New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hallo there all - Bruun, good to see you - I have heard about the HCG diet (I work in a bookstore) so will be interested to see how you do on it - not for me, but just interested. And going AF too - wow - does that small amount of Bac help with the AL? Or are you just not drinking because of the diet? Whichever it is - that is fantastic - I wish you all the best with it and will be thinking of you.... please do pop in and let us know won't you?

Illum - I had never thought of things that way - when one finds mementos and stuff as of seeing how much love one has had in ones life - a nice way of thinking of it. Glad that you had a great time with your friends too - just wonderful for you. I will be interested to see how you go with the nal and the Vits.... As you know, I go up to 100 mg today. Will let you all know how I do! When you take the Nal 30 mins before the first drink, what does it do?

DYD - hi there - thanks for the Pm - I am feeling lots better thanks. I will be back to my usual Radiant Beam before long. I am sure! I rarely stay down long. Anyway - need to get going and do stuff - work the closing shift today - BK - hope you are well too - lovely to see a few people here! Hugs to you all, have a great week,

Love, Sun XX

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,

Just thinking how interesting it is you and Illum have light in your names.

Anyways, I'm going AF for the diet, but I needed a reason to do it. And I've never been able to stick to a diet due to AL before, well, except when I was 24 which was 24 years ago. I'll probably try the Nal when I get off the diet if not sooner so it's good to hear it's helping Illum alot.

I was at 80mg of bac and it wasn't helping with the AL, but I kept binging and each time it was worse, and I kind of hit bottom - couldn't physically drink for about 4 days, due to gastric distress. That seemed to flip a switch because it happened twice in about a month, I guess. I felt like my insides were melting and it was a wake-up call. Now or never. I had to reduce the bac due to spiking BP.

I think I may never quit quitting, but am hopeful I won't have to struggle alot with it my whole future life.

[galoot]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi dyd and illuninae (remeber me from TSM? - well I was mysteriously blocked from the site. I presume for questioning it's efficacy and discussing baclofen lol. anyway, hope you are keeping well my friend?). Nal helped me calm my drinking down and reduced it by about 40% so it does help. However it did block a lot of other pleasures for me so I stopped taking it. Bac was too much for me to tolerate once I got to 100mg. I'm pleased to say that I have been sober since starting topmax 3 weeks ago. I guess it's trial and error with these meds. Nal may be the one for you? Or have you tried accamprasate?

Best wishes!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all - I am home from my closing shift - galoot - lovely to see you here - if I remember correctly, you are a fellow Brit ??? What are you up to on the Topa and how are you doing? It is so good to hear that it is working for you. Please post some more and let us know more about you and what you are on etc., and how you are doing....I would love to know. How did you get it too - do the docs over there prescribe it? Oh - and I have never heard of Accamprasate - wondering if that is campral in USA. I am not familiar with it though. how does it work and what does it do?

Bruun - how long will you be on the HGC diet? you said that you might try Nal when you get off the diet - which infers you won't be on it for long.... I don't know much about it - just know it is out there. I do hope that it helps you - I have never had a problem with weight and feel so much for those who do - my mum does and I remember back when I was a child her always starting a new diet on a Monday!!! My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best with it. I had never thought about Illum and I having light in our names .... I just love the sun and love daisies!!! Oh - and I think I might never quit quitting too!!! sad really. However, on a positive note, as you said, maybe it won't be too much of a struggle!!!

Illum - hi there when you get here - I am feeling a lot more like me again - funny how these things go isn't it? Anyway, I am glad to be almost back to normal (whatever that is!!! LOL)

DYD - hope all goes well tomorrow with your appointment - I am looking forward to hearing about it. wish I could find someone here along the same lines. I did go to one hypno place but he was hopeless. I could have done it !!!! Has made me really leery on them!!! I do hope it works for you. :l:l:l

Hugs to all,

love, Sun XXX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

When it rains it pours! So quiet for so many days and now so many posts from so many people. This is great!

Thanks for the book offer, Illum. I think I'll see how the hypo goes and I can always get my own copy. I don't want to trouble you with mailing me a copy. I just looked on wikipedia and the Nal does look like an interesting option.

Good for you, Bruunhilde.

When I decided some years ago that I really wanted to lose weight I went to Weight Watchers and I made the commitment. I don't recall where I was with my drinking then but I think because I made the conscious decision I chose not to drink because I wanted to lose weight and so I somehow stopped for that time. I have an on/off switch. I'm black or white and I'm just not very good at gray. I so wish I was.

I often marvel at people when I go out and they order a glass of wine and it just sits there and we leave and they don't even finish it. Who does that?!

Yet, I can have a carton of ice cream in my freezer and I don't have to eat the whole thing but some people can't do that. Isn't that funny how that works? Or maybe not funny?

Nice to meet you, Galoot.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all! So happy to see all of this activity!! And right off the bat I loved you pulling the parallel Bruun with light in me and Sun's names. How cool is that?!!! Not only do I feel like she and I are very close on this forum, and also a bit off in PM and email world too. I think we must have the same optimism about getting through all of this or even being people that never quit quitting (I really liked that phrase) and I think we are so similar that we just want to have a few drinks and enjoy them and not have any of it rule our lives.

Sun - last night I got crazily inspired again and wrote a two or three page paper (and was up half the night) about the two other men in my life that I thought I was going to marry - at those times. I know you like to read so.... happy to send you the stuff. Not only that, but the clincher, which I didn't elaborate on the other night, was that the thing I first came across when organizing and stuff was literally a paper restaurant napkin with a poem I had written on it, I'm not sure even exactly when, but it was in memory of the boyfriend #2 that I really thought I was going to marry. So you see, what I did not say before was that he was a Navy helicopter pilot and he left on a ship in January 1993 to the Persian Gulf (in the first war) and crashed into the Straights of Hormuz (which is just 'over there') and died. Today was the anniversary of his death and it is so easy to remember, being the 21st of March, always and forever the first day of Spring.

HI Galoot! Yes I remember you and please stay here and play with us as long as you like! We love the company and congrats on your success so far!

And DYD, so good that you can be AF! I understand you have gone through some crappy stuff to make you want to do it, but it's cool that you CAN be black and white. Others of us can't.

So Sun, I am going to email you the SAGA i wrote last night (stayed up until 3am AGAIN) but the positive is that even when I do stay up that late I somehow find a point where I quit drinking whereas before any of these treatments I would just drink everything in sight and fall on the floor if I stayed up that late.

Oh - and sorry, you asked me what I feel on the Nal. Well, nothing now. I will have to go back in my journal to tell you what it felt like at the beginning. All I can tell you is that my drinking patterns have changed overall for the good for a good deal of time as well (anyone with time and patience can go back and follow my story) and that has been steadfast and consistent since the days I embarked on TSM. But really the big change to put in a nutshell was I started make decisions for the RIGHT reasons instead of having to do with where the next drink would be. That is the most subtle and lasting effect I have had from the Nal and everything has just gotten better from that point on....

I could tell stories about when the alcohol led me to now where i enjoy it as part of my life (even tho we drink too much sometimes it is still okay to

So basically I'm tired of fucking around with this shit. Just like I did with exercise in my life, I have found out what I will and will not do (i.e. no gym memberships, no group classes), and I save my money to have personal training do do the only kind of workout that I like (which is Pilates with a personal trainer)

My husband and I drink. It is part of our foundation - right or wrong, this is the marriage i have landed into after those other possibilities. And I will say that I know that one of the reasons that I fell in love with my husband is that he has many qualities of all of these past boys and men that I also loved combined. For me the hard part initially was that he wasn't the 'physical' type I was looking for. But he won me over in mind and soul. the little bit that is lacking has always been passion and intimacy. We relate so well intellectually and sentimentally, and with the obvious shared love of our children, but not so much passionately with each other.
ah well, he is a good man!

Time for bed..

iI

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, just realized I never really answered your question about what the nal does - it reduces the craving and urge to drink.
The main SE I recall inthe beginning was getting sleepy. I know some people were having stonger SEs. I'll check what the book says

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Illum,

I don't know how easy it would be for me to go AF now but I know I've done it in the past when I set my mind to it. At the time I went on Weight Watcher's I was more fed up with my weight and somehow set my mind to fixing it which of course required the black part of not drinking (or white - however you want to look at it ;-0)


And DYD, so good that you can be AF! I understand you have gone through some crappy stuff to make you want to do it, but it's cool that you CAN be black and white. Others of us can't.

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi all~

Sorry I have been MIA... I am up to 125mg on Topa and am feeling the full SE's of fatigue ugh.. it takes me a bit to get used to and I said I wasn't going to dose up as quickly but I seem to feel the reduction in craving on a higher dose. I really wanted to curb my appetite for a bottle a night. But am thinking of dropping back to 100mg as I am super tired right now and struggle getting through the day. I have so much to talk about... I am feeling really frustrated.

I haven't drank the past 2 nights. Alot of my issues stem from my relationship with my husband. I could write a book. He is a busy man and he doesn't mean for me to always be last on the priorty list, its just the way it has to be. I get lonely. I don't mean to sound pitiful cause I'm really not. I'm just being honest cause I can be here.

Anyhoo... Seems like everyone is doing pretty good. I have seen the posts on Nal and am kinda curiuos about that. I need to do something about the ever occuring LBS that are looming too. Topa doesn't exactly make me want to exercise my butt off. I did walk on my treadmill yesterday, a first in a long time. I hate feeling so loopy.

I love getting on and reading your posts... makes me feel normal.
thanks for being here.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Happy Tuesday all!

DYD, I also have that mindset you had when on WW, the one that eclipses AL somehow, and I'm afraid of what happens when this diet ends. I can't stay on it forever, it's not a lifestyle, but it phases off into another diet like Atkins and then you introduce carbs tiny bit by tiny bit which is where everyone gets in trouble. You know, I'll just have a tiny taste of that mashed potato with gravy turkey plate, and then your carb floodgates open and alcohol is right up there on the list. That's what I'm positive I'll be battling.

Maybe that's not the right mindset, but I feel I need to be wearing my battle garb for the safest result.

BY, I'll take a busy husband anyday. I think the whole reason I'm not married is my need for great quantities of alone time. :H

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Bruun~ it would be fabulous if I could have the alone time with the benefit of really being alone and doing what I want... but I have all the responsibilities of a wife but no outlet for any of my own personal needs or wants. Mom, wife, gardner, housekeeper, maid, mainentance person, chef, etc...I am not sure if you can understand that.

I'm sorry I am in a crummy mood.... Sometimes I think drinking my wine at night relaxes me and the bit of hangover distracts my mind so I don't think about such crazy things. I do have a good life and I love my family I just get tired sometimes.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

BK, no reason to apologize, we should be able to express our crummy moods and get support in my opinion.

I see where you're coming from - I just applied the concept to my own life, and I can agree that it would be more fair, if I can use that word, if he could be more of a partner at home. I'm sure that's a burden you'd like to share. Sounds like you both work very hard - but you need adult conversations too, right? And you got into that family/house etc together, you should be maintaining it together. I obviously don't know your circumstances very well, but I certainly understand the drinking to escape/reward, and the hangover also as a way to avoid certain feelings or things. I have 25 years of experience in that.

Do you feel overwhelmed or just too alone without him there?

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Man Bruun.... read my mind...

I do feel overwhelmed sometimes but more alone than anything sometimes I will go a week without really having a sitdown conversation with a friend or my husband.. no adult conversation is hard for me as I am a social person but am not needy in the same sense. So I manage my feelings pretty well.
But it does get hard as I enjoy the stimulation of conversation just like everyone else. I want to talk about my day and my kids and things. Alot of times when my husband gets home he wants to play with the kids and go to bed. I totally understand that. He works 12+ hours a day. He talks to people all day. Then sometimes I feel like I do for him and everybody else and I know he recognizes it and feels my frustration. He will say let's go somewhere. So we go for our once a year somewhere. There is my bag of kudos for the year. I just wish there was more of a balance. Maybe a once a month something. I really hate talking about it. Because.... I have talked it to death and it doesn't do any good. It is what it is . and I do in fact do this, I reward/escape to drinking my wine..... and I love it. My friend just sent my the funniest email... that fits this situation perfectly... I will post next time I am on.
thanks for listening...

I am going to go hop on my treadmill as I have decided to eat healthy and exercise in order to have wine because I feel happier when I drink.... I am hoping the Topa will help quantity of wine I drink ....

If you don't mind me asking... 25 years.... what happened with you?

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

This was a funny that a friend of mine sent me~ just thought it might make someone smile cause it sure made me laugh....:H


Man



Man is a woman's best friend.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

He will enable her to express her deepest emotions

And give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels that she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.



No wait...... Sorry....... I'm thinking of wine.

It's wine that does all that. Sorry.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wowza, I was reading the poem and thinking NO CHANCE IN HELL would a man ever do that, if he even could manage to think of it. I don't know if wine makes me feel beautiful, in fact, not so much. It makes me ugly. After I hit 40 something, the wine really strarted to show. Puffy, redness, weight gain, memory problems.

25years because I started binging when I was a teen, and then after college drank nightly. I was forced into a career life by my parents' anxiety over money, and now I'm consumed with anxiety over money and the fact that my job sometimes scares me (I could be laid off again, which would mean I'd have to sell my house unless I got something in a few months, etc. AND because I have some brain issue, like memory is a huge issue for me which hurts my job performance (most of my siblings have this and we all have ADD or something else too like dslyexia). I need to get tested for all that stuff. Anyways, beer to wine to hard liquor, then back down again as I was trying to lay off.

I'm now 5 days AF.

I should add, that today is one of those days that drives me to drink. I am extremely anxious, panicking, trying to calm myself down and tell myself it will be alright. Okay, I'm going to go make a dr appt to discuss this and having my kidneys check and see if I can get a referral to a mental health specialist.