New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh I also wanted to add that I started doing the hypno CD's again. Not sure if they work but at this point I will do anything.
Saturday I had major cravings so I went for a walk, and when I came back the craving was gone.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey there all - me here. DYD - to answer your question re the weight loss - I def lost my appetite when I was on Topa the first go round - food just didn't appeal to me, hence I lost weight - I didn't just 'lose weight' - I just didn't want to eat thus lost weight. I don't need to lose weight and had to watch it as I was asked my more than one (rude) person if I was anorexic!!! That SE is not felt by everyone. I solved it by munching on Dark choc almonds all day long and Brazil nuts - I estimated I was eating about 1400 cals worth a day JUST of those alone!!! I do not use the CD's - I meditate so do not feel the need for them. I also agree with you re the choc chips or anything else like that - I have had a bag of M & M's in my cupboard for ages (a BIG bag) that is open - and my children when they visit cannot believe it is still there - same with choc chips - I use them for baking - and they stay there. So we all fight our own demons. I can also have just ONE chip from a bag!

Yes, we are a very small community here in this forum - which is why I love when someone new posts - it livens the thread for a while. we have the die hards that keep posting - even if it isn't necessarily about Topa, but it keeps the thread going. there are so few of us here. Guess Bac is the drug of choice right now. It gets too complicated for me. I will stick with Topa. It suits me. Topa can be used for abstinence - I used it for 8 months then started again - my foolishness. I will stop again one of these days. watch this space...... in the meantime I am not drinking to excess.

Illum - someone said that I reminded them of the squirrel in Over the hedge - I think I can say that you are the same as me!!! The squirrel on caffeine !! You made me laugh - I would have done the same. Oh I am so pleased that you enjoyed your evening with your friends - that sounded so nice - I sort of started reading with trepidation not knowing what I was going to read - and was so pleased with what I ended up reading!! Oh - one thing - don't you find that when you do stuff like that, that your hubs expects stuff like that all the time????? Or isn't surprised when you do it the next time???

Dreams - Hallo to you my friend. Good going on modding for your third day. I know exactly how you feel re the discontented feeling - your body wants to drink but your mind doesn't - or the other way round - it is the Topa, and yourself doesn't know how to handle it, hence the grouchy feeling. I am not sure how to explain it to you. It IS the Topa working - when it did it to me, I felt SO cross - I wanted a drink, but my body definitely did NOT, and I didn't know how to handle it. You can drink over that but that would sort of defeat the purpose. I think you handled it very well - it gets easier with time. Once you can get your head around that you aren't drinking. Your body is SO used to it - you need to get out of that habit. Mentally as well as physically. I am so pleased that the Topa is obviously starting to kick in for you. Please Pm me or call if you want to - I will PM you my phone number. you sound as if you are very determined and I am so proud of you and pleased for you! I have to get to bed now - it is late for me.

Hugs to all,

love, Sun XX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello all, wow Sun I must say I just had the strangest sensation ever in that I swore that when I was reading your post felt like I could literally hear you talking to me. I mean it was like a narration in my head instead of me just reading something and imagining what you would sound like.

And to my surprise to hubs, no I rarely ever surprise him like that so I think he was pleased and he won't expect more of the same any time soon. He got an extra bonus by the way even though we were both bone tired you might recall I felt like I owed him some lovin' and I was getting ready to leave on this week long trip so.... enough said.

Luckily the flights were completly smooth. My only worry is that there are supposed to be some big snow storms tomrrow and so some of my meetings might get cancelled which would defeat the whole purpose of my trip. And I must say I have been REALLY excited about this trip because I have some super important meetings scheduled with considerably high up offiicials in the Navy government organization. I'll tell you folks these are the times when I just LOVE my job and it would suck if this trip got blown.

