :H Isn't that how a diet always starts? Now I know I'm making fun but I'm the same way too, and I seem to have had more success with less declaring what I'm doing and more just doing.

Okay really going to go now. Really hope to hear from more of you people!!!! YOU are my most important friends right now so please check in. Otherwise I will drunk dial someone or drunk facebook someone! I am saying this as being silly right now but in my former life, that is what I might be doing now. And in my future life if I don't hear really cool stuff from you guys that is what I might wind up doing.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum - I am always around - I don't post as much - I wish the others would come back! I am not sure if you should go up to the 200 or not. With the Se you are having I would say no - maybe stay at the level you are at for another week and see how you feel? Maybe see if they level out a bit. apart from that it sounds as if you are doing pretty well though. Do you have my phone number? you can always call me. I will PM it to you. I laughed at your Hubs and his good intentions - sounds rather like mine!!

Houtx - good for you re the Cardio stuff - years ago they put me on one of those Holter monitors and I thought it would show all manner of stuff - but no, all the thumping and stuff was normal - since then it has all gone away! Well - the heart is still thumping (Duh!) but not the way it used to. anyway - great on the clean bill of health. I had my cancer check up yesterday and also got a clean bill of health. Yeah! Sorry the Topa isn't working for you - maybe just stick around anyway? I think this thread is slowly disintegrating. Where is WTE these days??

Back later all, Hugs to you,

Sun xxx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I was 200mg for a few days an had to go back to 150. I just can not think or concentrate at 200.

I didn't take the pills the past weekend. I simply forgot.
And I definitely drank more.

I've also wondered from time to time if the topa is working or not, but really, I think it is.
I never had AF days before topa, no matter how hard I tried. And I drink more whenever I fail to take it.
Wish it was a magic pill, but its effect is subtle.

Houtx.- I'm glad everything is ok with your heart!
Ilum.- I have all the SE you describe except for the word problem. They don't bother me much. Just the lack of concentration. I would try 200mg for a few days and see how you feel. Or, as Sunny suggests, stay a few more days at 150mg until your body gets more used to it.
Sunny.- How are you doing my friend? I'm so glad your check up went well!

HUGS to all.

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum - I'm really impressed you have instituted so many changes & not felt like drinking as much. Maybe I will go back on TOPA after the first of the year. Think I will just go without anything for now. I suddenly dropped it @ 50 mgs with no SEs at all. All this adhering to a strict titration schedule going up...coming down it's like tripping down the stairs. BOOM! You're done and suddenly at the bottom! I love your stories - the dieting thing w/ Hubs is so true!! LOL And I cracked up at "drunken FB posting" OMG!!! I just write drunken emails, wake up the next day and think...oh shit! LOL But have pretty much gotten that under control. I have a "DO NOT SEND!!!" note to myself on the computer...which mostly works. HAHA!!

Sunshine, we are still here, just a busy time. WTE has a business that goes nuts during the holidays. I'm sure she's reading, just no time to post. Believe me, alls well & she will be back.

Airam - I know what you mean. I was at 200 mgs and all was fine(ish). Then about 2 wks in, the charger for my brain failed to function. I am still having problems. I have students whose names I should know and I look at them and draw a complete blank. Trying to explain concepts I've never had a problem with before, I repeat myself and grope for words...I can't handle it. Can't stand it. I've got to be mentally sharp. That sounds contradictory, doesn't it, when I drink every day??!! But really - I can function at a high level. Just not with BAC or TOPA in the mix. I hope it goes well for you!

So I am going off TOPA for awhile...may start back with 50 mgs and stay there. Try and be a bit more sensitive to whether it actually makes me think about it or drink less, like you Illuminae. We shall see. Willpower: the original drug of choice.

XO

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh damn, I was super long into an update and just lost it. not sure if i have it in me to repost

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

i will say yea for those of you that checked in and houtx you made me laugh about the do not send note on the computer. I will say that my "do not send" note in my head is really starting to work lately more often and I'm really happy about that!!!

