New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

check in

Hey Sun! Thanks so much! I am now working part time after 18 days off....man I got lazy real fast being unemployed. I MUST get back on the NAL, I just stopped for no reason - and I am a hot mess as a result, I was buying 1/2 pints for nearly a month- not anymore! I have purchased about 4 750ml of svedka cherry because they have been on sale for $11, and that gets me about 2 days. I am so sick of feeling like poop in the morning, or afternoon I should say which is when I wake up! I am still in Grad school but I feel that I have been slacking. So all in all I am not doing so good with the vodka, I have an empty bottle in my hidden dresser drawer, one in a file cabintet, and tonights' purchase in a cabinet in my desk so my guy does not find out.....usually when I get gas in my truck I dump the bottles in the garbages there (wrapped in bags, of course), or if our garbage is ful I will slip it in there wrapped up and throw it in the dumpster right away...pathetic. My professor right now is cool but I steer clear of her and always have a mint around other students due to dear of being 'smelled out' again. Right now I have a whatever feeling about it, I do not like it but am not putting forward any effort of control - I have felt this way before, I will get over it and scale back again. I survived Thanksgiving and did not get totally smashed, I stuck to wine and just got sleepy and kind of dumb - nothing like last year OMG. Well hugs and wishes to all of you guys!!! Glad I was able to catch up tonight and update you on my lack of success!!!!! XOXO

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae;1021676 wrote: Thank you! And I also forgot to mention - I've come out of my alcoholic bubble in another very significant way that I wanted to mention, part of what started me on this journey in the first place. I realized I had almost no friends, didn't know how to interact with my kids' school/other parents, etc.

Lately I have made friends with several parents and have been arranging play dates/sleepovers, bonded more closely with their teachers, etc. Am making friends and being a better parent. One of my big goals from the beginning is becoming a reality. Soo happy about that. Thanks again!!!

Illum - you inspire me! So interesting to read your posts...with hubs, progress, kids, etc...Maybe I will go back on NAL after first of the year...I dunno. Maybe start low doses of TOPA again too?? I dunno...

All I can say is I love your posts, as usual. Love hearing from everyone. I am fine too - absolutely nothing to report...except I got a HUGE bonus this year, which is wonderful. Won't see it in my paycheck until late Jan...but sure feels good to breath a financial sigh of relief!

Til next time - XO

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl, I totally get you about stop taking meds for no reason. I ve done that.
If possible, try to start right away with the Nal or Topa. I m only at 25 mg Topa again, and at this low dose I feel a difference. I don t lose control.
We really understand you, we ve been there (more than once).
Hugs.

Houtx, great news your bouns!

Ilum, yes, your posts are very inspiring. You write about your ups and downs, and I love that. I wish you only "ups"ahead from now!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Houtx, great to hear about the bonus. I think I'm about to get a pretty big one too and and i'm excited about that.

[Britches]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Ilum:
It is great that you are making friends! And the bonuses for all in the economy we are having that says a lot! Great news keep up the good work!
xoxo
Britches:goodjob:

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I want a bonus too!!!

[joe12pack]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

quick update. I've done 25mg topa for 2 nights. no real side effects to speak of. maybe a little tired the first night but I went to bed so who knows? took it earlier last night and felt fine. had a long weekend dealing with my sick and probably dying 16 year old lab. busy as hell today and there's snow everywhere. I think i;m gonna stick with the doc's instructions and bump up to 50 at night after 4 days as opposed to 7 like the sheet schedule says. how could it hurt if I'm not experiencing SE's? maybe not though. we'll see. peace out

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Joe - it is up to you, but it wasn't 'cos of the side effects that I stayed with the schedule - it was that the Topa didn't seem to have the same effect re the lessening of desire for the drinking. It also took me weeks to get to the point where it had the effect for me. Good luck with it. I truly hope it helps. It can be a wonderful drug! I am so sorry about your lab - I have a Sheltie who isn't as old as your pup but has congestive heart failure, has had bone cancer in her foot, and all manner of other stuff but keeps on going - I know her days are numbered - it is very sad. Hang in there Joe!