Though even if my meetings don't work out I have the bestest ever dinner planned tommorrow night with at least 6 friends from college and former navy jobs so that will be sooo much fun!!! It's hard to believe that I have more friends around here then where I actually live. I have to be careful though because one of them is a "trigger." Should be okay since I"m surrounded by "safe" friends don't you think?

Hope everyone else is doing well!!

Oh and Sun I so agree with you about how enjoyable it is to be on this thread and see people post because of how tight of a network it is even though we're not wiht the "in" Bac crowd.

Much love,

Illuminae

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Grouchiness

I thought I also remember reading that when we reduce the amount that we drink that we can be grouchy or irritable. It's a natural response to the withrawal of alcohol. Maybe a supplements or more than one would help with that. I'm taking most of the recommended ones as I taper down (or am supposed to be tapering down!)

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sunshine, thanks for the PM!!! Makes me so happy to know you care so much.
I logged on tonight and found this thread on page 2. Wow, it's getting drowned in the baclofen threads.
I am so glad that we are all still here.
I had a few margaritas tonight because I went out with my cousin. I am a little mad at myself but we had a good time and some good catch up. Twice today in conversations with different people, the subject of addiction came up. It's not one I brought up. I am surprised how many people smoke pot, take pills, drink, etc. My cousin was talking about getting these crazy pain pills for $5 each. My other friend was talking about someone in her family that is addicted to pills.
I look at at that and suddenly I feel normal with my drinking. I almost feel like what the heck am I so worried about? Everyone is messed up!
But I know it's not normal. I grew up with alcoholic parents. And although I feel like I am fully functional, I am sure that my addiction is negatively affecting my life and my son's life. I am not living my life to the fullest.
Did anyone else here have alcoholic parents?

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh Dreams - my dad was alcoholic - my grandparents (ALL of them) were alcoholic, my mum is a sugar addict (to me the same thing), my brothers (both of them) are, all my uncles were (they are all gone) most of my aunts, (on my dads side), one on my mums side (of two), my sister won't drink (I don't ask) - I mean, it just goes on - the list is endless. I am a functional Alcoholic. It doesn't affect my life in the slightest - I have never missed work, yada, yada, yada. BUT, if I feel that I have a problem, then I do. My daughter, who is 25 in two days, also seems to be following in the family footsteps, but we can talk about it - and often do. Yes, others also have problems, but if it is YOUR problem, then that makes it different. Re being mad at your self because you went out and had some Margaritas - as I said, I gaily carried on drinking until the topa really kicked in - I was pleased that it took a while 'cos it meant I could carry on drinking. LOL By the way - you are welcome for the Pm - and I mean it - anytime!!!! I do care - it is and can be SO hard!

Illum - maybe it felt like a narration in your head 'cos I have possibly said it before?? Or maybe we have some kind of psychic connection.......(cue twilight Zone music).......

I hope that your hoped for meetings didn't get cancelled - I know a lot of stuff did get cancelled cos of the weather - ours was the pits - freezing rain, then 3" of sleet then snow on top - on the plus side we didn't lose power which was REALLY good 'cos Hubs ended up staying at his mums for three nights 'cos she is only 5 mins from his work and we are 45 mins and I have NO idea how to work the generator!! I have a great neighbour who would have helped though. Did your dinner with your friends work out - did you have fun? Hope so!! How about the 'trigger' ?????

DYD - re the grouchiness - all I can say, is that for me, the grouchiness is part of the fact that I got cross because my body didn't want the AL and I did - so maybe others can help you more here. Not sure how else I can help answer that one. The habit part of me wanted it - the Topa part of me said No.

Hugs to all, Love, Sun XXX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,

Re: grouchiness,

I think you got your wrong "Dream" here, I was responding to the other Dreams talking about her grouchiness. I'm not feeling more grouchy than normal. I was just suggesting that perhaps she was feeling more grouchy because of withdrawal from alcohol. I don't know.

I'm up to 75 mg. and still waiting for Topa to say hello to me. I'm still drinking too much wine and today felt pretty tired and yucky but that doesn't stop me, does it?