My SE's are already lessening since I posed last and I also bought the grape seed extract as recommended and am trying that but think I will stay at 150 mg at least thru my kids' birthdays.

So I've gathered steam and will tell what's going on with me again even though i should be going to bed.

Off to work tomorrow and then turkey day at my brother's house, which is also my son's actual birthday (Nov 25th). His 10th. We're doing a crazy family birthday celebration for him, my daughter and their son. My daughter's birthday is Dec 3rd, and their son's is Dec 7th, and these two were born the same year, so yes, we were pregnant at the same time, lived in the same town, went through it all together so it was kind of cool and crazy. They will both be 7. It will be nice to get the whole family celebration part of it out of the way at the same time.

Then on to the next part. Day after Thanksgiving we're taking the kids to Sea World because we haven't been in a while and I have free passes for the entire family since I'm in the Navy Reserve. Been meaning to do it all year and never got around to it and it expires at the end of the year so it's sort of a birthday bonus for the kids. Plus I figure what a better day to do it than when all these crazy lunatics are shopping on "black Friday" we go to an amusement park in a city where we already live. And I hate shopping anyway. :H

Next.... Normal week of work, then the following weekend we hit the real birthday parties. For my girl, I'm taking her and 4 friends to see the new york city music hall traveling Rockettes Christmas Spectacular (my daughter is a dancer so she REALLY digs this stuff) in fact if any of you are interested I could send you links to pictures or videos of my baby dancing, etc. but don't want to impose... but anyway... for my son's birthday party, Dec 5th we've hired 2 skateboard instructors to come demo, teach, lead some games.. should be really fun. so it's been a lot of stress and work and also my kids are completely spoiled and I'm sure part of it WAS me making up for being a drunk but I really feel myself coming out of that recently and I feel them responding to it too.

It's hard to describe but there have just been some amazing warm silly huggy goofy nice remembery moments with my kids that I didn't used to have and they happen a lot more lately. and I had a couple of good hugs and kisses with DH tonight that didn't feel awkward either

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Alive and well .. kinda.

Just been a nuts time for me and the funeral took a toll which just lead right into the holiday with my work which has been crazy ..always is for the holidays ... Just home late now after getting everyones Thanksgivings tables looking wonderful. HA!

I want to write to each of you! I HAVE been cheating and often have come to read in the early hours before work has started for me .. just have not logged in.

I am safe, sound, wishing I was doing better with the drinking but holding the line just enough.

I promise to write in the AM - my first day off from no work or "projects" for some time. (be prepared to read a book! HA!)

Want to wish you ALL a Happy Thanksgiving and I think of all of you every day!

WTE ... who is NOT giving up on ANY of us! =)

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOU ALL MY FRIENDS!

Welcome Back WTE - I look forward to hearing from you. Hugs to you,

love, Sun xxx

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Happy Thanksgiving my dear friends! :l

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a quick hello and happy Thanksgiving. Had a very pleasant day with my son's birthday and dinner over at my brother's house. I was very impressed with myself at feeling like a really normal drinker. Had two glasses of wine over about 3 hours and was full, tired and done with it. We had a fun and fantastic combined birthday celebration for both of my kids and my nephew and the crazy cake I made was a hit. Came back home to a nice mellow night with the kids playing computer games and the hubs and I watching a movie and then having some really good COMMUNICATION!!! Super good stuff here planning for the next few weeks and our trip to Iowa for Christmas.

Got to get to bed and get some rest for our day at Sea World tomorrow. Hope everyone had a wonderful day. :h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good for you Illum - I had 2 Guinness total and that felt good too! Sounds like your day went really well - I am so pleased for you. Glad that you enjoyed the COMMUNICATION with hubs!! It is really good too, to feel like a normal drinker isn't it? Are you on the Topa? I am confused. I am down to 200mg and might just stay here. It isn't enough to stop me from drinking totally, but is enough to stop the SE that I don't like and is enough to keep me way down on the drinking too. Hope the rest of you had a good day yesterday. Looking forward to hearing how you are WTE too!

Need to get ready for work - hugs and love to all of you,

sun xx