Hugs to you, Sun XX

[Britches]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Joe:
So sorry to hear about your lab I have a yorkie and she is so special I know how hard that must be
hugs
Britches:h

[joe12pack]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sunshinedaisies;1022154 wrote: Hi Joe - it is up to you, but it wasn't 'cos of the side effects that I stayed with the schedule - it was that the Topa didn't seem to have the same effect re the lessening of desire for the drinking. It also took me weeks to get to the point where it had the effect for me. Good luck with it. I truly hope it helps. It can be a wonderful drug! I am so sorry about your lab - I have a Sheltie who isn't as old as your pup but has congestive heart failure, has had bone cancer in her foot, and all manner of other stuff but keeps on going - I know her days are numbered - it is very sad. Hang in there Joe!

Hugs to you, Sun XX

thanks everyone RE: my dog. gonna read back when I get the chance, but it's not like I was gonna bump up right after one day or anything. 4 as opposed to seven. but if it screws it up (can't imagine why) I don't want to do it

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Well so much for my great positive stuff and happiness....

All of that fantastic communication with DH just backfired! Now he knows the lingo and knows what's going on. He seemed so proud of me a few nights ago and we were having such a good time. Then last night I had one of those days where I "drank through" all the meds, knowledge, etc. I was doing it too and felt like it. It wasn't super bad or anything. But here's the rub. i guess I was babbling in my sleep but it didn't seem like such a big deal compared to past debacles.

Whatever the case hubs said I was drunk. No matter what the thing is, he's the one who was drunk and mad tonight and that is what he is going to remember so here is how it went down. I'll start with the positive first.

Ya know what? never mind. I need to go to bed and F him. (I just saw that he threw my pillow out the bedroom door and that is not very like him hmmmm....)

it will all be better in the morning I hope. I still drank less today and got back on the Nal whether he knows it or not

[joe12pack]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae;1022456 wrote: I need to go to bed and F him.

sometimes that helps things.

sorry, couldn't help myself. I hope it works out. solving the drink problem will no doubt help the problem so you're on the right track.

I've been on 25mg Topa for 4 nights. I think maybe there are a few SE's. like a little drowsy feeling when i'm in bed and I've had a mild headache for about 18 hours. but honestly so much is going on with my dying dog (I'll probably have to put him down tomorrow and I've had him my whole adult life, since I was 20 and I'm 33 now, he's 16, was 3 when I got him) and my sister on drugs neglecting her child, my parents have custody blah blah it's a mess i won't get fully into. anyway I digress, but so much else is going on right now with all that plus the holidays that who knows if it's SE's or stress or lack of sleep or what. I'm gonna take 25 mg again tonight, and maybe a few more nights, instead of bump up on the fifth day like the doc said. it couldn"t hurt to err on the side of caution. and I don't need extra SE's right now. thanks guys for puttig up the titration schedule. it helped me realize I had an option of going slower

EDIT: Oh Yeah, Almost forgot. I drank only one guinness last night. didn't want another. t may have something to do with exhaustion, depression, it may be the topa plus the nal. who knows? ariam, hope you get over the flu. thanks for reminding me that I barely drank last night

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I m so sorry about your dog.

Ilum, hope things are better now.

Sunny! We miss you..


I have the flu again:upset: and feel like &?.#?!

Still at 25mg

With the topa an the flu I had no desire to drink yesterday, but I drank a little, a glass of wine in order to be able to sleep. That is different from other times.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yes guys I am better, thanks. I didn't hold a grudge. I could tell he wasn't doing too good the next morning. What made me really mad is that we had had such a good conversation about everything and then here he was drunk and using the info against me. I had told him about how you can "drink over" the meds and he knew I had to get up early in the morning so he was like - you better not stay up like and push through, you know you've been staying up late too much and you drank too much last night... blah blah. I only had about 15 minutes of the show left I was watching and then I was going to go to bed, but I didn't get a chance to tell him that. I told him I know I was kind of drinking more lately but that I had finally gotten my Nal and that should proabably help some. He got even more crabby and said something about not wanting me to have to pop pills for the rest of my life to not drink. I started trying to explain it to him and he said "fuck you" and went to bed.

