New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Bkyoga and Welcome! No problem, he certainly was being an a** hole that night. He is under a tremendous amount of stress too. He's not always that way, but I will say that we have always had a hard time communicating and he is certiainly not a touchy feely man.

I am doing a lot better today but sooo tired. I didn't help that I took my first dose of topa after lunch today. I usually wait until after work. I was on a work phone call just a little while ago and I was barely staying awake.

Anyway, appreciate you joinng us. The more the merrier!!!

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just a little tip for everyone... I ended ordered that Provigil aka.. Modalert from River Pharmacy and its really helps with the tiredness. I whizz around the house now.. no prob. Its mentioned in the book.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Y'all, I just received my Piracetam and choline, so will have an update on that - I was dragging today like I was on bac, which I am not, for the moment. Hoping that will sharpen my mind and bod for the morrow. Cheers and over & out.

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Another post

I am still in a mood, and yes I realize we are all here for basically the same reason. I focus on just a lil vodka for a few days and then BOOM I am full bore on it. I could be soooo much more productive if I didn't booze it up constantly, hell I had a drink before work today (worked at 5 pm today) and I think my BF knew. I just don't like myself, nothing interests me if drinking is not involved. I would never hurt myself - but sometimes wish someone else would hurt me. 2-9-11 my truck was totalled from some girl that ran a red light, she slammed into my drivers side front quarter panel, had I been a few more feet ahead she would have slammed right into me - whatever......thanks for listening, you are the only people that I am honest with - I do not mean to upset anyone, just being honest. How I became this way I will never know - just became habit and here I am. Love to you all - wish the best for all of us. I do believe it is time to get back into talk therapy instead of just a simple 10 minute appointment with the psych just to get meds...I love my med doc but have not connected with a talk therapist yet, one that I feel understands me....I will search for one. Yes I am bummin but I will get over it! XOXO to all of you!:thanks:

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum,

I'm sorry about the stuff you went through with your husband. I also felt bad for your daughter. I remember my son fighting about taking his medicine when he was younger and I remember how frustrating that was but I never spanked him and I don't see how that would have helped. She's already feeling bad and being hit can't make it feel better.

I may hang out at 250 mg or I may back off to 225.

Bkyogagurl, nice to see you here. Always nice to have new friends in the Topa world! My SE are sleepiness, stupidness, forgetfulness, irritated sinuses. I really hate the feeling that I want to take a nap every afternoon or that I can't think clearly. If I really felt that it was making a huge difference in my cravings then I might feel it was worth it but I can't say that is the case.

I haven't heard anyone hear really express that it's made a huge difference in their lives.

What do you all think?

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD, I'm not sure how well the Topa is working either. I had the cravings really reduce through Naltrexone and the Sinclair Method, which I still take in combo with the Topa. My thing was that the Nal only took me so far and I wanted to see if the Topa got me to the next level of REALLY not caring about drinking. last go 'round I definitely had significant moments like that. So far right now not so much, but I totally messed up my schedule, which sucks 'cause I had just made it up to hitting 300 when I slid back to craziness. But I also was much more disciplined and doing all of the supplements and listening to the CDs and stuff and now I'm just back to slogging along trying to remember to take some pills every day and with all this stress I'm under.... hard to keep on track and the habits just really want to stay put. but only the night time ones at least!

So I figure I'm going to try to go up the ladder one more time and if it doesn't work then I'm just going to stick with Naltrexone forvever. It did at least get me to a level that I can live with.

Girl, I hear you! When I was at my lowest that is exactly how I felt and I'm glad that you have this place where you feel that you can come to be honest with someone! Back when I was in that low place everything I did revolved around the next drink. And I couldn't just sit at home and do it all the time 'cause i had to deal with my kids but I would do really uncool things like only ever take them out to dinner (and lunch on the weekends) to restaurants that served booze and have the kids bring their handheld games and I'd bring a book so that they would do their own thing while I did my own thing and they left me alone while I could eat and drink and make sure they left me alone. Horrible. we have a lot more fun now!

