New here and starting Topa and with a question

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi there everyone. I have just got in from work and am feeling quite pooped! I at last have a day off tomorrow - wonderful - then two more days and then I am taking some leave - a week and a bit off! I hope to get some gardening in, weather permitting!!

anyway - DYD - I will be interested to see what your Doc says tomorrow. I am going to be seeing my doc while I am off (I hope) if I can get an appt, so will try the Nal that I have before then (I have two tabs). I went up to 200 mg today (of Topa). I feel wiped out but I have done a 7 day stretch at work (or is it 6 - whatever) and have been non-stop, so could just be tired from that. Plus we had a storm in the night and Ben had me up for nearly two hours. Okay - to try and answer your questions - and thank you for asking them - why do I think I wasn't happy when I quit before? I always felt there was something missing. I had no idea what it was, but there was something that was just not there..... and no, it wasn't drinking - at least consciously - I didn't even think of it while I was AF. I was up to 300mg when I was successful with quitting last time on Topa. My Doc said that the reason I was depressed was because I hadn't adapted to life without AL. he wants me to talk to someone. the thing is that I am LOATHE to try to find someone. I had a wonderful therapist about 16 years ago who literally changed my life. Quite literally changed my life. She was incredible. She has retired and moved. I saw her for about a year - she was amazing. I wouldn't be where I am and who I am today without her having been in my life. I cannot believe I would be lucky enough to find another like her. My Doc wants me to talk to someone to find out why I drink. I think that is a stupid question. I think I am scared to go AF again because I don't want to go back to that dark place. I like being happy. (doesn't everyone??) And even when I only have a couple a day, I am happy - ALL day!!! I am a happy person. Take the AL away and I have a dark cloud over me. Hubs says not to worry about it and that I don't drink much. But as you correctly said, it does worry me that I drink daily. I am supposed to be having a medical test and am not supposed to have AL for 24- 48 hours before and won't have it!!!
I am sorry - this post is all about me. Guess I needed to talk. can't believe I talked this much. Okay - so I have talked - what do you ALL think? PLEASE? What would you do in my shoes? DYD? Illum ???? Bruun???? BK??? Talk to me my friends.......

Hugs, Sun XXXX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sunshine,

I think you have to do what feels right for you. And you're concerned about feeling the compulsion to drink daily so that is clearly something you want to address.

I would encourage you to see if you could find someone else to talk to. Can you ask friends if they have therapists they recommend? You never know - you might find someone else you can click with.

I know how you feel though. I felt that the last psychologist I saw was so wise. He had such clarity about whatever I was feeling. He's gone to Oregon for a while. I could still talk on the phone if I want but he won't be back for some months.

In preparation for my appt. with the psychiatrist tomorrow who I am hoping will give me an RX for Nal, I went to the website for the family doctor that I had been seeing. I wanted to print out my last blood tests because I have a feeling she might want to see my liver panel.

Anyhow, I was looking at all of the visits and when I first went to see him about my issues with alcohol he agreed to state that the diagnosis was "anxiety" or something inocuous. When I first saw him I thought I would try an anti-depressant to see if that would help (it didn't). What upset me was that on the last visit where I asked him if he would prescribe Topa he put the diagnosis as alcoholism. I didn't know that until last night.

This really upset me. Maybe it's true but I hate to see it like that. But it did make me feel like F*#*#* it about worrying about how an RX for Nal could screw up my future options for insurance because I've already been labeled an alcoholic. I hate labels!

I had already decided not to continue to see this doctor. My son had had an ongoing issue with stomach pain and his disinterest in my son was also disturbing to me. But this really sealed it for me.

Why didn't he offer suggestions of ways to help vs. just cutting me off and not prescribing the Topa? Why didn't he offer other suggestions for help? A little compassion would have really been nice. I mean, I'm coming to him WANTING help for this. Do family doctors get any training in this area? I don't know.

So, now I've been writing alot.

I hope everyone else is doing well.

Your Pal,

[Illuminae]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD that is awful! But I do think that you are correct that GPs are not trained in this stuff, so they just say stuff like go to AA and get some counseling....These treatments are still fairly new and contrary to popular medical practices.

I was lucky enough to find an actual abuse specialist psychologist who was open to it. He prescribed me Nal, which apparently he doses to many different types of patients to deal with stemming behavior that is compulsive. It was an okay experience. Really nice guy. He seemed to be focusing more on my relationship with my husband than on the drinking. I presume he must have gathered that a lot of my drinking more heavily stemmed from me not having a super solid relationship with my husband, which was very true then. Things have gotten a little better in that department now though.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Sun, I feel the same way about not drinking and about therapists. I've never had a great one, but I know I could use one. I tried three different therapists and each time they seemed to know less than me. Disappointing to say the least. I'd like to have a personal recommendation by someone but no one around me seems to have therapy.

Regarding drinking every night, my mom has done that for decades and every now and then she edges up from two small glasses to two big glasses, then realizes, and cuts way back to one glass for a while. So I'm saying that daily drinking naturally increases unless you police it. And the problem is that most people don't, and then the beast takes you over like it did me.

I drank Sapphire martinis the last two nights and feel like crap about it. I drank because I was bored. It's true AL helps with boredom, and I've been really bored lately. Anyways, I'm off the AL tonight, I swear! I threw the bottle into recycling and it goes out to the street tonight for pickup. And I didn't even feel the good feeling from AL, I am thinking the low dose baclofen is plugging up those receptors. But I drank anyways. Waste of calories. That's how I felt last Wednesday when I had my first cheat in two weeks, and the wine did nothing for me, no buzz. So, another reminder for me that it's just not worth it.

Back on track, hopefully, for me.

DYD, that worries me, I wonder if my doctor wrote alcoholism when he RX'd topa, I asked him specifically to keep it out of my records. I'll have to check. He's a great guy, so hopefully didn't do what your awful doc did. Looks like you might want to lie to him and tell him it was a phase, and you're better now, so you can get something ELSE on that record to counter the AL label.

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Yay! I was successful getting the Nal but I had to do a whole lot of explaining, educating and biting my tongue.

The doctor had printed out some links I had sent her but when I asked her if she had read them she told me that no, she's too busy. But she did read them while I was there but seemed very skeptical of TSM.

She argued that natrexone should be taken every night and I explained that over time, people drink less and then sometimes not at all. The books says you only take it when you drink. I said that for now I will take it every day before I drink. She also talked about antabuse and it sounds like she thinks it's a really good idea. It's not from what I have read.

My book "The Cure for Alcoholism" arrived yesterday and so I was able to read some things to her about TSM. I was glad I had it. I still wasn't sure if she was going to prescribe it for me until the very end of our appt.

She gave me a 30 day supply with 4 refills so that's really great. I've started tonight on 25 mg and so far so good. I didn't have any stomach upset so I hope I can tolerate it well.

Bruunhilde, I don't plan on going back to see that family doctor. And I doubt he would change a diagnosis he made. I'm not even sure he can at this point once it's recorded. And now that I'm taking Nal, it's probably clear what I'm doing. Oh well, if it helps me and my health, it will be worth it in the long run.

I hope this is the beginning of something great for me. I'll be sure to keep you all in the loop. Thanks for being here.

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone - just popping in to touch base but don't have much time - mid shift at work today and need to get ready - glad that you got the Nal DYD - I will answer all your other questions everyone later - today and tomorrow I work - finish at 7.30 today then have to be up at 5.00 tomorrow for opening shift, then am off for at least a week!!! so, I can catch up then - just wanted to stop in and say hallo to you all.

Hugs, Sun XXXX

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good for you DYD, sounds like you're on your way! :goodjob: Whoohooo!

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

I'm back.... so much to catch up on...

DYD YIPPEE!!!! I am so happy... and 4 refills... will be very excited to see how you do on Nal. I am glad your doc gave it a try even though she seemed skeptical. Maybe she will learn something from you.

Illum Hi there!!!

Sun... peter rabbit... you poor thing but really festive.. LOL..
I totally understand the whole counseling thing. I saw a counselor about 13 years ago and he was fabulous. But I know he has retired and I did try vaguely to get in touch with him. No luck. I do feel counseling would help my situation with alcohol but as you do, I don't feel like trying to find another counselor. Do you open the phone book and close your eyes and point? I don't have any friends who can recommend such services either. I feel the "dark cloud" too but mine turns into the bitch cloud as well. You are right about my reward drinking attitude too. My hubby feels its best for us not to drink during the week. I think that if couseling once helped you... it would again. I wish my hubby was relaxed like yours.

I am sick of Topa...
My hair is failing out again and it makes me so stinking tired... I am quitting. I am going to give it a good ole college try by myself...
I have done it before. My plan is to not drink during the week and exercise. If I can get my body back into that craving... maybe that will slow my alcohol love down.

Wine country was good. Bought some wine I am, of course, dying to drink. My hubby was laid up with a sore back which was a bummer because he didn't feel like doing much. We did visit wineries for one day then a couple the next. I was hoping to do more walking around and site seeing. Next time. I am truly trying to have a better attitude because its seems he plans a trip like this and puts very little effort into it. Here's your bonus for the year. So he can say "I took you to wine country". All three nights we were in our hotel at around 6 watching TV. We sat in the hot tub each night for his back. I know I sound selfish but I would have like to go play pool or walk around the shops in the evening. Something beside nothing. I can only tell you guys this. I am ashamed to even write it... but I need to vent.
And his parents have been driving me batty!!!!!!!!!!!! blah.
Since we have been home, I 've been feeling the everyday stress and wanting to be "good" which puts me into a tailspin anyway. I start getting angry and have these awful bottled up feelings and I know that is why I drink. Time to face the real issues.

hope everything is going good for everyone today...
BK

Hi Brunn!

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone!

Sunshine, you have a grueling work schedule. I get tired just reading about it.

BK, sorry your weekend wasn't everything you had hoped for. I can see how you would want to go out and have fun at night.

In case you didn't know, you shouldn't just stop your Topa all at once. I was told by my doctor to go down 25 mg. every other day. It can cause seizures if it's stopped suddenly. I think you were saying you wanted to get off of it. I understand how you feel. I felt the same way.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Day 2 of Nal is okay so far. No SE. I hope I do okay when I go up to 50 mg tomorrow.

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Good morning! I am officially DONE being a giant baby...

Better mood today.. DYD I can't wait to hear how you do on Nal. You are my hero. Have you noticed a diffence in craving? Have you been drinking on it? Does it make you feel tired or anything else? Ok ok I will leave you alone? Thanks for the tip with Topa... I was only on 100 mg but think it is a good idea to go down slow.

Welp... I haven't drank all week and am not a grouch today. YET!

Just wanted to say hi. Give everyone a morning hug.

BK

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Thanks for the compliment, BK, but I don't think I'm anyone's hero. I just want to figure this damn thing out!

The only SE is that I've been a little sleepier at night which isn't a problem. You start at 25 mg for the first two night and then on to 50 mg one hour before you drink. And that's it. I'm feeling fine. Last night I only had 3 1/2 glasses of wine which is a bit better than my usual bottle. I don't expect to see results right away. With Nal it's a very slow process taking weeks until you extinguish the desire to drink.

Illum, what has been your experience? Do you feel less cravings to drink?

Tonight I had my first 50 mg pill.

If you want to read more, check out thesinclairmethod.net. Thanks to Illum for posting about it. That's what got me curious. I also ordered the book, "The Cure for Alcoholism" from Amazon. I need to spend some more time reading it. It's not the kind of book I want to take with me to the gym though!

Speaking of that, at work today the IT guy was trying to update something on my phone and he went to search for something in my browser. I about died when you could see my search history and "The Cure for Alcoholism" popped up. #*#*$(#*$! Oh well.. I then figured out how to change my phone settings so that searches are not saved!

[bkyogagurl]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

DYD great news... any reduction counts.. I agree it will take awhile to feel the effects. I will be waiting diligently for updates. If it does happen to work for you. I will order a supply from over seas. My insurance would cancel me for sure. I have checked out the TSM briefly but will read it more extensively.

And I would NOT stress to much about the IT guy... I am sure you are like the rest of us... Well put together and beautiful... intellegent... he probably is thinking "who is she trying to help, what a wonderful person"... I don't think he pegged you. No one does. That is why we are here helping each other here because we all appear different than what we are the inside. I think we have a special place here with the other gals... I think if you stood us in a line, people would never guess that we are struggling with what we are. I wonder often if that is why it makes it that much harder for us to achieve where we want to be with alcohol.

As for me... I made it all week AF but not because of myself. I would have drank last night. But I was reminded not too.

have a great day my friends... Sun, Illum, Bruun... I hope you are doing well and enjoying something today. take care.
BK

[sunshinedaisies]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Oh gosh - me at last - where do I start? Do I go back and reply to older posts or do I start at the end and work back? I am SO behind! I have so enjoyed the two days that I have had off already - totally exhausting but such a nice exhausting. At least 4 or 5 hours out in the garden each day trying to repair the end of last year - as I broke my foot and also damaged the other leg I didn't do any of the end of year stuff so I weeds coming out of everywhere, and with the heat and the rain we have more weeds - it is just never ending. I am trying to work as fast as I can plus try to get new stuff sorted to put in - ANYWAY - on to you lot.

Let me see - start with Bruun - thank you for catching me up on what is happening with your diet - you mentioned 'when you were done with the diet' - is it just for a set period of time then? Or is it for when you get to a set weight? I have heard of the HCG diet but have no idea what it actually entails. sorry about the drinking - but I understand (of course I understand). I also know re the therapist. I was meaning to get an appt with my doc while I was off but of course haven't, and doubt that I can now. I would dearly love to find someone that knows more than me (LOL) but I think they are thin on the ground. Your mum sounds like she has her finger on the pulse of drinking. Sensible lady. My nan was the same. Anyway - how are you doing now? drinking? Not drinking? Diet going okay?

DYD - I am so upset for you that your doc wrote alcoholism in your record - my doc probably did the same but we are military and I doubt that it matters, but that is awful for you. And I also doubt that it can be changed now. It is a crime to change a medical record. What a bummer for you, especially as he had said he wouldn't!! Do you ever have to say that he was your doc anywhere? how would anyone know if you didn't give his name? Oh - I suppose your SSN would lead you to him. Regarding taking the Nal - there are lots of ways to take it, so just 'cos your Doc told you one way doesn't make it right. ask around on here..... Oh - bummer re the IT guy at work seeing your history - I bought the Easy Way for Alcohol from work and made some story about getting it for a friend- no-one at work would EVER believe it was for me! They all know that I like Guinness - in fact it is a joke, but I never ever go in hungover, so it isn't even a question in their minds. Anyway I do hope the Nal is helping you - how are you feeling on it now? How often do you go up on it? Where are you up to? I will be so interested to hear how you do on it.

BK - the reason my hubs is relaxed about the drinking is simply 'cos he drinks way more than me! when I quit for the 8 months he wasn't happy about it - he really didn't like it at all. I think he was quite happy when i started again - and he always makes sure there is Guinness in the house for me. so it is more of a 'supporting my addiction' thing than being relaxed about it! trust me !!! I am so sorry that the Topa is making your hair fall out - I have so much hair that it wouldn't matter if the Topa did make mine fall out! It is such a shame that it has that SE for so many of you. re the tiredness, I am not sure if it is the Topa or my work schedule and now that I am off my holiday schedule - I am just SO busy all the time, that by the end of the day I fall into bed exhausted! Tomorrow I am helping a chap in the garden move 6 yards of dirt!! I will be wiped by 3.00 I should imagine. I am so sorry that Wine Country wasn't what you were hoping for. such a shame. And you don't need to be ashamed to wrote it - when you have been looking forward to something and it is sort of thrown in your face, well - here is where you can vent!!!!! I think men (hubs) just don't get it a lot of the time. Why didn't you go walking and sight seeing on your own??

Illum - how are you doing? Thanks for the writings - I enjoyed it but thought it sad and poignant! Anyway - how is life? how is the drinking going? I am up to 200mg a day with the Topa and as I said earlier am not sure if it is my lifestyle or the Topa -I mean i am not tired until later in the day and gosh am I ever ready for bed! But I really am doing so much! Re the drinking, well, not noticing a lot of difference really to be honest, but last time I didn't either until I was up a bit higher, so am not going to worry or start panicking yet. I feel wiped out - it is 6.30 but have been outside in the hot sun - temps here were almost 90 and I was weeding and lugging dirt and stuff around for about 4 1/2 hours. so, I am not going to be long out of bed!!

Just felt I must try and catch up with my friends here - love and hugs to all - I won't let so much time go by in future! Take care all,

Sun XXXX

[doyourdream]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi Sun,

The only time insurance would be an issue is if I lost my job and had to buy my own insurance. If I'm in a group plan, I'm covered. I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

The Nal titration is very simple. 25 mg for two days and then up to 50 mg and that's it. I'm there now.

I'm not noticing a difference yet but it is a very slow process from what I'm reading. I'm not expecting to feel any different, necessarily, for many weeks. I'm keeping a spreadsheet with a graph so I can update you all as time goes on.

I'm happy to not have any SE. It seems many people do for at least the first week. After my experiences with Topa, I'm glad to feel okay.

[Bruunhilde]

New here and starting Topa and with a question

Hi everyone,

Sun, my diet is a constant battle against AL and then varied other themes. Currently am on a version of Atkins, just ended HCG, it entails taking a hormone daily (which seems to have given me a short reprieve from hypertension now back) which curtails your appetite and supposedly helps you burn fat not muscle while you cut carbs severely. It's not a lifestyle diet so I'm not doing long bouts of it, just trying to make headway here and there while balancing my weight.

DYD, glad you're not getting SEs, one week of SE's is nuttin' compared to what peeps go through with baclofen. I'd take that any day over months of debilating SEs. Nal is next on my list of things to do. Thanks for the update. I always worry about the IT guy seeing stuff on my PC when he checks in. In fact, I just deleted all my browsing history and am now using only my personal computer for MWO. If I go to MWO at all using the work pc, I delete my browsing history afterwards. I have a story filed in my head in case it ever comes up - if needed, my story is that I'm worried about a family member who drinks too much. Which is true, my cousin is in trouble...