I'm still holding onto faith that one of these days I'll be like you and go, "I don't want this glass" and pour it down the sink. Until then, I keep doing what I'm doing.

I check regularly into the Newbies Nest but those folks are all trying abstinence so I can't really tell them about what I'm up to.

I felt embarassed tonight because I was at a school meeting (I'm on the parent board) and someone reminded me that they had said they would do something and I had completely forgotten about it. I checked and they had written me an email at 10 pm at night which means I had been drinking so I had forgotten about it the next day. How embarassing is that?!

I'm looking forward to not getting into those situations and waking up refreshed every morning and feeling good about myself. I keep telling myself I'll be there in only a matter of weeks and that I've been doing a good job in getting myself there. I'm proud of myself for working on myself for the past many months of examing on what I've been doing, on being conscious about my drinking, on reading about it, on seeking help, etc.

Good for all of us! :h

[airam]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I haven't been able to access the boards. Too much work outside the office.

I haven't read newer posts.

But I wanted to say hello. I'm doing well. Drinking 2 glasses of wine at nights , and a lot more on weekends (I hate that). I'm on 100mg. Going up next Monday.

I'll come back from a business trip next Thursday. I don't think I'll be able to write in between.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - nice to see you airam - 2 glasses a night is good. Go you. way better than when you started this thread!! It will be good when you can get back to writing here - we miss you!

DYD - sorry - I got confused - take your pick - either the Topa or my age LOL. Actually I am not doing as well as I should and it has been some time since I poured a glass out! I need to titrate up - I didn't last Monday when I said I would and my consumption has slowly increased. On Monday (my 'go up' day) I WILL go up another 50 mg. I am slowly going back to where I began and I don't like this at all. So I am telling you all now that Monday is my increase day so hopefully I should start seeing results again - oh dear i sound like a broken record. This is just the same thing isn't it - doing the same thing over and over and expecting to see different results. Well, guess what - I am not going to do the same thing over this time and I AM going to see different results! I was feeling discouraged when I started writing this but then the Pollyanna kicked in and I will do this. I WILL. I am bound and determined. So folks, I will need a little support.

Britches, where are you? And Dreams - you too - I need everyones support and you can't give it if you aren't here!! and where is WTE - Houtx - you too! Aren't you in touch with WTE? Why doesn't she post any more? We miss you all! Illum - how are you doing? Dreams - I had to laugh when i read your post - I had a whole bottle of Vicodin from a surgery that I had (Vicodin does nothing for me) and had taken ONE - so I took it back to the pharmacy for them to get rid of - we were joking about how much I could have got on the black market for it!!!! Funny how different things do different things for different folk!

anyway everyone - that is my stuff for today - now I have a whole two days off - took a days leave for tomorrow, then have Sunday off as a regular day off anyway, so two days off together - lovely !!

Hope some more of you post - I miss seeing you all here.

hugs, sun XXX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay I am back.I was very busy on my trip and have just arrived back home tonight. I am very tired but did finally want to check back in and see how everyone was doing.

None of my meetings got canceled and they were actually FANTASTIC. I stayed ahead of all of the bad weather and everything went off without a hitch. This was one of the best business trips I have ever had! Also my dinner with friends was very fun as well and nothing bad happened with my 'trigger' guy because we just had enough time to have a pleasant catching up and out time got cut short so all behavior was proper and good. I also mostly stuck to my dosage and today I went back up to my 300mg again and I'm going to try to maintain that. I was very moderate over the last couple of days.

It would be pointless to tell you all the details of my successes over the last week but every single day I met with senior executives in the Navy and got some major support or commitments to efforts I'm working on. It was just uplifting! Then every day in addition to that I had dinners with friends or colleagues afterward. and all of that positive interaction helped me with keeping that part of my brain from not caring about the next drink at all.