He cannot have it all ways!! He doesn't want me to be a drunk. When we talked the other night (and on other occasions he fully admitted that he believes he is part of the reason that I developed into an alcoholic and that if I had married one of my other boyfriends earlier in life it might not have happened, so he sees his role in all of it. He also cannot ever see a life where I would be completely sober. It is not in our lifestyle and he hated the time when I went to rehab and was trying AA. So if not the pills then what?? I thought he completely understood it when I explained the science. I don't think I made it completely clear that I didn't think I'd have to take the topa forever and I know I didn't mention the Nal part but I don't have to do that if I don't want to. I know it was just the alcohol talking for him anyway. Sometimes he just gets that way and likes to pick a fight. It doesn't happen too often, but when it does, theres no winning and I usually just refuse to participate.

Anyway, as usual we just go back to normal. So what I did in the morning was wake up earlier than I even needed to and made plenty of noise getting ready. I always listen to music when I get ready so I made sure to listen to particularly obnoxious bands. He didn't say a word

Thanks for the chance to vent.

Joe sorry about your troubles and Airam, sorry you're sick. I think I'm coming down with a cold too and both of my kids are coughing. Here with us all getting ready to hop on a plane to Iowa next week darn it!!

Hope everyone is doing well!!

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae;1021515 wrote: Britches, my best thoughts going out to your husband and grandson, and of course to you too!!

Sun, no, St. Louis has never really popped up on my travel radar sad to say.

As of Friday I am on week 8 and up to the full 300mg. Also, finally got the mail slip yesterday that my Nal has arrived, so I'll be able to pick that up tomorrow. Another very busy weekend with another breakthrough milestone for me.

I don't know if it's the cumulative effect of the Nal extinction and the addition of the Topa or what, but I feel I've really turned a corner and I'll use the events of Friday as my strongest example. Had a holiday party Friday afternoon that started at 1:30 pm. A lunch buffet and white elephant gift exchange that is a famous good time that lasts for several hours and gets pretty crazy. (I skipped one year because I was embarrassed about the previous year, by the way.) But anyway, I went this year just excited to have fun, no worries about getting stupid or anything. Anyway, had a very pleasant time and had 2 1/2 glasses of wine over 3 hours. When it was over I had no trouble walking away from that 1/2 glass that was still sitting on the table. I had a full hour before I had to pick up my kids. I can tell you WITHOUT QUESTION that had not been on any of these treatments I would have either gone to the bar in this restaurant (either alone or convinced some like minded people to join me), or gone down the road on my own to spend that hour squeezing in one or two more drinks. Then I would have picked up my kids, gone home and quickly gotten ready for my date with my husband. Instead I picked up the kids and got a short cat nap while waiting for my husband to pick up the sitter and get home.

** Short intermission: By the way at the 250mg dose plus all that I've had going on over the past week I have been really tired and falling asleep a lot! **

So hubs and I went to a nice dinner, ordered a bottle of wine of which he drank the majority. Then we went shopping for a while. Then back home. at home we watched one, 1 hour show and I had one more glass of wine from a bottle that had been left from a previous night. Decided to open a new one and watch one more one hour show. DH went to bed. I finished the show, but did not finish the glass of wine. Went to bed with an almost completely full bottle of wine and a half full glass of wine!!!!

Now dear friends, that whole day is huge progress for me. I may never be "normal." I may still drink nearly every day. But if I can stop after starting? HUGE!! If I can leave a glass or bottle behind? Also HUGE!!! (I did it numerous times this week!!!) That is some type of a cure that I will accept!! My goal was never sobriety. Never thought that would work for me anyway, especially in my marriage. So I'll take that and hope it sticks. I mean, if my husband never has to pick me up off the floor from one of his holiday parties, I'll take it. If a stranger never has to drive me home and to pick up my kid from school, I'll most definitely take that. If I never have to pretend like I remember what I called someone up and said to them the night before, well I'll take that too.

Thank you all for your caring and support. You're the best!!!!

:h :l :h :l



Illuminae

Girl, I sooooo identify with this...as far as the "if I never have to..." Great news for you!! Are you having any Topa Dopa isues though?? Hope not. So glad to hear alls going so well w/ you!