New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey DYD, where in california do you live if you don't mind me asking? I'm in San Diego.

Too tired and into the show I'm watching to write more but interested and also contributing to keeping our thread high on the charts.

:h

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm in Santa Cruz.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Went there once on a Band trip in high school and it was a blast. My brother spent a lot more time there if I recall properly.

So disappointed that there has been such a lack of activity here gals... I've had an interesting weekend that is sort of good and sort of bad (but in a naughty bad way) so not sure if it's a good idea to spell out the details but mostly just posting to keep the thread alive as I don't have much to tell and have been working the whole weekend.

If you all were my facebook friends though you would have seen some phenomenal activity associated with moi... and I didn't mean for it to be a big deal...

I posted a picture I recently had done of me in my military dress uniform and now I think it has gotten to up to about 40 hits as far as likes and comments! and I was just trying to make my parents happy on posting that one picture. Go figure. I got comments from current friends and family, college friends, co-workers (the few I am friends with on there)... It was a bit shocking~ NOt to be too humble.. I liked the picture a lot too. I just didn't anticipate the strong reaction it caused among folks.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD, by the way tho I live in SD now I grew up in NORCAL. Waaay up by Chico.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I am tired! Getting up at 6am Every day including Saturday and Sunday sucks.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sorry all - I am a bit behind on posting - I had planned on reading and then posting - then my daughter called - went and sat on the sofa and chatted with her then thought it would be nice to lie down and pull the blanket over me - that was about three hours ago! I am now off to bed - will post tomorrow when I get back from my meeting - hugs to all,

Love, Sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning!

DYD - how is it going now you are on the higher dose? Have you noticed any difference? I am really hoping that you have.... it does sound as if you are drinking a lot less to me - well, the way that you wrote it, it does. did going up that next 50mg take you down any more? I wouldn't worry about what others think of you re your other posts - they don't know your circumstances or how you drink - I used to drink in front of my children - never a lot, but they are fine - I asked them (they are grownups now) if they thought I drank a lot, and they said that didn't even notice it - but that they did notice their dad drinking! It made no difference to them at all. I think maybe the people thought you got drunk in front of your son? You know you don't and that is all that matters. I got drunk once in front of my daughters - and my youngest can't remember it and the eldest thought it was funny 'cos I kept telling her how much I loved her!! There was a party for the whole street and everyone was drinking!! As long as you know you are fine, don't let others annoy you. When I went AF last year, my eldest wanted to know why - I said I just thought I should give AL a break and she said "But you don't drink much" - so, they don't worry if you, as you say - just have a couple and don't drink to the point of slurring etc.

Thanks for the advice re the tapes - I wouldn't get them I don't think - I know I wouldn't use them. Oh - I did go up to the 300 mg by the way. That was what I stayed on when I was AF for 8 months. I hope your hypno appt goes well tomorrow. I am dying to hear about it. I know AA works for a lot of people but it isn't for me for various reasons. As for the 25 mg - yes, I have noticed a difference - I am drinking more!! So the amount I was on, was working for me - I just wanted it to get to IF I wanted to be AF again, I could and it hadn't done that, but it has shown me that the Topa does make a difference to how I drink. I go up to 50 mg today.

Hallo Illum - how are you doing? Can you e-mail me your pic of you in your dress uniform? I would love to see it! You sound so happy in your job - I think that is great! How goes it with the AL? I am curious as to why your weekend was good and bad? You always make me laugh with what you write about. I still haven't heard from Airam at all - and I would really like some of the others to come back and let us know how they are doing. Thank goodness we have us three at least! Where is Dreams these days?

I will be back later - take care all and have a great day!!

Hugs, Sun XX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Half way down the second page - have just got in from work and thought I would bump us up. We need more Topa users! It really can work without so many of the problems and SE's that Bac seems to have! Anyway, I am home and need to get to bed. Just hated to see us so far down.

hugs, Sun XX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hello Small Group!

Yes, Santa Cruz is a nice place. Illum, your FB picture sounds like it was fun.

Sun, thanks for the validation. I do think there are levels of addiction or problems with addiction and we know from where we come or how they are affecting our lives and those around us. I appreciate what you wrote.

I just had a thought - we're kind of buried here with the "New on Topa with a Question" title. What if we started a new "General Topa" forum. The reason I say this is when I started, I didn't know to start here to meet you all . I met a new woman on the "Moms on Bac" forum that I accidentally stumbled upon and I just briefly noticed a post titled something about "Allergies on Topa" as I was posting this morning. Maybe we would get more people to join us. What do you think?

Regarding Bac, the SE look just awful to me. I"m not sure I'd want to venture there even if the Topa and hypno don't work for me.

And speaking of SE, I am so done with the Topa SE. I am so tired of feeling so tired. I feel so sleepy so often. And my brain is so muddled. I swear I had a hard time figuring out a tip the other night. I can't stand feeling so stupid. And trying to remember words and names sometimes. I didn't up my dose this week - I stayed at 250. Mostly because I have my appt. today and I so hope this helps.

I haven't noticed much change in my drinking. I guess there's some because I am not drinking 1 1/2 bottles of wine but I am still am opening 1 bottle a day so somebody must be drinking it! And it's not the 12 year old or the dog! LOL!

And I don't feel hung over ever. I used to sometimes feel yucky in the morning both in my head and kind of burpy and need to take Tums. That never happens which is of course good. But still, one bottle is not a goal I'm shooting for, you know?

Wish me luck today at 3 p.m. Pacific. The appt. is 1 1/2 hours. I hope I find it helpful. I think she said it will take 4-5 sessions. I, of course, will know more after today and will post soon and share my adventures. Please, please, let it help!

[TracyA]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just popping in to let folks know we're rallying to have a few stickies (posts that always stay at the top of the forum) added to the meds forum. Right now we're just trying to get admin's attention, but it seems like it would be helpful for new folks who are looking at Topa to have a very visible post at the top of the forum. If you would please vote on the post regarding having stickies on the meds forum, I think it would be good all around - if we can make it happen.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

F it

I have been in a bad mood, want to sleep all day and do nothing (but drink). I think about other people I know, that don't drink or drink occasionally.....those happy ass people..f*ck 'em. I hate work, school, driving, people.....I have NO ambition yet I pretend in front of everyone and they all seem to think I am doing so great - but they DON'T KNOW. WTF do I wanna be when I grow up???????? Guilt is mutha - I am still very functional.....but hate myself, yes, I hate myself - I do not see an end - until this ends me. Sorry friends, again I am in a mood......I am a spoiled brat that needs an ass kicking to realize what she has! Ok everyone, please - beat me up!!! Go nuts :confused

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hypnotherapy appt.

Follow up to my appointment today. The appointment was more about getting to the root of my emotional issues that cause me to drink vs. giving me messages to not want to drink. It was pretty powerful. I imagine it will take some time and that it will not be a quick fix.

Meanwhile I am going to stay the course at 250 mg since I am am experiencing SE that I am not happy with. I think I also forgot to mention that I am having sinus issues. So, let's see if any of those let up.

How is everyone else?

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

GIRL! I am very worried about your last post!! But glad that you came here to do it. What is up? I'm very interested about the spoiled brat comment as well. You sound as if you just don't know where you want to be in your life huh? And please don't let the AL "end you!"

DYD, so glad your session made such an impact!

Ladies, boy have I been through the ringer the last couple of days!! to I got some crappy news related to my reserve job on Sunday and then Hubs and I had a huge confrontation that same night.

A lot more gloom and doom from him on the job front - him really pushing me to start looking for other opportunities as a contingency plan.. me still upset about the news I got and him thinking that's just a blip compared to his job situation....

He had been really rude to me all week. Cutting me off when I'm talking, dismissing things I'm saying... When we were in the car on the way to dinner that night he did it again and I called him on it. Not a major confrontation - I just said "you know you've been really rude to me lately"

Our daughter has had a cold and was really congested/runny so when we got home we were making her take some medicine. It was a lot of drama.. crying, spitting... "I think I'm gonna puke," etc. Hubs was really bullying her and by the end of it spanked her until her butt was red. I got her into the shower and told her she didn't have to drink any more of the stuff even though he had told her she was still going to have to finish it. I really think she had gotten enough to do the trick. Also by this time it was 9pm so past her bedtime on a good day and I just wanted her to get some sleep. He was really pissed off at me. I think he was taking out his shit on her, and it was a continuation of him taking his shit out on me lately.

So anyway, we went about our routine watching TV and me getting stuff ready for Monday morning, and then we got into it.

Somewhere in the course of us arguing I had a full blown anxiety attack. Literally hysterical crying. And this was when we were still arguing about how I 'undermined' his discipline with our daughter and I apparently have completely destroyed it and will get what I deserve when she becomes a teenager. (I think he might have overreacted a tad?) I know I'll still get hell when she's a teenager but I'm pretty sure it will have nothing to do with that night. LOL.

Anyhow, while I was sobbing I managed to get out that I didn't think it was really about her...and then we got into the other business.

When things calmed down we also talked about how I used to drink and how that has changed and how I still chat on this forum and stuff. I sure hope I don't regret being so open with him about that because I'm afraid he might use it against me in a future 'discussion.'

So I was still a complete mess at work on Monday, did better today. When I originally wrote that my weekend was good and bad this hadn't even happened yet. The bad was that I was a bit naughty in flirting with an old friend over the phone pretty heavily and I really enjoyed it. He also gave me a hell of a lot of support as a result of all of the above craziness cause I called him again after all of it.

the good news is that my Chiropractor that I have been seeing since my accident is awesome and WAY more than just a Chiropractor, he's a counselor, acupuncturist, modern medicine, whole life health type guy... so I expressed to him how much damn stress I am under and he did some cool techniques with me today that really lightened my mood back up. And he's scheduling me for some massage and acupuncture next week.

Oh, and so to placate my husband and show him that I'm taking his potential job situation seriously I applied for a couple of government jobs in Austin TX today because that is the place that he knows for sure he could land an amazing job with 2 former bosses of his if all else fails. Maybe that will ease his stress some and make him feel better?

Back to DYD, I got up to 250mg my first try and that seemed pretty high. I'm not sure if 300 is really the best ultimate top out. Might depend on your size/weight too. I know Sun is a stick, I'm only about 120 lbs myself, so that high of a dose might be a little much for the likes of us. I'm at 100mg on my new start, but I've SOOO been drinking through it the last couple of days with all of this shit going on.

Glad to see you guys back!

And GIRL - give us a more proper update and hang in there okay?!!!!

:l:h:l

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

and Sun, just emailed you the picture. Still can't believe the reaction I got. It was fun! You know I love the attention even though I wasn't looking for it. That's the best kind!!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

NEWS FROM AIRARM

I sent her an email last night and got this response:

My deal Illuminae. Thank you.
You all are always in my mind. Allways.
I m not able to access site pages from work. I m having a lot of trouble there.
Please send me good vibes.
I really miss you all. Please let them know.
I miss you all. So much.

Good to know she is thinking of us and wants us to be thinking of her!!

Hope everyone has a good day!

:h

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illuminae hope you don't mind I chime in... I have been hanging out with the mom's on the Bac Board but am on Topa too.

Your husband sounds like what my husband used to be... an A**hole.. I know its not my place to say that but.... if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... its a duck.

Its no wonder we drink. None of my girlfriends wonder or blame me. I feel for you and what you are going through. That is totally awful for you and your daughter.:l:l:l
I don't' know why people have to be so mean and manipulative. I hope you are doing better today. I was just cringing reading you post. I have alot of experience with that so if you need a friend I'm here.

I actually am on my 2nd round of Topa. I went through the 12 wks dealio then thought I could go off.. mmmmm ya wrong. So I am in the process of dosing up again. I am currently on 75mg as of Monday and am planning on staying on that for a few weeks because of hair loss. I am going to follow a different plan than the scheduled escalation chart in the book and see if my hairloss is less. I tried to go AF for a few days and almost pull my hair out LOL... so I am going to wait until I am on a higher dose of Topa to try again. I really like the Topa aside of the hair loss. It seems like the gals on the Bac really have some SE's. I would be scared to try that stuff.

Girl1973 ok wait a minute.... what.... you think the rest of us don't feel like that. I can't wait to finish the open bottle of wine in my fridge that I didn't finish last night. I had a bottle last night then opened another so I would have it for tonight..... its ok to be grumpy and hate... I hate alot of things too...I was so crabby and pissy the past couple of days because I was trying to go AF I could have scratched someone's eye's out and I had someone in mind.. hating yourself is part of it too. finding everything wrong with yourself and drinking to escape that . Then trying to hard to be something your not. People don't see what you see in the mirror. Its a vicious circle. That's why we are here to help each other.:l

DYD Glad you had a positive appt. Will be anxious to hear more about your hypo as your sessions progress.

What SE's are bothering you?

Sunshinedaisies Hi there!

Tracy Hi T~ I recognize you from the Bac Board hope you are doing well I will stop over later to post.