Back to my point with you DYD though, I still drink every night. But no blackouts, falling down or that stuff. And the no drinking during the day has been huge. (Except for this past week where the stress of that shit with my husband threw me back to those old days and how that made me feel and I did it again!)

Snapped back mostly to my new self today and I think I will be back on track.

Girl, yes please go after that therapy if it's what you need! Don't know if you saw my post approximately two weeks ago but I got into a car accident too but it was mostly my fault and I think it was because I was so tired and distracted because of all of this stress from what is going on with my husband and his job and me not being able to sleep a whole lot. The good news is my Chiropractor has been fantastic and he is also a counselor of sorts and is next setting me up for some massage and acupuncture and my insurance is covering ALL of it!!!! I miss my car though!!!

Hey Bruunhilde, once again nice to hear from you, but I have no idea what Piracetam and choline are?!

Hey Sun, where are you today?

Much love!!!

Illuminae

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey everyone, I am here - got into baking then ironing yesterday evening and ended up not posting - great to see new faces - I am getting ready for work but will post and answer when i get in today later. DYD - have to say - it did work for me then like Illum, I messed up with the schedule! more later!!

Hugs to all,

love, Sun XX

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Girl, I spent the last ten or more years feeling that way. I got a break when I started bac, because I was excited that something would change eventually. Same with topa. I had to stop both due to the side effects. But I've continued almost nightly with 10mg of baclofen and I am beginning to think it's helping. I bought a bottle of Tangueray two days ago, and two months ago, it would be empty or almost empty. It's half full. I don't know why, but I can't drink as much, and I don't crave it quite as much. It could be that I've screwed up my liver/kidneys, my pee has gotten cloudy. But I've been hung over the last two mornings and feeling like you do. NOT being hungover is not nirvana for me, but beats the hell out of this. I bought that bottle as a "sayanora" to booze, because I'm starting a diet which means AF Monday. WISH ME LUCK and all the success you can muster, send those happy waves my way! And thanks in advance. It really helps to be with everyone at MWO.

I'm determined to be a happier person, and the diet will help immensely in the weight loss and AF departments. I've never succeeded with an AF diet, not since I was 24, and that was 24 years ago.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo all - finally, I get to post! DYD - I thought about us starting a new Topa thread too, but in a matter of time, it would be the same as this one - and we would be back in the same place - this one actually has quite a lot of info in it if anyone cares to read back. As long as we can keep it on the first or second page, I think we will be okay - well, as good as we can be here amongst all the bac users anyway - even Tracy's idea of having stickies, although it is a good idea, would end up getting to be a very long thread again, the only difference being, that it would stay at the top. I am up for it if everyone else is - all three or four of us LOL !!!!! Re the sinus issues have you tried a Netti pot? Whenever my sinuses start, I use one and they clear up really quickly - I have an electric one which works so much better than a manual - a lot more pressure but boy, does it clear out my sinuses!! Re the being tired - BKyoga has posted in a few posts ahead about something that might help - I think it is here anyway. (no, it isn't - shoot, where did I see that?) I don't get the tiredness any more. In fact I don't get any SE's any more. I will see if I can find it - or maybe someone else reading this might be able to help.

Girl - so sorry for the way that you are feeling - bkyoga had some good words for you. Also Illum and her questioning the spoiled brat comment? What is it that you actually want to do? do you want to stop drinking? Have you considered Antabuse? I know we have talked about this before....... As for the self hate - only YOU can change that - I used to wonder how anyone could like me - I used to feel that they didn't know the 'real me' - then one day someone asked me what the 'real me' was. do you know, I couldn't think of anything bad about me? Yes, I drink - but not to excess, but basically, I am a good person - and was beating myself up - why? It really made me pause for thought - try it - write down the things that you don't like about you - and write down what you can do to change them. Write down what is good about you........you will be surprised. We really are basically all good people. But you do have to learn to like then love yourself.

Illum- thanks for the picture - you look SO smart - thank you very much - I can see why you like it. As for what has been going on with you - I feel for you - it is really hard to watch stuff going on between your Hubs and your child - the mum in you just wants to protect the child, but you also feel you need to stand with Hubs. I hate when Hubs took his mood out on the girls and would always jump in - he called me their protector! (don't get me wrong - he never abused them but I would always be there for them as he would get things all out of proportion). Anyway, things for the both of you are so tough right now - so many changes and so many decisions to make - stress causes tension, causes rows and off you go again!! I am sorry :l:l

Re Topa - I am going up to the next dosage on Monday - have been at 50 mg this week and feel fine. Oh - and I am NOT a 'stick' - I am SLIM !!! Thank you very much!! :H 300 mg was a bit high for me but it did work. Thanks for the e-mail from Airam. I think I have her e-mail too - I will e-mail her as well.

BKyoga - so nice to see you here - we love having new faces here. Sorry about all my waffle - I seem to do it SO well!! Actually we are on the same schedule re the Topa - I go up to 75 on Monday too. I was on it before - and came off it - stupid me! it did work but when I stopped it I started drinking again. I have started again from scratch and this time am going to be VERY good. I have no trouble with hair loss - have tons of it, and it is really thick so don't notice even if more does fall out than usual.

DYD - just a thought - when do you take your Topa - I played around with when I took mine 'cos of tiredness the first time round and found if I took my am dose first thing then my Pm dose around 8.00 at night I felt fine. Suddenly thought of that - oh, and Topa did make a big difference to me - I just should have carried on with it. Even when I am on a lower (high) dose, I drink way less than i did - I never drank a LOT but I just drink 1 or 2 when I am taking around 200 mg a day. And that is far better than 4 or 5 a night. Like Illum - I didn't stick to the schedule and Like Illum, I am going with it again and this time am going to do it properly. that is so important.

Bruun - lovely to see you again - hi there. So you have stopped both the bac and the Topa now? what diet are you starting? Did neither of them help you at all? how long did you try them for? maybe you should just stay here with us and we will give you ,moral support!!! we are always looking for more folk to keep this thread from dying!! I wish you all the best for your diet - a double whammy for you with a diet and AL. You will do fine - have faith eh??

This is SO long - sorry people. I just waffle on and on and on. Need to go and clean up the kitchen - Illum - I still don't feel I even really answered your posts but I would have had to start turning this into chapters if it was any longer!

Love and hugs to all,

sun XXX

[Girl1973]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

ho hum

Still kickin! Drinking as I type, not drunk in any way. My doctor's nurse called me the other day, wanting me to come back in for another liver AST test to see if the levels have come down, screw it though - I have not followed his orders to abstain/cut down so wht bother with another test that will be the same if not worse than the last one? School tomorrow - I am not staying on campus anymore, they doubled the room rates and I do not have to be around my first Grad school instructor that told me I smelled like AL last September. I need some nice weather and springtime! Funny thing is this drink is not even tasty, it is gross and is giving me heartburn, yet I continue on....drinking it. When I got home from work tonight and made the drink I was grossed out knowing it would be gross - I do not like the AL taste anymore, but again I drink nightly. It is as if I HAVE to drink even though I don't want to and don't like the taste and I don't like myself for doing it. Strange....maybe I should look into accupuncture, hypnosis, who knows. Love to all of you! Thanks for your kind words, suggestions, and faith in me..:thanks:

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, thank you for that wonderful update and attept to address us all. what a feat!

Girl. Listen to yourself. It tastes horrible... then stop. Or change to something else and drink less of it while you figure out what else to do. found your comments about the weather interesting - I know many people get depressed in the winter. I live in California now so hard to relate at the moment but we have a dear family friend from England who comes over to my parents every winter for 6 weeks (she also has no other living relatives so we consider ourselves her family now) for just that reason. And I did live in Washington State for 3 years and I remember how depressing it could be to go to work and return home both in the dark and cold.

