New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Joe and Dreams, good to hear from you both and that you are doing okay.

Sun, I have been sticking with the 250mg even on vacation. Still getting some of the tinglies and twitchies but seems to be worth it. I get sleepy so go to bed when I need to. Tonight is interesting. I got sleepy but then got over it. I had a REALLY FUN DAY!!

First of all I finally slept in a bit. 8am which was pretty good compared to the rest of the trip. We all got ready and headed out around noon and had lunch and then went to an old roller skating rink where a friend of DH's works who he used to work with way back in the day when he was in high school and beyond... kind of weird that they are in their 40's and this guy still does it but whatever. It was a blast. It was our family, my Sister-In-Law's Family, another close friend of ours and her daugher all skating for 3 hours and playing all the games, etc. Then Our friend took all the kids to her hotel for an overnight "play date" for swimming/hot tubbing, playing their video games, etc. and we went out to a movie and a nice dinner... very fun. Anyway, my point was that we got home and watched another movie and drank some more and everyone went to bed.

I was going to go to bed but then I went through the whole routine of washing and brushing and moisturinging (used to skip all that when I went to bed drunk btw) and then by then my hubs was already snoring like crazy and I decided so see if anyone had posted and check my facebook, etc. etc... and all that is not extremely unusual.... EXCEPT

I might have got another drink to do all this in the past. Tonight I didn't do that. I just didn't feel like that, I just wanted to check in with all this stuff and there is no drink next to me.

Well, I had better go to sleep soon because I have sworn to a beautiful 7 year old girl that we WILL build a snow man tomorrow before the snow melts!!!!

Wondering how everyone is planning to spend New Years and if it is exciting or stressful???

:h :l :h

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning all - Dreams - I ask after you 'cos I care about our family here and I agree with you that the Topa does work if you let it so good for you. I seem to be in a happy place with it at mostly 150 mg day - I often forget my other dose which probably isn't good, but I only have 1 or 2 Guinness a day - I should have an AF day now and then but don't. Maybe I will try and ALWAYS remember that 2nd dose and then can go down to just one in stead of having that second? Or maybe I should keep going and get back to AF. need to think about what is best for me really.

Illum - I agree with you having to pour that drink when you go and do something else - like you coming on the computer so that was really good - I also had to laugh about you doing the face stuff - I too now do it whereas I didn't used to LOL. We WILL be beautiful!! I am so pleased that you had such a fun time.

As for new years - Hubs works, and even if he didn't, I am sure that I would/will still be in bed by my customary as-early-as-I-can hour!! Last New years the Topa was kicking in for me and if I remember correctly I had 2 Kahlua and Milk and was in bed by 9.30!!

Anyway it is 1/4 to 6 and I need to get ready for work, so much love and many hugs to all,

Sun xxx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So as planned, yes we built a fantastic snowman today, then had a snowball fight, very good. Came inside and had the first really mellow afternoon of the whole trip thank goodness. Hubs and I watched a movie while the kids played games. Then all the adults went out to a very nice dinner while 'Nana' watched all the kids. Everyone in the house is asleep again except me. Almost this whole trip I am the last to bed and first to rise. It seems there is just so much in me that I have or want to do. I wonder what that is about??????

Tomorrow we are going back to sister-in-law Leesa's farm for horseback riding and seeing newborn puppies and lots of other dogs and cats!!! How cool is that?!!! I'm starting to wonder why I didn't want to come on this trip. I guess I was just blinded by the cost and the hassle. I did check my bank account this morning and it was a little depressing, but the memories my kids are gaining have got to be overcoming that statistic I suppose.

Think we're going Ice skating on New Year's day with some other friends we haven't seen yet and then to a New year's eve party at a Winery (dear god let me keep being good) where a very close friend of my husband is the entertainment (singer) and then we go back to California the next morning.

WHEW!!!

Much love to all! Let's hear from you!!

:l:h:l

[houtx]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey all -
Have enjoyed reading the posts! Illum - especially good stuff from you! Glad you and fam are having such fun. It sounds awesome!

Good to hear from Airam, Britches, Joe12...ack, who did I forget?! I am having a great holiday too all things considered. Just got back from Dallas - it was fine altho my dad & I were practically mute, which is unusual. Too tired to go into detail. Suffice to say I had such fun w/ my sister indulging in retail therapy!! LOL Not at malls, but small, fun, quaint shops! YAY - plenty of eating, and not much drinking (at least as far as I am concerned LOL) - my family has maybe 1 or 2 glasses of wine. Mostly they crack open Diet Cokes!!

Wish I were happy with that...LOL we shall see what 2011 holds for us...:-))

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

YOU FORGOT ME

Love, Sun XXX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Aw Sun, know she didn't forget you on purpose!

Houtx, good to hear!

Looks like I'm not going out tonight after all, which is fine with me. I've never been big on going out for new year's. I'm going to pull kid duty instead and am kind of excited. Going to fix all their favorite food and have a movie marathon. Thinking Beetlejuice, Jumanji, those types of films. Where we're staying at my sister-in-law's they just remodeled their basement and have a great home theater with the projector TV on the wall, surround sound etc. so I'll be snuggling up with 3-5 kids (2 age 7, 3 age 10) and having a blast. Sounds like a fantastic way to kick of the new year to me!!!!!

HOpe you all have great plans and do well!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I know she didn't - I was just kidding! So, tonight is New Years Eve. I will be in bed by my usual time. I hope the rest of you have a wonderful evening. Do any of you make new Years resolutions? I gave up on them a long time ago as I just felt I was setting myself up for failure. I choose a random date in January somewhere for whatever it is I decided to try and work on!

houtx - your holiday sounded wonderful - lucky you being able to be with our sister too - it is years since I have been able to see mine! It all sounded so much fun - apart from you and your dad whatever that was about but that doesn't matter, as long as you enjoyed yourself and it sounded as if you did well with AL too - go you!!

Illum - your trip too sounded so much fun - I WANT TO HAVE SOME FUN. You are all doing so much and it sounds so good, and I go to work and come home and pass by hubs in the night. The first time I have seen him to actually talk to since Christmas day was this morning due to our shifts!! Sorry - whinge over - back to your trip Illum - horseback riding, puppies and other animals - oohhh, I am green with envy - it is years since I rode a horse but I used to enjoy it so much! I hope that enjoy your New Years Eve party and stay being good! You do sound happy which is so good to hear!!!

Houtx, Illum, Joe, Airam, Dreams, Britches, WTE (WHERE are you???????) and all our other friends who are MIA here, have a wonderful New Years - I wish you all the best for a safe happy time, and am so pleased that we are all here together - I think of you as my friends in this journey. God Bless and hugs to you.

Love, Sun xxx

[joe12pack]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

sorry I haven't been around and I hope everybody had a great holiday. topa seems to make me scatterbrained, and 've been drinking more. maybe its the lack of structure lately, but I think it's topa. there's a weird feeling too. I might stop topa. do these SE's typically go away? one thing is I've been forgeting my nal and taking Nal after the first beer which I never used to do. and I forget important names etc. I may stop. doesn't seem to help yet and even if it does, I don't want to forget things. please tell me these Se's go away

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning to all and a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR

Joe - the SE from Topa can cause a scatterbrain effect - it is called Topa dopa. It sometimes does go away, sometimes not. It affects some more than others. It can be minor or really bad - with me it is annoying but not major - plus as I am mid 50's, I never know if it is my age or the Topa!! What dosage are you on? I can't remember when that happened with me - as I said, age wise it could have been that for me. I know that Houtx had a problem with that too - maybe when she comes along she can tell you what she thinks.

Hugs to all,

Sun xx

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yeah Joe, it happens with me every once in a while but not too bad and I catch it right away and it's not much worse than anyone else having a senior moment or a brain f(*t if ya know what I mean.

Well we got home today and couldn't be happier! I mean we had a really great time but I am wiped out. There's no place like home as Dorothy says. I treated myself and the kids to a quick massage during our layover in Dallas and we hit our hot tub at home. I think I might finally be getting some moisture back into my skin. Probably didn't mention this before but Iowa literally sucked all the moisture out of my body. That part was horrible! I have very dry skin as it is and the dry cold + indoor heating made it one thousand times worse!!! I was popping in eye drops and applying lotion like a meth addict! At one point I realized my eyelid skin was peeling off!!!!

Anyway, I should be in bed but it's just so nice to be home and chilling in my chair and watching my shows and typing on my MacBook Air.... Etc Etc...

Wishing you all the happiest of new years!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, by the way I had a blast with the kiddos last night but did get a bit over the top drinking-wise. Whatever. My new year's treat was hearing my husband say that HE got a little too drunk and sang on stage with his friend and forgot some of the words to the songs and stuff. I don't think I've ever heard him admit something like that, or if he has I must have been to drunk to remember :H

Love to all! :h

[joe12pack]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

guys, I quit Topa. I was at 100 mgs. I just started taking the second 25 mg in the daytime to make it 50 at night and 50 in the day. I realized it made me severely depressed. i had some time off from work and spent most of it sleeping. my dog died, and I am very sad and am having a weird time with that as I've had him since I was 20, I'm 34 now, and he was a very special dog. BUT, I'm not the type to stay down this long, and the depression was physical as well, I realised the topa was why. That stuff makes me stupid too, and I forgot to take my Nal before I drank for the first time. I drank more when I did. I've been drinking more since I started Topa and I've felt worse and worse since I've titrated up to 100 mg a day.

never felt this dark and strange before. people be careful when you try these drugs. if you aren't feeling right, stop. it took me a couple of weeks of excuses before I admited it was the topa. I wanted it to be everything else so the topa could work for me. but nope.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Joe, so sorry it's not working for you. Just keep up with the Nal then and apply that will power and keep us posted okay?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

HI Joe - sorry that you had to stop the Topa - I got to that point with the Topa at 300 mg which is why I stopped it first time round - this time I am at 150 mg and am fine - I watched it carefully going up. I can go up to 250 mg and then start to feel down - but it took me 8 months to realise what you knew within weeks so mine obviously wasn't as bad as yours. This time when I went up, I did keep a close eye as I knew it could work for me - I still drink but just one or two a day. I only take 150 mg a day right now. I might go up to 200 and see how I feel and see if that will push me to going AF some nights without that SE. Please check in with us sometimes and let us know how you are doing? Wishing you all the best.

Hugs to you,

Sun xx

[WaitingToExhale]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Kids! Sorry for the long absence - but it has been a bit of a rough road ...

Somewhere in the start of the insanity at my shop for the holidays, I had to stop taking Topa. I was at 50 in the morning and 50 in the late afternoon and felt like it was doing nothing except getting me confused and dingy. I will never be able to explain WHY I had such an amazing success this fall on it before I went to Greece, and when I started back - nothing. Depressing really. So I stopping taking it November 12th.

And so the holidays marched on and this was just a really tough one having to do with personal issues and being alone this year. I made the decision (stupidly) to try and ignore the holidays and make them just about my work instead. No tree (which I usually put up the day after Thanksgiving) or other elaborate home decorations, no holiday party (which I do EVERY year!), didn't buy a single present and ignored all but one invite to attend parties or events.

It all sounded like a great plan when I first decided to do it as I always make myself nuts during such a busy work time. But as the actual holidays came and went I realized what a mistake I had made and it just put me further into a funk. More funk, more wine, more wine, more funk ... I spent Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Christmas home alone with my dog - drinking. ACK.

I've been kicking myself in the ass for the past week knowing I need to do SOMETHING again! I did go to a New Years party which was pleasant and was smart enough to get a hotel room with a GF for the evening. Then again spent New Years Day and yesterday home alone again with my wine. Enough is enough!

I am SO pissed off at myself and lack of control! Last night at about 8 PM (after I almost forgot to feed my poor dog!) I decided to try Topa one more time. And so I took 50mg (which is where I have started before) and this morning poured out all of the wine in the house on my way to the coffee maker. This past week I have been off work and that damn wine starts calling to me so early in the day! It's a new day and I am back into the shop this morning.

I haven't had a chance to go back and read everyone's posts, but it sounds like many of you had some great holidays. Happy for you - I will never make my mistake again and try and pretend it doesn't happen!

So here we go again and I hope with the new year I can get some resolve going again! I am thinking about adding Nal back into the mix as well. While it certainly didn't solve this wicked problem, I was drinking much less and in more control.

Hugs to all of you - I have missed being here but was just feeling so down on myself that I couldn't bring myself to type here. Here's to new beginnings!

WTE

[joe12pack]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

thanks guys, I'll keep coming around the MWO board and will keep up the TSM as its gotten me this far. and when I missed days I seemed to drink more. also, the loss of appetite made me drunker I think. I may try topa again someday, but I went according to schedule and it depressed the hell out of me. if nothign else works, maybe I'll try it at a less challenging time in my life. lots of crazy depressing family stuff and I've got work stuff going on where I can't afford not to have my full wits about me. looking into Bac. Hang in there waiting2. I'm pissed at my lack of control this new years weekend too. the holidays are depressing as hell for many of us AND THEY"RE OVER THANK GOD!!!!!