Speaking of which, Sun - here's me giving you support to not be a broken record and go up that next dose, not forget, etc. It's what you want right?! So do it!!

Oh I will try to address others tomorrow. Take care everyone!

:l

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Illum - thanks for the support. Loved that your trip was a success - also glad that Trigger guy wasn't !!!!! Well - he was - but he wasn't - well, you know what I mean! It all sounded wonderful - I am so pleased for you. Things really are going so well. I wish the others would post - I am feeling flat tonight and don't want to take away from your success - I really am pleased for you and think your life sounds great right now. Have you done any more writing?

Where are the others? I feel mean - you are on such an up which is so good - I am really pleased for you. I think it is time I got ready for bed. I am off tomorrow which is good!

Have a great evening!

hugs to you,

love, Sun XXX

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun, sorry you are not feeling so upbeat. I am with you about wishing others would be on more often. It really does help brighten the day, especially when you need some inspiration to see how others are doing. Even if they aren't doing well it is a productive thing for me at least to be able to come here and hear about it and then feel useful by offering advice and encouragement or sympathy or a laugh.

I have not written anything else lately but have really been thinking about it. I haven't had the time. Though technically I have written something over the past weeks but it has been for work but it has essentially been a history paper of sorts and it has also been fun to write and I have started sharing it with people and it is getting some positive attention and I can't wait to finish it and distribute it among colleagues.

Airam, looking forward to hearing from you when you get back.

DYD - don't worry, all of us have made plans to do things, called people and said things we forgot about, don't know how many times I used to drunk dial people or drunk facebook people and wake up in horror and check my phone to see if I really called or texted the person and try to figure out what I said or wrote..... Your little email isn't nearly so bad as any of those things as I had done.

For the questions regarding alcoholics in the family, my parents do not drink at all. My maternal grandmother enjoys a drink or 3 and I think her 2nd husband was an alkie but he was not a blood relative. my grandfather on that side died before I was born and there is no record I know of that he was a drinker. On my father's side his parents were also non drinkers - very strict bible belt southern folk. But apparently my dad had an uncle that was alcoholic to the extreme that ended up killing himself by drinking rubbing alcohol from the medicine cabinet because that was all that was left in the house or something depressing like that.

My husband is also an alcoholic technically, but completely highly functional (I am too, functional that is, and he's even more so than me - he also happens to be a mensan so he's hyper intelligent and and can pretty much reason himself out of anything even when completely lit). His father is a full blown alcoholic that left his mom when he was 3 years old. He never paid her a lick of alimony and that poor woman had to make it all on her own. But I digress. To reiterate... Yes My husband is an alcoholic and his dad is an alcoholic.

The thing is, no one in my family besides reportedly my dad's uncle was an alcoholic. Admittedly I have always tended to drink heavily off and on with friends and stuff and I have had a lot of great friendships, relationships, and partying has always been a central element of it all and I like to party and party hard. I have met friends along the way that I have now found out that are many things.

So I am going to post this now because I had a whole lot more that just got lost so I'll do this and try to get the rest up

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry about that abrupt end. I lost a big chuck of stuff and then needed to go to bed 'cause um... well, it was time for me and hubs to get personal

What I was getting at is that for my DH alcoholism is in his DNA. For me I think it was serious conditioning, perhaps enhanced by a latent gene. My background in the Navy with its heavy drinking traditions; many strong friendships - I've been friends with many heavy drinkers - lots of them in the navy, including an alcoholic, suicidal gesturing lesbian, a serious boyfriend (almost married him) who's dad was also a recovering alcoholic and who I also think may have been a super highly functioning alcoholic just like my husband. He was hyper intelligent too (he skipped high school completely). Never got to find out on that one since he died in a helicopter crash in the 1st Gulf War. My best friend is a wino just like me and that is what we would always do together. when she moved away about 5-6 years ago I just started doing it more all by myself.