Okay enough yuk! Despite all the crap going on in my life I had a fantastic day yesterday!!!! Attended the Women in Defense Symposium and a very swanky hotel - Hilton Torrey Pines. It was AMAZING. Being in a room with powerful, successful and inspiring women all day is just what I needed. the coolest part about this conference, is that they always have a work/life balance theme to it. So instead of all of the presentation booths in the lobby being a bunch of defense contractors showing their 'war machines' they have people like holistic health practictioners, interiour designers, travel agents, health and wellness experts, skin care stuff... very cool. And each vendor had a raffel item. I won the raffel of the interior designer. It was a beautiful plant/flower basket with orchids, ivy and other plants, and a gift certificate for an in home $110! Have to decide if I want to use it on my own home or the condo we're buying as an investment property (which is supposed to enter Escrow at the end of this month).

Okay, energized as I got, need to get a break in before I start my day. Take care everyone!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Crashed out and slept in this morning. Then went to see my personal trainer, chiropractor, had some lunch, gardened with my daughter's class at school, then came home with the kids, took a nap and a hot bath, had some dinner and watched a movie. Pretty good way to spend a Friday off!!!!!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Just in from work - went up to the 50 mg this am and think I need to take a 25 this evening - think I might have miscounted how many 25's I needed - darn it. So might have to go up to the 100 mg a few days early - oh well! Anyway, the clocks go forward this evening and I have to be up early, so I have already put my clocks forward which means it is bedtime LOL
Hope you are all doing fine - will be around tomorrow and hope to hear how you are doing!

Hugs, sun XX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hey Sun,

I think you're thinking my sinus issues are about congestion but it's more about feeling dried about. I've been occasionally using saline spray.

And about the timing of the Topa, I get really sleepy starting around 2:00-4:00 in the afternoon so I don't know if it would matter when I take my evening dose. Once I make it through early evening, I'm okay. I'm really thinking I may start tapering back down. Especially since I'm not noticing that it's not helping. I was at 250 but tonight I only took one 100 so that's a total of 200 for the day. Yesterday I was at 225.

I visited with a friend today and she said that she really noticed a difference in me. It was interesting to hear that it was visible to others. She actually wondered if I had been drinking during the day (which I had not - and which is not my pattern anyway during the day). I was yawning and tired and had I not had plans to take my son to her house to hang with her son, I really would have wanted to take a nap. I love hanging out with her but I really wanted a nap!

I hate feeling this way. If I really felt that I was experiencing a major change with the Topa maybe I could say it was worth it but I'm not seeing a major difference so I am going to wind down on it and see how I do.

I'll just keep hanging on and see how I do with my counseling. I wish I could see my doctor every week but since her appointment are so long and I can only see her every other week it wil take a while. (My last appt.was almost 2 hours!)

To also give you an indication of how out of it I am - I had started this post last night but I couldn't get a clear thought out and I just saved it to complete it today. I didn't want to post an incoherent post. This is just not me.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

So I just want to post some positive progress with my husband. Last night when he got home (even though it was from a happy hour that went until about 8pm) first thing was that he came up behind me in the kitchen and gave me a big hug. Guess that's a start.

then later on our daughter was having another fit and I went and dealt with it. Afterward He said something that made me realize he has been sitting back and letting me discipline our kids primarily all week since our big incident last Sunday. I guess somewhere in the heat of it all he said he was going to do that but I don't recall that specifically. In any case he paused the movie we were watching and says he wanted to tell me something. (Shocker right there in and of itself!) He says he's been observing me and that even though we do things differently he ADMIRES how I discipline them because we still arrive at the same results - with one exception. I let them talk back to me too much and he finds that unacceptable. I agreed and assured that I also let them know it is not acceptable to me. He then had individual talks with both of them about that before they went to bed. Typical man stuff of taking almost a week in "the cave" to come out and deal with what happened on Sunday, but overall pretty nice development even though he was a bit tipsy (probably what allowed him to be so open) and a little patronizing in his tone, but I'll take what I can get over what had happened before! and so Happy that he told the kids to treat me more respectfully and that for REAL he said out loud that I was a good parent and even though it wasn't said explicitly, it was good enough to say that he was an asshole the other night and close enough to an apology for me - I think way better than I have seen from him in a long time!!!

So last night I actually went to bed in my own bed prior to 1am and had a great night's sleep, yet here I am in insomniaville once again enhanced by the changing of the clocks and my husband's snoring....