New here and starting Topa and with a question

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

My apologies up front but this will mostly be directed at Sun...

I sent you two of my writings tonight. I can't wait to hear what you think!

We did have a fantastic time over the weekend, kids reached new milestones in their riding and I just let loose on the cycle and had a blast! The coolest part was that these neighbors of ours that we have known for a while (used to watch one or the other or both of my kids after school earlier on in life) and like very much but never did anything with came along too. They have 2 boys just a little younger relatively than our kids and they have motorcycles and quads, etc. We got campsites right next to each other and just had an amazing weekend. Bonus- the gal brought her mother so there were even times when she was watching all 4 kids and we adults did whatever we wanted. They had such a good time, as did we, that we have already booked another weekend in two weeks! (the only time I can do it before my travel schedule gets OUT OF CONTROL!!!

So cool item #1, the mom just bought the exact same make and model of my cycle and she just learned and still kicked butt, so we were like moto mama twins. Cool item #2, their son was more experienced than ours and him seeing that motivated him to man up and ride for real and he did awesome. Very positive example of peer pressure.

I'm having a SUPER busy week and shouldn't even be on right now but I just love you guys and want to be here to help whenever I can since being here has often helped me too.

DYD, I never thought about how having NAL on my record might work to my disadvantage, but I am so fortunate that I work for the government that it would take it
lot of crap for anyone to get me fired me if they wanted to.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Wow, I was so tired last night I started falling asleep and never finished my post.

Sun, very good question about whether you really want to quit or not. I have found that for me the answer is no. I just want to be in control. it sounds to me like you may be in that same boat. You certainly are controlling it. I mean 2-3 beers a night sounds okay to me. It's part of your routine and seems it would take a lot to break out of it. Just like me and my wine.

Well I have to get off to work now. More later.

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

:lOMG!!! I wrote this long post and my stupid other computer crashed.. POS...

So I am on the kids... I am posting on theirs cause I have to clear the history cause I don't want them popping on here. I also have my nice new teaching Apple but don't want to post on that one either for possible history look ups... going to try and reiterate..

Sun~
sounds like you are on the right track...I mean you are enjoying a few beers while gardening or having a nice dinner... its not like you are going out clubbing, getting naked, potentially putting others at risk, or driving around... my same dilemma... I just need to get my consumption under control... unless, of course you are running around your yard naked... and if its fenced then I would say that would be ok too... JK I have been feeling more light hearted lately... I think with the increase of dosage of Topa you will get down to where you want to be. I think drinking is such a habit and to be honest, I sincere enjoy the taste... I don't drink to get snot slinging drunk. any more any way....

Illum~
So great to see you back... sounds like you have to much fun on your weekend!!! We do have so much in common. We too, have quads although they are the utility kind. But we have friends that have the sport kind. My husband so wants a sport model to zip around on. We are actually going this summer for a week with friends to the coast.
How's the drinking going?

DYD~
I wish your stinkin Dr. was more on the ball. I wish they realized how important it is to us to have someone who is intent and available. I think it would be discouraging to have to wait. Each day is important when you are trying to make a change. Besides I am really anxious to see how you do on Nal.. My insurance would probably drop me in I tried to get it so I would have to find another means to obtain it. Sometimes I think being single would free me from my chains with alcohol but then I think the grass always seems greener syndrome always looms.... my husband is a good guy. We just have been through so much. How is the Hypo going?

I am doing pretty good... another night AF for me... yeah. I'm proud. And no real craving to speak of. Topa is making me tired though. I hate that. I am usually bouncing around cleaning and doing household stuff. I have to force myself to fold laundry and do other such chores that I used to think nothing of. bummer. Hubby and I talk about me going off of it and trying again with more support from him. I don't know.... Sounds nice but after listening to Sun... she is inspiring me to stay on.. I was thinking of dropping back to a lower dose but my cravings really seem to be reduced. 100mg right now. I keep hoping my body with adjust and my energy will come back.

We planned this trip to the wine country sometime ago for this weekend. I am nervous about what to expect. I hate expectations. I just wish I could go and be me... but I feel that my husband will be having a watchful eye on me since he knows all of this I will be having my sinking feeling with each sip of the glass. He has been trying very hard not to judge... but he worries. I gotta go my sweet friends...
I cannot thank you enough being here:thanks:

BK

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD, why not order NAL overseas?

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

That's where I get my NAL from. I started on a prescription but quit going to the counseling and switched to overseas.

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

BK,

I wish this doctor was more responsive too. I really am ready to dump her but just wish I had another doctor to go to in the meantime. I had a family doctor that I saw until recently but a bunch of things happened that made me not want to go back to him.

I'm sorry you feel so tired. I know how that is. Maybe you can hold steady on your dose and see if it gets better. I kept going up because I wasn't seeing results - ugh.

Can you change your wine trip to a visit to somewhere else? It does sound stressful for both you and your husband.

I think the grass is greener. I sometimes think that if I had the support of a husband that my drinking would be better. Ha!

They hypno was supposed to be every other week but I don't think I'm going to bother. She was really just doing therapy with me with my eyes closed. And since she obviously didn't have a plan to suggest me not to drink, I'm not feeling very confident. Now all I want from her is an RX. And THEN I'll cancel next Tuesday's appt.

Been there, done that, on therapy. I just want some pharma help now. The more I read about this I really do think there something chemical going on in our brains that makes us want to continue to drink.

bkyogagurl;1087260 wrote: YD~
I wish your stinkin Dr. was more on the ball. I wish they realized how important it is to us to have someone who is intent and available. I think it would be discouraging to have to wait. Each day is important when you are trying to make a change. Besides I am really anxious to see how you do on Nal.. My insurance would probably drop me in I tried to get it so I would have to find another means to obtain it. Sometimes I think being single would free me from my chains with alcohol but then I think the grass always seems greener syndrome always looms.... my husband is a good guy. We just have been through so much. How is the Hypo going?
BK

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD~
Have you tried calling around to see if there is anyone else? I know its hard... hey I really need an RX for Nal.. I have done a ton of research myself and I know what I want, can you just give it to me please.
What I did was I kinda of interview a few GP's, went in for consults then pick the one I liked best. It drives me completely insane that in the US you can't buy stuff like Nal, Topa and Bac over the counter. I think that if you are trying to help yourself, you should have access to these things. It's greed from the pharmacutical companies. The FDA tries to pretend they give a rat's patute about us but they don't. Makes me mad mad. grrrrr. I'm sorry for you.

As for the tiredness... I have read on migrane forums that if you stick with it...it does eventually go away. I am not going to up my dosage until I manage where I am at. Funny how the grass always seems greener. huh.

Well I thought that if my hubby and I got into an argument last night(had a few issues) I would go to the wine country by myself and have you meet me there. Wouldn't that be fun. :woot: LOLOL. But he has been nothing but sweet. I think he thinks I'm going thru withdrawls or something (which I am not) He has been ultra nice. It really hasn't been that hard not to drink during the week... I think it is because I know the reward is coming.

I hope you find someone to help out with your RX. Have you ever thought about calling the company themselves and saying you would be willing to be a part of a study? I have thought about that. I thought if you did the study maybe they would help you find a dr. to prescribe it for you if it worked for you. maybe I am crazy... just a thought.

wish me luck... I am off to pack.
:l BK

ps. I really agree with you about the chemical reaction in our brain too. I read an article on one of Coalfire's post(thanks Bruun) concerning alcohol and how it affect some people's brain and produces a euphoric feeling, making us want to continue to drink where people who don't have the same brain make up(for lack of a better term) don't receive the same euphoric feeling so they stop drinking. I am looking to do more research on that. Something else that has caught my attention is having low or depleted dopamaine levels. I seem to have most of the symtoms of that. You may want to look that up. I am considering asking my dr. to test me for it. There are medications to correct it. Just another one of my thoughts.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good Morning - just want to pop in and say I am around - will do a proper reply when I get home from work - just had stuff going on and didn't get to posting yesterday! Did up to 150 mg though and I take my 100 mg in the morning then I was so busy at work that i was fine.

Back later - hugs to all, Love, Sun XX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I left my doctor another message last night and her assistant called back today. She said the doctor had been researching Nal and TSM. I made an appt. with her on Tuesday. I hope that means she'll give me an RX.

I thought about calling around to find another doctor but it would definitely be easier if she will just write me an RX vs. trying to find someone else. If I have to, I willl.

And I think I'd rather get the medicine on my insurance and locally vs. from overseas if I can. I could change my mind but that's where I am now with it.

I may screw my chances for insurance in the future but since I've already talked to a few doctors about my drinking, it may already be in my record anyway.

BK, I hope you feel less tired. And Sun, I hope your dosage going up is manageble and continues to have positive effects for you.

Have fun on your weekend, BK. Let us know how it goes!

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good luck DYD!

Sun, I miss you!

BKY, I hope you have a wonderful time! No stress, just enjoy! You have been very good and you deserve to have fun.

Unfortunately I have to work all weekend but will have some fun mixed in there. My nephew and niece are coming for a sleepover - kids and fun!!

I had a pretty relaxing afternoon at least so that helps making working over the weekend a bit more palatable. Just watching a movie with the hubs and then bedtime!

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi - Im sorry Illum - it is just that I know I will do a long post and I always want to try and address everyone - although this morning I can't 'cos I have to be at work at 7.00 again. I meant to get on here last night and post but ended up cooking instead!! I do come and read and keep up with you all though! I feel a bit like a hamster on a wheel at the moment - going round and round and getting nowhere!! I am so glad that BK and DYD and Bruun have been posting - kind of makes me feel guilty but so pleased to see them here! Need to go and shower - have a wonderful day all of you!!

hugs, Sun XXX

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Okay - I am home from work - it was a v-e-r-y long day - I was dressed up as Peter Rabbit for an hour and that costume is SO hot !!!!!!! I scared quite a few children too - LOL A lot of folk thought I was the Easter Bunny - I wanted to shout at them - I AM PETER RABBIT !!! Anyway - on to other stuff.

DYD - what have you heard from your doctor? That makes me so cross when you call them and they don't bother calling you back - I know they are busy and have lots of patients BUT !! YOU pay their wages!! It gets so infuriating. Can you go elsewhere? Is it for the Nal that you are calling them? Why not just try on-line? I asked my doc last time I saw him for some Nal but didn't really give it a good try - I remember a few years ago a friend (who has since died from AL related stuff) gave me some Nal and I took it once - came home from work after taking it and didn't even think about having a drink - it was so weird. But my whole situation has changed since then - but I have to see him in a few weeks and might ask him for some more. Give it a good try this time. I know that my doc is going to ask me again about seeing someone - but I am loathe to try and find any one who is any good with AL related addiction. I quite understand about you not going to your hypno - that must be so disappointing for you - it seemed so hopeful in the beginning. Just to get to the root of the problem - which is where I am. I just want to get to the root of the problem. When I quit for the 8 months I was depressed. When I see folk here saying "when am I going to be happy?" I have to stop myself from replying - 'cos I never was, after I quit. When I started again, I felt back to normal. Sorry all, that is probably not what you want or need to hear. BUT I never drink to excess. Never drink where I have hangovers. I just drink. Daily. And to me that is a problem. I know to many of you it isn't. I don't get drunk. But I cannot control it - if I could I wouldn't drink daily. The Topa is up to 150 mg daily and I am not noticing any difference. But then I didn't the first time I took it when I was at this level.

BK - what is that about the Dopamine levels? What sort of test can they do? As we are retired military our docs change all the time and I feel that my doc might be leaving soon - I will ask him next time I see him - but any tests that I want done I will need to ask him - I know he would do them - I might not be as lucky with my next doc!!! As for the dosage and tiredness, I am fine with where I am at - I take my 100 in the am and then my 50 at lunchtime. I am so busy always in the mornings that the tiredness wouldn't affect me. What dosage are you on now? When do you take it? How do you feel on it?

Bruun - I keep asking you how you are doing with your diet and the AL - but you never answer me. How ARE you doing with it all - I keep thinking it is SO much to take on all at once. How are you feeling? Is there another thread I can check out to find out? I think of you and hope that you are doing well...... you have a hard road to travel my friend. Please let me know how you are doing?

Illum - my friend! I am doing fine - my motorcycle has gone in for servicing as there was a problem with the timing or something and it kept missing and it freaked me out. the chap has had it for a week now and I am hoping to get it back soon - I am taking a week off work next week - umm, around the 10th April and it would be SO good to have my bike back by then!!!! I am having him put crash bars on it and also supports for bags so I can get some - couldn't find any that I could decide on in a hurry - so he is just going to put the supports on for me. Hopefully it will all be good by the time I get it back. I am looking forward to my week off. i am on day 5 of a 7 day stretch. Roll on Tuesday!!!!! I am SO looking forward to some time off.

BK - are you and DYD near each other? I really wish someone here was near me!!!! What ended up happening with wine country? Aren't hubs a pain at times? I know mine is! I also thought your comment on the fact that you hadn't found it that hard not to drink through the week fairly easy - 'because your reward was coming' quite interesting. Had you thought about that comment? We always think that AL is our positive don't we???? When we try not to drink - we think - if we don't drink, for a few days, we can reward ourselves by having some at the weekend or whatever - so not the right way to think - and I am not saying that YOU are wrong BK - I think totally the same - I am just saying that that is the way that WE think!!!!!!!

This post is long enough.

Hugs and love to all. I have to work AGAIN tomorrow. Love and hugs to all,

Sunshine XXXX

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, I'm sorry, I guess when I get towards the end of a post, I just forget to answer the "me" question! I'm not all that organized a mind. :eeks:

Okay, I have a good update. I'm cheating a little bit on my diet-I'm having too much fat and protein by a few ounces each day, and I did cheat last week and had a bottle of wine Wednesday. I discovered I cannot just have a glass, yet again. I will update my Bruun's Titting Up thread (in meds) if you want details at all but for here, suffice to say I'm doing really great and feel like I've gained a control over my eating/drinking I never had before. I haven't quite sorted it out yet. I think once I'm done with this diet, I will have more of an idea what's going on right now. That bottle of wine wasn't fun, at all, which irked me. And it set me back several days in weight loss.

Looking forward to the answers to Sunny's questions myself, y'all.

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

That is terrific news Bruun!! Keep it up! Isn't it nice to see progress.
:goodjob:

I am soo tired. worked all weekend!

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I finallly heard from the doctor's assistant on Friday. She said the doctor had been researching Nal (I sent her some links) but wanted to see me. She didn't know if the doctor would prescribe the RX but hopefully she will since I made an appt. for Tuesday.

I'd rather get the medication using my insurance - $5 for one month or $10 for three. If I have to I can go the online route but for quality purposes and insurance purposes, I'd rather go this way. If this doesn't work out, maybe I will buy online.

Sunshine, why do you think you weren't happy when you quit before? Did you consciously miss drinking? Have you considered counseling to try to figure it out?

At what dosage of Topa were you successful last time?

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your drinking. I can tell for you you're not happy with needing it every day. It doesn't matter how many you drink if it's just the daily drinking that concerns you. I think it's great that you're working on it (and all of us!).

sunshinedaisies;1090183 wrote:
DYD - what have you heard from your doctor? That makes me so cross when you call them and they don't bother calling you back - I know they are busy and have lots of patients BUT !! YOU pay their wages!! It gets so infuriating. Can you go elsewhere? Is it for the Nal that you are calling them? Why not just try on-line? I asked my doc last time I saw him for some Nal but didn't really give it a good try - I remember a few years ago a friend (who has since died from AL related stuff) gave me some Nal and I took it once - came home from work after taking it and didn't even think about having a drink - it was so weird. But my whole situation has changed since then - but I have to see him in a few weeks and might ask him for some more. Give it a good try this time. I know that my doc is going to ask me again about seeing someone - but I am loathe to try and find any one who is any good with AL related addiction. I quite understand about you not going to your hypno - that must be so disappointing for you - it seemed so hopeful in the beginning. Just to get to the root of the problem - which is where I am. I just want to get to the root of the problem. When I quit for the 8 months I was depressed. When I see folk here saying "when am I going to be happy?" I have to stop myself from replying - 'cos I never was, after I quit. When I started again, I felt back to normal. Sorry all, that is probably not what you want or need to hear. BUT I never drink to excess. Never drink where I have hangovers. I just drink. Daily. And to me that is a problem. I know to many of you it isn't. I don't get drunk. But I cannot control it - if I could I wouldn't drink daily. The Topa is up to 150 mg daily and I am not noticing any difference. But then I didn't the first time I took it when I was at this level.
Sunshine XXXX