Okay, off of my personal saga.

Dreams2, I don't know many people who do all of that stuff, but I'm in a primarily military crowd and we get drug tested. I was in a crowd like that for a while when I dated this drummer and it made me very uncomfortable. So yes, you should be very proud of yourself and I think a couple of margies with your cousin is just fine! I too thing those abstinence pages are difficult for us folks that are just trying to be "normal." I've got to say that I have been feeling more and more normal lately and it is just fantastic.

I've been on a kick lately to be more fashionable since I saw how chic my sister in law is over Christmas so I've been getting my nails done and stuff. I had a 2 hour layover in Atlanta on my way back to Cali and you know that instead of getting cocktails in the airport and drinking it away I sat in a massage chair for almost the whole time reading a book patiently waiting my turn for a manicure because my nails needed re-done?!!!!

And re: grouchiness, yes I recall getting VERY grouchy when I first started reducing my drinking. Especially with my kids. Now I am quite the opposite. I am enjoying my time with them more and more.

I want to say a few more things to you all before I end this two day rant. I am not drinking a lot less frequently than I was before, but my drinking is much more controlled, which I have found is really my personal goal. This may not be your goal. Since my husband drinks and will continue to drink and it is part of our lifestyle this is where I am finding my balance. My victory has come in not seeking opportunities to drink during the day, to hide drinking, to drink to blackout or embarasment or loss of control of bodily function. I have achieved these things. I have also lost weight, started exercise again, achieved greater success at work, and improved my self image. So in short, I feel good and I still drink. With that criteria in mind, Topa+NAL is working for me. I will shut up now.

I hope you all will keep coming back.

:thanks:

[Dreams2thrive]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun - how are you doing? I am sorry I have been soooo sick since Thursday and haven't done much of anything except sleep. Nothing serious just a bad chest cold.
Did you up your dose? How are you feeling? I know how you feel, try not to lose your motivation. I am sure that half the battle is in motivation/attitude.

Illum - Congrats on your meetings and for doing so well keeping yourself busy and happy.

Wanted to check in with you all, ok now back to bed.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

killing myself slowly

Still alive, but went to Doc today (on my $ - no more insurance - thanks Obama) because I have had (no offense) mucus diarrhea and vomit water and saliva in the AM - been going on for 2 months and I am sick of it. I am honest with the Doctor and SURPRISE he is concerned with my drinking. I did google gastrointestinal problems in alcoholics and found what I have is all to common........while my liver enzyme tests were good it appears to be my guts taking the burden. I of course cried at the Doctor....I have no desire to eat, just mucus poop on the 1/2 hour, not cool at work or school. I truly believe I have caused damage to my body with alcohol now - could this be the turning point? Because my internship boss abd teacher telling me I smelled of alcohol obviously did not stop me - I slowed at times but it always went back up. I MUST stop....I maybe go out once a week and want to drink a few when out, or a glass of wine at home. I am scared, he wants me to have a colonoscopy, which I was informed was $6,000, although I get a 40% discount for not having insurance, but that's still $3,600! Can't do it.....and you only get 40% off if you pay up front at the door! Many people around me are complaining about being stomach sick and I know it's going around, but their's last 5 days maybe..I don't even eat because I am afraid to, so what the hell is coming out of me? I feel the like the Alien movie guys. I pray that this scares me into serious moderation, did bloodwork today - a more thorough liver test that no other Doc ever told me about. This Doc hopes I don't have any bleeding, but that I should not worry cuz I am young....but I dunno - I think I have done myself in. I can't take running to the bathroom every 30 minutes at work. I am crying now because I literally HAVE to do something, yes I have typed and cried here before. Will this time be different? I just wanna go to my S/O and tell him EVERYTHING and to check my purse when I come home - pathetic. Sorry for the sad update guys, my insides do feel thrashed. Will update on the bloodwork - can't imagine what that bill will be! HUGS - Michele:upset: